Watched Game Night last night. It was pretty funny!
Speaking of game night, today is some kind of football games, I’m assuming. So yeah, hang out here and talk about them.
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2009
– Live from Detroit, MI
– Your hosts are Cole, JR, Tazz, King, Grisham and Matt Striker.
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2010
– Live from Atlanta, GA.
– Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker.
I was wondering which of Russo’s two reigns in WCW as head writer was the worst? Was it his first reign (late ’99 to January 2000) or his second (mid 2000s)? Personally, I think his first reign was the worst. WCW in late ’99 was truly some of the worst television I have ever seen. I haven’t seen much of his second reign as I tuned out of WCW by that point and switched over to the WWF.
Yeah, but in 99 they were at least competitive, even if Russo did drive off four of their biggest stars (five if you count Raven). Things were at least salvageable. The 2000 run eroded ratings and buyrates to the point where they had to sell the company. And have you SEEN New Blood Rising?
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2011
I’ve had requests for a Royal Rumble Kindle book, but this is the one show I’m missing. So here it is! I wasn’t even watching the product at the time, so this is basically all new to me aside from knowing who the winner was. My exposure was limited to WWE sending me DVDs to review, and otherwise I was exclusively watching Classics on Demand for my fix. I barely even remember who the champions were or what the issues were, so I’m kind of looking forward to going in blind!
Live from Boston, MA
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Matt Striker and Jerry Lawler.
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2012 – 01.29.12
So I had originally watched this in the theatre back in 2012 with a raucous, sold out group of fans, and it was a great experience, but not really conducive to writing a report afterwards. So I’ve got a few hours tonight, and we might as well do a fresh version for the first time! (Well, fresh version in 2016).
Live from St. Louis, MO.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Booker T & Jerry Lawler
Date: August 19, 2004
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
The Canadian adventure continues as JBL is still Smackdown World Champion and likely in line to continue feuding with the Undertaker. I’m sure you’re as thrilled as I am. Other than that Kurt Angle pinned Eddie Guerrero in a match that should set up a third match to settle things for good, though you never know with them. Let’s get to it.
12/23/08 is the annual Best Of show that’s all recap and video packages so I’m fucking that off and skipping to the last show of 2008 instead.
We get a cold open with The Dirt Sheet, with both men debating the positives of abs vs. eating cheeseburgers. Various wrestlers get insulted with Morrison mocking Cena’s acting abilities (woah there, Boone) before comparing Hornswoggle to an animal. This brings out both Finlay & Horny (Miz: ”down boy, down!”) resulting in both guys/freaks getting beat up by Morrison & Miz until…The Boogeyman makes the save. You have to try really hard to make a Miz & Morrison match unappealing but By Jove Holmes, you’ve done it.
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry
This feels like an apology for the previous segment. Loud-arse chants for Matt who throws his awesome punches to no effect on Mark who headbutts Matt down. Matt won’t stay down so Henry has to keep pummelling him. A press slam doesn’t stop him so Tony Atlas has to distract Matt so Mark can connect with a Banzai Drop. When we return from break, the commentators are silent for a minute as we get the second week of production fuck-ups. Maybe Gavin Spears is moonlighting. Mark squeezes Matt which only increases the cheers. Mark attempts to skidmark Hardy across the ropes but he scurries away, sadly resulting in Hardy getting sling-shotted instead. Mark misses a sit-out splash enabling Matt to hit his second-rope elbows off the top and get a Side Effect for two. Matt takes out Tony on the apron leaving him clear to hit the Twist of Fate…except Swagger runs in and gives Matt a Doctor Bomb for the DQ.
Winner via DQ: Matt Hardy (An abbreviated version of their usual match, working as a side-dish to the Swagger main course. Was good while it lasted though due to the sheer amount of love Matt brings with him.)
Promo package for Kizarny, who spends the entire time hanging out with sideshow freaks and speaking in carnie.
This was annoying after thirty seconds so no wonder they dumped him quicker than Eric Escobar.
Paul Burchill vs. DJ Gabriel
Oh wonderful, we go from one award-winning gimmick to another as we get the debut of Incest Paul and Katie Lea. They’d dump it after a while but not after some arm-rubbing and DO YA GET IT YET looking-at-the-camera levels of implication. Burchill does his best to wrestle wearing a sneer but looks more like he’s just been told he’s going from pirate to sister-fucker.
I don’t remember Burchill being bad last time they allowed him on TV but he’s regressed to Mike Knox-levels of clothesline-stomp-chinlock and the only noise the crowd makes is chanting BORING. Another clothesline followed by another rest-hold and you’d think Burchill was the newbie here rather than DJ. Another chinlock from Paul who is moving around like he’s got two peg-legs until DJ hits a complicated slam, Paul recovers and rolls-up Dead Gimmick’s Chest for the awkward win.
Winner: DJ Gabriel (Paul bombed harder than Cutthroat Island.)
Finlay & The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison & The Miz (No DQ)
Fit slaps Miz around while JBL watches happily in the back, wearing a hat and nothing else. Miz & Morrison are double-teamed by Finlay & Horny, taking Earthquake splashes and then a clothesline by Boogey. Miz goes the other side of the ring but Boogey’s hand holds him in place from under the ring while Horny dives with his tiny tope.
It’s a testament to Miz & Morrison’s talent that they can sell for Hornswoggle and still be taken seriously as wrestlers. Finlay gets dumped on the apron and takes various double-teams from the Slammy Award winners as Boogey earns his money and drools on the apron. Boogey eventually clotheslines both Miz & Morrison but goes back on the apron and when Finlay tries a comeback, Morrison rolls him up for the three. Oh.
Winners: John Morrison & The Miz (No idea what the ending was about, it looked set up for Finlay to turn on Boogeyman for being shit but instead he dances with some kids to end the show and Finlay points at the camera and laughs at you for watching wrestling in December.)
Overall: This time of the year is for family and Muppet’s Christmas Carol so it’s your own damn fault for expecting something good on the brand featuring Boogeyman, Kizarny, incest and Main Event Hornswoggle. Happy new year and fuck you too.
Oh also I finally watched Botch Club so you can find out my thoughts by clicking here.
Saturday continues building momentum as the blog rolls on!
UFC debuts on ESPN+ tonight with their first show and a new belt. Plus the usual array of sports.
Monday is the debut of Superstars on the Network! 34 episodes drop, and hopefully they have a better rate of addition than Heat or Prime Time.
Hopefully everyone is enjoying the weekend, so talk about it here!
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2013
Live from Phoenix, AZ
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2014
Aka A Harsh Lesson in Crowd Psychology.
Live from Pittsburgh, PA
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2015
Live from Philadelphia, PA, home of ECW and King of the Ring 95.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler
Searching for the Daily Thread in the dead of winter?
Look no further!
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2016 – 01.24.16
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Byron-Bot & JBL
The SmarK Rant for WWE Royal Rumble 2017
Live from San Antonio, TX
Your hosts are Michael Cole and a host of others.
Date: January 18, 2019
Location: The Asylum, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews
We’re still in Nashville and that means the fallout from last week’s medium sized angle. Moose cost Johnny Impact his non-title match with Killer Kross, but Brian Cage is still lurking. We also get to find out who Scarlett Bordeaux’s new talent is, which could be a disaster. Let’s get to it.