Dusty Rhodes Hard Times and American politics

Hey Scott, first time, long time (like 15 years) I’m a freelance political writer and wrestling mark for like 25 years. Not sure if your blog would be interested, but I just wrote a piece that talks about Dusty Rhodes’ Hard Times promo explaining the current state of American politics. If you would share it on your blog that would be awesome, if not, it’s no biggie. Keep up the great work and hope all is well! -Robert Sobel

QOTD 121: I want you to hit me, as hard as you can.

What? In the face?!

Seriously though,


have you ever been in a fight? 


Did you win? 


Do you generally fear physical confrontation?


Did you try and throw a Stone Cold Stunner and realize that’s really freaking hard to do? 


Do you box, MMA, or Pro Wrestle? Any insights? Things the ‘laymen’ doesn’t understand? 

If you took EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET and had them in a bare-knuckle brawl with no weapons or environmental factors, who’d win?



I”ve been in one fight during 5th grade gym class after this kid I kind of sort of knew kept calling me Piggy (Fuck you, “Lord of the Flies”), got in a gut shot, got popped on the side of head, promptly started crying “A Christmas Story” style, and have been a pacifist ever since.

Which is a shame because I’m highly competitive and think I’d enjoy boxing / contact football / perhaps one day seeing what it’s like to bump around a wrestling ring.

But I have an incredible aversion to getting punched in the face or hurt or popped in the mouth and having all my teeth fall out or something. I guess my flight or fight meter is pointed toward the former. Maybe I need some of them there supplements Stone Cold Steve Austin has been hawking.

What say you, Otters?

Man Movie Encyclopedia – Die Hard

With the recent love for Die Hard in the previous thread, I got a couple requests for the MME article on it. Now we can talk about men’s fashion and industrialization all day.

Year: 1988
Director:
John McTiernan
Star:
Bruce Willis
“40 Stories Of Sheer Adventure!”

Really, what you’ve got here is the Holy Grail of action films. A film so revolutionary that it created a sub-genre, launching millions of different action films that were described as “Die Hard on a _____”. The funny thing is, the plot is so absolutely simply, it’s shocking no one came up with it before.

John McClane is a New York cop who’s marriage is on the rocks, due to his wife not being happy with just being a homemaker. Pssh, just like a woman. So, he’s heading to LA in order to try and patch things up, because God-forbid Holly do it! Once he touches down in Los Angeles, he gets himself a limo with a talkative driver named Argyle. He instantly wins my respect by listening to Run DMC. The place John is dropped off at is The Nakatomi Plaza building where Holly’s Christmas party is going down. Since John is unsure whether or not he’s going to get busy with the Mrs, Argyle offers to hang out until he knows the deal for sure.

Now, while John is heading up stairs, playing meet n greet, a team of German terrorists are infiltrating the building in order to load up on the $640 million dollars worth of bearer bonds. The leader of the group is Hans Gruber, a smooth talking bad-ass who loves to wear a good suit, and isn’t afraid to put a bullet in someone should it seem fit. He’s got along with him many a thug, as well as a computer/electronics savant who’s here to break into the major vault.

As Holly & John are seemingly on the mend, gunfire erupts out in the banquet room as the bad-guys make their presence known. John takes the split second he has to duck out into the stairwell, and try to mount a plan. If it were me, my awesome plan would have been to run down the stairs screaming a combination of rape & fire.

One of John’s first plans is to pull the fire alarm and get some attention to this situation. Naturally, the baddies are on top of this, which should have been obvious because Hans is wearing a suit. You wear a suit, you know the score. So, Hans tells one of the fellow bad guys to check on the situation, and gets his neck broken for his troubles. That’s why I’ve never done anything my bosses have ever told me to do. I’m not getting my neck broken.

It’s now known by Hans and the group that there’s something afoot, due to John writing “Now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho” on the dead guys sweat shirt, and sending him down the elevator. Meanwhile, a simple beat cop known best to the World as Carl Winslow of Family Matters’ fame, has been called to check out the situation at Nakatomi Plaza. For his troubles, he gets his car shredded with a few machine guns, and ran off an embankment. After calling in the troops, he’s able to communicate with John who snatched a radio he nabbed from a dead guy.

So, the troops come in, and try to work this situation out. By work the situation out, I mean get knee capped, and have their LAPD tank blown to hell with a rocket launcher. John answers back with thee ol’ C4 & computer monitor trick. I’m sure in this day and age he’d tie it to an iPhone or something. Ellis, perhaps the greatest representation of the 80’s yuppie, does a few snorts of coke, and tries to work out a deal with Hans & the gang. I never knew just what the hell kind of deal he was gonna strike. Although his 10,000 watt smile could damn near soften the heart of any terrorist. Except Hans, he blows his brains out because John won’t give up the detonators he boosted from one of Hans’ henchmen.

The FBI finally arrives, and they zap the power to the building, which is exactly what Hans wanted. Now that things are on their way, they split up to check on things and make sure shit is going down. Hans checks out the C4 on the roof, and happens to run into John. Naturally. John assumes that everyone is a terrorist, and doesn’t trust Bill Clay for a minute. That proves to be fruitful, as Hans tries to shoot John, only to realize the gun has no bullets. Before anything else can go down, the rest of the crew show up and shoot the hell out of the office, layering the floor in shards of glass. Which will prove to be detrimental to John’s shoeless feet. The gang manages to get the detonators back, and leave John to bleed.

They finally break through the safe they’ve been trying to crack, and start loading up the loot. Meanwhile, John figures out that they’re going to blow the roof when all the hostages are up there. That way the FBI thinks everyone has died, and will take a while to try and track them down. He runs up stairs, and gets the group to head the hell back downstairs. Of course, since there’s women, they won’t listen unless John is firing a freaking machine gun. Now that it’s all clear, he gets to jumping off the roof with a firehose tied around his waist. If it were me, they’d probably only have a garden hose, I’d only be able to jump about half a foot, and also get rubber burn. And I don’t think there’s much lotion in Nakatomi Plaza.

Well, it’s game time, the showdown between Hans & John McClane. Since John is the smartest motherfucker alive, he has a gun taped to his back, and blows some Germans away. I have a ton of back hair, and I can tell you how that plan would have gone. The tape would have adhered to my back hair so strongly that when I pulled on the gun I would have given myself a front flip.


Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:

1-Liners:
3
Guys Beat Up:
4
Guys Killed:
21
Swear Words:
98
Boobs:
4
Explosions:
5
Slow-Motion Scenes:
10
Car Chases:
None
Chases on Foot:
2
Broken Bones:
1
Fight at a Motel?
No
Guy Get Girl?
Yes
Guy Smoke Cigarettes?
Yes

1-Liners:

Tony: …there are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah, that’s what my Captain keeps telling me.

Marco:
Next time you have a chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate.
[McClane pumps about 6 shots into him]
John McClane: Thanks for the advice, pal.

[after some cowboy talk, John pulls the gun from his back and shoots Hans]
John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.

Man-Facts:

The original poster release didn’t feature Bruce’s image, because the studio thought it’d hurt the box-office, since he wasn’t an action star.

When John falls down the elevator shaft, you see that he misses the first air vent. That was actually a mistake by the stuntman, as he didn’t grab it in time, but they dug it so they left it in.

Bruce was the 7th choice for John McClane. 7th, motherfucker. The line went like this;
Arnold, then Stallone, then Burt Reynolds, then Richard Gere, then Harrison Ford, then Mel Gibson. I don’t get it, how could you read this script and think “feh”?

This was originally meant to be a sequel to Commando.

The centerfold that John sees in the elevator shaft is that of Playboy’s Miss November, 1987, Pamela Stein.

The reaction that Alan Rickman has when being dropped is genuine. He was held 21ft above an airbag, and the stuntman let go at 2, not 3.

The Director, John McTiernan decided to change Hans & the gang from political terrorist, to dudes just out for a score. He felt it would be easier for people to enjoy a simple caper film.

Box-Office Business:
Created on a budget of $28 million dollars, Die Hard was released on July 15th, 1988 to 1,276 theaters. It opened up at #3, earning a weekend total of $7,105,514. It ended up earning a grand total of $140,767,956

C’mon Bennet, Let’s Party!:
Seriously, there’s nothing I could say that would do this film justice. It’s an absolute masterpiece. It’s not only one of the Top 3 action films of all time, it’s one of the Top 10 films of all time. There’s absolutely nobody who can’t enjoy this. The plot was so simple, but executed so goddamn well. There isn’t one gripe about this film, as it’s flawless from beginning to end. John McClane is one of the burliest movie characters of all time. Hands down.

5 Head-Butts Out Of 5.

My editor Steven Ferrari didn’t edit this, but I’d still like to make mention of how I met him, which was when my brother-in-law, and good friend’s wife died, and he asked myself, and Steven to help him raise his 3 daughters. Have mercy. 

Hope you guys dug the article. For those that did and want more, you can read this very entry, plus the rest of the original Die Hard trilogy in my book The Man Movie Encyclopedia, available at amazon for 99cents. 28 classics are covered, from First Blood, to Robocop, Commando, and Predator. It’s been endorsed by Scott Keith, and New York Times Best-Selling Author, Maddox. Hell, even Fuj gave it a thumbs up.

For more Die Hard fun with Caliber, check out 12 Reasons Why Die Hard Is The Best Christmas Film Ever.

Any requests, questions, QOTDs, send’em on over to [email protected]

How Hard is it to Go Through a Table?


Hey Scott,


Sooooooooooooo, ever since WWE started using tables on a regular basis, I've always wondered how much it actually hurts to go through them. Yeah, everyone knows chairshots suck and ladders are basically real.

But tables, especially pre-cut ones, seem to actually break the fall of the guy going through them. This seems especially true when you see guys going through multiple tables in spots where, if there were no tables, those guys would never be taking the bump. For example, I can't remember which match it was, but I remember Bubba Ray going through two tables on the outside off a ladder, where, had the tables not been there, he would've gone straight to the floor. It seemed like the tables were used more to protect BR than anything else.

Yeah, tables hurt, but pre-cut ones absolutely break the fall and absorb most of the impact.  However, there's been tons of injuries due to the impact of wood on body parts, so it's not like it's any less dangerous than anything else.  There was a gnarly injury to Bob Holly on one of the few ECW episodes I watched, where the metal support ring on the table broke off and cut the shit out of his back.  Plus you can break your neck if you hit at the wrong angle.  When the Dudleyz used to put people through tables as their gimmick, generally what would happen was Bubba would hold the victim in powerbomb position but not actually drive them through the table, instead keeping them in the air and taking the impact on his ass instead.  Visually impressive and totally safe.  Overall though, I've never been a huge fan of tables because the real ones are unsafe and once you know the trick behind the safe ones it loses all the mystery and coolness.  

Too hard on Benoit?

Hey, 15++ year reader, first time emailer.
I'm sure you've heard about the guy who killed his wife, small child, and himself on a gravel road near Saskatoon last week. But everything I've seen from both mainstream and social media has been very sympathetic towards the whole family. The common thread is "it's too bad this guy didn't get the help he needed."
It seems that much of the IWC hasn't given Benoit that same sympathy, yourself included. Any reasons for this?


Sure, Benoit was revealed to have a serious drug addiction, and much of his problems were brought on by his own needless abuse of his body, like taking unprotected chairshots to the head and other stupid stuff like that.  Plus his murders were executed over a two day period, with Benoit killing his wife, thinking about it for a while, and then killing his own son with his bare hands.  Yes, he was sick and in need of help, but there's a world of difference between a cry for help and being a cold-blooded murderer.  If he was truly repentant for his actions, he would have faced the law like a man instead of lying to his friends while everything was going on, and then killing himself like a coward.  

But maybe that's just me.

Plug The Hard Way

March and early April, all wrestling fans look forward to Wrestlemania. The Hard Way decided to devote an entire month to Vince McMahon’s wet dream of a pay-per-view. To further get into the WM fever, all of the top 5’s are based around WM. The top 5’s are the Best Wrestlemanias of all time, Best WM Matches of all time, the Undertaker’s best matches at WM and the best WM entrances ever. And don’t forget about the show’s predictions for Wrestlemania 28!
http://www.wrestlingringpost.com/2012/03/ complete-set-of-videos-from-hard-ways.html
Feel free to post this.