Show starts with Edge talking to some women and Randy Orton attacking him with exposition. ”We were tag champs and we’re wrestling at Wrestlemania maaan!” Edge assures Randy he can trust him and Orton shrugs away. No explanation given for them being on ECW, even in 2007 WWE expected you to put away 56 hours a week to watching their product.
We’re in Tuscon, Arizona and we start with a recap of last week. Well last week in ECW as there wasn’t a review last Sunday because it was Christmas so unless you wanted a recap of Muppets Christmas Carol and Eton Mess I couldn’t help you. On Raw, Vince picked Umaga and Trump picked Lashley for The Battle Of The Billionaires. On ECW, Vince put Lashley in a cage match against Hardcore Holly which Lashley won and dove through the cage onto Umaga. On Smackdown, Vince tries to out-bid Trump but Bobby tells him ”NO!” and gets slapped by Vince. You can tell they’re going all-in on Lashley when he’s on three times a week.
Recap of Vince picking Umaga for the Battle of The Billionaires and Trump choosing Lashley. It made sense from a storyline perspective as Vince was messing with ECW, even though Vince’s issue was with the old guys from the original company. So I guess what I’m trying to say is Trump should have chosen The Sandman.
Tonight it’s OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE Lashley vs. Holly again. Lashley’s beaten him three consecutive times but he gets another title shot. Oh and it’s in a Steel Cage because adding Ranch to stale bread makes it edible.
edit: well I don’t know what’s happened here but the GIFs and images aren’t showing. Bare with me.
edit 2: I’m using Chrome like I always do and I can’t see anything, ditto on Firefox. Apparently some can see this on other browsers, I’m not doing anything different than normal so I’ve no idea.
We’re in Seattle, Wa. (waaaaah?) and Lashley starts the show to a booming reaction. It’s Extreme Rules and he’s wrestling…Holly? Not Snitsky then, the guy who attacked him last week? Aye well OK then.
Sorry about no recap last week, went up to Glasgow for ICW’s biggest ever show and due to bad management I had no time to watch an episode of a C-show from nearly ten years ago. Er I mean ”in the spirit of the original ECW I decided to take the show off the air for a week due to the controversy of er…Sandman smoking indoors. Yeah that’ll work.”
Tonight it’s EXTREEEME TITTIES as we get ready for ECW Strip Poker. WWE did a better job of hyping this segment than anything else on the show, they may as well have had Lex Luger drive his Express around the country shouting ”Get ready for tits!” out the window. Because posting screenshots of women in their bikinis gets Scott into trouble with the site hosts, here’s the presenter instead:
”I promise you one of these Divas WILL get naked” Balls Mahoney tells us, right before auditioning for the role of Fagin in a Philly Production of Oliver Twist.
Recap of Sabu attacking Big Show from last week. Paul Heyman tells us ECW is his life but tonight Dr. Frankenstein is going to kill his creation as he’s going to wrestle Sabu. At least he got the right Frankenstein for the analogy.
We’re in Reading, Pennsylvania and your commentators are Joey Styles (Rick Moranis) & Tazz (Deep Roy).
Saturday Night’s Main Event gets recapped. Sadly it’s one of the ones from 2006.
Big Show and Great Khali teamed up to beat up The Undertaker so Undi’s making an appearance tonight against Show. Well the show’s only an hour-long so if he does that promo about leaving him in the desert the match will only twenty seconds.
Vengeance happened on Sunday and in relevant news: Randy Orton got his pin back on Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam retained against Edge and John Cena made Sabu tap out in an EXTREEEEEEEME Lumberjack Match. No mention is made of this on this show so you’re welcome.
Reading J.D. Dunn’s review of Vengeance, I noticed this: ”This was one of those, “God, they’re stupid” gaffs that happen from time to time. Edge won a #1 contender’s match with the Big Show for a title shot tonight. Then, they spent the next few weeks hyping that if ECW won the WWE Title, it would become the new ECW Title. Problem. If there’s no WWE Title, then what do you do with Edge? Well, Van Dam has to look like a complete idiot by hanging on to the title for no reason other than to look like a jackass. That’s akin to the Joker tying up Batman, explaining his whole scheme, and then leaving him behind with a bomb instead of just killing him.” Huh. It’s probably best I’m not reviewing Raw as well as ECW or my head would explode.
by Logan Scisco
Jerry “the King” Lawler are live from the Manhattan Center in New York, New
Contest: The New Blackjacks defeat The
Godwinns after Windham pins Phineas following a Bradshaw lariat at 5:51:
Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw and while this idea may have worked in theory, it had a
couple of problems. First, people
usually prefer the original and second, many WWF fans were unaware of the
original Blackjacks because the WWF didn’t care to emphasize its history at
this time. The crowd is dominated by
smarks and ECW fans, who don’t care for either team here, but we do see Ken
Shamrock in the audience during the course of this contest. A sloppy brawl is what we get out of both
teams before a train wreck of a finish sees Phineas pinned despite having his
foot on the bottom rope. Another referee
comes out to inform the original referee that he messed up, but the original
referee refuses to reverse the decision so the Godwinns slop him. This did nothing for all parties
involved. Rating: ½*
show up and give Total Elimination to an unfortunate ring attendant and Paul
Heyman steps into the ring and says that ECW is in the house. The Eliminators should’ve roughed up the ring attendant after taking him hostage, though, because it looked silly to have him stand there like a statue while the Eliminators got into position to hit him with their finishing move.
(w/The Blue World Order) defeats Little Guido with a Stevie Kick at 3:39:
cameo less than a minute in, coming from the locker room and
staring down Richards. Goldust appears
in the split screen and says that ECW is like a B-movie. This is a basic match without any psychology,
but its purpose was to put over the Blue World Order and Stevie Richards in
anticipation of ECW’s Barely Legal pay-per-view and it effectively did
that. Rating: **
will not be in any condition to beat her in the arm wrestling match they are
going to have tonight.
Match: Marlena defeats Sunny:
the loudest pops of the evening before she rips off Rick Rude’s opening speech, with
robe and all. Making this an arm
wrestling match is odd, but Vince Russo hadn’t developed the evening gown match
yet, so this is what we get. It unfolds
like any other arm wrestling match you’ve ever seen, with Sunny playing the
heel rule and constantly pulling away.
Regardless, the crowd is pretty into it and after making a comeback,
Marlena wins, only to have Sunny throw powder in her eyes. This brings out Savio Vega, who wants to take
advantage of the weakened Marlena, until Goldust runs in and gives us…
(w/Marlena) defeats Savio Vega (w/The Nation of Domination) via
disqualification when Crush interferes at 8:43 shown:
no idea what has happened to Savio.
Savio finally has some different ring gear, which effectively
distinguishes him as a heel. The problem
with heel Savio is that his offense consists of chokes and nerve holds and it
sucks the life out of the match. Things
pick up a little bit when Goldust makes the comeback, but then things fall
apart again as Savio barely connects on a spinning heel kick and both guys run
out of ideas. Crush interferes when
Savio has the advantage, which makes little sense, and Perez comes to Goldust’s
aid. Rating: ½*
Ken Shamrock in the audience and takes credit for Shamrock’s success. Shamrock says he doesn’t know Lawler and
that’s the segment. Really?
1-900-737-SLAM to vote for Best Finishing Move for the 1997 Slammy Awards. Your choices are Shawn Michaels’ Sweet Chin
Music, Marc Mero’s Wild Thing, Sid’s powerbomb, Steve Austin’s Stone Cold
Stunner, and Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter.
Alphonso) beats Mikey Whipwreck via submission with the Tazmission at 3:29:
and I have to fully agree with him. Sabu
makes an appearance by taking out Taz’s crew, which the camera nearly misses,
and comes near the ring, where Taz can’t quite elevate Whipwreck enough to
crash onto Sabu on the floor.
Nevertheless, Sabu is pulled to the back by Taz’s entourage and Taz
quickly finishes Whipwreck. A decent
squash for Taz, but the WWF’s camera crew needed to be better positioned to capture
Sabu’s dive live. They do a better job
handling the replay, though.
Doom and The Headbangers wrestle to a double count out at 7:39 shown:
The Legion of Doom’s return to Raw is the “surprise” that McMahon had been
promising to viewers throughout the evening.
Who says Vince doesn’t know his audience? The crowd does make Vince smile during this
match by chanting that Nitro, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bischoff suck. This match is booked wrong, as the Legion of
Doom dominate the action, but have to do it over the course of eight minutes,
which really exposes them. Worse, they
aren’t even booked to go over. Was it
really necessary to protect the Headbangers here? The Legion of Doom should’ve come out and
squashed some random guys in less than two minutes. Rating: ½*
Lie” video is played for Shawn Michaels.
I would normally say this is unnecessary since Dr. James Andrews told us
last week that Michaels would be returning, but I enjoy the song.
(w/Beulah McGillicutty) pinned D-Von Dudley (w/Sign Guy Dudley) after a DDT on
a chair at 4:29:
face. This is really a prelude to the
hardcore era in the WWF, as chairs get involved for a variety of maneuvers,
including the finish. It’s a garbage
match, but an entertaining one when compared to the lousy WWF stuff on the
show. After the bout, Buh Buh Ray comes
in and the Dudley’s give Dreamer a Dudley Death Drop. The Sandman then comes out of the crowd to make
the save. Interestingly enough, you
could play this match before the first ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view that took place over nine years later and it would make perfect sense. Rating: **
Dreamer-Dudley match, Lawler irritates Heyman and provokes a brawl between the
two and McMahon gets lost amidst the ECW crew.
last week’s events, which culminated in Sid winning the WWF title. Jim
Cornette also narrates Bret Hart’s rampage through the locker room after losing
that Bret Hart and Steve Austin will face each other in a no holds barred match
interviews Shamrock and his family.
Shamrock compliments the Undertaker, thereby sparking his interest in
MMA. Pettengill does a poll for who the
fans would like to see win at WrestleMania between Austin and Hart and the
crowd firmly sides with Austin.
Doom’s Doomsday Device on Mosh after tonight’s tag team match is the WWF Full
Metal: The Album Rewind for this week.
defeats Faarooq (w/The Nation of Domination) by disqualification when the
Nation runs in at 10:50 shown:
ring and Shamrock teases jumping the guardrail and going after him.
The Nation takes out the Undertaker’s leg on the floor, but Faarooq
really doesn’t know how to take advantage of that. After what feels like an eternity, the Nation
does the predictable run-in to draw the disqualification and the Legion of Doom
come to the Undertaker’s aid as we go off the air. This one was a chore to sit through as
neither guy seemed motivated and the constant striking grew tiresome. I always try to look for any redeeming quality
a match might have, but this had nothing.
put together bad matches since they knew that the ECW crowd was going to
upstage them in terms of crowd reaction, but the WWF was clearly overshadowed
on this show. Of the WWF matches, none
of them broke ½* and it was an embarrassing display of what the company had to
offer. In the WWF’s defense, most of its
top talent was overseas on a European tour, but there’s little excuse for this effort. The ECW experiment
demonstrated Vince’s desire to do anything to get back into the Monday Night War with WCW and it did pop a rating here, but the WWF-ECW on-screen relationship
would fizzle when McMahon wanted the WWF to beat ECW in any invasion angle that
developed and Heyman wisely vetoed it.
Although the show was an interesting experiment at the time, it’s a
chore to sit through today and is really not worth your time to check out
unless you need to cure insomnia.
2.5 (vs. 3.0 for Nitro)