WCW Clash of the Champions 22: January 13, 1993

On Sunday Night, Cactus Jack left about 800 wrestlers for dead. Everyone, from jobbers all the way up to the World Champion were no match for Jack and his shovel. Are there going to be repercussions for the madman from New Mexico? Will Dustin Rhodes win the big one? Just what DID Erik Watts do to get arrested? And what the hell is a Thunder Cage? We hope to address this tonight, but being WCW, I’ll be happy if just one of these points is touched on.
Since this is 1993, Vader’s team is dubbed “THE EVIL TEAM” by the Unknown Voice Over. Shades of grey weren’t wrestling’s strongest suit in those days.
LIVE from Milwaukee, WI, TONY SCHIAVONE is joined by … BILL WATTS? This can’t possibly be our announce team. Watts gloats about teaming with The Crusher against Larry Hennig and Larry Zbyszko in Milwaukee shortly after founding father Soloman Juneau settled in the region in the early parts of the 19th century. Watts takes us through the state of the union; Van Hammer tore a guitar string and won’t be able to arm wrestle tonight. He’s being replaced by Vinnie Vegas for reasons. Meanwhile, his son Erik, who he says is “like a son” to him, told him he was arrested for no good reason at all. And because of this relationship, Bill believes him; but it needs to be investigated. As a result, he won’t be wrestling Cactus Jack. Wouldn’t an appropriate punishment be to have him wrestle Cactus Jack?

In the back, LARRY ZBYSZKO is with the aforementioned ERIK WATTS, and it becomes increasingly obvious that he’s been charged with stealing the wardrobe from the host of Nick Arcade.
 
Bill Watts is frustrated that his son can’t compete, but has a fair replacement: Johnny B Badd. Man, that’s a shockingly low opinion he has of the man who’s “like a son” to him.
JIM ROSS and JESSE VENTURA are the real announcers, though I don’t know if this is an improvement.
CACTUS JACK vs. JOHNNY B BADD
These guys actually have a little history, partnering together in the Lethal Lottery at Starrcade – but like all other Cactus Jack partners, Badd ate it like a champ. Ventura correctly points out that the audience has a shocking number of Cactus Jack signs, fallout from Sunday’s anti-hero face turn. Cactus misses an avalanche, and gets rolled up for 2. Badd works an armbar, but that doesn’t go very far, and Johnny gets punched in the head. Badd slams Jack’s face into the buckle, and cradles Cactus for 2. Up top, Badd misses a sunset flip, and Jack drops an elbow for the quick pin at 2:53. This should have been a completely one-sided squash; that was WAYYYYY too much offense for (at this point) useless Johnny. 1/2*
During the break, the greatest music video in the history of wrestling debuts. I’ve posted it before; but let’s go through it one more time. A group of naughty (black) kids refuse to go to school, despite the pleas of the (good) white kid, because they just want to play basketball. They continue to play, when a limo pulls up, and a large woman begin shrieking “EVERYBODY HERE COMES TOO COLD SCORPIO!” The basketball is whiffed with one of the worst looking air-balls I’ve ever seen, which is both necessary to take us to the next part of the video – but also subliminally highlight that these kids should probably focus on their studies since an NBA career is not in the cards. The ball takes a perfect bounce into the limo, and Scorpio bursts through the doors bouncing the ball – basically playing the Wesley Snipes version of the Kool Aid Man. He dunks, drawing high praise from the drop-outs. Scorpio asks why they’re not in school, and one of the delinquents tells him they’re off to the Arcade. Scorpio tells them Mortal Kombat is going to have to wait, they need an education, and he’s going to take them there. The kids perk up, thinking they’re about to hop in the limo, bathe in Dom, and toss around Benjamin’s like Floyd Mayweather. However, Scorpio immediately blue balls them and informs the group “we gonna step”. Then he dances with a bunch of sluts for some reason. This entire segment is Faces of Fear levels of amazing, and completely defines a generation. What that is, is really hard to say – but we’re going to assume it involves stepping.
2 COLD SCORPIO vs. SCOTTY FLAMINGO
It breaks my heart in knowing Flamingo has no shot in hell following that video, because any man willing to strap on those tiny pink bicycle shorts and thrust violently at whatever’s he hallucinating about deserves a rocket strapped to his back. Flamingo actually has the crowd support which pleases me greatly. Scorpio hits Flamingo with a springboard back elbow before whiffing on a kick that Flamingo sells by literally jumping backwards and out of the ring. Champ. Scorpio decks him with a big right hand off the apron, but Flamingo’s back in first and hits a dropkick to send Scorpio back to the outside. A plancha (!) connects, and Flamingo throws Scorpio back in for 1. Scorpio sneaks in a small package for 2, and that enrages Flamingo and his protruding penis. Scorpio keeps on, hitting a pair of dropkicks and Flamingo begs for a time out. Instead, he’s given a rotating splash off the top, but Flamingo kicks out at 2. A Stinger splash misses, and Scorpio eats buckle, allowing Flamingo to roll him up for 2. A dropkick from Scorpio sets up a legdrop, and the Diss That Don’t Miss finishes us off at 4:12. **
CHRIS BENOIT vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
This is Benoit’s WCW debut, and he’s introduced as a 7-year veteran by Ross to give him some credibility. Man did he age fast, he looks like a kid here, even though he’s in his mid 20’s. Benoit goes for an early powerbomb, but Armstrong rolls off the back and hiptossees Chris. A dropkick leads to an armbar to slow Benoit, who is an absolute ball of energy here. Benoit bridges loose and takes Armstrong down, winning a test of strength. Armstrong backdrops out, and goes back to the armbar. Chris finally has enough and counters into a hammerlock, but Armstrong dumps him through the middle rope, leading to another debut … the feathered mullet.
Back in, Armstrong plants Chris with a dropkick, and goes back to the armbar. I’m not sure keeping Benoit moving at a snail’s pace is the best way to show him off. Benoit shakes loose and goes for a Liontamer, but Armstrong won’t turn, so Benoit gives him a hot shot instead. Armstrong staggers on the apron, so Chris gives him a violent headbutt, and then nails him with a double jump clothesline drawing a massive pop! Armstrong crawls back in, and takes a clothesline so hard I’m surprised his head’s still attached. A backbreaker is followed with a scoop slam so hard that Armstrong bounces off the canvas like a basketball. Chris heads up, but Armstrong goes to cut him off. Benoit ain’t having that, headbutting Armstrong like a boss, and as soon as Brad falls, Benoit’s right behind him with the swandive. Still, Armstrong rolls away, and Brad hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Benoit immediately stands up and hits the Dragon Suplex for the win at 9:15! This was the tale of two matches, but as soon as Benoit got going, this was outstanding. It’s incredible they didn’t offer this guy a huge contract and immediately insert him into the US title picture, because he was ready, even at this point. ***
Meanwhile, TONY SCHIAVONE introduces a video package to highlight the reunion of the Rock n Roll Express. They’ve been tearing up Smokey Mountain Wrestling, but WCW’s arranged a one-time appearance for the new SMW tag-team champions to appear at Superbrawl. That’s a fantastic working partnership. I actually have the bulk of the SMW library on one of my hard drives … do I dare extend myself even thinner?
JESSE VENTURA excitedly hosts the latest in the Strongest Arm competition. The reigning champion is hurt, and the runner up, Ron Simmons, is in the main event – but we’re given Tony Atlas challenging … Vinnie Vegas. Apparently Vegas is being given this opportunity because he was eliminated unfairly from the tournament, since he is left handed. This is actually happening, isn’t it? Vegas, for the record, is sporting an incredible pair of pink hospital scrubs tonight. Jesse provides some scintillating play-by-play that I could not possibly top (“HERE COMES VINNIE VEGAS BACK! HE’S ROLLING THE DICE!”), and after roughly two and a half decades, Vegas wins. You know, even with the hindsight that Over the Top drew absolutely no money, WCW continues to run with this. Though, really, I’m secretly ok with that.
And speaking of things I’m totally ok with, VADER is screaming about Sting from inside a blizzard. He has a special challenge to present him with, but he wants to do it from inside his White Castle of Fear! Sting is promised a good time if he’s willing to live on the edge. I think this was Chapter 14 in 50 Shades of Vader.
LARRY ZBYSZKO covers the #1 contender tournament for the US title that’s been going on. Rhodes and Steamboat face off on Saturday Night, and will face Rick Rude on the 23rd … unless he’s too hurt to fight. If that’s the case, this weekend’s bout is for the strap. Fun!
THE WRECKING CREW vs. THE Z-MAN and JOHNNY GUNN
Rage and Fury make up the Wrecking Crew, but while Fury is probably not known to you, he has a couple of very famous brothers in Animal, and John Laurenitis. Rage is just the latest incarnation of The Reverend Al Green, who has not begun his beastial transition from 70’s Soul Singer to Dog. Ventura sums up his predictions: “I’ll take the two ugly guys!” That’s not very kind to Tom Zenk. Rage tries a press slam, but Zenk escapes and hits a cross body for 2. Team Powder Blue clear the ring, and while the Crew reground, Z-Man hits a tope on both! Gunn comes in and is held hostage by Rage, but he sidesteps the attack and Fury nails his own partner. Fury regroups and blasts Gunn with a forearm, but Gunn hits a quick faceplant and tags out. Zenk takes a gutwrench powerbomb to set up a spinning sidewalk slam, and Z-Man is reeling. Rage comes in and ties up a bit with the referee giving Z-Man a chance to hit a crossbody, but Rage hangs on and just drops him down into a slam. A second rope axehandle is blocked with the superkick, and Zenk makes the hot tag. Gunn cleans house, but Rage hits a cheap shot to set up the Wrecking Ball and the pin at 6:08. I always like a couple of lumbering, clumsy heels, and these guys will be exactly what the doctor ordered on the J-shows. *
LARRY ZBYSZKO has tracked down BRIAN PILLMAN and STEVE AUSTIN. Pillman promises that the champs are about to pay a hefty fine for carrying the gold, and guarantees a dynasty is about to kick off. I’m all in on the Hollywood Blondes era.
STING is welcomed to the arena by TONY SCHIAVONE to respond to Vader. He’s never walked away from an invitation in his life, and he certainly won’t walk away from the White Castle of Fear. DUSTIN RHODES and RON SIMMONS join Sting, and even though Van Hammer is too useless injured to join them tonight, they don’t feel any more short-handed than they did before he was hurt. Only Van Hammer could be double booked and STILL not let anyone down when he fails to appear.
Back in the locker room, LARRY ZBYSZKO is joined by VADERPAUL ORNDORFFBARRY WINDHAMHARLEY RACE, and the man who doesn’t need any partners to single-handedly win this match, THE BARBARIAN. Race doesn’t want to talk about the Thunder Cage because he’s so angry at Cactus Jack. Someday, he’s going to pay for “coming at me with a SCOOP … SHOVEL!” In fact, he doesn’t like anyone associated with Cactus Jack, and fires the Barbarian. The Barbarian lifts Race in a double armed chokehold because he’s the coolest man on the planet, but Vader cheap shots him from behind and Orndorff piledrives him. Race: “ONE MORE TIME!!!!” No one dares do it one more time, because there’s no reason to make the Barbarian any angrier than they already have. Just this stunt is going to cost everyone living in a small village their lives.
WCW airs a package on the history of Superbrawl because whatever The Barbarian is doing is definitely too graphic for your average viewer, and once they’ve managed to clean up the locker room, Larry’s retaken his post with RICKY STEAMBOAT and SHANE DOUGLAS. Steamboat promises that the dynasty is going to end before it begins. Douglas just wants to get to the ring and get it on. So does Chyna, quite frankly.
SHANE DOUGLAS and RICKY STEAMBOAT vs. STEVE AUSTIN and BRIAN PILLMAN (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
We’re on a 30-minute time limit given the TV limitations, but that seems asinine since there’s like 30 minutes left in the show and we have a Thunder Cage to see, assuming anyone survived the wrath of The Barbarian. I’m kinda amped to see this incredible collection of talent, and Shane Douglas, in one ring at the same time. Steamboat tries to end things early with a crossbody, but that just draws everyone in for a massive brawl. The faces clear the ring, and Austin’s not impressed at all. Back in, Steve offers the hand of friendship, but Steamboat slaps it away. Disrespect Austin and pay, and he beats the shit out of Steamboat. Pillman comes in, but Steamboat has his way with him, hiptossing and dropkicking him at will. Douglas and Steamboat tag in and out quickly, hitting one move at a time to Pillman’s arm, wearing him down. Pillman twists his knee and it looks like we may be throwing in the towel on this one early. Douglas cautiously checks it out … and takes a headbutt to the gut while Pillman laughs like a hyena. Pillman goes for a rana, but Douglas turns it into a slam for 2. Austin comes in but Douglas wrestles him right down to the mat. Steamboat helps keep Austin in the corner with a hammerlock slam, and a sunset flip from Douglas gets 2. Austin comes back with a handful of tights for 2, and gets into a test of strength. Neither wins, but Douglas rushes to the corner and bounces back with a second rope rear elbow for 2. Steamboat slams Douglas on Austin for 2, and when Pillman rushes to save his buddy, Steamboat slams Brian on Austin as well! Things calm down a little, and Austin inches his way back to his corner. Pillman decks Steamboat allowing Austin to hit a backdrop suplex, and Pillman tags himself in. A cheap shot draws in Douglas, and while the referee restrains him, Steamboat is thrown over the top rope where Austin happily slams him on the concrete floor! Dirty and delicious. Steamboat fights his way back to the apron and nearly suplexes Pillman to the floor, but Austin kicks Steamboat in the small of the back, and Pillman reverses to bring Steamboat back in for 2. The boys beat Steamboat like a pinada, and the longer he takes to spew forth candy, the harder they hit. A faceplant from Pillman is held on, and Steamer’s face is ground into the mat. Steamboat gets a surprise sunset flip, but Austin was busy chatting to the referee to get a count. Austin tags in as Steamboat desperately tries to karate chop his way loose, and JUST as it looks like he’s going to get out, Austin hits the backdrop suplex for 2! The crowd collectively gasped when Ricky was denied the tag, great spot. Austin works a reverse backbreaker, and Pillman makes the blind tag to attack … but Steamboat ducks and Pillman nails Austin! A springboard double karate chop knocks down both challengers, and Steamboat makes it oh so close before Pillman stops him. Steamboat hits him with a spinning suplex, and both guys are down. Pillman desperately tries to stop the tag, but Ricky makes it this time as the arena explodes, and Douglas destroys both guys. Pillman takes a belly to belly, but the referee is trying to keep the desperate Steamboat in his corner … and Austin drops a knee off the top rope! Pillman is rolled on top, but Douglas kicks out and the place is rocking now! Austin and Steamboat trade punches on the outside while the referee desperately tries to maintain order, but JUST as the referee starts dragging Steamboat back to his corner, Austin grabs a belt and sneaks in to blast Douglas upside the head with the sharp side of the gold! The referee was still paying attention though, and immediately disqualifies both guys at 13:43! The fans are positively rabid now, THRILLED the miserable bastards got caught. They don’t care though, as Pillman hits a DDT on Steamboat, while Douglas spurts blood from his forehead. Next, the belts are used to whip Steamboat, but BRAD ARMSTRONG leads a BRIGADE OF LOSERS to the ring to save the day. Austin and Pillman take the gold and parade around the ring, holding the belts as high in the air as they can. This is everything I could ever hope for from my favorite scumbags. ****
VADER and HARLEY RACE head to the ring to talk with JESSE VENTURA. Race gloats that Vader’s the greatest champion in history, but that draws out an irate RON SIMMONS. Simmons says the first time Vader lets his guard down, he’ll put him on his back. Race tries a sucker punch, so Simmons kicks his ass and then goes for Vader. A spinebuster takes out the champion, and Simmons turns back to the ramp to slaughter Race. Vader rushes in to save his manager, and jumps on the back of Simmons which HAS to smart! He splashes Simmons on the concrete, and attacks the injured shoulder with a pair of shoulderbreakers. STING and DUSTIN RHODES rush in to save their friend, but they’re way late. Simmons is out of the main event.
BARRY WINDHAM, PAUL ORNDORFF, and VADER (with Harley Race) vs. STING and DUSTIN RHODES (in a Come Dressed as You Are, handicap Thunder Cage match)
As it turns out, street clothes for Vader are exactly the same thing he wears all the time. I admire his dedication to the look. So, to answer what exactly a Thunder Cage is, it’s essentially a Hell in a Cell, but constructed like an upside-down deep fryer basket. Rhodes goes after Windham as you’d expect, but a blind tag surprises Windham, and he eats a face plant from Sting. Vader wants a piece of Sting, and tags in to go right after him. Sting is immediately overpowered, and Vader flexes to remind him he’s the man. Sting throws some desperate punches, but Vader starts throwing his giant clubs. Sting battles back and Vader starts rocking, so he quickly hits an atomic drop, followed by a DDT. The Stinger Splash has Vader wobbly, and Sting doesn’t relent, hammering with everything he’s got! The fans are loving Sting’s fight, but you know it this isn’t it, because here comes the heels. Sting fights them off, but Vader is able to recover and he hits the bear clap. Off the top, a clothesline drops Sting. Ross: “That defies logic! A 400 pound man should not be able to come off the top rope like that!” So, he opts to defy logic again, but his splash misses and Sting clotheslines him to the floor! The fans are rockin’, and Sting howls to them … completely missing that Orndorff has rushes him from behind, and Sting’s dropped with a German suplex! Vader officially tags Orndorff in, and he stomps Sting into a puddle. An elbow to the little Stinger (which Jesse reminds us is a legal blow in this match) brings in Windham, and he’s ready to dish a little violence. A vertical suplex is followed by a cheap shot to Rhodes. Dustin rushes in, and gets avalanched by Vader in the corner. Good job Dustin! Vader tags in, and crushes Sting with the avalanche as well before hocking a loogie at Rhodes. My man! A press slam, complete with Vader tossing Sting in the air as he benches him, keeps Sting down, and Windham comes in to hit his Superplex. Sting fights off the Superplex, which would have undoubtedly ended this, and gets the hot tag to Rhodes. Dustin fights with all 3 guys who have come into the ring now, and manages to beat them down briefly. Windham eats a corner clothesline, as CACTUS JACK rushes in with a pair of bolt cutters! He hacks his way through the lock, and welcomes himself to the fray – officially declaring himself on the side of the faces! Windham tries to stop him as Orndorff works over Rhodes, but he rips off his boot and starts clobbering all 3 guys! Vader avalanches Rhodes again, while Orndorff tosses Jack through the ropes, where he flies into the side of the cage and splats on the floor full force, as always. Sting is dumped, leaving Rhodes one on one with Orndorff. However, Cactus wills himself back in, and he comes off the top with the boot to the back of Orndorff’s head and scores the pin at 11:25! Sadly, this was rushed because TV time was at a premium and WCW didn’t think to cut out some of the unnecessary fat. **1/2
JIM ROSS wants a word with Jack, and the audience is fully behind this. Jack says for the last 9 years he’s been called a psycho, and a warped loser. He’s got a neck that hurts him every morning when he wakes up thanks to Orndorff, and he’s probably in over his head. His ribs hurt because Vader splashed him, and he knows he’s in over his head. However … you can beat him, you can hurt him, but you can’t stop him. “SO PAUL ORNDORFF, BRING IT ON! BRING EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY CUZ YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT!” The face turn is complete, and it looks like we have the first break-out main eventer of 1993.

I wasn’t expecting a ton out of this show given the clog of names like Van Hammer and Erik Watts being heavily advertised – but not only was the dead weight shoved aside for the most part, all of the young guys were given plenty of opportunity to shine, and shine they did. Austin is looking like a polished vet, Chris Benoit is a phenomenal new intense entry to the federation, and Mick Foley’s the second hottest commodity they’re riding (behind Sting). We’re off to an incredibly promising start to 1993, and it’s all up to WCW to take advantage.

Repost: The SmarK Rant for WCW Clash of the Champions XXXIII (08.15.96)

(Not a new post, as I did this one while going through the entire run of Clash shows last year after they got added to the Network.  But since we’re at that point, might as well post it again.)  The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions XXXIII (August 1996) Dedicated to the memory of Mark “OfficerFarva” Haas.  (I will also just add that I was going through my inbox tonight to continue my quest of cleaning out stuff that no longer applies or is too dated to answer, and I was saddened to have to archive a bunch of stuff from Mark, because he always had really good discussion material to add but I just couldn’t get to all of it.)  Live from Denver, CO Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan Into the nWo era now, shortly after Hogan won the title at Hog Wild, and it’s an entirely different promotion from the last Clash we saw. Hall and Nash are here, Hogan is a heel, Luger is 100% babyface and so are the Four Horsemen. Cruiserweight title: Rey Mysterio v. Dean Malenko Ever notice that Rey and Dean’s music are basically the same thing? Malenko attacks before the bell with a suplex and dumps Rey, but he slides back in and hits Dean with the rana off the apron. Back in, they trade acrobatics and Rey gets a moonsault for two and kicks Dean to the floor. Back in, Dean drops him on the top rope via a powerbomb to take over, and goes to a chinlock. We take a break to shill the official Hog Wild denim jacket (only $89.95!) and return with Dean flinging Rey around the ring until Rey flips into a rollup for two. Rey used to be so fun before all the steroids. Dean goes to the legbar and then launches him into a faceplant for two. Rey tosses Dean and follows with a somersault dive, then moonsaults off the railing in a spot that could have went horribly for him. Back in, springboard dropkick gets two. Rey reverses a tilt-a-whirl for two. West Coast Pop gets two. They fight on top and Dean gets the SUPER EXPLODING GUTBUSTER for the pin, but Rey’s foot is on the ropes. The ref rings the bell, but then takes it back and Rey rolls him up for the pin at 14:20 to retain. This is the time when the cruiserweight division launched into the stratosphere. ***3/4 GLACIER is coming, muthafucka! Keeping in mind this is August 1996 and he didn’t even show up on TV until, what, mid-97? VK Wallstreet v. Hacksaw Jim Duggan The VK Wallstreet gimmick was of course another oh-so-subtle dig at Vince McMahon and his mainstream aspirations. We all know who got the last laugh on that one. Wallstreet immediately makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence, resulting in Duggan beating on him in the corner. Wallstreet bails and gets a cheapshot to take over, and goes to the chinlock. Duggan fights out with a slam and tapes up the fist, but VKM rolls him up and grabs the tights at 3:46. ½* Meanwhile, the Nasty Boys are upset at getting passed over for title shots and people talking shit about them. Well, they can rest easy knowing Sags would soon get forced into early retirement anyway. Konnan v. Ultimo Dragon This could be ugly. Konnan slugs him down and wraps him up in a cloverleaf, but Dragon dropkicks him to the floor and Sonny Onoo gets some kicks in. Back in, Dragon with a moonsault into a cradle for two. German suplex gets two, but Konnan rolls him over and pulls the tights at 3:00 to finish. What agent let them do the same finish two matches in a row? * Meanwhile, Scott Norton attacks Ice Train to break up a Compuserve chat. He’s the ultimate internet troll! Meng v. Randy Savage Macho appears to be a no-show due to nWo beatdown, so Meng wins by forfeit. They show replays to emphasize the point, and Hogan’s chairshots didn’t improve any after WWF mercilessly mocked him on the Billionaire Ted skits. So with that out of the way, Mean Gene interviews the new improved Dungeon of Doom (Sullivan, the Faces of Fear, Hugh Morrus) and Kevin points out that he was trying to destroy Hogan all long and thus should be thanked by everyone. Oh, and then the Leprechaun runs around ringside (not to be confused with Hornswoggle) because WCW. Madusa v. Bull Nakano At least Bull had little worry about getting fired for doing coke in WCW. They practically gave it out at the door. Madusa misses a dropkick and gets tossed around the ring by the hair, but then gets greedy and beats on her with nunchuks. Somehow the ref misses this and the match continues. Madusa comes back with a bad bodypress, but Nakano sits on her for two. Bull goes up and Madusa dropkicks her to the floor and follows with a dive on Onoo. Onoo tries a kick to retaliate, but hits Nakano and Madusa rolls her up for the pin at 2:30. Really, three rollup finishes in a row? *1/2 Meanwhile, Ric Flair and his harem are ready for Hogan’s nonsense. Flair gets a great play off Hogan’s previous promo about how Hogan beat up his best friend by noting that he can’t beat up his own best friend, and neither can Hogan. Diamond Dallas Page v. Eddie Guerrero Last run for heel DDP before the nWo started courting him to lead to his face turn. Eddie gets a headscissors into a dropkick, but charges and hits the post to allow DDP to take over. Gutbuster and tilt-a-whirl slam gets two. Eddie fights back and hits the springboard senton for two, but Page powerbombs him for two. They fight to the top and Eddie shoves him off and finishes with a frog splash at 4:20 to win DDP’s Battlebowl ring. DDP offers a handshake, but then turns on him with a pair of Diamond Cutters to spoil Eddie’s glorious moment. ** Meanwhile, Hogan notes that Flair will be known in the ratings as the stupid little man who couldn’t get the job done. That would be some pretty specific quarter hour information. GLACIER is still kicking stuff! ROADHOUSE! Chris Benoit v. The Giant Very morbid on the Horsemen side, as Benoit and both his valets are gone. Giant was rapidly improving at this point, but this was a quick dropkick and chokeslam at 0:25. It is insinuated that Woman accidentally cost him the match, but I don’t think that went anywhere. This whole period is a blur for me, so I forget if she ended up turning on the Horsemen. WCW Tag titles: Harlem Heat v. The Steiner Brothers v. Sting & Lex Luger Luger gets beat up in the Heat corner but returns fire on Stevie Ray, then Rick Steiner lays both guys out with clotheslines and bulldogs Stevie for two. The Heat takes over on Rick and we take a break. Back with Rick powerslamming booker, but Sting tags himself in and hits a flying chop on Booker for two. Sting with a press slam for two. We get a shockingly boring heat segment with Luger pounding on Rick and nothing of note going on, until Scott comes in with a belly to belly on Lex and it’s a six-way donnybrook. In this commotion, Hall and Nash join us while Scott hits the frankensteiner on Booker, and Nick Patrick calls for the DQ in the middle of his count to screw the Steiners over at 13:00. So I guess it’s a no-contest? Who do you disqualify in a three-way match? *1/2 Nick Patrick gives an interview with Mean Gene afterwards, explaining his actions and sounding like Kenny Powers. WCW World title: Hulk Hogan v. Ric Flair So in the bizarre after-effect of Hogan’s heel turn, people are now cheering him again since the act was so incredibly hot and thus fresh again. Flair works a headlock and they trade taunts, but Hulk goes to work on the arm and Flair fights back with chops. More stalling from Hulk and they do a test of strength before Flair gets tossed out now. Geez, they’ve wrestled each other a zillion times, you’d think they could get something going here. Hogan slugs away in the ring, but Flair suplexes him and Hogan hulks up. The crowd goes nuts for this, so thankfully Hogan phased it out pretty quickly. Legdrop misses and Flair gets the figure-four, so Hogan throws the ref down and the Outsiders run in for the DQ at 8:04. Pretty brutal. * The Pulse Bunch of short, bad matches and TERRIBLE finishes here. Strong recommendation to avoid.

WCW Clash of the Champions 34: January 21, 1997

There was a time when the Clash of Champions was an event. The pinnacle of non-PPV happenings, it was a bridge between extended PPV lulls, and a means to kick off hot new feuds.

Of course, that was then, and this is now. The Clash of Champions is more of a hindrance than a necessity, with WCW simply filling out their obligations to the TBS timeslot. This one, in particular, was amongst the least promoted affairs I can ever remember, with Scott Hall vs Lex Luger vaguely mentioned on last night’s Nitro, and apparently Benoit and Sullivan will brawl as well, though it’s unlikely to top what we saw last night. Oh, speaking of, AWArulz was able to locate a solid copy of the wonderfully violent and uncomfortable match that I believed had no Internet presence at all. Enjoy!

We are LIVE from Milwaukee, Wisconsin – home of the CRUSHER! He is not mentioned by TONY SCHIAVONEDUSTY RHODES, or “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN. They ARE talking in depth about the “Domestic Dispute” that is Benoit and Sullivan. Oh boy.

DEAN MALENKO vs. THE ULTIMATE DRAGON (with Sonny Onoo) (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)

This is a return from last night, but if you don’t remember it, I don’t blame you since they were given about 6 seconds and no ring entrances. MIKE TENAY’s Cruiserweight Sniffing Dogs begin barking uncontrollably, causing Iron Mike to come tripping over himself and face planting into the announce table to call this one. Mike, I love the passion, but Dusty’s fine on his own, I promise. Sure, he might call the occasional plancha a “jumparoo”, and a spinning heel kick might be confused with a “didja see that Toneh?” But the man’s a veteran, he is not to be trifled with by these young (old) Internet lucha-nerds. In fact, he immediately shows why I offer my undying support, by talking about Dragon’s manager “Sonny Bono”. Dusty, I got you babe. Dragon works a leg-lock as we take our first commercial break.

Malenko’s showing a little fire when we get back, accentuated with a standing brainbuster for 2. Dragon responds by kicking him around like a European football. After a quick powder, Malenko leaps back into this with a backdrop suplex, and grapevines the leg. Dusty speculates this might be a setup to the Cloverleaf. He might be on to something, because Malenko moves to a half crab. Dragon kicks Malenko in the face repeatedly, but that doesn’t work so he uses the road more travelled by simply grabbing the rope. Malenko thinks that’s cool, and drops him with a single leg atomic drop. Dragon throws a couple of shots, so Deano dumps him to the floor and stomps the leg which is draped over the top of the guardrail. Back in, he goes for a Figure Four, but he can’t fully hook it. Upon release, Dragon hits a spinning heel kick and heads upstairs, but Malenko’s barely rattled and cuts him off. A superplex draws a HUGE pop, and a victory roll gets 2! Dragon tries one of his powerful kicks, but Malenko blocks and goes for a powerbomb – except Dragon rolls through and gets 2!! A dropkick sends Malenko to the floor, and he’s right behind with a … well, Malenko sidesteps but Dragon lands on his feet and whips Dean to the guardrail. Asai moonsault is right behind, and Sonny, sensing victory, portrays a desperate stereotype. Back in, a suplex sets up a moonsault, but Malenko kicks out at 2. I think everyone thought that was it. Dean is placed on the top, and a super Frankensteiner is on point. Dragon Suplex is attempted, but Malenko escapes and goes for the Cloverleaf. Dragon escapes quickly, but he takes a tigerbomb! Sonny gets involved, so Malenko decks him, turns back, and applies the Cloverleaf in the centre of the ring! With nowhere to go, Dragon taps and we have a NEW Cruiserweight champion at 13:06! He’s your first ever 3-time champion, which makes sense since he’s also the only 2-time champion. Good match, but Dragon’s lack of selling the body-parts is starting to get to me. When he missed the dive and landed on his feet on the floor, his legs should have buckled and put Malenko back in charge, but like Starrcade, he simply ignored all the work involved with getting them to that point. ***

MIKE ENOS vs. SCOTTY RIGGS

I’m sorry, say what? I didn’t agree to this on my Clash of Champions. The Clash should be used for only the biggest stars. Take for example my personal favorite event, Clash 7, where we were treated to the likes of Ranger Ross, Norman the Lunatic, AND the Ding Dongs. Riggs wins with a forearm smash at 2:27. Riggs promises to bring Marcus Bagwell his “heart and soul” at this weekend’s PPV. Scotty, as a man who endured many a heart break in my late teens and early 20’s, listen to me: the biggest favor you can do yourself is to let it go. Bringing Bagwell your heart is only going to lead to further pain. It’s time you went out and mingled, tried out some new friends, see what works. You might be surprised. This is why Tinder was created. And tequila. DUD

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND takes us to a break in the action, introducing ARN ANDERSONCHRIS BENOITWOMANMONGO MCMICHAEL, and DEBRA MCMICHAEL. Gene says he spied them in a high end Chicago restaurant conducting business, and wants the scoop. The fans, on the other hand, make it clear that they want Flair. Benoit calls himself a wolverine, who takes what he wants when he wants. He’s already taken Kevin Sullivan’s wife, and now he wants his career. Mongo, to no surprise, draws the most heat since they’re in Wisconsin. He calls them a bunch of Limburger Losers. Ease up, Steven. Debra takes over, which gets Benoit, Woman, and Arn to take off in irritation. As soon as they leave, she starts talking smack about Woman.

KONAN, MR. JL, and LA PARKA vs. CHRIS JERICHO, SUPER CALO, and CHAVO GUERRERO JR.

What kind of acid trip did the bookers take before putting THIS combo together? Mike Tenay starts screaming about Lucha-Libre, but only 3 of these guys are from Mexico; assuming we are still on the story that Konan is to Mexico what Hulk Hogan is to America, and NOT that he lives in a cave with Kevin Sullivan, Jimmy Hart, Maxx, Hugh Morrus, and the Faces of Fear. Have JL and Parka taken the abandoned rooms of Bubba and Giant? I’m going to assume that Konan moved in to the Giant’s room, because there’s little doubt in my mind he had the penthouse. Leprechaun slept on a rock, so unless they’re prepared to offer a spot to Mascarita Sagrada (who was last seen crooning with Todd Pettengill on Another Channel), he’s very unlikely to be replaced. And, let’s face it, a wrestling skeleton WOULD make a fine addition to the Dungeon. On the other team, somehow Chris Jericho has been paired with a couple of guys I don’t remember ever having him maintain any kind of previous relationship with. I would at LEAST appreciate some sort of backstage segment where they cross paths, and Jericho compliments Calo on his immovable hat. Unless, of course Calo isn’t in fact a Mexican, but a Canadian Store Mannequin named Jeff who reverts to his plastic state of matter when the hat is removed from his head. Let’s not be quick to rule it out; I’ve never seen Calo without some sort of headgear. And THAT would make sense, because Jericho is also Canadian, and possibly met him during a shopping trip. Calo IS wearing a toque tonight, lending further credence to my Canadian theory. Anyway, everyone here dove on each other before Jericho eventually pinned JL with a Super Frankensteiner at 5:29. **

HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri) vs. JOE GOMEZ and THE RENEGADE

WCW cuts the entrances out of this one, which is both the first match to lack entrances tonight, but ALSO the first with black wrestlers (DNA tests on Scotty Riggs pending). Sonny, take notes. I’d be hard pressed to find another Clash with so many pointless jobber matches. Honestly, I could paste this lineup as a Worldwide card, and you’d have no reason to doubt me. Booker hits an axekick, howls at the moon, but misses a guillotine on Gomez. Renegade gets the hot tag, and is immediately dropped with a clothesline. Heat Seeker finishes for the former champs at 3:44. I’m thinking the only way Renegade has a shot of ever winning again is if he decides to start shooting, but he’d probably only wind up hurting himself. 1/2*

MASAHIRO CHONO vs. ALEX WRIGHT

They booked this show 48 minutes ago, didn’t they? Did only 30 wrestlers show up tonight, leaving them with virtually no options? Can we expect to see Gambler make his Clash debut? Please? NICK PATRICK takes his spot as the designated referee, complete with the nWo shirt because any hopes at subtlety are long out the window at this point. A spinning heel kick gets about a 14 count in real time, but only 1 and a half from Patrick. A small package yields the same. The fans are ready to revolt, not because they give a damn about Wright or anything, but because it’s been 6 months of this now with absolutely no comeuppance from WCW. They have no recourse, and the results are never in doubt, which is getting aggravating from a viewer standpoint. Wright finally has enough and kicks Patrick in the knee, but he refuses to call a DQ since Chono hits a superkick and scores the pin at 4:29. ENOUGH. -***

EDDIE GUERRERO vs. SCOTT NORTON

Nick Patrick stays in the ring, just in case you had any hope of watching anything entertaining tonight. This is Bischoff’s problem on the whole; once he sees something that he thinks is BRILLIANT, he’ll beat it into the ground. And, despite the fact that this Patrick nonsense is already getting under my skin, it’s only going to get worse. Expect large mood fluctuations. Eddie doesn’t manage to make a whole lot happen, because Norton no-sells virtually everything. Tony applauds the nWo’s acquisition of Norton, because he might have been one of the WCW guys to stand tall against them. A standing vertical suplex sees Eddie just get dropped with no effort, and a powerslam has Norton screaming about “NWO STYLE!” No, nWo style would have featured 40 run ins, and 3 minutes of Bischoff vigorously masturbating. Eddie plays possum while Norton decides to go up top for like the first time ever, and Eddie cuts him off with uppercuts. A super rana takes the man down, but Norton dodges a senton bomb. Norton throws a shoulerblock spear that accidentally takes out both Guerrero and Patrick, and DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE sneaks in from the crowd to drop Norton with a Diamond Cutter and a HUGE pop! Frog Splash forces Patrick’s hand, because Norton is simply NOT kicking out, and Eddie scores the pin at 6:39. All my previous complaints still stand; one anomaly does not make up for the other 100 matches we need to endure to get there. *

THE GIANT calls Hogan a “four legged feline”. … oh.

10 Exciting Winners have been Randomly Selected to attend Superbrawl! And, because you’re not paying for this show (not that this would stop them), Tony takes the time to slowly read them off one at a time as opposed to have an intern call them at home. I don’t want to suggest that this is in fact rigged, but I find it unlikely that 10 different states had winning entrants. Arkansas has like a quarter of an electoral vote, but somehow they’ve got enough firepower to have someone on their way to Superbrawl? This is the most suspicious I’ve felt about a lottery since the Pittsburgh Penguins, on the verge of bankruptcy, miraculously landed Sidney Crosby.

KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS BENOIT (with Woman) (in a Falls Count Anywhere match)

The intensity is turned down a little tonight, as both guys are able to get through complete entrances without a single punch being thrown. Sullivan calls for Benoit to start on the floor, and Chris obliges. Right through the crowd they go immediately, throwing stiff potato shots at each other as they wade through the ocean of bodies. Through the concession area and into the bathroom, and Benoit is thrown face first through the paper towel dispenser. He lies in front of the row of urinals, and Sullivan smashes Benoit’s head with the dispenser. Jesus!!! Benoit feeds it right back with a trashcan that flies errantly into Jimmy Hart! The referee makes his counts with one foot in the urinal; there simply isn’t enough Purell for this! Chris is thrown head first into the vent, and these guys are taking all shots full tilt. Back into the arena, both guys drenched in urinal from the filthy ass gents who can’t control their stream, Benoit is thrown down about 30 rows of stairs!! He usually does them about 5 at a time, but tonight … good LORD. In the ring, Sullivan’s in control and looks to win his second in a row. Chris is tied to the tree of woe, and the running knee connects with Benoit’s kidneys. The double stomp is on point, but Benoit kicks out! I think he might be the first guy to escape that move. Hart loses his shit, and starts screaming bloody murder at the referee, allowing Woman to enter and wallop Sullivan in the head with a wooden chair! Benoit, breathless, rolls over and gets the pin at 5:12! As if enough damage hasn’t been done to the old man, Benoit grabs the chair again and SHATTERS it over Sullivan’s head! These guys are stupid ridiculous; and while the template remains the same every single time, you can’t deny their drive to kill each other, be it with violence, or a bad case of CMV. ****


THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (with Colonel Robert Parker) vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS

Parker’s donned his Colonel Klink gear tonight, and vows to show the world what Canadians are made of. Please, a real French Canadian would have already chain-smoked their way through a half-pack of MacDonalds. The boys try to sing the anthem, but Steinerized cuts them off because there’s no respect for la Belle Province in ‘Murica. Won’t WCW be sorry when they try and seek sponsorship from Jean Coutu. The voices of THE OUTSIDERS take over the arena and taunt the Steiners; vowing to finish them if the “Molson Canadians” in the ring don’t do it tonight. This is Scott’s return to the ring after an extended injury, and he’s developed a leather fetish during his off-time. Tony applauds the new look … hmmmmmmm. Tony has about 3 months to decide if he wants to become the face of celebrity homosexuality; or Ellen’s gonna beat him to it. Choices abound. While Tony mulls it over, we take a commercial break.

In our time away, the Canadians took over the offense while Tony took a vow of personal silence. The Quebec Crash looks to finish, but Rick rolls away and Ouellette sells hard. Rougeau punches Scotty in the face to prevent a tag, but that gives Rick the time he needs to get to his feet and hit a running clothesline. Scott gets the tag, and he’s got the beats for anything French. Noggin knocker sends Rougeau out, and Ouellette gets launched with an overhead belly to belly. Rougeau grabs the hybrid flag but misses his swing and Scott punches him in the face. A cradle DDT delivered from off the shoulders of Rick is enough to get the pin (and probably kill the big man!), and the Steiners win at 4:12. **

SCOTT HALL (with Kevin Nash and Syxx) vs. LEX LUGER

Dusty hilariously freaks out during Luger’s fireworks, because he thinks he’s caught on fire from errant sparks. Dusty is of course mistaken, as Tony’s the only flaming in the announce booth. Luger takes a toothpick to the eyes, but before Hall can even chuckle, Luger’s locked up with him and has him shoved to his ass. HEAR HIM ROAR! Hall hits a backdrop suplex to turn it around, and he happily wipes his hands of this mess, missing the fact that Luger’s already back on his feet and screaming again. Hall hits a top rope bulldog for 2, but it’s enough to stop Lex’s adrenaline rush. Hall throws a series of shoulderblocks, but Luger stops that with a short-armed clothesline. Hall comes right back with a chokeslam, but misses the follow up elbowdrop. Luger pounds away, so Hall pulls him by the tights to launch Lex to the outside. Nash is there, and runs Luger over like a Diesel tanker. Back in, Hall maintains control, and Nash gives an assist by distracting the referee, which allows Syxx to clothesline Luger. Hall tries a pin with his feet on the ropes, but only gets 2. Hall chokes Lex in the ropes, so when the referee reads him the riot act, Nash rushes in and punches Luger in the face. A fallaway slam gets 2, so Nash tries to intimidate the referee to make him count faster. Hall locks on the abdominal stretch, and uses the ropes to increase the leverage. He’s eventually caught, and Luger hiptosses him off. Lex tries to follow up with an elbowdrop, but Hall rolls away and drops Luger with a discus punch. Luger slides outside the ring, and that catches Hall off guard – giving Lex the chance to sweep out his legs and crotch him against the ring post! Luger re-enters with a slingshot dropkick (!), and hits a quartet of atomic drops! Running clothesline has the fans amped, but a poke to the eyes from Hall stops their momentum. Luger wins them right back with a powerslam, and he decides it’s time for the Rack! He disposes of Nash and Syxx who try to interfere, puts it on … but Nash comes back in! Luger drops the hold, and hits a running clothesline on Kevin. Nash takes a pounding, but now Hall’s back on top. Syxx jumps off the top with an early version of the Curb Stomp, and the referee finally calls for the DQ at 10:34. **

Nash nails a big boot, but THE STEINERS rush the ring and go right after the tag-team champs. All 6 guys brawl back and forth, and it leads to Team WCW standing tall as the nWo retreat. Luger REALLY should be fighting for the World title, I have no idea why he’s continued to be ignored in the war against Hogan. Will the nWo finally lose a battle at their own PPV this Saturday? Don’t bank on it – but join me for it anyway.

Ring of Honor Night of Champions March 22, 2003

March 22, 2003

From the Murphy Rec Center in Philadelphia, PA

Your hosts are Ray Murrow and Chris Levy

We see a clip that is sent in from backstage at the 3/15 Zero One show as Corino is in the shower and dares Christopher Daniels to cast the first stone.

Jody Fleisch interrupts the Special K rave to let them know that he has a match with Low Ki tonight and does not want to get his ass kicked as he denies their offer of drugs. Mikey Whipwreck is partying with Special K wearing a sombrero and demands the DJ play some rock n’ roll instead of techno and the rock music disturbs the other members of Special K.

Christopher Daniels is with Xavier and Alison Danger. Daniels has the FWA Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder and tells Doug Williams that he beat him at “Glory by Honor” then again two weeks ago as he won the belt. Daniels challenges Williams tonight for the #1 Contender’s Trophy and the FWA Title and if Daniels wins, he can also be allowed to shake hands in RoH again. Xavier tells Samoa Joe since Low Ki beat Joe and he beat Ki, he will beat Joe tonight and retain his title. At the end, Daniels asks Xavier if he is sure that he is ready for his match and Xavier says that he is indeed ready.

Matt Stryker vs. BJ Whitmer vs. Alex Arion vs. Dixie w/ Hijinx & Lit

Stryker and Whitmer start off the match by working the arm then they take it to the mat. Solid action from these two. They end in a standoff after a reversal sequence that draws an applause from the crowd. Whitmer tags Dixie, who pokes Stryker in the chest. Stryker works the arm then takes Dixie down with an European Uppercut. Dixie catches Stryker with a few armdrags and a leg lariat but Stryker blocks a monkey flip and tosses Dixie halfway across the ring. Arion tags and suplexes Dixie for a nearfall. Leg drop gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Whitmer makes a blind tag and holds up Arion but gets dropkicked by accident. Arion puts Whitmer in an armbar then Whitmer fights back but Stryker makes the blind tag. Arion clotheslines Stryker then hits a dropkick and a super kick. Stryker fights back and gets nearfalls with a powerslam and a backbreaker. Whitmer tags and targets the back of Arion. Dixie tags and tries to work the arm but Arion fights back. Both men collide when they attempt cross body blocks and are down on the mat. Both men tag as Stryker and Whitmer trade chops then knock the other guys off of the apron. They slug it out until Stryker hits a Death Valley Driver. Dixie breaks up the pin then hits Stryker with the Kryptonite Krunch neckbreaker and Arion makes the save and hits a Splash Mountain. Stryker slams down Arion then puts Arion in an ankle lock but Dixie breaks that up with a botched top rope hurricarana. Whitmer comes in then hits Dixie with the Exploder 98 for the win (11:26) **1/4.

Thoughts: Average match that was really only interesting when Whitmer and Stryker faced off. Arion was bland even by RoH standards and his ring work was decent but that was all. Whitmer by far had the most potential out of these guys.


Quiet Storm & Spanish Announce Team vs. Izzy & Deranged & Angel Dust w/ Mikey Whipwreck

Special K attacks their opponents from behind after they were distracted by Whipwreck to set up this match. Storm hits Deranged with the Spinal shock then Jose beats on Angel Dust and heads up top for an elbow drop. Izzy distracts the ref and Whipwreck slams Jose throat first against the guardrail. Storm & the SAT’s hit a contrived but cool looking triple-team move on Izzy that gets a standing ovation. Then, the SAT’s nearly break the neck of Angel Dust with a top rope move. Fuck, that was dangerous. Special K takes control of the match and are kicking Storm in the back. The SAT’s clean house as Deranged takes a crazy bump to the floor. Back in the ring, Jose hits Deranged with rolling brainbusters but Angel Dust breaks that up. Storm comes in and hits Angel Dust with the Storm Cradle Driver but Izzy makes the save. Joel then hits Izzy with six straight powerbombs. Brian XL and Hydro run up on the apron and put the sombrero on the ref’s head to distract him as Whipwreck hits all of his former students with the Whippersnapper as Angel Dust covers for the win (6:24) *3/4. After the match, Slugger comes in and hits Quiet Storm with the Bodybag then a second black guy in a suit with glasses comes in the ring and they have a staredown, with the other guy noticeably bigger.


Thoughts: Short match that had a few cool moves. The staredown at the end was the most interesting thing that took place here.


Ronnie from Atlas Security and Gabe Sapolsky order Homicide’s friends from last week (Julius Smokes & Louie Ramos) to calm down.

Dunn & Marcos vs. Backseat Boys

Acid comes down to the ring and has some ugly chicks put dollar bills down his pants. The Backseat Boys outsmart their opponents then hit them with stereo dropkicks. Dunn & Marcos fight back after mocking the Backseat Boys but that doesn’t last long as the Boys fight back. The crowd is really digging the Backseat Boys here. Outside the ring, Dunn hits Kashmere with a delayed vertical suplex while Acid is taking care of Marcos in the ring. Dunn comes in and they double team Acid. Dunn gets two with a top rope elbow drop and they celebrate as they are in control. Marcos gets dumped to the floor as the Boys hit Dunn with the Dream Sequence. Marcos flies in but gets caught and dumped with an H-Bomb. The Backseat Boys use some more double-team moves then Marcos blocks the T Gimmick as they rollup the Boys for two. Dunn gets knocked down then the Boys hit Marcos with the T Gimmick onto Dunn for the win (5:19) **. After the match, Acid gets on the mic and says that they are the best team in the world. Solid mic work from Acid here and its a shame that drugs ruined him before he got a shot in TNA or WWE. The Boys head backstage then encounter Da Hit Squad who say that he have to go through them first.

Thoughts: Not bad and a good showcase for the Backseat Boys, who definitely had potential. Dunn & Marcos where solid RoH-level jobbers, actually.


FWA Heavyweight Championship & RoH #1 Contender’s Match
Doug Williams vs. Christopher Daniels w/ Alison Danger

The winner of this match gets a title shot on the April 26th show. Match starts with a shoving match then they trade rollups as Daniels ducks outside as the crowd applauds. Back inside, Williams takes control and works the arm. Daniels escapes and grabs a headlock that Williams eventually counters with a back suplex. Williams targets the neck with all sorts of strikes and holds. Daniels comes back and hits a gutbuster then a slam. Daniels hits a slingshot elbow drop that gets two. Daniels is targeting the ribs then sends him to the floor with a leg lariat. They have an exchange on the floor but Daniels sends Williams into the post then once again targets the ribs of Williams. Daniels slaps Williams in the face a few times but misses a charge in the corner. Williams hits a high knee but gets caught with a knee to the ribs as Daniels covers for two then goes back on offense. Williams comes back with another high knee then rolls through a top rope double stomp and after a reversal sequence, murders Daniels with a lariat as both men are down. They battle for a bit then Williams hits a tornado DDT but takes a long time to make the cover and only gets two. Williams misses a charge and Daniels hits him with a STO then calls for a moonsault but Williams takes him down and puts him in a crossface. Daniels fights out then hits the Best Moonsault Ever but Williams is able to kick out at two. They trade chops and slaps until Daniels catches Williams with an Uranage then puts Williams in the Koji Clutch. Williams escapes then they reverse each others finishers. Williams puts Daniels in a swinging Cobra Clutch then hits Daniels on the back of the neck with a top rope knee drop for two. Daniels fights back and goes for the Angels Wings but that gets blocked and Williams ducks a swing and is able to hit Daniels with the Chaos Theory for the win (19:12) ****.

Thoughts: Excellent match. Some fine technical wrestling was on display here too. The downfall of the Prophecy continues.


CW Anderson, Samoa Joe, and Simply Luscious head down to the ring. Ramos & Smokes are yelling at them from behind the guardrail and Smokes ends up pulling down his pants and mooning Anderson. Security then orders them out then Jack Victory makes an appearance and beats them up as Rob Feinstein comes out with the announcers mention how Victory is not associated wit RoH. Homicide and Da Hit Squad run out and brawls with Anderson then they have a six-man tag match.

CW Anderson & Samoa Joe & Jack Victory vs. Homicide & Da Hit Squad

Everyone is brawling outside as the match starts. Mack and Joe are in the ring as Joe hammers away. Mack comes back with a clothesline but Joe takes him down with an enziguiri. Mafia and Joe have an exchange of strikes that ends with Mafia hitting a German suplex. Anderson comes in and Mafia clotheslines him down but Victory punches him from the apron. Homicide beats on Anderson then Joe comes in and hits him. Da Hit Squad beat on Joe. Anderson eventually hits Mafia with a spinebuster then Joe flies outside and hits Mafia with a tope. In the ring, Homicide and Anderson are going at it as this match is way too unfocused. Luscious is raking the eyes of Da Hit Squad then drags Becky Bayless from behind the guardrail and roughs her up. In the ring, Homicide takes Luscious and hits her with the Cop Killer but Anderson sneaks up from behind and hits a shoulder breaker then puts him in an armbar. The announcers let us know that the rest of the wrestlers in the match are brawling backstage but Victory comes back with a garbage can and Anderson sends Homicide through that as the ref rules the match a DQ (7:09) 3/4*. Ramos, Smokes and some other thugs, one of which has a machete, run out and clear the ring. They help Homicide to the back and leave as Smokes is flipping out.

Thoughts: Bad match. Everything felt unfocused as there was just too much going on. This was a set-up for a match at the next show though.


Gary Michael Cappetta is with Doug Williams, who promises that the next time he is in the U.S. he will take the RoH Championship.

Mase & Hotstuff Hernandez vs. Carnage Crew

Mase lets us know that Buff E couldn’t make it tonight because his “ass hurts too much.” Hernandez comes to the ring wearing a feathered boa. Hernandez starts the match by destroying the Carnage Crew with power moves. Loc hits Mase with a German suplex then yells about “faggots” then the Carnage Crew use double team moves on Mase. DeVito gets hit with a Thesz Press as Mase grinds his crotch on DeVito’s face. Hernandez yells at the ref and puts him in the corner but the Carnage Crew hit him from behind. Hernandez pops back up and ends up hitting them with a double DDT. He then rallies behind Mase as he makes the tag and runs wild on the Carnage Crew. He hits DeVito with the Dominator then catches Loc and hits a spiral bomb. He dumps the Carnage Crew then flies out over the top rope with a suicide dive that has the crowd going nuts. DeVito puts Hernandez on the guardrail with a spinebuster then hits him with a chair. In the ring, the Carnage Crew corner Mase and hit him with the spike piledriver for the win (6:29) *1/2. After the match, Buff E runs in and makes the save for Mase.

Thoughts: Hernandez really looked impressive here. He also stood out among everyone else on the roster due to his massive physique. The fans were really starting to dig him by the end too.


RoH Tag Team Title Match
AJ Styles & Amazing Red w/ Alexis Laree vs. Briscoe Brothers

Red and Jay work a nice back-and-forth sequence to start. Mark tags and works a bit with Red until AJ tags and ground Mark. These two work an impressive reversal sequence that ends with AJ hitting a release German suplex. Mark comes in and Red super kicks him as AJ hits Mark with a German then they take out the Briscoe’s with Stereo somersault planchas. Back in, Mark catches AJ with an overhead throw then the Briscoe’s double team AJ for a bit. AJ comes back and hits a gutbuster/backbreaker combo then hits Mark with a Death Valley Driver. Red tags and hits Mark with a flying elbow drop for two. He boots Mark in the face but gets caught by Jay with a springboard missile dropkick after he made a blind tag. Red hits Jay with the Brain Damage but that only gets two. AJ tags and hits a delayed brainbuster for two. AJ hits all sorts of crazy moves on Mark but is unable to put him away. Jay then catches AJ with a powerbomb and they go back and forth until Jay cuts off AJ on the top rope. Jay goes for the super Ace Crusher but AJ turns it into a back suplex in midair as both men are down. Red tags and dropkicks Jay to the floor then hits Mark with the Red Star Press after a Mafia Kick but that only gets two. Jay attacks Red from the apron as Mark knocks Red down with a lariat. Jay tags and slams Red before applying a chinlock. Red runs into a boot to the face then Jay knocks AJ off the apron as the Briscoes neutralize Red. Jay turns Red inside out with a clothesline then Mark distracts the ref so he does not see Red make the tag as the Briscoes continue to beat on Red. Finally, Red fights back and takes down both Briscoes before making the tag. AJ runs wild on the Briscoes. AJ and Jay have a battle of chops then Red and Mark go for Shining Wizards at the same time and collide. Jay clotheslines AJ to the floor then blocks a Code Red attempt with a DDT but AJ is able to make the save. He hits the Briscoes with an inverted DDT/ Guillotine combo that gets two. Jay and AJ counter each others finishers until Jay hits a Falcon Arrow. Red makes the save then cuts off Jay on top with a spin kick and heads up and hits a Super Code Red but Mark makes the save just in time. Mark is up top but gets cut off by AJ ,who then alley-oops Red and that gets turned into a hurricarana and AJ ends up catching Mark off of that and hits the Styles Clash for the win (16:43) ****1/2. Man, that was an awesome finish.

Thoughts: Phenomenal match and a legit MOTYC candidate. Definitely try to seek this match out. The Briscoe’s first match as a team in RoH was a great one.


Jody Fleisch vs. Low Ki

This match is taking place as Ki wants to teach respect to everyone in Special K. Ki takes Flesich down and works him over, mixing in the occasional strike. The crowd is really into Ki here. Ki no-sells a kick then they work a fast-paced reversal sequence that ends in a standoff. Impressive stuff. Ki takes Flesich over with a side headlock. They battle over a test of strength then Ki goes down and locks Flesich’s arms while his legs are wrapped around his head in a unique submission hold. Flesich comes back with an inverted hurricarana then a springboard dropkick. Ki is outside as the fans are going nuts for him then he hits Ki with a springboard Shooting Star Press that got a lot of height. Back inside, Fleisch gets two with a split-legged moonsault. Flesich kicks Ki in the neck then hammers away and taunts him with slaps. Ki comes back and hits a springboard kick in an awesome sequence and that gets two. He chops Fleisch in the corner then gets two with a double underhook suplex with a bridge. Flesich hits a spinning heel kick then gets two with a corkscrew body press. He tries the 720 DDT but Ki catches and puts him down then Fleisch locks on an armbar. Ki lifts him up and hits Fleisch with a Krush Rush then follows that with a rolling Koppu Kick. Ki hits Fleisch with a barrage of kicks as the crowd is loving this match. Ki beats on Fleisch but misses the Tidal Crush and gets hit with a German Suplex. Ki stretches out Fleisch, who just barely makes the ropes. They trade chops and that ends Ki hitting a Yakuza kick. Fleisch comes back with an enziguiri after a disjointed sequence as both men are down. Fleisch gets two with a victory roll but Ki powerbombs him after that and gets two with a bridge. Ki blocks a tilt-a-whirl headscissors attempt by sending Fleisch into the corner. He sets Fleisch on the top rope then eventually takes him off with a Tidal Crush that has Fleisch fall to the floor. Fleisch fits back from the air then hits a springboard Shooting Star piledriver that sounds a lot better than it looked. Ki rolls ourside as Fleisch brings him back in and covers but is only able to get two. Fleisch prepares for the 720 DDT but Ki is unable to get to his feet. Fleisch drags Ki to the corner and softens him up. Fleisch gets up top and brings Ki with him but Ki fights back. He kicks Fleisch a few times then hits him with a Super Ki Krusher that definitely warrants the “holy shit” chant from the crowd. It looked like they were going to fall off before the move too. Ki eventually covers and gets the win (19:35) ***3/4

Thoughts: Very good match that would have been better if not for Fleisch’s sloppiness as a worker. He had some rough spots here but this was still a good effort on his part. The finish was insane.




Backstage, the Special K dance party is going on strong as Fleisch limps back. They drip some drugs on his tongue and that wakes Fleisch right up and he starts dancing.

CM Punk and Ace Steel are in the ring. Punk runs down the crowd and does a damn fine job at that. e mocks the crowd as he does not wake up hungover next to disgusting women or work for a boss that he hates then runs the crowd down for going to church on Sunday’s and praying to a god that does not exist. Raven and Colt Cabana then come out as Raven cracks a joke about Punk waking up at the Neverland Ranch then basically runs down Punk for being an indy scrub. Punk finishes by saying he has beaten Raven at his game once and he will embarrass him again then tells Cabana he should be ashamed at himself for wrestling against his trainer (Steel).

Raven’s Rules Match
CM Punk & Ace Steel vs. Raven & Colt Cabana


Raven and Punk continue on the mic after the bell rings. Everyone keeps tagging out as Punk tries to avoid Raven. Steel and Raven start off as Raven works the arm. Raven tosses Steel down then beats him with a trashcan lid. Cabana tags but Steel knocks him down. Punk tags and catches Cabana with a leg lariat for two. He then chokes out Cabana in the corner but misses a charge. Cabana comes back with a running double knee strike then tags Raven but Punk runs outside. Raven chases him around but Steel hits him with a chair then sends him into the guardrail with a Russian leg sweep. Back inside, Punk hammers away on Raven in the corner. Suplex gets two. Punk puts on an Indian Death Lock variation as the announcers hype the next show. Raven makes it to the ropes but Punk sends him into the corner. He sets up a chair in the middle of the ring but Raven reverses an Irish whip and sends Punk into the chair with a drop toehold. Cabana tags and cleans house. Punk breaks up a pin attempt with a dropkick then Cabana clotheslines him to the floor. Punk is able to trip up Cabana then Raven and Steel brawl on the floor. Raven then whacks Punk in the back with a chair and Cabana hits Punk with the Colt 45 but Steel is just able to break up the pin. Punk hits a backbreaker that gets two then drags Cabana in the corner and tags Steel as they hit a double-team move that gets two. Cabana tries to fight out of the corner but Punk rakes his eyes. Punk & Steel continue to neutralize Cabana. Punk and Cabana botch a spot in which Cabana was supposed to catch Punk coming off of the top rope then Cabana slams him down and tags Raven, who cleans house with a trashcan. Punk gets drilled with a trashcan in midair then Steel flies into Punk on the outside after getting caught with a drop toehold. Raven takes them both out with a tope and Cabana tops that off with a moonsault then screams as he clutches his knee. In the ring, Steel breaks up a Raven Effect attempt with a missile dropkick. Steel and Punk have the 2-1 advantage as Cabana is still on the floor. They set him up on the table but he rolls off as Punk crashes through with an elbow drop then Raven hits Steel with the Raven Effect for the win (15:53) **1/2.

Thoughts: Decent match that dragged at points but it was the post match angle that was the most memorable.




After the match, Raven demands that Punk shake his hand but he slides out of the ring. Raven then hits Steel with another Raven Effect. Punk then yells at Cabana for not saving his trainer then attacks Raven from inside. Cabana them comes in and sqaures off against Punk but then stomps on Raven instead as the crowd boos. Cabana then tells Punk that he is about Raven being a has-been washup as he also tells them that Steel & Punk are what he knows.

Backstage, Homicide alerts us that they will be a Bunkhouse Match “Texas Style” at the next show. Julius Smokes comes in and cuts another crazy promo. Low Ki walks in and is disgusted as Homicide for bringing the streets into RoH.

Ring of Honor Championship Match
Samoa Joe vs. Xavier (Champion) w/ Simply Luscious & Christopher Daniels


Before the match, Michael Shane sneakes up from behind and drills Daniels with a super kick as CW Anderson takes Danger away as Corino’s guys have “cast the first stone”. Joe knocks down a distracted Xavier then beats on him in the corner as the announcers play up how Xavier suffered a concussion at the last show. Joe no-sells some chops then continues to beat on Xavier. Joe boots Xavier down as he tried to skin the cat then sets up a chair outside the ring and seats Xavier down before hitting him with a running Yakuza kick. Joe continues to attack Xavier in the ring. Xavier comes back with a Lung Blower then targets the neck of Joe. Overhead suplex gets two. Joe rolls outside after getting dropkicked then Xavier flies out with a tope that he turns into a swinging DDT. Back inside, Xavier goes back to attacking the neck before applying a chinlock. Ki puts on another submission move on Joe after hitting a suplex as Levy lets us know that Homicide is bringing in Dusty Rhodes as his partner for the Bunkhouse Match. Joe fights back and chops down Xavier. They have a chop exchange until Joe turns him inside out with a clothesline. Joe then hits Xavier with Rolling suplexes but Xavier is able to knee Joe in the head in midair after a suplex attempt. Xavier hits the X-Breaker then goes up top for the 450 splash but Joe gets his knees up as both men are down. Joe hits Xavier with an enziguiri then kills him with several knee strikes before applying the Coquina Clutch. The crowd goes nuts as Xavier passed out and Joe wins the title (11: 54) **1/2. After the match, Joe clutches the belt while on his knees then celebrates for a bit as he heads back to the locker room.

Thoughts: Another decent match as the unimpressive titlte reign of Xavier has finally ended. He was not a good choice as the champion.




Backstage, Raven talks about Punk and how he has a lack of balls but is impressed in his ability to put together a group together. Still, he doesnt mind how many beatings he has to take as long as he hits him with the Raven Effect then warns Punk to look over his shoulder as he will be hiding out in the weeds.

We get a video that was sent in the day after this show with Christopher Daniels talking about how it was the worst week for the Prophecy as they lost all of their titles. He says that Xavier will be out due to another concussion then turns attention to Corino and his group and lets then know that he is going to go for Joe’s title and that Morgan will be back as they challenge for the Tag Team titles. He also warns them that the Prophecy might be getting a new member and vows that the Prohpecy will be stronger than ever.

Corino sends in another promo as he reads on the internet about Homicide giving Simply Luscious the Cop Killer and that he will be back to RoH looking for him.

Final Thoughts: The big news here was the tile change as Joe is a more credible champion. But this was a very good show with some excellent matches. They are also building up feuds as the matches have more meaning to them instead of some random guys thrown together, which was still happening but not as much lately. The promotion is starting to get some momentum too. I’d recommend this show.



































The SmarK Rant for WWE Night of Champions 2014

The SmarK Rant for WWE Night of Champions 2014 Live from Nashville, TN Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler WWE tag team titles: The Usos v. Goldust & Stardust What is with the weird font for the graphics tonight? Jey slugs Goldust down to start, and Jimmy beats on Stardust with a low dropkick for two and a stungun. Jey gets caught in the corner, however, and double-teamed while the announce team debates whether the Cosmic Key is the tag titles or not. It’s a METAPHOR, morons. Jey slugs back on Goldust and Jimmy comes back in while Cole gets into a stupid argument with JBL over the semantics of which tag title that the APA held. They fight on the floor and Goldust gets powerslam out there, which gets two in the ring. Stardust goes all feral and stomps away, and Goldust hits the chinlock before hitting a spinebuster for two. Stardust with a facelock and he counters a samoan drop into a neckbreaker for two. Why is the ref wearing medical gloves out there? Was someone bleeding off camera or something? Stardust with another chinlock, but he charges and hits the post and it’s hot tag Jey. He throws kicks on Stardust and goes after the leg, while Jimmy hits Goldust with a dive. Jey with a cross body for two. Samoan drop sets up the running butt splash, but Stardust hits the Crossroads for two. He ties Jey in the ropes and we get the GLOVE SLAP, but Jey rolls him up for two. Then it gets crazy with Goldust and Jey both hitting dives to the floor. Back in, Jey with a flying splash that hits knees, and we have new tag team champions at 12:55. Good for them, they deserve another run with them. After all the stuff about Jey’s bad knee before the match, it factored exactly zero into the match. It didn’t really get past second gear until just before the finish, but it was solid tag action. *** Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler and his stunt double drink some Mountain Dew. Did you know they’re sponsoring the show? News to me. US title: Sheamus v. Cesaro But first, the announcers would like you to know that you’re an idiot for paying $55 for this, basically coming out and saying as much. That’s an interesting marketing strategy: “Say, you know how you paid all that money for this show? Well, you should have paid $10 instead. Jerk.” They have a nice little battle on the mat to start and then the fisticuffs begin. Sheamus with a knee to the gut and Regal Roll for two, and Sheamus drops knees but gets necksnapped. Cesaro with a double axehandle off the top and they tumble to the floor and throw down out there. Back in with a Sheamus shoulderblock for two and he goes up, but Cesaro forearms him to the floor. Back in, kneedrop gets two and Cesaro tries a sleeper, but Sheamus slugs out of it, so Cesaro puts him down with a backdrop suplex. Sheamus fires back with forearms, but Cesaro clotheslines him for two. Cesaro with a pair of forearms in the corner, but Sheamus hits him with a pair of backbreakers for two. Sheamus with the forearms on the apron, but Cesaro catches the arm and then boots him in the head to break. They fight on the top and Sheamus flips him down for two. Brogue Kick misses and Cesaro hits the Swiss Death forearm for two. Sheamus fights out of a suplex and hits a tilt a whirl slam for two. Sheamus hulks up, but misses another Brogue and Cesaro hits a butterfly powerbomb for two. Neutralizer is reversed by Sheamus, but Cesaro ducks the Brogue and hits an Angle Slam for two. Cesaro slaps him around and the fistfight is on, but Sheamus demands to be punched in the face even harder. Cesaro obliges, but walks into a Brogue Kick at 13:03. See, that’s all we want out of these two, 15 minutes of hitting each other as hard as they can. And what a great finish, as they just kept hitting each other harder and harder until one man went down. ***1/2 Although I didn’t really like that they had Cesaro play concussed while Lawler was like “Ha ha, he doesn’t know where he is!” I think we’re at the point where they shouldn’t joke about that sort of stuff. Meanwhile, Big Show motivates Mark Henry and promises to have his back, so you can probably guess what’s happening there. Intercontinental title: Dolph Ziggler v. The Miz Florida Georgia Line join us on commentary for some reason, and they reveal that they’re going to do “the honor the troops thing there in December.” That’s my favorite event of the year! I loved last year’s Honor The Troops Thing There In December! Almost as much as Summerfest. And then Michael Cole plugs Slam City, describing the premise in robotic fashion. The show is funny because we say so. We’re off to a great start in this match. Dolph gets a Thesz Press for two as the announcers continue interviewing the band and basically ignore the match. Miz puts him down with a big boot for two and goes to the chinlock while the inane banter on commentary just kills the match dead. Dolph slugs back and hits a clothesline out of the corner, and a neckbreaker sets up the fameasser. Miz blocks it, but Dolph gets a sunset flip for two. They end up on the floor and Sandow trips up Dolph, which prompts a brawl with R-Truth. Sandow goes after the band and gets beat up, which is the stupidest thing of the show so far, and Ziggler boots Miz for two. So the stunt doubles run away and Miz gets the figure-four, but Dolph makes the ropes. Fameasser gets two. Sandow returns for the distraction, however, and Miz rolls him up for the pin and the title at 9:25. Yay, a distraction finish on PPV. *1/2 This program is ridiculously pointless and the commentary was obnoxious as hell. Meanwhile, Roman Reigns suffers a hernia and is not here tonight. Seth Rollins is out to accept Roman Reigns’ forfeit loss, following the customary 10 count. The crowd is already ahead of the curve and chants for Ambrose, even before Rollins issues an open challenge to anyone in the locker room. Seth Rollins v. Dean Ambrose Not really a match per se as Ambrose charges out and they get into a huge brawl before HHH gets security to pull them apart. Dean escapes and continues pummeling Rollins down to the ring again, but security jumps him again and this time they tie him up and haul him off. So for the second time on PPV, we get screwed out of a match between these two. Although you’ll note that the Authority is actively screwing with Ambrose and holding him down, and he’s getting over bigger than Reigns now because the fans actually have something to connect with him. Mark Henry v. Rusev Henry chases him out of the ring a few times, but Rusev runs him into the stairs to take over. Back in the ring, Rusev with corner splashes and he goes to work on the ribs and grabs a hold on the mat. That goes on for a while and Rusev tries the camel clutch, but Henry fights out FOR AMERICA and hits the World’s Strongest Slam. Rusev bails to escape and they make faces at each other, but Rusev boots him down and finishes with the Accolade at 8:20. This show is rapidly going downhill. This was no miraculously good Jack Swagger match. ½* They really need to put a title on Rusev to give his run some actual stakes. Michael Cole notes that Hell in a Cell is coming up next month, and they can promise that at least one of the matches will be a Hell in a Cell match. Whew, that’s a relief. Chris Jericho v. Randy Orton They slug it out in the corner to start and Jericho clotheslines him to the floor and follows with a baseball slide. More lameness from the announcers as they try to quote Jericho’s insult of Orton where he accuses Orton of being on “Total Jackass”, but apparently “ass” is too hardcore for them and awkwardly pull back and go “double crooked letters” instead. Like, REALLY? It’s 2014, I think it’s OK to say ass now. They fight on the top and Orton brings him down with a superplex for two. Orton tosses him and beats on him outside to take over. Orton suplexes him onto the announce table and back in for two off that. This nearly costs them their DIET MOUNTAIN DEW, but luckily they save it. All the performers are disposable and interchangeable, but if the Diet Dew gravy train ever sails, the company is dead. Jericho fights back with chops and this crowd just does not give a shit, but Orton gets a powerslam for two. Jericho to the top with a double axehandle, but the Lionsault misses and Orton gets the backbreaker. Jericho blocks the RKO and hits the Lionsault for two, but Orton escapes the Walls. Jericho hits the post and Orton sets up the punt, but Jericho rolls him up for two and gets the Walls. Orton can’t make the ropes, so he powers out instead and dumps Jericho to set up the draping DDT. RKO is countered with the Codebreaker for two. Jericho goes up and shows some fire again, but lands in the same old RKO at 16:18. The camera angle made it obvious that Jericho wasn’t going to hit anything from the direction he was going. Usual Orton match with the usual Orton finish, but Jericho managed to pull the crowd into it at the end. *** Divas title: Paige v. AJ Lee v. Nikki Bella Brie Bella gives one of the worst promos I’ve ever heard before the match, delivering the line “Karma and my sister are both a bitch” like it was some kind of Shakespearean bon mot where the fans were hanging on her words. Nikki catches AJ in a sleeper while the crowd chants for CM Punk, but really that’s insulting to think Punk would waste his return on this show. Get a clue, Nashville. Paige saves AJ, but Nikki puts her into an armbar that would break her arm if real but is largely ignored here. Nikki gets tossed and AJ goes after Paige with a high kick for two, but goes up and gets shoved off by Nikki for two. And now Paige mysteriously disappears for a bit. More nonsense with Paige and AJ as Paige wants a creepy hug, but then beats her down while yelling about AJ not loving her for two. I guess now Paige is supposed to be a lesbian stalker or something? Nikki dumps Paige and lays out AJ for two. A vicious..uh..bodyslam gets two. Another one is reversed into the Black Widow, but Paige breaks it up and gets two on both. AJ goes up and we get a Tower of Doom spot, complete with the camera catching AJ and Paige conversing about the timing. Nikki gets a Torture rack on Paige for two, but AJ saves and tosses her, then hooks the Black Widow on Paige for the title at 8:47. This was needlessly long, to say the least. So I guess this feud must continue for another three months. ½* Nikki was beyond useless here, but at least she didn’t get the title, I guess. I would ask what the point of putting the title back on Paige for a month was, but really who cares? WWE World title: Brock Lesnar v. John Cena Brock immediately attacks, but Cena hits the FU for one. Brock catches him with a kimura, but Cena gets to the ropes. Brock starts with the suplexes again and goes to work on Cena’s arm and back to the kimura, but Cena makes the ropes again. Another suplex gets two. Brock uses rolling suplexes for one and pounds Cena down for two, but Cena fights back and gets dropped with a clothesline. Brock goes back to the arm and throws another suplex for two. Cena again fails to give up, but Lesnar beats him down in the corner. Cena fights back again, so Brock suplexes him again. More punishment in the corner and the gloves are literally off, but Cena catches him with an FU for two. STF, but Brock counters into the kimura and Cena powers out of that. Another FU and STF, but Brock makes the ropes and Seth Rollins runs in for the DQ at 14:19. He manages to curb stomp Brock and cashes in, but Cena chases him off and apparently it doesn’t count. Match wasn’t as special as last month’s, lacking the drama and feeling more like “How are they going to get themselves out of delivering a finish here?” but it was still pretty good. ***1/4 But really, a DQ finish in a PPV main event and we don’t even get the cash in? Come on. The Pulse Weak spots aside, it was a solid show for the $9.99, although I can’t imagine PPV providers will be thrilled with WWE mocking the fans who bought the show. Cesaro v. Sheamus was clearly the standout here and the first two matches plus the main event were enough for an easy thumbs up these days. Had they delivered Rollins v. Ambrose in the classic brawl we’re all waiting for, it would have been a home run show, though.

BoD Night of Champions Live Thread

Here is the card:

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena for the WWE Title

Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus vs. Cesaro for the U.S. Title

Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz for the Intercontinental Title

Usos vs. Goldust & Stardust for the Tag Team Titles

Paige vs. Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee for the Diva’s Title

Mark Henry vs. Rusev

????? vs. Seth Rollins (The Big Show was Rollins’ surprise opponent at last night’s house show so it might end up being him)

Also, click inside and hit refresh for up to the minute match results and analysis that will be on top of the page.

Goldust & Stardust vs. The Usos for the WWE Tag Team Championships

Goldust & Stardust won the titles after Cody rolled up Jey and held the tights after getting his knees up on a splash attempt. This match felt more like a house show match than a PPV match to be honest. They got a lot of time and most of it was back and forth with the exception being a heat sequence on Jimmy. The announcers obnoxiously tried to get over the terms “cosmic twins” and cosmic key” throughout the match. The crowd actually cheered Stardust when he tagged and its clear the heel turn of the Rhodes Brothers is not working. I don’t think the fans want to boo them (12:47) **1/4

Cesaro vs. Sheamus for the WWE U.S. Championship


Sheamus retains with a Brogue Kick. Match started off with a dead crowd until about halfway through when Cesaro destroyed Sheamus with an European Uppercut. After that, these two beat the tar out of each other and working some incredibly crisp and fast-paced sequences until the finish. Cesaro, in defeat, still looked great in this match with his moveset. He is so underutilized right now that it isnt even funny. (13:06) ***1/2.

Backstage, the Big Show gives Mark Henry a patriotic pep talk.

Country Band Florida Georgia line join the announcers booth.

Miz w/ Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ R Truth for the WWE Intercontinental Championship


The focus of this was on the commentary with the announcers talking with Florida Georgia Line, who eventually beat up Sandow, and hyping up their appearance on this year’s “Tribute to the Troops.” It was actually hard to focus on the match with the excruciatingly bad commentary but the match itself was subpar and worse than usual between these two. The finish came when Ziggler super kicked Sandow off of the apron but Miz used a reverse rollup and grabbed a handful of tights to get the win and the belt. This is the second title tonight that has changed hands with a heel grabbing tights on a rollup (9:25) *1/2.

We are shown footage about Roman Reigns’ surgery including quotes from Reigns himself along with his doctor.

Seth Rollins is in the ring. He runs down Reigns and calls him out for not being a real man. He orders the ref to count to ten then raise his hand in victory. Rollins then issues an open challenge when a cab is shown pulling up to the arena backstage and the crowd pops when it turns out to be Dean Ambrose. We do not get a match but rather Ambrose beating the piss out of Rollins around the arena. The Authority and a mix of agents and security run out and eventually stop Ambrose when HHH tosses them a zip tie as they carry Ambrose to the back. Seems like they are going with Ambrose/Rollins and Hell in a Cell and that is a good choice and would mean more than a match without build on this show.

Mark Henry vs. Rusev w/ Lana


Lillian Garcia sang the National Anthem before the match and did a mighty fine job plus it pumped up the crowd…….until about 30 seconds into the match. Slow and lumbering match, which was expected to be honest. Rusev got the win with the Accolade after he failed to put away Rusev after hitting the World’s Strongest Slam. JBL kept pushing on commentary that Henry let down America and they might go with that angle for him because this feud seems over. At least it should be over after the heel wins cleanly (8:23) *1/2.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho


Orton got the win with an RKO in midair. The finished was way too telegraphed. Jericho wrestled his best match in this run. They got the crowd into it as the match had no build but these two are capable vets so it should not be too surprising. No idea where they go with Orton after this. (14:50) ***1/4

AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella vs. Paige for the WWE Diva’s Championship


AJ won the belt after making Paige tap to the Black Widow. The match itself was fine but there was little heat. I give credit to Nikki as she did a better than expected job as a heel in the match. Plus, she took a crazy back bump to the floor. Sadly, the AJ/Paige feud looks to continuing (8:22) **.

John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman for the WWE Championship


Lesnar retained the belt with a DQ finish. Rollins ran in and hit Cena with his MiTB briefcase after Cena hit Lesnar with a 4th AA. A lot more even than their SummerSlam match. Not a fan of the finish as this show has been hyped as a one-match show with this rematch heavily hyped and promoted. And as a main event, especially someone like Brock who works a limited schedule, a rematch isnt always in the works. I think they go with Cena vs. Rollins at the next PPV based off of Cena’s facial expressions at the end as he acted like this was his last chance against Brock. But they actually have a few ways to go at Hell in a Cell so that could be good. In hindsight, this finish could look a lot better if they book strongly going forward (14:50) ***






2014 NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS Live Chat Thread

Here we go!  Your card:

* WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
* Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz
* United States Championship: Sheamus vs. Cesaro
* Tag Team Championships: The Usos vs. The Brotherhood
* Divas Championship: Paige vs. AJ vs. Nikki

Also:

Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
Mark Henry vs. Rusev

Okay, folks — swing away all you want, but keep it clean as always!

BoD Night of Champions

This has nothing to do with the WWE


Before the show, Bayless is with the Administration and the Job Mob. He said that he relied on a friend to get them out of jail after Vinson and pulled some strings of his own so they could all be here tonight. Bayless then tells them to remember the plan and that everything will come together as long as that happens.


Six Man Tag Team Match
Adam Curry & CabsPaintedYellow & Magoonie v. Stuart Chartock & Zanatude & Big Dirty Murph
The leader of the Midcard Mafia leads his teammates to the ring as a huge six-man donnybrook breaks out!  Magoonie is all over Zanatude as Curry takes down Murph, who cost him the B+ championship at BoD Summerfest!  CPY and Chartock tumble out of the ring, and Magoonie with a dropkick sends Zana out onto them!  Curry’s on the top rope and ready, and all three men are bowled over with a battering ram!  Magoonie celebrates, but that allows Big Dirty Murph to hit a big dirty low blow onto Magoonie and take over.  Zana tags in and goes all SSW on Magoonie, slamming his head into the corner and working the neck.  In comes Chartock with kicks to the head, and he and Murph tag in and out quickly, keeping Magoonie isolated.  Chartock chokes Magoonie in the corner before bringing in Zanatude one more time.  Zana waits for Chartock to slam Magoonie before bouncing off the ropes and dropping a big knee on Magoonie.  “Stay down, Belmont!” he yells before covering, but Magoonie’s shoulder is up at two.  Chartock is tagged back in, and the duo give a double suplex to Magoonie.  Chartock gets two out of that.  Murph tags back in, and Magoonie is sent into the corner — and Chartock gets an avalanche!  Murph avalanches both of them, crushing Magoonie.  It looks like it’s time to end this, and Zanatude goes up top as Magoonie is up on Murph’s shoulders… but no!  Magoonie slugs Zanatude out of midair!  He gets a Victory Roll on Murph, who kicks out, but Magoonie flies in with a double dropkick to Zana and Murph!  Zanatude looks to tag Chartock in, but the chaos lasts too long and there’s the big tag to CPY!  He’s going nuts with right hands on Chartock before throwing him into the corner… and it’s a Stinger Splash!  Zanatude goes flying off the apron from a clothesline!  DDT to Chartock, the cover… Murph saves!  Murph picks Chartock up and slams him to the mat before going to the second rope… but Curry springboards up with a Frankensteiner!  It’s a pier-six brawl again as the referee loses control of everything.  Chartock and Murph bail, and now Curry races the ropes and flies over the top onto the entire Job Mob!  Chartock’s legal, and Curry throws him back in… but the referee asks him to get to the corner!  CPY is ready, but Chartock has something in his hands — and he clobbers CPY with it!  He throws whatever it was to the corner and covers as the ref turns around… not like this!  1!  2!  3!!!  The Job Mob have stolen one!  Curry is furious and gets back in the ring with a chair, swinging like a maniac, and the Mob disperses… except for Murph!  This is for Summerfest!  STORM WARNING ON THE CHAIR!  That’s for his regular partner Kyle Warne!  Meanwhile, Magoonie looks at the foreign object in the corner… it’s the keys to his Toyota Yaris.  Irony!!!

BoD Tag Team Championship Gauntlet Match

Midcard Mafia vs. Trunk Barlow & Slip Karstens

Tag Team Champions, the Upper Midcard Express, are watching from ringside. The MCM start off against the ex-Spam Bots. Barlow charges at Piers but misses and Piers catches him with a backbreaker. Piers tags Ferrari and they hit a double gutbuster. Karstens runs in and eats a double super kick. Ferrari takes Barlow on his shoulders and Piers climbs up top and hits a DDT as that gets the pin. One down, nine to go.

Midcard Mafia vs. Rockstar Gary & #1 Fan

Gary and Ferrari go at it briefly to start. #1 Fan grabs Ferrari from the apron as Gary hammers away. #1 fan tags and he hits an elbow drop. #1 fan misses a second attempt and Ferrari tags out. Piers springboards in with a clothesline then takes Gary off of the apron with a dropkick. Piers tags Ferrari and he hits #1 fan with a tombstone piledriver as Piers prevents Gary from breaking up the pin as the MCM score another pinfall.

Midcard Mafia vs. Bill Ray & Average Joe Everyman

Joe & Ray attack the MCM from behind. They put the boots to the MCM outside of the ring. Back inside, Ray gets two with a sitout powerbomb on Piers.  Ray tags Joe and they use a few double-team moves as the MCM are showing a bit of fatigue here. Joe chokes out Piers as the UMX are throwing popcorn into their mouths while holding on to their helmets. Piers fights back but Ray kicks him down from the apron and the ref is dealing with Ferrari as his partner is getting double-teamed. Piers rolls away from a splash and makes the tag to Ferrari, who runs wild. He backdrops a charging Ray to the floor then picks up Joe and hits a tombstone before tagging Piers, who flies off the top with a frog splash for the pin.

Midcard Mafia vs. WWF1987 & Bobby

Bobby and WWF1987 are taking it to the MCM who are definitely slowing down. Bobby is the true shooter of the BoD and stretches out Ferrari with the Rings of Saturn. Bobby tags WWF1987 who hammers away on Ferrari in the corner. Bobby rings his signature cowbell that he modeled after Jimmy Jack Funk on the apron as Piers rallies his partner from the apron as the UMX look on in approval. Ferrari is taking a beating as Bobby has him in a butterfly lock. WWF1987 tags and goes up top and hits a double axe handle and covers but only gets two. WWF1987 sends Ferrari into the corner but misses a charge as both men are down. Ferrari crawls over to make a tag but Bobby runs over and knocks Piers off of the apron. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari catches him in a small package and that gets two. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari takes him down and makes the tag! Piers runs wild on this newly formed team. Bobby grabs the cowbell and swing it at Piers but he ducks and it whacks WWF1987. Piers knocks down Bobby then Piers picks up WWF1987 and hits the Falcon Arrow for the pin. The UMX are starting to look a bit worried here.

Midcard Mafia vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder

Meekin grabs the mic and starts to rap:

Yo, Otters
I am the big bruiser
Left the BoD
Because I am sick of you losers

Ebert would never write you
Ya illiterate pricks
Maybe you can understand this
Y’all can suck my…………

And Piers dropkicks Meekin into Thunder as he spills out. The MCM take Meekin and hit him with a double clothesline then Piers hits him with a frog splash for the pin.

Midcard Mafia vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James

Harris grabs the mic:

“Me an my partner were thinking and since the GM and UMX are not giving the MCM a fair shot, we won’t play fair either. C’mon James, lets get FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!

The bell rings and James & Harris start dancing outside of the ring. They are intentionally getting counted out as the UMX are livid. The bell sounds as the MCM move one step closer to the belts. SOMEBODY CALL MAMA HARRIS AND LET HER KNOW HER SON DID A GOOD DEED PRIOR TO GITTIN’ FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!

Midcard Mafia vs. THE RIPSHIT KILLERS

Uh oh, THE RIPSHIT KILLERS ARE OUT AND UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE YETAAAAY and ARRRRGH THE BARBARIAN are looking as crazy as ever. They go after the MCM but they duck the attack and come back with dropkicks. ARRRRGH charges but the MCM catch him with a double hiptoss but they then eat a double clothesline from THE YETAAAAY. The MCM are down and hurt as ARRRRGH gets revenge with a flying shoulder tackle on Piers. THE YETAAAAY runs in and goes for a big boot but accidentally hits his partner and Piers uses a reverse rollup for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just two teams left for the MCM!!!!

Midcard Mafia vs. Curtzerker

Oh man, what a tough, tough draw. The HUSS section is in full force tonight. Williams and Piers start off the match. Williams pushes Piers in the corner as theberzerker screams HUSS!!! HUSS!!!! HUSS!!! as the HUSS section chants along with him. Williams takes down Piers then tags theberzerker, who screams “HUSS” into the face of Piers. Fatigue is starting to set in with the MCM as theberzerker has Piers in a chinlock. Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate Piers as Ferrari tries to rally his partner. theberzerker chops Piers hard in the corner as he HUSSES in his face. Williams tags and puts on a high angle single leg crab that bends Piers in half. Piers is in trouble as Williams nails him with a crucifix bomb for two. theberzerker tags and goes up top. Oh my! He leaps but Piers dropkicks him in midair as both men are down. Ferrari is stomping on the apron as the crowd is getting behind Piers, who somersaults over and makes the tag! Ferrari clotheslines theberzerker then hits him with a slam. He starts swinging and hammering away on Curtzerker as he is a one-man wrecking crew. Piers starts to get up but from behind, kbjone whacks him on the knee with his helmet then kicks him down! Ferrari then picks up Williams for the tombstone and hits it for the win! However, he looks over and sees his partner clutching his knee. They now have a shot at the belts.

Midcard Mafia vs. Upper Midcard Express

The UMX run in and attack Ferrari from behind. Petuka then chop blocks Piers, who flies off of the apron. Back in the ring, kbjone is beating on Ferrari. Tag to Petuka and the UMX are hammering on Ferrari in the corner. Piers tries to climb back on the apron but kbjone runs over and takes him off with a baseball slide. The UMX’s strategy is too beat on Ferrari and constantly attack the injured knee of Piers. The UMX hit a double slingshot suplex and cover but that only gets two. kbjone yells at the ref to count faster as Petuka chokes out Ferrari on the apron. The UMX stay on the attack as Piers is barely able to stand. kbjone is up top and comes off with a knee drop but Ferrari gets his foot on the ropes during the pin attempt. Ferrari is struggling mightily here as the UMX are fresh and dominant because of the way this match was arraigned by our no good GM. Petuka tags and oh my god he is setting up for the Petuka Bazooka. THE PETUKA BAZOOKA. Petuka picks him up but Ferrari slips out. He ducks a clothesline and comes back with a super kick as both men are down. Ferrari can try to tag but his partner might have less of a chance than he does. kbjone runs in and pulls Ferrari back as the ref orders him on the apron. Petuka gets up and drops an elbow but Ferrari rolls away. He tries to make the tag as Piers is on the apron clutching onto his knee. Petuka tags then shoves Ferrari into Piers, who this time twists around and makes the tag. Petuka laughs as Piers clutches his knee. He moves closer and tries to kick his leg but Piers dodges the attack and chops Petuka. Piers slingshots in and hits a clothesline. Piers is in agony as kbjone runs in but Piers rolls away from him. kbjone charges but Piers pulls down the ropes and he flies outside. Petuka gets up and Piers hits a back suplex and he is climbing up top. kbjone runs over to push Piers off but Ferrari spears him through the ropes and they both fall to the floor. Piers is up top and he flies and hits the frog splash!!!!!! COVER HIM. COVER HIM. Piers is crawling over to Petuka and goes to make the cover one……….two………………..thr…………..no!!!!!!! That’s GM Bayless and he just yanked out the referee. OH COME ON. The referee now signals for the bell as the MCM win by disqualification. The MCM were robbed by this evil GM.

Solid B+ Championship
HartKiller09 vs. Joedust
Hartkiller hands his glasses to a fan in the front row before entering the ring, but Joedust cuts him off and lands knees to the side of the head.  He backs Hartkiller into the corner, ready to land shot after shot to the sternum with flush kicks.  Hartkiller goes for the ride, but he catches Joe charging in with a back elbow!  Hartkiller begins his methodical work on Joedust’s back, holding a prolonged bow-and-arrow and the ever-dangerous R1 Circle X Lock.  Joe is able to get to his feet and throws Hartkiller into the corner, but his back has no strength left in it and he can barely stand.  PROBLEM!  Hartkiller pounces with a fantastic DDT, and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom!  Suplex!  Backbreaker!  Russian legsweep!  He goes up for the elbowdrop, but Joe meets him there and begins firing off headbutts… and it’s a superplex by Joedust!  He pulls himself up, hoping to land a Heluva Kick in the corner, but Hartkiller moves and Joedust is all tangled in the top rope!  Hartkiller grabs Joe by the head and delivers a Randy Orton inverted draping DDT to Joe!  VINTAGE HARTKILLER!  Wait, is it vintage if neither he nor anyone has done it before?  Hartkiller’s back to the top because he isn’t done with his five moves… and there’s the elbowdrop!  He grabs the legs and is ready for the Sharpshooter… but Joedust shoves him into the corner!  Joedust is up and lifts up Hartkiller… he wants the Brainbuster… no!  Hartkiller slides down the back and gets a German suplex.  Joedust lands hard on his neck and seems disoriented, and Hartkiller goes for the Sharpshooter!  He’s got it!  Joedust is near the ropes, but he can’t quite reach them.  One more burst and he’ll be there… but Hartkiller drags him to the center of the ring!  That’s it, Joedust taps out!  Hartkiller is still the B+ champion.  Hartkiller gets his hand raised in victory, then takes the microphone and, with disdain at the challenger who won thanks to Zanatude’s interference, claims that the challenge Joe provided was only a 4 out of 10 anyway.  What a show of disrespect!
Coffee Pot on a Poll Match
Aric Johnson vs. Mar Solo

After months of coffee deprivation, Mar Solo will have his last chance at coffee as if he fails, he will permanently switch to Sanka. Johnson attacks Solo before the bell with a partially frozen bag of croissants from Tim Horton’s. Johnson tosses Solo to the floor then sends him into the guardrail. Solo gets thrown over the announcer’s desk as he is dangerously close to hitting 3-time ATA Award Winner and A+ Timekeeper, Mister E Mahn. Johnson rolls Solo back inside and climbs up top. He goes for a double axe handle but Solo catches him with a punch to the midsection. Solo fights back and hits a suplex. Solo drops an elbow then tries to climb the poll for that sweet pot of unscalded java! Johnson comes back and yanks down Solo. Johnson sends Solo in the corner but eats boot on a charge. Solo comes back with a flying forearm. Solo chops Johnson in the corner before slamming him down. Solo goes to the top rope and connects with a leg drop. Solo can almost taste the coffee now as he heads up the pole but Johnson cuts him off again. Johnson takes control of the match as he chokes out Solo against the ropes. Johnson sends Solo to the floor and now he climbs the pole. Solo looks up and uses everything he has to get up and prevent Johnson from making him a Sanka drinker for the rest of his life. Solo gets up and he starts to climb and grabs Johnson’s leg. He pulls himself up and goes underneath Johnson, who is clinging on to the pole. Solo powers up and now has Johnson sitting atop his shoulders and then takes him off with an electric chair drop!!!!!! Both men are on the mat as the crowd is going insane. All Solo has to do is get up and climb that pole. Solo pulls himself by using the ropes. He slowly heads over to the pole and climbs. Johnson is getting up and he crawls over to the pole and slowly climbs. Johnson grabs the foot of Solo and tries to yank him off but Solo boots him off with his other foot. Johnson splats on the mat as the crowd is going nuts. Solo climbs and climbs and he reaches the coffee pot!!!!! MAR SOLO CAN NOW DRINK COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Solo grabs the pot with both hands and looks at it as we see flashbacks of him reciting slam poetry about being deprived off coffee and the unstable being trapped inside of his head. Solo picks up the pot and drinks it. Uh, that is hot coffee that he is chugging like water. That might burn but victory is ointment for that ailment as Solo just downed a pot of java and he seems very excited. Very, very excited. Solo is now doing a victory lap around the ring at a lot faster pace than you would expect. Mama Solo, put on a pot of coffee because your son can drink it again!!!!!
BoD Writer’s Championship
“Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Stranger in the Alps

Perri won the #1 contender’s tournament to get this match. The “Paper Championship” sits near timekeeper extraordinaire Mister E Mahn. That man can keep time like nobody else! Match starts with Stranger working the arm. He backs Perri into the corner and breaks cleanly but Perri comes back with a slap. Stranger wipes his face then looks at points at Perri as he goes over and pummels on him. He hits a pair of corner clotheslines then backdrops Perri to the mat and works a surfboard. Stranger goes to bounce off the ropes but Miss Danielle grabs his leg and distracts him enough to let Perri attack him from behind. Perri places Stranger in the tree of woe and starts kicking him hard in the chest. Perri hits a backbreaker and now has Stranger in a Boston Crab. Stranger fights to the ropes as Perri barely breaks the five count. Perri uses clubbing forearms to the back of Stranger and has him hurting. All of the Little Strangers and elderly woman are getting behind Stranger as Perri continues his assault and Miss Danielle tells them to shut up. Perri charges in the corner but Stranger flattens him with a clothesline as both men are down. Perri gets up first but Stranger is punching him from his knees. They trade chops as Stranger wins that battle then Stranger knocks him down. Stranger uses a fist drop and measures him up for a roaring elbow. Stranger whips Perri against the ropes and catches him with a powerslam and now he signals for the Can Opener! Stranger sets him up but Miss Danielle runs in from behind and takes him down with a low blow for the DQ. Ouch!!!!!! Miss Danielle attacks Stranger with her shoe as Perri gets up and takes Stranger down with a double underhook DDT. Perri and Miss Danielle celebrate in the ring as White Coat Security is holding back all of the old ladies attempting to check on Stranger. I have a feeling this is not the last we will see of these two. 
In the luxury box, we see Biff Kensington III, who took it upon himself to buy half of them for himself and not use them incase any people of lower income sat near him. Biff is now lighting his cigar with a $100 bill as he kicks his feet up on the chair in front of him. What is Biff doing here tonight. 
And now, it is Welcome to the BoD with your host Abeyance and his partner, thebraziliankid!
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!
Crowd: Thank You!
Abeyance: How are you today!
Crowd: Good!
Abeyance: I am too!
Crowd: We know!
Abeyance: I do too!
Kid: So Do I!
Abeyance: Enough small talk because our guest has a #1 contender’s match tonight. Here is by BFF on the BoD, Parallax
Crowd: (50/50 reaction)
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!
Parallax (Annoyed) Yeah, I get it. First off, I am not here by choice but rather because I was booked this way. And how about you two just sit back and let the adult do the talking (Crowd unhappy). As a matter of fact, if I had my way, you two would be banished to that ridiculous forum with that moron of a moderator because all three of you deserve each other. (Addressing the crowd) Stop groaning, you know it is true. You see, I have to face off against some part-timer legacy guy who would rather be elsewhere than here. I am the franchise player of the BoD, like it or not. And that is a fact, not just one of the many dumb opinions that pollute the BoD. And I have run off a lot better than what I have to face tonight and who I will defeat in the future. But for me, to be cast aside as an afterthought, is just not right and it is really just bullshit. Top 5 talent like myself doesnt grow on trees (points to Abeyance) and no, I do not include you in my top 5, one-word Willie. I am leaving but you all can remember this, after I toss whatever loser I have to run through to the curb, I’ll make damn sure I will stomp him into it right afterwards. And I hope it is you Cultstatus, I hope you win the title tonight, just so I can take it from you. Just so I can stomp you right into that curb and you can sit back and moderate that empty forum with these two morons (points at Kid & Abey then slams down the mic and leaves)





#1 Contenders Match
Parallax1978 vs. The Fuj
Parallax and Fuj circle each other as the match begins. Parallax backs Fuj into a corner and slaps him around, but that just makes Fuj mad. It’s a slugfest! Neither man backing down as they pound on each other, and the referee tries to separate them to get a proper match, but he’s helpless. Parallax gets a high kick on Fuj to take over. He begins using weardown holds to keep Fuj under his control, but Fuj elbows out and charges straight into a high kick! The cover… no, just 2. Parallax goes to the top rope, but Fuj catches him and hooks him up for an incredible superplex! Fuj is able to get up and he heads to the outside, clearing his head. Parallax is up and sees Fuj, and he’s ready to run for a big dive… but Fuj dodges and Parallax hits barricade! He was suckering him in! Fuj throws him back into the ring and goes up top, and it’s the falling headbutt! He covers, two, NO! Parallax is up! Fuj keeps firing away, but Parallax is running on pure adrenaline. Fuj goes for a big clothesline, but Parallax leaps up and gets a crucifix for two! He goes to the top, and Fuj again follows, but Parallax headbutts him into a daze. He doubles Fuj over, leaps over the top… it’s a sunset flip powerbomb! Fuj has to be out! Parallax isn’t done, though – he knows the Fuj is a tough bastard – and he goes to the mount to keep up the attack. He begins trash talking Fuj, who still has enough wherewithal to kick Parallax in the back of the head! Fuj gets up and charges, but it’s a double clothesline! Both men are down! As the count goes on, Cultstatus – who has the big match later tonight – appears at the ramp to observe who may be his first challenger if he wins. Parallax is up first, but Fuj has something in his hand… it’s salt! Salt goes into Parallax’s eyes! He’s partially blind! But he refuses to take time out and delivers a low blow… but Fuj pulls the ref in and the zebra takes the shot! Parallax still doesn’t know this – and he Curbstomps the referee! That ref may be dead! Parallax goes to cover the referee – he really thinks that’s Fuj! But there’s no count! He begins to clean out his eyes and sees the referee’s done for. Parallax charges Fuj and lands a Stinger Splash in the corner. He goes to the outside and looks for something… it’s a chair! He throws the chair into the ring, but someone jumps the barricade to stop him… it’s Paul Meekin! White Thunder is right behind him! Meekin steals the chair as Thunder grabs Parallax from behind. Meekin winds up… but Parallax ducks and Thunder gets it! Meekin checks on Thunder as Parallax comes off the ropes – Curbstomp to Meekin! He kicks both men out… but wait! Cultstatus is there with the chair! He clocks Parallax in the face! Parallax has been busted open! Cultstatus ducks out of the ring as the referee begins to stir. Fuj moves in and picks Parallax up – it’s the Fuji Vice! He’s got the Fuji Vice locked in! The referee slowly checks on Parallax, who is fading fast… and that’s the bell! The Fuj will be the next challenger for the BoD Heavyweight Championship, and he can thank Cultstatus for it! He backs up the aisle, a cruel grin on his face, and Meekin and Thunder follow – are those three in alliance? And what’s Parallax going to do when he wakes up?




Paycheck Match
Andy PG vs. Tommy Hall


Tommy is sporting a badass Tim Couch University of Kentucky throwback tonight. The winner here will  receive the loser’s paycheck tomorrow night on RAW. The rumor is that Tommy made the stipulations as he is in debt for all of the throwback jerseys he bought. Tommy also blames Andy for why he is not the BoD Writer’s Champion. Tommy goes after Andy but he ducked. Andy slides underneath the legs of Tommy then gets two with a reverse rollup. Tommy swing and misses then Andy takes him down with an enziguiri. Andy works the arm then Tommy reverses as they trade arm wringers. Tommy knees Andy then hammers away. Tommy hits Andy with a facebuster then works a chinlock. Tommy screams “that’s my paycheck” then breaks to do the make it rain taunt. Tommy pumps up his sneakers then climbs up top and delivers an elbow smash but that does not put Andy away. Tommy grapevines the leg and stretches out Andy as he yells about how he will get Andy’s paycheck. Tommy tries to make Andy tap but he will not submit. Andy manages to escape but Tommy runs over and drops a knee before taking control. Tommy gets frustrated as he takes Andy up top and climbs up for a superplex but Andy blocks the attempt. Andy punches away and grabs a front facelock. He then flips over Tommy and balances himself on top then takes Tommy down with a super reverse neckbreaker as both men are down! Holy shit, indeed. Andy struggles to get up  but does and picks up Tommy. He hits several knee smashes then whips Tommy into the corner. Andy charges and gets backdropped but lands on the apron. Andy catches Tommy with a forearm smash then goes for a slingshot attack  but it sends Tommy into the referee, who flies outside. Andy has Tommy for a DDT but that get reversed and Tommy uses a thumb to the eye to slow down Andy. Tommy takes Andy down with a shoulderblock and now reaches into his pants for his sock filled with his e-book coins. Um, that sock seems a bit light to me. Tommy takes out the sock and hits Andy but it has no effect because Tommy is very short on legitimate currency. He tosses the sock out of anger and all that falls out are two nickles and a token from Chuck E Cheese. Tommy goes over to make sure the referee is down and goes out to grab a chair. He looks to hit Andy but he ducks then they fight over the chair as it goes flying when they crash to the ground. These guys are brawling then take it back inside. Tommy catches Andy low just before the referee gets up. The ref is in the ring as Tommy sets Andy up for the Vader Bomb but Andy gets up and cuts him off. Tommy kicks him down then gets off the top rope. He attempts a clothesline but Andy ducks that then grabs his arm and puts him in a La Magistral Cradle and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tommy is shocked as he will be losing his paycheck tomorrow night. Andy celebrates the victory as Hall is yelling obscenities at him. 




GM Bayless vs. Jef Vinson

This match has been months in the making. Bayless has come out on the losing end opposite Vinson on three separate occasions. The Authority is absent from ringside but they are probably here somewhere. Vinson gets the best of Bayless after a series of holds then dope slaps him on the back of the head, pissing off the GM. Bayless charges but Vinson catches him with a drop toehold. Bayless charges again but Vinson leapfrogs him then catches the GM square in the face with a dropkick that gets two. Vinson takes the GM down again with an armdrag then with a hurricarana. Bayless ducks outside for a breather but as that happens Vinson sends him into the railing with a tope. Vinson hammers away on Bayless and tosses him over the guardrail. Vinson tries to suplex him back over but Bayless blocks the move by pushing the guardrail into Vinson. Bayless comes back over and slugs away at Vinson before ramming him into the post. Bayless gauges the eyes of Vinson as the referee is distracted by Assistant GM Justice Gray, who as come down to ringside. Bayless sends Vinson over the guardrail as we see Bill Ray & Rockstar Gary beat on Vinson before tossing him back over. The GM seemingly has devised a plan to have his Administration set up all over the arena. They toss Vinson back over as he is bleeding from the forehead. Bayless rolls Vinson back into the ring then applies a Dragon Sleeper. Bayless breaks to deliver clubbing forearms to the chest of Vinson. He then sets him up for a piledriver that he dedicates to Vinson’s “skank of a valet” but Vinson reverses that with a backdrop. Bayless is up first then tosses Vinson back to the floor as they almost hit the camera guy. Oh come on, that is not the camera crew, it is Corporate Custodian, Garth Holmberg and Average Joe Everyman and they are beating on Vinson as Bayless distracts the referee. Vinson is even more busted open than before as he gets rolled back inside. Bayless waits for Vinson to pull himself up then nails him with the Sweet Chin Music. This is it for Vinson, folks. Bayless covers but Vinson gets his foot on the ropes! Bayless is not happy as he drags Vinson near the turnbuckle and heads up top. Bayless goes for a splash but Vinson gets his knees up as both men are down. These two are fighting from their knees and start to get up with Vinson winning that as he uses everything he has left. Vinson hits the GM with a running knee strike in the corner that knocks him right down. Vinson is face-washing the GM as he is now busted open. Vinson picks up the GM and powerbombs him into the turnbuckle! Vinson covers but Justice Gray sneaks Bayless’ foot on the ropes. Vinson looks pissed and goes out after Gray and chases him around until Holmberg trips him with the camera cord. Bayless ducks outside and attacks Vinson with the ref distracted by a few members of the Administration. Bayless drags Vinson off of the ramp and takes a breather but looks worried. I think he is expecting something to happen. Bayless is increasingly worried as he now goes down and looks in horror as Gosh Hopkins & Nebb28 are passed out and bloodied. Bayless backs up but bumps into someone and it is…………..ARCHIE STACKHOUSE!!!!!!!!!! Bayless is mortified as Stackhouse has blood splattered all over his clothes. Stackhouse then pulls something out of his pocket and it is the pet rock! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! Stackhouse now walks after Bayless who is backpedaling his way to the ring. He traps Bayless against the ring apron as the rest of the Administration is afraid of him. From behind, Vinson heads down as Stackhouse steps aside and Vinson knocks the GM down with an uppercut. Stackhouse stares down the Administration as they are petrified then rolls Bayless back into the ring. Vinson is in now and he picks up the GM and hits the TKO and covers one….two……three!!!!!!! Vinson beats the GM again as his plan backfired. Archie Stackhouse came down from Riverdale and screwed the GM. Stackhouse now leaves through the crowd as they make sure to get out of his way. What is Stackhouse doing with the pet rock? What does he plan to do with the pet rock.

And now, part three of Hoss and the Ice Cream Truck:

(Hoss is driving with the hillbilly Pump N’ Pantry Clerk. He pulls over at the Ben & Jerry’s distribution center. Hoss drives the truck through the gates and pulls up sideways underneath a window)


Hoss: CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW AND GET ME ICE CREAM. YOU BETTER FILL THIS TRUCK.
Hillbilly: But I cant carry all of that back through the window.
Hoss: YOU STUPID FUCK, ONCE YOU BREAK IN YOU GO THROUGH THE DOOR. AND IF YOU GET ME HEALTH FOOD,  I WILL KNOCK OUT THE TWO TEETH YOU HAVE LEFT. (Hoss then shoves the Hillbilly down as he climbs on top of the truck and breaks the window and climbs in but the alarm goes off. The Hillbilly comes back through the door a few minutes later with ice cream)
Hoss: (Looks at Strawberrry Cheesecake flavor) I SAID NO HEALTH FOOD (Throws it at the Hillbilly’s head then chokeslams him down as he hears sirens. Hoss hops in his truck and takes off as the two-toothed Hillbilly is unconscious. Hoss made sure to toss all of the non “health food” ice cream in his truck) 






C-List Championship Fatal Four-Way
DavidBanzaiSaldanoMontgomery vs. Biscuit! vs. Mikey Mike vs. Night81
DBSM goes straight for Biscuit, who cost him a chance at being champion entering the match, while Mikey and Night tangle. DBSM gets a hard whip on Biscuit, sending him into the other two in the opposite corner. With all three men dazed, DBSM charges with a spear to Biscuit, knocking all three men down! Mikey rolls out of the ring as DBSM grabs Biscuit for a suplex, but Mikey trips DBSM and Biscuit falls on top. Night’s on the top rope and drives the knee into Biscuit as the move ends! Night grabs DBSM, but this kicks off a series of reversals between two men who know each other so well. They wind up fighting over a backslide… and now Mikey returns and grabs Night for a DDT! DBSM is off-balance from the pull, so Mikey gets a German suplex – but Biscuit splashes both men! We’re getting nowhere fast. Mikey throws Biscuit into a corner, then tries to cover DBSM again, but now Night is ready and pulls him away. Night tosses Mikey out of the ring, then charges Biscuit… straight into a pair of knees! Big clothesline from Biscuit! But DBSM is ready and gets a big crossbody on Biscuit to flatten him! Mikey’s back in an drops an elbow on DBSM, then tries to steal the pin… but Night is back to break it up at 2. Night grabs Mikey and fires away repeatedly, backing him into the ropes… Cactus Clothesline sends them both out! Biscuit’s ready to follow, and he goes up top as the two fight on the outside… but DBSM has him from behind and it’s Splash Mountain on Biscuit! On the outside, Night tosses Mikey into the timekeeper’s area and charges… and the barricade gives way! Both men are out! Back in the ring, Biscuit is flat on his back as DBSM is on the middle rope… BANZAI DROP! One, two, THREE! WE HAVE A NEW C-LIST CHAMPION! DBSM takes the Gary Coleman title and celebrates in the ring… he has redemption, and it came at Biscuit’s hands! Mikey finally looks up and sees his belt is gone from him, and he wasn’t even pinned. THIS ISSUE IS NOT OVER! Mikey is furious, but DBSM doesn’t care as he celebrates all the way up the aisle.



BoD Heavyweight Championship Match

Cultstatus vs. Jobber


And here we are in a matchup of the inaugural BoD Mania main event. Cultstatus took the belt from Jobber last time and will he do the same again? Cult signals that he will be the champion as Jobber and the rest of the Job Mob laugh. They lockup and fight against the ropes until they finally break. Jobber ducks out and consults with the Job Mob as the crowd taunts him. Big Dirty Murph sparks up a joint as he yells back at the fans. Jobber heads back in as he locks up with Cult. Jobber catches Cult with a back elbow smash. Jobber charges but Cult picks him up and presses him over his head and tosses him outside at his stable!!!!!!!! Cult then challenges all of them to come inside of the ring. Jobber holds the back of his neck as he once again regroups before going back inside. Cult slingshots Jobber back in then drops an elbow that gets two. Cult gets up and tries a suplex but Jobber blocks it then backs Cult into the corner. These two trade chops then Zanatude grabs the leg of Cult and that allows Jobber to stun him with an European Uppercut. Jobber stays on the attack as he wears out the ex-champ with an abdominal stretch that he turns into a gutbuster. Jobber tosses Cult outside then yells at the ref as the Job Mob beat on Cult. They roll Cult back inside as Jobber covers but only gets two. Jobber picks up Cult and hits a backbreaker then repeats the move and covers but Cult still manages to kick out. Jobber heads up top and hits a missile dropkick and covers but that only gets two. Jobber beats on Cult in the corner then charges but eats boot. Cult shakes off the cobwebs and heads over to Jobber and fires away. He whips Jobber against the ropes and drops him with a big boot. Cult picks up Jobber and hits a piledriver! He covers but that only gets two. Cult picks up Jobber but Big Dirty Murph jumps up on the apron. Cult runs him off then Zanatude and Chartock step on opposing sides of the ring and that allows Jobber to get back up and drop Cult. Jobber picks up Cult but out come the Midcard Mafia as they run out and attack the Job Mob!!!!!!!!!! Piers is still limping but that will not prevent him from getting revenge on the Job Mob. The ref is paying attention to the brawl outside as Jobber has Cult up for the Razor’s Edge but Cult slips out. Jobber ducks a clothesline then they both collide and are down. The brawl outside is spilling into the stands as the ref yells at them to stop. But, out holding a chair comes a bandaged and still bloodied Parallax.That is the same chair Cult used on Jobber as the camera zooms in on the blood splatter than remains on that chair. He barely seems to know what he is doing and looks to be headed towards Cult, who is beating on Jobber. Parallax ducks behind the apron as Jobber reverses an Irish whip then Parallax holds the chair sideways and cracks Cult in the back of the leg. Cult is hunched over then Parallax gets up and whacks Cult in the head and Jobber sets him up and hits the Razor’s Edge for the win!!!!!!! Jobber retains his title. Jobber celebrates as Parallax staggers up the ramp. The Job Mob celebrate with Jobber as the shows ends. TUNE IN TOMORROW NIGHT TO BoD RAW AT 10:35 PM EST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


QOTD #70 – TV Champions

Question of the day: In the history of Professional Wrestling – all promotions included (WCW, NWA, Mid-South, ECW, World Class, TNA, SMW, etc.) who do you consider the greatest all-time TV Champions? (If you are up to it, give me a top 4)

Yesterday’s QOTD: If Vince McMahon were to name a new General Manager of RAW (which at
some point, I am sure he will), who would be your first choice?

TheOriginalDonald had an interesting choice…..
“Jerry Jones”

As any Dallas Cowboys fan will tell you: sure road to mediocrity and failure. I can tell you this: Jerry Jones as RAW GM = the best scenario possible…..for TNA/Impact

“Hulk Hogan in a suit and a doo-rag”


fg76….call me crazy, but I think this one has a realistic shot at happening

“Abeyance”

**** no….didnt we do that with the computer?

Some of the more insightful responses…….

“If they have to have one, they should just do the Foley bit again, but
use someone like Edge or Punk in the role. They have to do their
entertainment bits…might as well be a GM making matches with jokes
thrown in.”

“Ernest Miller.”

IF THEY MUST have one, Foley or The Cat would be good in the role

“Jack Tunney. He’s not able to appear on WWE programming anymore, so
therefore he would never come out and cut a 10-20 minute promo, create
stupid stipulations midmatch, or do other things to generally piss off
the audience.”

“If they must find a reason to justify supporting Ric Flair, I wouldn’t
mind him as a GM if he played it seriously instead of dancing around
like a fool. But in the Jack Tunney role where he shows up to make
decisions/announcements and doesn’t have an agenda against anyone.”

If the WWE were really listening to their fans, sounds like they are over the whole heel authority commish role being a big factor (Can you imagine an NFL weekend where Roger Goodell was on the TV talking for more time than actual games were being played?)


I think Magoonie NOT Teddy Belmont summed it up nicely….

“I’m thinking nobody, no GM. Move HHH and Steph away from the authority
figure storyline. Then no authority figures. Maybe if there’s a big
decision to be made, trot Vince out to make the decision then leave
(kinda like Bret/Luger and Gorilla). Just go back to I hate you, you
hate me lets fight.”


The great referees/officials in any Combat sport work best….when they are not even noticed.