Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
May 3, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Your host are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  We re-live Eric Bischoff covered in s--- from last week.

–  Live in the ring is Ric Flair with a microphone.  This ought to be fun.  He says Hulk Hogan loves to play with him.  He says Hogan thinks he is the biggest star in this industry.  But he is Ric “G-O-D” Flair.  Hogan doesn’t want Flair pissed at him wearing (according to Flair) $6,000 in clothes and TWO Hall of Fame rings.  Out walks Hulk Hogan for a meeting of the minds.  Flair says it is good versus evil.  And Flair is the baddest man IN the planet.  Holy hell!  Hogan isn’t there to fight him; instead he is there to step the game up of Impact Wrestling.  <<<Waiting>>>  He wants Flair to help the newbies in Gut Check.  He asks Flair to do it for the fans.  Flair scoffs at that reasoning, but he will do it anyways.  
–  On tap for tonight…TNA GUT CHECK, ‘RVD and Bobby Roode select opponents for each other, and Knockouts do battle next.
–  Pre-recorded comments this week from Brooke and that is much better than a live mic.  Either she or Velvet promise to pin Gail tonight.  
1.  Madison Rayne & Gail Kim vs.  Brooke Tessmacher & Velvet Sky
–  Pearl Harbor job by Gail Kim on Velvet to kick it off.  Don’t think that’s racial insensitivity because Gail is from Toronto.  Gail and Madison work the knee of Velvet over.  Velvet finally hits a bulldog and makes the HOT TAG to Brooke.  Gail drops her, tries for Meet Defeet, blocked, Velvet takes out Madison.  Brooke with her own Meet Defeet on Gail gets the win @ 4:45.  (Match pretty much wrote itself.  Knockouts don’t disappoint this week.  C.)
–  We re-live the BLOODBATH between Raven and Jeff Jarrett from the first Slammiversary.  
–  Oh s---…RVD with the live mic in the ring.  He cuts EVERY one of his catchphrases from ROB-VAN-DAM to one of a kind.  OH, he was killing time until Bobby Roode comes out.  He wants RVD to tell him whose **BLEEP** his gets to kick.  God, RVD is blitzed out of his mind.  RVD says Roode will face Mr. Anderson…..Anderson.  Roode says RVD will face Jeff Hardy.  I’m happy with the second.  Could do without the first.
–  Still to come, Kurt Angle, Daniels, and Kazarian face Magnus, Samoa Joe, and AJ Styles.  Up next, Devon defends his TV title.  
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
2.  ROBBIE T vs.  Devon
–  ROBBIE attacks Devon before the bell and slaps him around.  Devon mounts the usual comeback with corner splashes and diving shoulderblocks.  Benoit Headbutt from the top gets him 2.5.  Robbie E comes in and gets blasted.  Another shoudlerblock by Devon on ROBBIE T.  Robbie E BLASTS Devon with the clipboard and shatters it everywhere!  Devon wins via DQ @ 2:43.  (Wanna go ahead and DUD it, but I popped for that clipboard shot…can’t lie.  D.)
–  Backstage, Al Snow and Ric Flair are discussing Gut Check and Al introduces the third judge, Bruce Pritchard.  Brother Love, where I come from.  After the break, the judges are discussing if Alex Silva is worthy of the almighty TNA contract.  Flair says he was the shits.  Pritchard says it was just nerves and the kid has it.  Al Snow agrees.  Flair says the fans opinion don’t dictate the business???  My head is near explosion.  We leave it at a cliffhanger…more to come.
–  Elsewhere, Hulk Hogan informs Ken Anderson that he will face Bobby Roode later.  And to prove how delusional Hogan is these days, he says Anderson could be the number one guy in the company.  He makes his match a No DQ match for later.
3.  Jeff Hardy vs.  Rob Van Dam
–  Chain wrestling to start and RVD uses his legs to cradle Hardy for 2.  RVD sent to the floor and Hardy connects with a clothesline off the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  RVD shoots Hardy off the ropes, tries a monkey flip, and Hardy drops down for a 2.  RVD comes back with a BIG TIME monkey flip out the corner on Hardy.  Hardy catches RVD coming in with an elbow and connects with a Whisper in the Wind.  Cover gets 2.  Bobby Roode comes down to the ring.  He nails Hardy in the back with the belt and RVD superkicks him for the win @ 4:38.  (I guess they were pressed for time, because this just didn’t click in 4 minutes.  C-.)
–  Backstage, Bully Ray runs into Joesph Park.  Park tries to question him and Ray threatens him.  Park backs down.  
–  Elsewhere, Jeremy Borash brags about what he and Garret Bischoff did to Eric Bischoff last week.  Up walks Bully Ray and he drags JB to the ring.  He threatens him until Austin Aries comes out.  A Double owns him and says Ray used to be pasty and fat.  Ray has heard enough and knocks the mic out his hand.  He says Aries represents small men and spits in Aries’ face.  Aries beats him down until security comes out.  They hold Aries back and Ray takes the opportunity to kick him in the nuts.  
–  Backstage, Kaz and Daniels talk about how great it will be winning the tag titles and embarrassing AJ.  Up walks Kurt Angle and he says he is focused on making AJ tap at Sacrifice and for them to stay out of his way.
4.  Kurt Angle, Daniels, & Kazarian vs.  Magnus, Samoa Joe, & AJ Styles
–  PIER SIXER as the bell rings.  Magnus and Kaz get it on until Angle comes in.  Angle spits at his OWN corner and chinlocks Magnus.  AJ gets the hot tag and hits a Spicolli Driver over the knee on Kaz.  Joe dives through the ropes on Daniels.  Ankle Lock on AJ by Angle.  Blind tag by Kaz.  Joe comes in and knocks Daniels and Angle into each other.  Fade to Black attempted by Kaz and AJ blocks.  Styles Clash ends it @ 4:30.  (OK!  This was a good way to spend 4 and a half minutes and do it right.  I loved it, everyone got their offense in and no one looked weak.  Built two matches up for Sacrifice.  C+.)
–  Angle argues with Daniels after the match.  Daniels grabs the mic and says AJ has 7 days before he reveals the SECRET.  
–  Now its time for the fate of Alex Silva.  Al Snow is getting all serious like this is Tough Enough.  Flair stands with his face to the side, imagine a US quarter.  Flair tells Silva, he looks goo but now is not the time. Bruce Pritchard tells him last week Silva didn’t show his greatest stuff, but they need talent.  Well f--- it, I’m trying out then if it is that easy.  Al Snow says 2 out of 3 must pass.  Flair stares him down as Silva says WOOOOOOOO.  Not a good idea.  Flair says no.  Snow says yes.  Snow gives him 30 seconds to say what’s on his mind.  Silva starts talking to his dead father.  Flair stops him and tells him to stop talking to the marks.  Silva starts over and cuts a decent promo.  Flair changes his mind and says Silva is in.  Pritchard says yes as well.
MAIN EVENT
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
5.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Bobby Roode
–  Brawl goes to the floor and Roode tries to piledrive Anderson on the floor.  Anderson backdrops him.  Rolling senton on the floor by Anderson and we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact and Roode is punishing Anderson.  He props a chair up in the corner and Anderson sends Roode head first into it.  Swinging neckbreaker by Anderson.  Floating kick by Anderson gets 2.  Anderson charges the corner and Roode kicks him in the face.  Roode heads up an gets crotched.  Anderson goes for the rolling senton again and Roode counters with the DOUBLE R SPINEBUSTER!  Cover gets 2.5.  Here comes Jeff Hardy.  Spinning kick on Roode.  Mic Check on Hardy?!?  Roode nails Anderson in the gut with the chair.  He cracks it over his back and hits a Fisherman Suplex for the win @ 11:06.  (Decent enough main event.  I won’t s--- on Anderson too bad this week.  He put it all out there and didn’t half-ass it tonight.  C+.)
–  Roode lays out everyone in the ring with a steel chair.  RVD runs out to make a save and Roode bails.  Roode slides back in and nails RVD with the chair.  Roode slithers over him as the show ends.  
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  I really don’t have any negative things to say about tonight’s show.  They found something for Flair to do.  And he can be Flair without being Flair, if that makes any sense.  I mean, Flair has become a parody of himself with his mic skills and trying to draw heat from the crowd.  Instead, they let him evaluate talent and give them tips on how to become better.  Now that I have seen how they are doing Tough Enou….err….Gut Check, I like the concept.  Okay, one thing I am puzzled about?  Exactly why is AJ and Angle having to face each other at Sacrifice?  I would rather sit the two out than them face each other with no purpose.  And I am a big proponent of seeing these two in the ring every time I get the chance.  They are my two favorite stars in TNA, yet there is no reason for them to hate each other.  Just a waste of time.  Same with Hardy and Anderson, but I can do without that on a regular day.  See you next week.