Edit: Well I finished typing this up, clicked PUBLISH and WordPress asked me to log in and wiped the fucker. I assumed it auto-saved but that’s probably my fault for playing too many video games. No wonder Meltzer used a typewriter for so long. So this will be a brisk recap because this show isn’t exactly The Wire.
We’re in Buffalo, New York with no opening and December To Dismember is THIS SUNDAY NIGHT. Oh. Paul Heyman starts the show putting over the EXTREEEME Elimination Chamber. ”Inside the chamber it’s total anarchy” etc. He introduces the weapons that are going to be used in the Chamber and that takes a lot away from Heyman’s spiel as he gives us a chair, a crowbar (which gets an ironic ”holy shit” chant) and a table. What a weird way to sell a supposedly unique match by filling it with normal weapons. Oh and there’s a barbed wire baseball bat too, which makes the crowd chant ”we want fire” because it’s New York.
We’re in Manchester, England (looks like the 02 Arena but by the time you’ve read this it’ll have changed it’s name again. Probably the Angry Birds Arena by now). Tazz is recovering from knee surgery so Elijah Burke joins Joey Styles on commentary. It’s where he’d end up ten years later and it means he’s not wrestling so good call.
Paul Heyman reminds us Rob Van Dam defeated Big Show in a ladder match to win a title shot whenever he wanted. RVD has chosen December To Dismember but Heyman has the right to choose the type of match so he makes it an EXTREEEME Elimination Chamber match. Ah, so that’s how we ended up with that. Heyman was trying to fuck over RVD but missed and hit the fans instead.
Tonight’s main event is The Big Show & Test vs. Rob Van Dam & Hardcore Holly. It’s Halloween so everything’s in Spooky Vision.
–Steve Austin arrives at the arena and comes across a driver of a Coor’s Light truck. Product placement 101.
–Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler are calling the action and they are live from Albany, New York. This is the last RAW we have to hear called by Cole for a while so I am happy about that. This is the go home show for WrestleMania XV.
–A video package recaps the tensions building between the Rock and Paul Wight, whose nickname has been changed to “The Big Show” instead of the “The Big Nasty.” We are also reminded that the Undertaker is going after Vince McMahon.
–Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler are in the booth and they are live from San Jose, California.
–WWF Champion The Rock opens the show and he tells Steve Austin that he will prove his status as “The Great One” at WrestleMania. He demands that Vince McMahon come out and prove to him that the Big Show is not working with Austin. McMahon complies and says that “Dwayne” needs a reality check for being ungrateful for all that McMahon has given him. He says that three generations of his family have looked after the Rock’s ancestors and that Paul Wight is not as quick to understand the existing agreement. Wight comes out and demands to know what McMahon is talking about, threatening he and the Rock. McMahon does not kindly to that, leading Wight to manhandle him into a corner to get his point across. McMahon collects himself and books the Rock and Wight to team up to face Mankind and Steve Austin, thereby making this a preview of WrestleMania. The Rock and Wight shake hands to end the segment at McMahon’s behest.
Tonight it’s EXTREEEME TITTIES as we get ready for ECW Strip Poker. WWE did a better job of hyping this segment than anything else on the show, they may as well have had Lex Luger drive his Express around the country shouting ”Get ready for tits!” out the window. Because posting screenshots of women in their bikinis gets Scott into trouble with the site hosts, here’s the presenter instead:
”I promise you one of these Divas WILL get naked” Balls Mahoney tells us, right before auditioning for the role of Fagin in a Philly Production of Oliver Twist.
–A video package recaps the Rock winning the WWF title in a ladder match against Mankind on last week’s show.
–Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler are in the booth and they are taped from Chattanooga, Tennessee.
–Vince McMahon comes out to hype tonight’s Inferno Match between the Undertaker and Kane. He welcomes Paul Wight to the ring, who is booked to be the guest referee at WrestleMania. Cole is trying to get Wight over as “The Big Nasty,” so I guess it is good that “The Big Show” name was chosen instead. WWF Champion The Rock also comes out, quickly getting into a verbal confrontation with Wight, telling him to “Know his role.” McMahon’s efforts at playing peacemaker get nowhere until Mankind marches onto the stage and volunteers to referee the WrestleMania main event, as well as referee a Rock-Wight encounter tonight. Wight then proceeds to challenge the Rock to a match, which the Rock gladly accepts and he says he will put the WWF title on the line too.
We’re live at Madison Square Garden and instead of a main event graphic, we get Paul Heyman on the mic. He sucks up to the crowd and they buy it until Heyman swerves them. I take it they’ve not been watching this show then? Heyman thanks himself, mocks the crowd for wanting RVD & Sabu and tells them they’re all welcome for his success. ECW was all Heyman’s ideas and vision, dammit. Sabu has enough of this and bum-rushes the ring. Paul does a wobbly runner so Sabu kills Generic Security Number One with an Arabian Facebuster. Heyman’s not happy so he makes it Sabu vs. Big Show EXTREEEME RULES for the ECW title tonight. Wait why would you give someone a title match as a punishment? And the one good thing this show has done the last few months is emphasise how Sabu has the advantage when objects are involved. Huh. Anyway Sabu dives on the security guys to end the segment (and logic) as the commentators flip their lids about how the ECW Title is being defended on the holy grounds of Madison Square etc.
And here’s the big graphic!
So after being away for several months due to some work obligations, “What the World Was Watching” returns by picking up where we left off in 1999. The Steve Austin-Vince McMahon rivalry is continuing and they are set to do battle in a steel cage match where if Austin loses then he surrenders his WrestleMania title shot. The Undertaker is busy with his Ministry of Darkness nonsense and Mankind is keeping the Rock busy before WrestleMania.
–Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler are doing commentary and they are live from Memphis, Tennessee.
Recap of Sabu attacking Big Show from last week. Paul Heyman tells us ECW is his life but tonight Dr. Frankenstein is going to kill his creation as he’s going to wrestle Sabu. At least he got the right Frankenstein for the analogy.
We’re in Reading, Pennsylvania and your commentators are Joey Styles (Rick Moranis) & Tazz (Deep Roy).
Two days ago the ECW Title was defended at Summerslam 2006 (the first time the Title was defended on WWE PPV) so we’ll have a look at that.
Thought it was interesting Sabu & Show have different images for different brands. Got to love the Photoshop’d Title on Show and the URGH GRITTY filter for ECW:
Sorry about the delay, went travelling to see Chikara and forgot time causes days to change. Eddie Kingston attacked me so it was worth it.
Due to Rob Van Dam causing a no-contest in last week’s Kurt Angle vs. Sabu match, tonight we are cruelly teased with a three-way ladder match to declare the number one contender to Big Show’s ECW Title. Sure enough, Heyman tells us two days ago Angle tore his groin (yet was still able to win the match) and as such has been medically suspended. It must have been a groin pull the likes of which you’ve never seen before in your life.
So instead it’s Sabu vs. RVD in a ladder match. I’ve included that match twice in Botchamania and could probably do play-by-play with my eyes closed. Then again, it’s not hard typing ”and they fuck something else up” a dozen times.
Saturday Night’s Main Event gets recapped. Sadly it’s one of the ones from 2006.
Big Show and Great Khali teamed up to beat up The Undertaker so Undi’s making an appearance tonight against Show. Well the show’s only an hour-long so if he does that promo about leaving him in the desert the match will only twenty seconds.