I was going to post some news from Powerslam Magazine but they’re currently in storage so you’ll have to wait two weeks (just like real Powerslam Magazine!) but the important things to know are it’s the show after No Mercy 2007, we’re in Detroit, Michigan and no-one’s died and John Morrison is challenging for Punk’s title tonight after serving his punishment for Wellness Violation.
We’re in Indianapolis and our main event is CM Punk vs. Matt Striker so you’re better off reading the Daily Thread than this.
The lame version of DON’T QUESTION MY HEART brings us to Atlanta, GA and our main event is finally The Boogeyman vs. Big Daddy V!
We’re in Minneapolis, MN and Armando Estrada proudly introduces us to the new ECW Champion: CM Punk. Punk recognises Armando’s brown-nosing and gifts him the new CM Punk shirt (the one that looked like a bunch of tattoos). Armando puts it on, thanks Punk and introduces his opponent this Sunda–OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT ELIJAH BURKE AGAIN.
Well if you were expecting a fun write-up, don’t bother clicking the ”more” bit.
We’re in Cincinnati, Ohio and last week Punk won a Fatal Four Way to earn a shot at John Morrison’s title. I’m in a rush so let’s get to it.
Let’s take a look at the relevant news from Powerslam Magazine before we watch this episode because WWE’s reputation was declining quicker than Rickety Cricket in Always Sunny:
We’re live in Mohegan Sun Casino with Coachman continuing his search for WHO IS VINCE’S KID. Oh and he casually introduces the new ECW GM, Armando Estrada. Armando says his name a few times and introduces John Morrison and CM Punk for the contract signing for Summerslam. ”Sitting on the chair next to me with your little tattoos is the closest you’re going to get to earthly paradise.” Morrison asks Punk to think about signing, after all he couldn’t last fifteen minutes with him last week. Punk says he’s right because he beat him before the fifteen minutes. What a stupid set-up bit to remind the audience about last week. Punk says he doesn’t fluff his wear like Farrah Fawcett or wear jackets in August, but he will be wearing the ECW Title after Summerslam. Armando stops them from coming to blows and gives them matches tonight with the ECW monsters. There was a lot happening here with Coach and Armando but the important thing is this:
We have enough plot for a dramatic video recap of last week! Punk won a Three Way Dance last week to get a shot at John Morrison tonight in a Fifteen Minutes Of Fame match. If he wins, he gets a shot at the title at Summerslam. Simples.
We’re in Youngstown, Ohio and THIS IS THE NEW SHIT is back in the intro, so we can have more Manson discussion. Despite enjoying his music, I’ve always been annoyed at him daring to put out Smells Like Children as a full-priced album (that I paid full-price money for) when it was three covers, three remixes and some shit. I don’t care if you recorded Portrait Of An American Family, I’m glad Dita Von Teese left you.
Great American Bash 2007 was this Sunday and had a bit of a rocky build. So Kane vs. Edge was scheduled but Edge ended up injuring his left pectoral muscle after Kane attacked him during the Mardi Gras celebration on the July 10 Smackdown. Edge was forced to vacate his title on the Smackdown before the PPV and a Battle Royal was held to crowd the new champ which was won by The Great Khali (who held the title upside down). The injury to Edge had the unexpected positive of avoiding the fallout from the upcoming Pharmacy Probe steroid scandal he was named in.
Also the announced Khali vs. Batista match was changed to Kane vs. Khali vs. Batista after Kane and Batista went to a non-finish on the same episode of Smackdown after Khali blundered in on their Number One Contender match. The good news was no-one was injured in the process, the bad news was the match happened.
We’re in Laredo, Texas and we still have the Manson intro that inspired so much discussion last week in the comments. Marcus Cor Von is still in the intro and Mechanical Animals was Manson at his best just for ”Yesterday I was a nihilist, today I’m just fucking bored.”
Backstage, a representative for Johnny Nitro declares this is the last time you’ll see Nitro on ECW. Tazz & Styles freak out because he’s the ECW Champ, he can’t leave. Unless you’re Lashley.
We’re in Dallas, Texas and we have a new-ish intro with no Benoit clips and the old THIS IS EXTREEEEEEME song. Shame they’re still clinging to that side of ECW, looking forward to Don’t Question My Heart in a few months.
Tonight, CM Punk and Johnny Nitro engage in Pick Your Poison, which means they choose each other’s opponents and not actually poison, because Nitro could beat Punk by threatening him with a paracetamol.
We’re in Charlotte, NC and Vince McMahon is still dead. He’d get better.
One Night Stand 2007 was last Sunday so in relevant news:
Rob Van Dam surprisingly beat Randy Orton in a stretcher match which would end up being RVD’s last match for WWE for several years. RVD sold a concussion as if he was drunk for most of the match so he could keep up with Orton’s pace. After dangerously flubbing a dive outside, RVD punched Orton a few times and rolled him across the finishing line.
We’re in (not named), One Night Stand: A Night of Extreme Rules is this Sunday and here’s Raw’s Randy Orton! Dramatic MV covers Orton concussing HBK with The Punt at Judgement Day. RVD claimed Orton lacked respect so Orton punted him too. I always like when feuds segue-way into other feuds. RVD decided to plant himself head-first on the RKO too because he’s Rob Points At Self Van Points At Self Dam Spin-Kick Pose To Crowd.
Another ECW on Sci-Fi, another dramatic recap of Lashley getting beat up by The McMahons and Umaga on Raw. This one turns into a Cannon Films production as Shane escapes by jumping on top of a limo as it drives away, only for Lashley to turn around and get struck down by Vince McNinja.