Kanye Batista asks: Did we EVER find out why Elizabeth was with NWO? I remember Hogan telling us it was “WRITTEN IN STONE!!!” or was it etched? Mark Starr was a solid worker, did he ever get a decent run anywhere?
The loose storyline in October, was that Elizabeth wanted to be in movies or something, so Hogan got her a part in the Three Ninjas in exchange for her lifetime slavery or something. (Which, would appear to be a bad trade since I don’t believe she appeared in the movie.) The contract, as noted, was etched in stone, which, due to her nWo lackey status, she was forced to etch.
Mark Starr was the former Union Local 3814 president, and attended many grievance meetings on behalf of the Men at Work between 1995 and 96. In the fall of 1996, he went freelance, abandoning his construction brethren and tried to make it on his own. Unfortunately, he never achieved any level of success from that point forward, and died of a heart attack last year at age 50. I don’t want you to think for a moment it was related, but let’s not rule it out.
In all seriousness, Starr was a decent hand in the waning days of the CWA, and held a variety of their tag-team titles with several of their guys. He wasn’t anything particularly special, but then neither was 85% of WCW’s roster, so he was probably just as deserving as something of a push as, say, Joe Gomez.
I don’t really have a particular set order for the weekend shows, but I figured I’d start with Worldwide this week because WWF Superstars will lead us directly right into the Royal Rumble and that seems like a cleaner path. Though, secretly (oops it’s out), I needed to see the huge lineup WCW Worldwide had ready this week, and as usual they do NOT disappoint. Brad Armstrong! Reina Jabuki! M Wallstreet! Joe Gomez! The Renegade! Holy stacked show!
TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN are all chatter about nWo Souled Out which airs next week. Heenan has a message specifically for The Giant: Hogan promised him all the movies and motorcycles because he’s afraid of him. Now’s his chance to remind Hogan why he’s so afraid. You go brother Heenan!
KENNY KENDALL vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
WHOA! New suspect in the Fit Finlay murder investigation! Kenny Kendall comes out using his music, and I demand answers. Did he steal it off of Finlay’s body before it was even cold? Did he buy it on the black market, or was he potentially gifted it by an unknown benefactor? What details can Kendall share? I demand an IMMEDIATE interrogation, and honestly, Tony’s nonchalant attitude about the entire thing is disconcerting. In fact, you might say, suspicious. I’m not to you, Schiavone. Tony asks Heenan if he plans to attend Souled Out, but all of Bobby’s money is tied up in bonds being used to fund an orphanage in Guam that he personally sponsors. Armstrong hits a number of dropkicks, and Bobby feels that Brad deserves the Cruiserweight title based on that display. Tony argues that Dragon’s too busy to wrestle, since he’s busy with Jushin Liger, and all the other great foreign wrestlers. Heenan: “Yeah, and between his father and his brothers, he’s the loser in the family!” Tony: “He is not!” Heenan: “That’s what his brother told me.” Tony: “You don’t even talk to his brother!” Heenan: “His other brother.” Tony: “You don’t talk to him either!” Heenan: “They wrote me a note once.” Armstrong nails a sunset flip for 2. Russian legsweep sets up a dragon sleeper, and Armstrong gets the tap out at 3:33. Post-match, nobody detains Kendall. Poor Finlay, we may never get answers. 1/2*
BIG BUBBER vs. TONY MELLA
So Bubba’s been a member of the nWo since the 12/16 Nitro, but 34 days later, he’s still lumbering around on Worldwide with the Dungeon of Doom music, week after week, rebelliously refusing to wear the colors. Has anyone informed Vincent to alert Ted DiBiase who will tell Hogan? It’s as clear as day that Bubba’s a spy, working on behalf of the Dungeon to continue to take down Hulkamania (never stop focusing on the goal), but the announcers are too stupid to notice. Further, not even Marcus Bagwell watches Worldwide? Really? I find that hard to believe, he can’t possibly have anything better to do. Mella takes a Bossman slam, and a one fingered loss at 1:59. I don’t mean to alert anyone … but this is Tony Mella’s final WCW appearance. Fare thee well Lebanese Assassin. DUD
LEE MARSHALL, master of all things Women, meets up with MADUSA. She vows to become the champion of the world (look out Hulk!), because she’s FIT – Feminine, Intelligent, and Tough. She ain’t just rough tough pretty stuff, and she wants “Akita” Hokuto. And just in case you figured it was just a one-time flub, she promptly does it again. Marshall tells her to hop a plane and go to Tokyo if she wants a title shot. She figures that’s cool, and she’ll take out “Kenski Saski” in the process. Kenski Saski? New age surfer dude, or Polish Hammer? Cast your votes.
SONOKO KATO vs. REINA JUBUKI
Kato is still dubbed a “teenager” despite being an obvious 48 years old. Tony starts carrying on about WCW’s impending Women’s Cruiserweight title, even though the Actual Women’s Title has yet to be defended on television. Jubuki bites Kato’s tender young fingers, prompting a number of Hentai sketch artists in the front row to start scribbling away furiously. Kato comes back with a sunset flip for 2, and nails a Juvi Driver for another close pinfall. Kato’s now 17 years old, if Tony’s to be believed, and he isn’t, since she was 19 the last time she appeared. Jubuki goes back to gnawing on Kato. You’ll note I opted not to write that she “started eating the other woman”, because I wouldn’t want to encourage perverted hits on this particular family friendly article. Big splash gets the win for Jubuki at 3:09. That MUST make her the #1 contender to Akira’s belt, right? Man, can you imagine the match-up between those two? It’s almost unrealistic! *
THE CHEETAH KID vs. BILLY KIDMAN
Heenan figures Kidman is money for any manager that picks him up, and heck, even Billy might make a few bucks. We have the Iaukea version of Cheetah tonight. Kidman hits a fairly dangerous looking German suplex, but he’s okay if his facial expressions are to be believed. The announcers start arguing over whether or not Chris Jericho is a handsome man, and Tony goes further by saying he’s also Very Polite. What else can you tell us Tony? Is he also An Eligible Bachelor, Fun at Parties, or Drug Free? We need to know. Cheetah nearly wins with the Northern Lights, but instead of going for the pin he opts to miss a slingshot splash instead. Kidman finishes with the Shooting Star Press to some loud female attention at 3:17. Look out Jericho, you have competition. *1/2
MR. WALLSTREET vs. STEVE ARMSTRONG
So Wallstreet is now Mr. Wallstreet, and he’s ALSO refusing to wear the nWo colors. He has to be part of the conspiracy with Bubba, because they’re the only nWo members who EVER appear on this show, and they’re both in constant rebellion. It’s fairly ballsy to keep flaunting it, but I suppose the nWo is too busy taking care of nWo business, not to be confused with Horseman Business, or whatever the Dungeon does. Tony thanks the fans for making the Disney taping a success for the 4th year in a row, and Bobby thanks them for the free parking. Tony loses his mind, screaming about the fact he’s been a part of this show from day 1 and still has to take the bus and walk across the property to get to the studio. Demanding answers, Heenan confesses: “I just told the guard my name was Walt.” The fans break into a “WALMART” chant, to really stick it to him because … whatever, take that Wallstreet! Wallstreet is so thrown off that he can’t take his eyes off of Armstrong’s embarrassing bulge protruding from his trunks. You’ll be pleased to know he’s circumcised. If *I* have to know, *YOU* have to know. Be thankful I didn’t screencap it. The announcers start yukking it up about Piper and Hogan again, with Heenan, through laugh breaths, telling Tony “having fun with you is AWFUL!” Stock Market Crash ends things at 4:11. No more of this. DUD
LEE MARSHALL welcomes “POLITE” CHRIS JERICHO to discuss Souled Out. Jericho figures he underestimated Chono’s sense of “fair play”, but now that he knows what he’s all about, maybe he’ll get disqualified because “I owe you one baby.” He knows the Japanese style, and he plans to show it. Have I told you lately how much I hate this guy? I don’t know where the real Chris Jericho is, but this guy has to go away.
JOE GOMEZ and THE RENEGADE vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri)
Heenan tells us that the fans were lined up all morning to get in to Worldwide, but in their defense, that applies to ANY attraction at Disney and they probably thought it was the Tower of Terror. Stevie Ray runs through his entire arsenal of moves by stomping Joe Gomez in the corner. It’s gonna have to be all Booker from here. Gomez gets in a schoolboy for 2. That earns him an axekick. Suckas gots to know. Renegade gets a bulldog on Booker, but that doesn’t go anywhere and all hell breaks loose. An assisted Harlem Sidekick finishes things at 4:00. BREAK … UP … ALREADY. The WWE would have done it years ago, and pushed Stevie for a couple of months while Booker occasionally made appearances on Superstars.
Backstage, Heenan tells us that ladder matches are no laughing matter, and sets one up, scaling to the ceiling to prove it. He disappears off camera, but starts screaming as soon as he looks down, and says his nose is bleeding like a faucet. Bobby Heenan, man of the people!