The lame version of DON’T QUESTION MY HEART brings us to Atlanta, GA and our main event is finally The Boogeyman vs. Big Daddy V!
We’re in Minneapolis, MN and Armando Estrada proudly introduces us to the new ECW Champion: CM Punk. Punk recognises Armando’s brown-nosing and gifts him the new CM Punk shirt (the one that looked like a bunch of tattoos). Armando puts it on, thanks Punk and introduces his opponent this Sunda–OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT ELIJAH BURKE AGAIN.
Well if you were expecting a fun write-up, don’t bother clicking the ”more” bit.
We’re in Cincinnati, Ohio and last week Punk won a Fatal Four Way to earn a shot at John Morrison’s title. I’m in a rush so let’s get to it.
Let’s take a look at the relevant news from Powerslam Magazine before we watch this episode because WWE’s reputation was declining quicker than Rickety Cricket in Always Sunny:
We’re live in Mohegan Sun Casino with Coachman continuing his search for WHO IS VINCE’S KID. Oh and he casually introduces the new ECW GM, Armando Estrada. Armando says his name a few times and introduces John Morrison and CM Punk for the contract signing for Summerslam. ”Sitting on the chair next to me with your little tattoos is the closest you’re going to get to earthly paradise.” Morrison asks Punk to think about signing, after all he couldn’t last fifteen minutes with him last week. Punk says he’s right because he beat him before the fifteen minutes. What a stupid set-up bit to remind the audience about last week. Punk says he doesn’t fluff his wear like Farrah Fawcett or wear jackets in August, but he will be wearing the ECW Title after Summerslam. Armando stops them from coming to blows and gives them matches tonight with the ECW monsters. There was a lot happening here with Coach and Armando but the important thing is this:
We have enough plot for a dramatic video recap of last week! Punk won a Three Way Dance last week to get a shot at John Morrison tonight in a Fifteen Minutes Of Fame match. If he wins, he gets a shot at the title at Summerslam. Simples.
We’re in Youngstown, Ohio and THIS IS THE NEW SHIT is back in the intro, so we can have more Manson discussion. Despite enjoying his music, I’ve always been annoyed at him daring to put out Smells Like Children as a full-priced album (that I paid full-price money for) when it was three covers, three remixes and some shit. I don’t care if you recorded Portrait Of An American Family, I’m glad Dita Von Teese left you.
Great American Bash 2007 was this Sunday and had a bit of a rocky build. So Kane vs. Edge was scheduled but Edge ended up injuring his left pectoral muscle after Kane attacked him during the Mardi Gras celebration on the July 10 Smackdown. Edge was forced to vacate his title on the Smackdown before the PPV and a Battle Royal was held to crowd the new champ which was won by The Great Khali (who held the title upside down). The injury to Edge had the unexpected positive of avoiding the fallout from the upcoming Pharmacy Probe steroid scandal he was named in.
Also the announced Khali vs. Batista match was changed to Kane vs. Khali vs. Batista after Kane and Batista went to a non-finish on the same episode of Smackdown after Khali blundered in on their Number One Contender match. The good news was no-one was injured in the process, the bad news was the match happened.
Another new intro, this time set to Marilyn Manson’s This Is The New Shit. Weird choice of song, not only was it four years old by this point and heavily censored (ARE YOU MOTHERblubblubs READY FOR THE NEW blubHIT?) but the themes of the song & album were about how everything had been done before and nothing was new (including Manson, who turned to shite after this) which is sending mixed messages for the brand with old ECW guys and the dudes Smackdown didn’t want. Manson’s a good metaphor for ECW, great in 1997 but damaged goods after 2001.
One Night Stand 2007 was last Sunday so in relevant news:
Rob Van Dam surprisingly beat Randy Orton in a stretcher match which would end up being RVD’s last match for WWE for several years. RVD sold a concussion as if he was drunk for most of the match so he could keep up with Orton’s pace. After dangerously flubbing a dive outside, RVD punched Orton a few times and rolled him across the finishing line.
Show begins with Hatted Vince looking like Marc Lawrence walking to the ring.
This is the episode after Wrestlemania 23 so let’s have a quick look at the relevant bits: ECW on Sci-Fi’s CM Punk was involved in the Money In The Bank opener but ended up being the guy Ken Kennedy bashed off a ladder to win the briefcase. Some stuff happened with Kennedy’s MITB, but he’s not in ECW so fuck him.
Recap of Sabu attacking Big Show from last week. Paul Heyman tells us ECW is his life but tonight Dr. Frankenstein is going to kill his creation as he’s going to wrestle Sabu. At least he got the right Frankenstein for the analogy.
We’re in Reading, Pennsylvania and your commentators are Joey Styles (Rick Moranis) & Tazz (Deep Roy).
by Logan Scisco
alternatives to WWF Magazine. We return to WWF Magazine this week, looking at the August 2000 issue. On the cover is someone who Triple H says is
a very unlikely candidate for the Hall of Fame:
remember that the WWF gradually tried to make Chyna sexier for viewers. She started as a serious bodyguard in a role
unlike that of any other woman who came before her (or even since), but then
started wearing makeup and by 2000 the WWF was presenting her as more of a
physically gifted, attractive “diva.”
magazine is no longer Kevin Kelly.
Instead it is a woman named Laura Bryson. By this point the magazine was a shell of its
former self, at least in my eyes, and the pay-per-view recaps will show that.
letter saying that Lita is not a potential legend since she is just attached to
Essa Rios and is not pursuing a singles title.
Of course, that would change down the road and by the time this magazine
was on newsstands, Lita had ditched Rios and joined the Hardy Boyz. A few fans write in how they are fans of
Jacqueline and how awesome she is. And
Rich Coleman writes an angry letter saying that the WWF is in danger of
“turning soft” because babyfaces like Kane just walk off instead of fight. It is probably a safe bet that Rich is no
longer a fan of the product today.
three greatest SummerSlam matches of all-time.
(2) Test-Shane McMahon from SummerSlam 1999, and (3) Big Boss Man-Koko B. Ware
from SummerSlam 1988. Yes, no Ultimate
Warrior-Rick Rude and no Bret Hart-Mr. Perfect.
The company’s unwillingness to reference wrestlers who were still in WCW
killed this list since that meant no Bret, no Hulk Hogan, no Randy Savage, and
no Scott Hall. Evidently, Big
Bossman-Koko was a historic bout because “the contrasting styles of these two
Superstars set the tone for many of the great SummerSlam matches that would
follow.” So next time you enjoy your
favorite SummerSlam match, give proper credit to the Bossman and Koko. Oh, and Frankie too!
the WWF Barber Shop:
some WWF cards that are twenty-two carat gold.
Enjoy seeing Billy Gunn in all his glory, trying to avoid submitting to
the Rock in a headlock! Each card will
cost you $9.95 (plus 95 cents of shipping and handling).
profiling Bull Buchanan.
Truth Commission in 1997 before returning a few years later as a partner of the
Big Bossman. He would then be part of
the Right to Censor and had a brief partnership with John Cena before eventually
departing the company. The only
highlight of his run was jobbing to Crash Holly in an upset at the 2000 King of
the Ring. He was also briefly a tag team
champion with the “Goodfather,” but tag team title runs become a blur for me
never find for auction from “SteviE-bay” (in reference to Stevie Richards):
that fills the part of the magazine formerly occupied by Vic Venom’s “The Bite”
in the mid-1990s. It is a debate column
where Aaron Williams and Laura take opposite stands on an issue. The issue this month is Vince McMahon.
person.” The comment about Vince having
an Ivy League education is something that I do not think is actually true, as
Linda earned her degree from East Carolina University and Vince was around her
at the time. Laura defends Vince as “in
tune to the reality of the world we live in,” something that could not be said
of the booking of the company now. She
also refers to Vince as an American hero, thereby explaining Stephanie’s 9/11
reference on Smackdown! in 2001.
edition, had a piece about Chyna. This
one is no different, as she gets attention in an article called “Power Behind
on the magazine, but the story does not really talk about a secret. It recaps her partnerships with D-Generation
X, Kane, and Eddie Guerrero. Evidently
she also had an alliance with the Kat sometime in the Attitude Era, but I do
not recall that at all. In light of
Triple H’s podcast, one thing stands out:
“We [Triple H and Chyna] went our own ways, but that does not rule out
our paths crossing again.” It definitely
seems like Triple H had put the kibosh on any plans to have their paths cross at
a future Hall of Fame ceremony. Still,
though, why tell readers you are going to talk about “Chyna’s Secret” and then
just write an article that merely reiterates what we have heard about Chyna in
magazine pieces in the years up to this point:
she has worked with lots of great superstars and knows their strengths
even added to the list. Poor Jimmy is
portrayed just like Kamala, the Giant Gonzalez, and Yokozuna: he wanted to bury the Undertaker’s soul and
“erase his very being.” And here I
thought that all Snuka wanted to do was win a WrestleMania match in Los
Angeles! This is a pretty blah piece,
just telling educated fans everything they already know about the
Undertaker. And this piece does not even
talk about the Undertaker’s new biker persona!
as writer Mike Fazioli calls him “the king of Hardcore.”
24/7 basis, which led to him being called the “Houdini of Hardcore.” If you ever try to look at the history of
that title it will make your head hurt as the 24/7 rule led to about three to
four title changes on every house show.
We are informed that Crash’s toughness comes from his cousin Hardcore
Holly, who used to beat him up when he would get angry. After all, look what Bob did to Matt
Cappotelli on Tough Enough!
of Roots Genoa that we are bound to come across in a WWF Magazine of this time period
WWF champion even though there are concerns by the WWF promotion and marketing
teams that he might do something big since he is not as charismatic as other
superstars. The article even draws a parallel
about how competing in the WWF is more difficult than the past since Benoit
cannot be like a wrestler “in the old days who could coast defeating perennial
losers in easy televised matches” between big bouts. Our big eerie line from this well-written
piece by Keith Elliot Greenberg: “Most
likely, their [the WWF’s] efforts to convert him into a cut-out media darling
will be unsuccessful…”
WWF. The list is purely kayfabed as
there is no mention of Steve Blackman on this list.
ranking because he is not intimidating enough.
Tazz has to be in the top three due to his gimmick.
by the nick name of “She-Devil” around this time.
although it is okay for men to buy her things.
She also says that she has no interest in pursuing a singles title and
that she considers Bubba Ray a “bully” for putting her through a table. I am concerned that she says Jerry Lawler is
her “kind of guy,” though. Dustin should
have submitted this as evidence in the divorce proceedings for custody!
smaller and smaller, I meant it. Look
what we have been reduced to in the 2000s:
sentences? This is really egregious for
the Iron Man Match between Triple H and the Rock, which gets less than a
entitled “Gettin’ Heat.”
WWF superstar. This month, though, he
attacks himself for stealing other wrestlers personas when he came into the
company. He says that he wishes he
sought out Shawn Michaels for advice and he writes him a letter asking for
guidance. I will bet that Michaels never
column this was the worst. The only
redeeming column was Greenberg’s on Benoit with the rest constituting very
boring, dry reads. The magazine lost a
lot of its creativity without Russo or Kelly at the helm. Next week we will move forward two years and
recap the April 2002 issue of WWF
Magazine, which features the New World Order on the cover.
by Logan Scisco
Jerry “the King” Lawler are live from the Manhattan Center in New York, New
Contest: The New Blackjacks defeat The
Godwinns after Windham pins Phineas following a Bradshaw lariat at 5:51:
Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw and while this idea may have worked in theory, it had a
couple of problems. First, people
usually prefer the original and second, many WWF fans were unaware of the
original Blackjacks because the WWF didn’t care to emphasize its history at
this time. The crowd is dominated by
smarks and ECW fans, who don’t care for either team here, but we do see Ken
Shamrock in the audience during the course of this contest. A sloppy brawl is what we get out of both
teams before a train wreck of a finish sees Phineas pinned despite having his
foot on the bottom rope. Another referee
comes out to inform the original referee that he messed up, but the original
referee refuses to reverse the decision so the Godwinns slop him. This did nothing for all parties
involved. Rating: ½*
show up and give Total Elimination to an unfortunate ring attendant and Paul
Heyman steps into the ring and says that ECW is in the house. The Eliminators should’ve roughed up the ring attendant after taking him hostage, though, because it looked silly to have him stand there like a statue while the Eliminators got into position to hit him with their finishing move.
(w/The Blue World Order) defeats Little Guido with a Stevie Kick at 3:39:
cameo less than a minute in, coming from the locker room and
staring down Richards. Goldust appears
in the split screen and says that ECW is like a B-movie. This is a basic match without any psychology,
but its purpose was to put over the Blue World Order and Stevie Richards in
anticipation of ECW’s Barely Legal pay-per-view and it effectively did
that. Rating: **
will not be in any condition to beat her in the arm wrestling match they are
going to have tonight.
Match: Marlena defeats Sunny:
the loudest pops of the evening before she rips off Rick Rude’s opening speech, with
robe and all. Making this an arm
wrestling match is odd, but Vince Russo hadn’t developed the evening gown match
yet, so this is what we get. It unfolds
like any other arm wrestling match you’ve ever seen, with Sunny playing the
heel rule and constantly pulling away.
Regardless, the crowd is pretty into it and after making a comeback,
Marlena wins, only to have Sunny throw powder in her eyes. This brings out Savio Vega, who wants to take
advantage of the weakened Marlena, until Goldust runs in and gives us…
(w/Marlena) defeats Savio Vega (w/The Nation of Domination) via
disqualification when Crush interferes at 8:43 shown:
no idea what has happened to Savio.
Savio finally has some different ring gear, which effectively
distinguishes him as a heel. The problem
with heel Savio is that his offense consists of chokes and nerve holds and it
sucks the life out of the match. Things
pick up a little bit when Goldust makes the comeback, but then things fall
apart again as Savio barely connects on a spinning heel kick and both guys run
out of ideas. Crush interferes when
Savio has the advantage, which makes little sense, and Perez comes to Goldust’s
aid. Rating: ½*
Ken Shamrock in the audience and takes credit for Shamrock’s success. Shamrock says he doesn’t know Lawler and
that’s the segment. Really?
1-900-737-SLAM to vote for Best Finishing Move for the 1997 Slammy Awards. Your choices are Shawn Michaels’ Sweet Chin
Music, Marc Mero’s Wild Thing, Sid’s powerbomb, Steve Austin’s Stone Cold
Stunner, and Bret Hart’s Sharpshooter.
Alphonso) beats Mikey Whipwreck via submission with the Tazmission at 3:29:
and I have to fully agree with him. Sabu
makes an appearance by taking out Taz’s crew, which the camera nearly misses,
and comes near the ring, where Taz can’t quite elevate Whipwreck enough to
crash onto Sabu on the floor.
Nevertheless, Sabu is pulled to the back by Taz’s entourage and Taz
quickly finishes Whipwreck. A decent
squash for Taz, but the WWF’s camera crew needed to be better positioned to capture
Sabu’s dive live. They do a better job
handling the replay, though.
Doom and The Headbangers wrestle to a double count out at 7:39 shown:
The Legion of Doom’s return to Raw is the “surprise” that McMahon had been
promising to viewers throughout the evening.
Who says Vince doesn’t know his audience? The crowd does make Vince smile during this
match by chanting that Nitro, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bischoff suck. This match is booked wrong, as the Legion of
Doom dominate the action, but have to do it over the course of eight minutes,
which really exposes them. Worse, they
aren’t even booked to go over. Was it
really necessary to protect the Headbangers here? The Legion of Doom should’ve come out and
squashed some random guys in less than two minutes. Rating: ½*
Lie” video is played for Shawn Michaels.
I would normally say this is unnecessary since Dr. James Andrews told us
last week that Michaels would be returning, but I enjoy the song.
(w/Beulah McGillicutty) pinned D-Von Dudley (w/Sign Guy Dudley) after a DDT on
a chair at 4:29:
face. This is really a prelude to the
hardcore era in the WWF, as chairs get involved for a variety of maneuvers,
including the finish. It’s a garbage
match, but an entertaining one when compared to the lousy WWF stuff on the
show. After the bout, Buh Buh Ray comes
in and the Dudley’s give Dreamer a Dudley Death Drop. The Sandman then comes out of the crowd to make
the save. Interestingly enough, you
could play this match before the first ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view that took place over nine years later and it would make perfect sense. Rating: **
Dreamer-Dudley match, Lawler irritates Heyman and provokes a brawl between the
two and McMahon gets lost amidst the ECW crew.
last week’s events, which culminated in Sid winning the WWF title. Jim
Cornette also narrates Bret Hart’s rampage through the locker room after losing
that Bret Hart and Steve Austin will face each other in a no holds barred match
interviews Shamrock and his family.
Shamrock compliments the Undertaker, thereby sparking his interest in
MMA. Pettengill does a poll for who the
fans would like to see win at WrestleMania between Austin and Hart and the
crowd firmly sides with Austin.
Doom’s Doomsday Device on Mosh after tonight’s tag team match is the WWF Full
Metal: The Album Rewind for this week.
defeats Faarooq (w/The Nation of Domination) by disqualification when the
Nation runs in at 10:50 shown:
ring and Shamrock teases jumping the guardrail and going after him.
The Nation takes out the Undertaker’s leg on the floor, but Faarooq
really doesn’t know how to take advantage of that. After what feels like an eternity, the Nation
does the predictable run-in to draw the disqualification and the Legion of Doom
come to the Undertaker’s aid as we go off the air. This one was a chore to sit through as
neither guy seemed motivated and the constant striking grew tiresome. I always try to look for any redeeming quality
a match might have, but this had nothing.
put together bad matches since they knew that the ECW crowd was going to
upstage them in terms of crowd reaction, but the WWF was clearly overshadowed
on this show. Of the WWF matches, none
of them broke ½* and it was an embarrassing display of what the company had to
offer. In the WWF’s defense, most of its
top talent was overseas on a European tour, but there’s little excuse for this effort. The ECW experiment
demonstrated Vince’s desire to do anything to get back into the Monday Night War with WCW and it did pop a rating here, but the WWF-ECW on-screen relationship
would fizzle when McMahon wanted the WWF to beat ECW in any invasion angle that
developed and Heyman wisely vetoed it.
Although the show was an interesting experiment at the time, it’s a
chore to sit through today and is really not worth your time to check out
unless you need to cure insomnia.
2.5 (vs. 3.0 for Nitro)