Michael’s Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV
April 5, 2012
The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida


–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  Tonight’s Impact begins with Dixie and Sting in the ring welcoming us to Impact Wrestling with the entire roster standing around the ring.  She brings out Hulk Hogan to the ring.  He thanks Sting and Dixie for bringing him back.  He met with creative today and new things are gonna happen in Impact.  I reference the speech from January 2010 if you want to be interactive with his speech.  He books Crimson vs Matt Morgan at Lockdown.  We will have a Knockouts Championship Challenge to name the #1 contender tonight.  Hogan already sweating and calls out Eric Bischoff.  Ric Flair outside the ring tells him that Bischoff isn’t here.  Out comes Bobby Roode and my head is spinning.  Roode says he has only one obligation:  April 15 against James Storm and humiliate him.  Hogan brings Mr. Anderson in the ring and books him against Roode for tonight.  OVW’s finest pull Roode back and try to calm him down.  Hogan turns to Kurt Angle.  He says he will not wrestle Jeff Hardy at Lockdown.  Instead he wrestles Hardy tonight.  Flair starts disrobing and that match is next.

1.  Jeff Hardy vs.  Kurt Angle
–  Hardy starts with quick armdrags and kicks Angle out of the ring.  Hardy with a delayed dropkick to the face and Angle is busted open.  Angle beats Hardy back in and drops him. Angle with a chinlock on Hardy and we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact as Hardy nails Angle in the face with Whisper in the Wind.  Hardy ducks a clothesline and drops him with a dropkick.  Twist of Fate blocked and into Angle’s Rolling Germans.  Hardy jumps out the Angle Slam and hits the Twist of Fate.  He heads up top and Angle meets him there with an overhead belly to belly from the top!  Straps down and Ankle Lock Submission applied!  Hardy escapes and hits ANOTHER Twist of Fate.  Angle pulls the ref in front and Hardy hops down.  Angle tries the low blow and Hardy side steps.  He goes for the Twist of Fate again and Angle rolls out.  Angle flips Hardy off and take the countout @ 12:52.  (A great match that I enjoyed.  I found myself watching instead of nodding off like their Victory Road match.  B-.)

–  Backstage, Hulk Hogan notifies Angle he will face Hardy in a steel cage at Lockdown.  Elsewhere, Ric Flair is on the phone with Eric Bischoff and tells him he is going ahead with the plan if Eric doesn’t show.

–  Elsewhere, Bully Ray is standing by for comments and he wants to be referred to as Calfzilla.  He wants Austin Aries to stay away from the ring because something big is gonna happen.

–  Bully Ray is in the ring as we return to Impact and boasts about things bigger than Aries, including his bowel movements.  Aries comes down and attacks Ray in the ring.  Ray returns with a Bubba Bomb.  He stands over Aries with his X Division belt and asks Aries if he knows he is.  He drops the belt on Aries and leaves the ring.

–  Joesph Park is in catering (imagine that) looking for his brother.  Up next, a 6-woman Knockouts Championship Challenge.

–  Backstage, AJ Styles in batting gloves predicts James Storm will beat Bobby Roode.  Storm walks up and says he has to have a match with someone tonight.  AJ vs Storm is later.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE
#1 CONTENDER MATCH FOR THE TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP
2.  Mickie James vs.  Winter vs.  Tara vs.  Angelina Love vs.  Madison Rayne vs.  Velvet Sky


–  Match begins on the other side of the commercial.  Winter and Tara kick things off as Winter works the arm over.  Tara slaps her and clotheslines her down.  Scoop slam by Tara and standing moonsault brings all the Knockouts in the ring.  Angelina comes in and Winter tags out to Mickie.  Mickie with a headlock and shoudlerblock Angelina down.  Angelina drops Mickie down across the ropes.  Mickie comes back with a neckbreaker for 2.  Velvet in the ring and Angelina kicks her low.  Slam gets 2.  Tara and Madison in the ring now and Tara clotheslines her down.  Fireman’s Carry into a sidewalk slam gets 2.  Everyone gets hit  with finishers including a Widows Peak for Angelina.  Windup backbreaker for Tara.  Jumping DDT on Winter.  Velvet in and kicks Mickie and nails the In Yo Face for the win @ 7:01.  (Ladies put on a great one tonight.  Extenuate the positives, every girl except Velvet, and hid the negatives…Velvet Sky.  C+.)

–  Bobby Roode walks into Mr. Anderson’s locker room and gives him a chance to back out the match.  Anderson turns extra red and says he can go in the back.  OVW Security stand in front of him.

–  Its time for EY’s bachelor party complete with suckers and non-alcoholic wine.  Instead, he wants to have a baseball fantasy draft.  In comes ODB with wings, cigars, and beer.  Apparently Jose Canseco goes first.  Bad pick!

3.  James Storm vs.  AJ Styles

–  AJ still in batting gloves and we lock it up.  Storm goes for the Last Call Superkick quickly and AJ backs off.  Storm off the ropes and we have a stalemate.  AJ with a waistlock and Storm backs out.  AJ backdropped to the apron.  AJ tries a kick and Storm trips him into a side headlock.  AJ up and slams Storm down.  Storm set up top, AJ with an enziguiri to the back of his head.  Storm able to hop over AJ and EYE OF THE STORM!  AJ up and PELE KICK to Storm’s head.  Storm charges in and AJ springboards over him, LAST CALL SUPERKICK!  Storm wins it @ 6:35.  (Great match up.  I would have gone home happy with this as the closer tonight.  B-.)

–  Storm gets on the mic and demands that Roode show up next week just to look him in the eye.

–  Backstage, Hogan brags to Sting about stirring up the hornet’s nest around TNA.  He tells Sting to get better so he can help him do what he planned on doing.

4.  Mexican America (with Sarita & Rosita) vs.  Motor City Machine Guns


–  Sabin starts with Anarquia.  Hernandez comes in and get trapped in an Octopus.  He dropkicks him down and tags in Shelley.  Diving forearm by Shelley in the corner and gets thrown off a Tornado DDT.  Anarquia comes in and misses a leapfrog smash.  Hernandez kicked down and HOT TAG brings in Sabin.  Corkscrew elbow by Sabin and ties Anarquia in a Tree O Woe!  Delayed dropkick to the face.  Hernandez comes in and goes for the Border Toss.  Shelley distracts and kicks Anarquia from the apron.  Skull and Bones finishes Anarquia as Shelley splashes over Anarquia’s knees @ 4:18.  (Good to see MCMG back.  Good return.  C.)

–  MCMG are back and want a tag title match.  Elsewhere, Ric Flair is with Eric Bischoff in the parking lot and Flair tells him that Hogan is on a power trip.  Bischoff is a psychological ninja and promises Flair he will put Hogan in a tiny box.

–  Back on Impact and Hogan is in the ring and calls out Eric Bischoff.  Bischoff runs his mouth, but I kind of blacked out.  Hogan says he is blowing hot air.  He asks Eric to put together a team for Lockdown and Garret will do the same.  Lethal Lockdown, I take it.  If Bischoff’s team wins, Garret has to leave TNA forever.  If Garret’s team wins, Eric has to leave TNA and never uses the Bischoff name again (?).  Bischoff accepts.

–  More video on the family of James Storm commenting on Bobby Roode.

MAIN EVENT
5.  Mr. Anderson vs.  Bobby Roode


–  Anderson attacks Roode on the floor and they roll in the ring.  Roode stomps Anderson to the mat.  Anderson exchanges rights with Roode and backdrops him over.  Cover gets 2.  REF BUMP outta nowhere and Roode is on the floor.  Roode grabs a beer from a fan and breaks the bottle over the head of Anderson.  Ref wakes up magically and Roode wins it @ 4:11.  (Not sure what just transpired…to tell you the truth I black out when Anderson is in the ring.  D+.)

–  Hogan comes out and reverses the decision why Anderson bleeds everywhere.  Show ends.

FINAL THOUGHTS….
–  On paper, you see Hogan is taking over TNA and you would think it was gonna be garbage.  I have to say, everything in-ring was stellar.  Maybe I was harsh on Anderson-Roode, but I just dislike Anderson that much.  Only other gripe was they were rolling with a great show and it all comes to a screeching halt with Hogan-Bischoff.  At least one Bischoff will be gone from TNA in 10 days.  See you next Thursday.