Michael's Impact Review

Impact Wrestling on Spike TV

March 1, 2012

The Impact Zone – Orlando, Florida

–  Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz.

–  We open with the video of the story between Sting and Bobby Roode.  Earlier today, Kurt Angle was laughing it up and having a good time about why he hates Jeff Hardy.  He is about to let us know in the ring.  But first, an Impact Wrestling video?????

–  Live in the arena, Kurt Angle heads to the ring.  Why does he hate Jeff Hardy?  Let him count the ways.  He has some cue cards to help him remember.  Jeff Hardy has lots of hair and Kurt doesn’t.  He hates that he paints his face and has socks on his FREAKIN’ arms.  Calm down Kurt.  He doesn’t like that fans flock to Hardy while Angle gets snubbed for autographs.  He hates that girls flock to him, while Angle is a one-woman man.  Ask Rhaka Khan.  He has hundreds of Angle action figures and posters.  Yet, next to his son’s bed is Jeff Hardy action figures.  His son wears Jeff Hardy t-shirts, paints his face, has purple hair and has socks on his FREAKIN’ arms!  Hilarious!  He calls out Hardy and here he comes to the ring.  Angle stops him and says those are the reasons he is not World Heavyweight Champion.  He challenges Hardy to a match at Victory Road.  Hardy spears Angle and beats on him until Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and TNA Officials run in to break it up.  Hardy has a mic…oh dear.  “KURT ANGLE…YERRRRR OWWWWWWWN!!!!”.  Wow.

–  Backstage, Bobby Roode reminds us he is TNA Champion.  What Sting did to him was a disgrace and bad for business.  He says he is the IT factor in TNA.  Up walks Austin Aries.  Roode makes reference to Aries’ Twitter remarks.  Aries agrees with Roode and has had enough.  He needs a few minutes of his time.  Up next, AJ Styles takes on Kazarian and Daniels.

1.  Daniels & Kazarian vs.  AJ Styles

–  Graphic on the screen read “CHRISTOPHER DANIELS” with Kazarian in real small font.  Funny.  AJ has a proposition for Daniels.  He doesn’t understand what Daniels is holding over Kaz’s head.  He says he wants it out in the open when he beats him.  Daniels agrees and AJ attacks him.  AJ obliterates him with a clothesline out of the corner.  Backbreaker into a gutbuster by AJ.  AJ covers for 2 and we’ll be right back!  Back on Impact, AJ with a beautiful dropkick on Daniels.  AJ goes outside to argue with Kaz and Daniels attacks him.  He backdrops AJ back in.  Charging forearm by Daniels gets 2.  AJ out of nowhere hits the Pele Kick!  AJ with a fireman’s carry into a neckbreaker over the knee.  He picks up Daniels and gets caught in the throat.  STO by Daniels.  Kaz runs in and hits the Fade to Black.  Ref calls for the bell and DQ’s Daniels????  What the fuck is going on here?  He covers AJ for the win @ 9:32.  (A confusing match and the fans, the ones who weren’t sitting on her hands, had no clue what was happening.  For once, I was with the Impact Zone.  C-.)

–  Backstage, Madison has some of Gail Kim’s trading cards blown up for her.  Gail has arranged a spa day for them in return.  Oh and she has Madison booked to face ODB up next.

2.  Madison Rayne (with Gail Kim) vs.  ODB (with Eric Young)

–  ODB attack at the bell and goes for the Bronco Buster.  Madison puts a boot up and kicks her back via the crotch.  Madison misses a clothesline and ODB nails a corner splash.  EY is shirtless on the apron and ODB nails the Bronco Buster.  ODB nails the F5 and gets the win @ 2:56.  (Nothing of note here…DUD)

–  Backstage, Bully Ray is giving the makeup lady a piece of his mind.  He blames his latest mis-fortunes with Brandon Jacobs on James Storm.  Bobby Roode and Austin Aries walk up and poke fun at him.  They all agree that Sting is the problem.

–  Earlier today, Velvet Sky is bitching about something out back wen Angelina and Sarita run into her.  A brawl ensues for no reason.

–  Back on Impact and they play the WHOLE Velvet incident this time.  She bitches about not winning the battle royal weeks ago and Angelina and Sarita slam her into a wall.  I had about 5 good laughs on that one.  A 1970’s Mickie James checks on her.

–  Elsewhere, Ric Flair with Eric Bischoff and Gunner, warn Garret Bischoff not to show up next week.  He respectfully tells them he will be there.  Easy E calls him a cocky bastard.

–  AND SOMEWHERE ELSE, Aries, Roode, and Ray head to the ring.

–  Back on Impact, Bobby Roode, Austin Aries, and Bully “Calfzilla” Ray head to the ring.  Roode is mad at Sting and says as an authority figure, he should not be facing the World Champion.  Ray has the mic and demands time for his calves.  He says it was Sting who let Brandon Jacobs in the Impact Zone.  He shows the replay from last week and gets some heat with the crowd.  Aries has the mic and says Sting is jealous.  He says he is jealous that Roode was a better World Champion than him.  Jealous that Ray has better calves than him.  Jealous that he can’t do what Aries does in the ring.  They all 3 have a sit-down strike in the ring.  The lights go out and Sting is in the ring with them.  He says Roode won’t have a job if he quits.  He will strip Roode and same goes for Aries.  He tells Ray to quit pointing at him or get his finger bit off.  He threatens to fire him too.  Sting books the main event, Roode, Aries, and Ray facing Magnus, Samoa Joe, and James Storm.  TTFN.

–  We get more time to hear about Jesse Sorensen.  In the arena, Zema Ion is glad what happened, happened.  He is the #1 contender and he will break anyone’s neck to get ahead.

3.  Shannon Moore vs.  Zema Ion

–  Ion with a headlock and stops to fix his hair.  He throws Moore from corner to corner.  He heads up top and gets crotched.  Top rope huricarana by Moore gets 2.  Moore jumps up for a moonsault and gets knocked back down to the mat.  Ion lifts him and flips him to a facebuster across the knee for the win @ 3:26.  (Good match to elevate Ion.  Plus Moore lost.  Give it a C.)

–  TNA fans talk about why TNA house shows are so cool.  They really are awesome…no shit.

4.  Angelina Love & Sarita vs.  Mickie James & Velvet Sky

–  PIER SIXER to begin and Velvet and Angelina break it down in the ring.  Mike Tenay pulls a page out of Vince McMahon’s book and discusses pop culture topics during the match.  Mickie is in and Angelina tags out to Sarita.  Sarita rams Mickie to the corner.  Sarita dives to the floor on top of Mickie.  Double beat-down on the floor as Velvet argues with the ref.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Angelina comes back in and knocks Mickie on her ass.  She tags back out to Sarita and misses a corner charge.  Rollup gets 2.  Back suplex by Mickie.  Velvet comes in and drops Angelina for 1 before Sarita comes in.  Full nelson by Sarita and Velvet kicks both women down.  Mickie with the Thesz press off the top onto Sarita.  Botox Injection blocked, Velvet hits the In Yo Face (how dumb) on Angelina for the win @ 5:44.  (A decent Knockouts tag.  Better than some of the men tonight.  C+.)

–  Backstage, James Storm and Magnus talk about beating up Aries, Roode, and Ray tonight.  Joe just stands there sniffing his own farts.

–  Forgot about Abyss?  Me too.  We see the last time he was on TV…at TNA Genesis.

MAIN EVENT

5.  The Alliance To End Sting-amania (Bobby Roode, Austin Aries, & Bully Ray) vs.  Samoa Joe, Magnus, & James Storm

–  Ray does his own announcing again…not a good as last week.  Aries and Magnus kick it off.  Aries with a waistlock and some chain wrestling.  He out-dos Magnus again and gets CLOTHESLINED down!  Roode comes in and so does Storm.  Roode jumps to the outside and we’ll be right back.  Back on Impact and Tenay and Taz discuss more topics of the day.  Tenay:  Hey Taz, have you heard that a wrestling promotion is closing it’s doors because they can’t pay their talent?  Taz:  TNA?  Tenay:  No I was talking about ECW…wait…did you hear something?  Back to the action, Roode is choking Joe over the middle rope.  Ray is back in and chokes Joe some more.  Aries comes in and elbows him in the back for 2.5.  Joe tries to fight back as Ray comes in.  He clotheslines him down.   Hot tags for Roode and Storm.  Storm clears out the corner and backdrops Roode.  Ray clubs Storm and throws him into the corner.  Aries for the dropkick and nails Ray in the nuts.  Snapmare on Aries and Magnus with the elbow.  Double R Spinebuster on Magnus.  Storm with an inverted atomic drop on Roode and LAST CALL SUPERKICK KNOCKS OUT ROODE for the win @ 16:51.  (Great six man tag.  All 6 men did a fantastic job.  Pinning the champion…eh not so sure about that.  B-.)

–  Ray takes out the winners via steel chairs.  He kneels over Storm and tells him he isn’t making it to Lockdown.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS…

–  A decent show with a great main event.  The Knockouts are kind of getting away from the focus and path they were on.  Gail Kim and Madison Rayne is enough and all we need.  The other program with having Velvet just for the sake of having Velvet on TV is a little redundant.  They dropped the ball by taking the belt off their most marketable Knockout.  That’s where they went wrong.  The stuff with Angle was entertaining and had me thinking back to his nerdy days in WWF.  AJ and Daniels has me intrigued but the end result is a letdown.  You know it will be.  And how about that Bully Ray!?!?  Damn, he’s just get better and better.  You could see it when he was on the mic doing better than Roode.  Shame Roode is the champ and has THAT to compete with.  See you next Thursday.