Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
April 19, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Seriously, was that hit on Hossa really NOT a penalty?

–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  Tonight’s show begins with a look back (in still photos) at the abortion TNA labeled as Lockdown.  James Storm is emotional that he did not win the belt for his family.  He says it’s time to go home to his family.
–  We are live in the Impact Zone and the TNA Heavyweight Champion is out with a new, short haircut.  He says it feels good to be champion as the crowd chants SHUT THE HELL UP.  Very edgy, Impact Zone.  He gives Storm credit that he was able to give him the Last Call Superkick.  Crowd chants HE LET YOU WIN.  Really?  Roode says there is no one left to beat and this brings out Mr. Anderson.  Jesus, God, NO!  Roode owns him quickly as Anderson continues to chew gum and out comes Jeff Hardy.  Because he is the default #1 contender after every pay per view.  Anderson says he is the #1 contender because he walked out first.  Roode tries to egg them on.  Now Hulk Hogan is on the big screen.  He books Anderson versus Hardy for the title shot at Sacrifice for the main event.  Now because there are 3 other men in the ring, HIT HOGAN’S MUSIC!
–  Tonight on tap, Hulk Hogan will make a major announcement.  Kurt Angle faces AJ Styles.  Up next, Crimson and Bully Ray take on Austin Aries and Matt Morgan.
1.  Crimson & Bully Ray vs.  Matt Morgan & Austin Aries
–  Crimson meets Morgan in the ring to take some clotheslines.  Windup slam by Morgan and he misses a Carbon Footprint.  Ray boots him back in the ring.  Ray in the ring and works over the knee of Morgan.  Crimson back in and snaps back on the knee of Morgan.  Morgan gets free and HOT TAG to Aries.  He forearms Ray down and basement dropkick on Crimson.  He hops over Crimson for 10 punches in the corner on Ray.  Crimson SPEARS Ray by mistake.  Morgan clotheslines Crimson up and over.  Aries DIVES between the ropes onto Crimson.  Aries tries the Brain Buster on Ray and gets rolled up instead to give Ray and Crimson the win (handful of tights as Ray stared at his ass) @ the 6:03 mark.  (Did not like this pairing.  Why wasn’t Aries the one getting beat down for Morgan to get the hot tag?  Makes no sense.  D+.)
–  OH JOY!  Garret Bischoff is headed to the ring!
–  Backstage, Jeff Hardy is limping around and says that since he beat Angle at Lockdown, it’s Anderson’s turn for a shot to fight for the TNA Heavyweight Title.  
–  In the ring, Garret is with his Lockdown teammates and is sniffing his own farts, basically.  Crowd is more into RVD.  Garret thanks his team and everyone puts him over to give him a little rub.  Ahh, out comes Ric Flair.  Flair says they are there because of Eric Bisch-BLEEP!  Flair calls Garret a disrespectful disgrace.  Flair will hold an appreciation party for Eric next week and everyone in the ring isn’t invited.
–  Backstage, Kaz and Daniels are getting ready to tell the world what the beef between Daniels and AJ is really about and it has nothing to do with Kazarian.
–  Backstage, Magnus and Joe are talking to Devon.  Hogan wants all the champions out there later on.  I smell a WCW re-tooling.
2.  Kurt Angle vs.  AJ Styles
–  AJ works the arm and Angle knocks him back to the corner.  AJ charges into a boot and Angle waistlocks him.  Suddenly the feed goes out so, I guess, we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact and AJ with a flying forearm in the corner.  AJ on the apron and hits the springboard Superman Forearm.  AJ calls for the Styles Clash, blocked, Angle Slam, blocked, and AJ kicks him down.  Daniel is on the apron and Angle rolls up AJ for the win @ 6:25.  (Horse shit…I was really pumped for that one too.  D+.)  Daniels hands an envelope to AJ and AJ is stunned at what he reads.  NO PAYOFF!
–  Backstage, Joseph Park is talking to Gunner.  He tries to force him to give him details.  Gunner shoves him back and tells him to go find Bully Ray.
–  Back in the ring, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Gail Kim, and Devon are headed to the ring.  Suddenly TNA goes black and MORE COMMERCIALS!  What the hell is going on tonight??!?!?!??
–  Let’s try this again…now Bobby Roode is headed to the ring.  Wait, now backstage, RVD runs into Hulk Hogan.  Hogan thanks him for Lockdown.  He adds RVD to the main event of tonight’s number contender’s match.  Now Hogan is walking to the ring.  Hogan says change is in the air, starting next week.  There will be a special episode once a month called “Open Fight Night”.  A wrestler outside of TNA will get a match on OFN and will get judged by Hogan’s judges to earn a TNA contract.  They can call out any wrestler on the TNA roster.  This angers Roode.  Gail too.  Hogan plugs his Twitter instead.  Devon says he likes the idea.  A little too loud for my liking, but nonetheless.  Hogan says the TV Title will be defended every week.   Got all that?  Me either.
3.  Rosita, Sarita, Madison Rayne, & Gail Kim vs.  Brooke Tessmacher, Tara, Mickie James, & Velvet Sky
–  Velvet begins it with Sarita and head scissors takes down Sarita.  In comes Rosita.  Velvet drops her and Gail distracts.  Velvet dropped and Gail hits the flying clothesline for 2.  Velvet comes back with a series of chops.  Gail tags in Madison.  Mickie tagged in and hits a basement dropkick.  Mickie takes out the corner and faceplants Madison.  Sarita drops Mickie’s head across the top rope and Madison covers for 2.  Rosita back in.  She runs into a falling neckbreaker and Tara is tagged in.  Sarita comes in and Tar hits the standing moonsault for 2.  Brooke in and Sarita uses the ropes to flip out the double hiptoss.  Double clothesline instead.  Brooke covers for 2 and Madison interrupts it.  Gail in with Brooke now.  We got bitches everywhere now.  Brooke tries to monkey flip Gail, but gets rolled up.  She puts her legs on the ropes and Velvet pushes her legs off.  Gail turns towards her and Brooke rolls her up for the win @ 5:37.  (Hate to say it, but with Angle vs AJ on the card, THIS rates better tonight.  C.)
–  Backstage Ken Anderson over-acts and I hate it.
–  At an undisclosed location, EY and ODB lay poolside.  ODB says there is no jealousy issue anymore while EY ices down his balls.  EY threatens a pool attendant and drops trow.  
–  James Storm is headed this way, but first…
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
4.  Gunner vs.  Devon
–  Gunner attacks before the bell and Devon fights back.  Devon charges the corner and Gunner elbows him down.  Gunner covers for 2.  Gunner drops a knee on Devon for another 2.  Devon hits the ropes and nails a diving shoulderblock.    Devon wins it with a standing spinebuster @ 4:05.  (Decent encounter…Devon had a little pep in his step tonight.  C-.)
–  Now here comes James Storm to the ring and he hugs Devon on the way…but first MORE COMMERCIALS!  
–  Back once more.  They realize they have another match tonight, right?  Storm says he beat himself, Roode didn’t beat him.  He thinks maybe he can’t go anymore and the crowd tries to convince him otherwise.  Storm drops the mic and leaves.
MAIN EVENT
#1 CONTENDER TO THE TNA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
5.  Rob Van Dam vs.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Jeff Hardy
–  Anderson clotheslines RVD down and stomps Hardy down too.  RVD is up and drops everyone.  BIG TIME monkey flip on Hardy.  RVD drops Anderson again and celebrates.  Hardy with a chop block and covers RVD for 2.  Anderson DDTs RVD down for 2.  Hardy back in the ring and hits Whisper in the Wind on Anderson.  Anderson is up and hits a swinging neckbreaker on Hardy.  RVD with Rolling Thunder on Hardy.  Anderson grabs RVD with a Finlay Drop.  Hardy nails Anderson with a Twist of Fate.  Hardy heads up top and nails the Swanton on Anderson.  RVD tosses Hardy aside.  RVD up top…FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!  Hardy charges and RVD with a backslide for the win @ 5:22.  (A good match, although it was rushed.  Like that RVD gets the shot, because any time Anderson fails, I am happy.  C+.)
FINAL THOUGHTS…
–  Not sure how I feel about this show tonight.  Kind of a neat idea from Hogan to start up Open Fight Night.  At the same time, what’s the most we get out of this?  Hardcore Holly showing up to face Devon for the TV Title?  John Morrison making an impromptu challenge and beating Austin Aries?  Anything short of finding another Austin Aries, this can’t be a million dollar idea.  But I will reserve judgement.  In other news, RVD is back and already #1 contender again.  I smell him joining the list of people that fail, but again, I reserve judgement.  See you next Thursday.