The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–01.08.96

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 01.08.96 And now they double back and add the missing January 8 episode, although the atrocious RAW Bowl episode is still MIA. Current theory on Reddit is that there’s music rights issues. Whatever, I’m just happy to have the gaps filled in. Oh, also, PRIMETIME WRESTLING begins this week on the Network. *drops the mic* Oh yeah, that just happened. Taped from wherever. Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler Jeff Jarrett v. Hakushi Jarrett dumps Hakushi, but he comes back in with a flying shoulderblock and JJ bails to escape. He’s already ready to walk out on the match, but decides to bore us further and attacks to take over. Choking on the ropes and we take a break, returning with Jarrett using an abdominal stretch. Hakushi escapes that dire circumstance, but JJ comes back with a DDT and dodges a dropkick for two. Jarrett grabs a chinlock, but Hakushi comes back with a handspring elbow for two. A splash hits knees and Jarrett finishes with the figure-four at 8:00. Clearly neither guy gave a shit at this point. * Royal Rumble Slam Jam with Jim Ross and Scheme Gene. Nothing to this. Ahmed Johnson v. Jeff Bretler The jobber appears to be wearing Abdullah the Butcher’s pants, and Ahmed suplexes him around in pretty stiff manner. Spinebuster and Pearl River Plunge finishes at 1:30. Who let that goof on TV with that gear? Jeff Jarrett tries a sneak attack afterwards and then decides to run away instead. The Ringmaster debuts on the Brother Love show and Dibiase officially crowns him as the new Million Dollar Champion. Austin cuts a pretty good promo to start his new gimmick, but what a lame name to overcome. Goldust v. Aldo Montoya Clearly the push for Aldo was done. Goldust attacks and hits him with a backdrop suplex, as Vince notes that he “knows how to get heat”. GET IT? Goldust stomps away, but Aldo comes back as a JELLYFISH OF FIRE, but walks into the Curtain Call at 3:00. Shawn Michaels announces that he’s coming back at the Royal Rumble. Lucky group of reporters who got to attend that press conference. Also, apparently at this time Shawn inherited $2.5 million from a fan and tried to keep it quiet. That’s a lot of blow money. No wonder he was able to stay wasted for four years straight. Meanwhile, everyone gives their thoughts on Shawn entering the Rumble. And we finish with a full replay of the Bret Hart v. British Bulldog match from IYH5, complete with uncensored blood. Too bad they didn’t edit out the weak finish. Did they not have enough footage to do a full show and needed to pad out the last half hour or something? Especially since it was a giant slap in the face to the miniscule audience of PPV buyers at that point. Meanwhile, Billionaire Ted is looking for a new slogan, and settles on “Where the big boys play”, because it’s just dishonest enough to sound believable. Nacho Man suggests drug testing, but Huckster notes that they have nothing to worry about, because they’re not in the WWF anymore. What a load of horseshit. Shawn Michaels was probably running on caffeine and a giant bag of amphetamines while doing that stupid press conference. I feel kind of dirty and sad even watching these. Next week: Well, we already covered that one. Probably back to Nitro.

Rigged Slammy Voting

Hey Scott,

In this thread, an image from a user's phone was posted, and from what I can see, there doesn't seem to be any obvious Photoshopping done to the image. As someone who works on websites and apps an awful lot, that seems to be the case of someone coding two buttons together by accident in the case of Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns, as well as John Cena and Dean Ambrose. So basically, any one tapping a vote for Bryan was having their votes directed towards Reigns instead, and who knows which way the votes were going for Ambrose and Cena.

Any thoughts on this, since this seems to be a pretty obvious fuck up here, deliberate or not. 

​What's the point of rigging the vote?  Why not just announce outright that Reigns won the vote and lie about it?  Seems like that would be the easier solution.  In the grand scheme of things does anyone really give a shit about who won this award "legitimately"?  Not attacking you here, I'm just confused what the motive would be.  ​

WWF Wrestling Challenge January 18, 1987

January 18, 1987

From the Hersheypark Arena in Hershey, PA

Your hosts are Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon

In action tonight will be the Can-Am Connection, Butch Reed, and the featured match of the Dream Team & Dino Bravo vs. Tito Santana & Pedro Morales & Hillbilly Jim.

Ray Miller & Joe Mirto & Steve Lombardi vs. Mike Rotundo & Danny Spivey & Blackjack Mulligan

Mulligan finally makes his return to the ring after months of vignettes. Heenan makes fun of him for being fat. Lombardi gets his ass kicked as we get an insert promo from Ron Bass, who will be making his WWF debut very shortly. He screamed a lot as Heenan puts him over. The U.S. Express work over Mirto for a while until Miller tags into the match. The crowd chants for Blackjack and he finally gets tagged into the match as the crowd enjoys seeing him go nuts until he puts Miller away with a jumping back elbow smash (3:41).

Thoughts: The crowd enjoyed seeing Mulligan here. Bass debuting via insert promo does not really seem like the WWF had high hopes for him in the company. Match was boring.

Randy Savage is holding a copy of the new issue of “WWF Magazine” that features him on the cover as he runs down Ricky Steamboat.

Before the next match, Andre the Giant is introduced to the crowd. They go nuts as Andre smiles and heads into the ring. Andre shakes the hand of Mancini then goes over to Slick, who turns his back on Andre, who leaves.

Mario Mancini vs. “The Natural” Butch Reed w/ Slick

Match starts with Reed attack Mancini before the bell. Reed then hits a high knee smash we get an insert promo from Slick telling us how everyone wants to buy Reed’s contract from him but that Reed is not for sale. Reed then press slams Mancini then drops an elbow for the win (0:57).

Thoughts: Despite minimal results, the WWF continued to push Reed strong as they are using the gimmick of everyone wanting to buy his contract from Slick due to his unbelievable potential.

Ken Resnick is with the Hart Foundation and asks them about Danny Davis helping them win. Neidhart said that is ridiculous then says that the British Bulldogs taking orders from Matilda is what bothers him as Brett says they should see a psychiatrist. They end by saying they are the best team in the WWF and will become the Tag Team Champions. Neidhart was 99.9% of the team’s personality and was killing it in these interviews. Brett struggled mightily on the mic at this point.

Terry Gibbs & The Gladiator vs. Can-Am Connection

The fans are going nuts for the Can-Am’s. Heenan and Gorilla go into their bit about joining the WWF Fan Club with Heenan pretending to be excited. Mr. Fuji gives us an insert promo saying the Can-Am’s are going down as they are in complete control of the match. Zenk ducks an attack from the Gladiator that knocks Gibbs off of the apron. Gibbs gets revenge and trips him up from the floor. Gladiator is in control then stupidly tosses Zenk into his corner so he can tag out. Martel is a house of fire as he takes out everyone. The Gladiator eats a double dropkick then Zenk hits him with a powerslam and after that, Martel puts him away with a slingshot splash (3:26).

Thoughts: The Can-Am’s were insanely over after a short amount of time in the WWF. Girls were constantly screaming for them and the male fans seem to enjoy their fast-paced wrestling. I can’t believe Zenk fucked up his meal ticket here.

Tom Sharpe vs. Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart

Honky misses a chop and gets caught with a small package for a nearfall. Honky then comes right back and knocks down Sharpe, who is shown in an insert promo saying that If Honky wrestles as good as he sings that it will be an easily victory of him then right after that, Sharpe losses to the Shake, Rattle and Roll (0:47).

Thoughts: Very quick win for Honky, who was getting his new heel push.

A replay of “Piper’s Pit” from 1/17 when Hogan was presented with his trophy for being a champion for three years as Andre walked on and shook Hogan’s hand hard as he said that three years was a long time .

Dino Bravo & Dream Team w/ Johnny V. vs. Pedro Morales & Tito Santana & Hillbilly Jim

Before the match, Heenan rants about how he is disgusted that Hogan got a trophy for being the champion for three years while Andre got nothing for being undefeated for 15 years. He also thinks that Andre deserves more recognition then plays it off like he is not friends with Andre when Gorilla seems suspicious of his motives. Tito and Bravo go back and forth as Gorilla and Heenan are having a heated conversation about Andre and Hogan. Tito hits Beefcake with a flying forearm and covers but Davis refused to count to three. Tito is irate then Beefcake suplexes him and tags Valentine. Shoulderbreaker gets two for Valentine but Tito kicks out of a figure four attempt then tags Morales, who cleans house. Morales covers but Davis stops at one then walks away as Pedro gets up and shoves him then goes after Davis but gets stopped as he walks out with Jim and Tito, who grabs the mic and says that they cannot have a match with Davis as a referee (4:35).

Thoughts: The discussion between Heenan and Gorilla really advanced the storyline about Andre’s suspension being lifted as Heenan finally stopped being vague and was 100% pro-Andre on commentary. This also further advanced the Davis storyline as now wrestlers are refusing to work matches with him as a referee due to his antics. They made two key storyline advances in one short TV match. For the guys actually working the match, they were all doing nothing at the time and it stayed that way until WrestleMania.

Tony Nardo vs. George “The Animal” Steele

Steele attacks Nardo and bites his forehead. Steele then tosses Nardo outside and rams his head off of the steps as the announcers talk about WrestleMania III but Gorilla has no information on where it will take place or what the main even will be. Steele tosses Nardo inside and gets the win with a flying hammerlock (1:17).

Thoughts: Typical Steele squash match that the fans liked to see.

Resnick is with The Wizard, Kamala, and Kimchee. Wizard screams about how Kamala is crushing everyone with his splash and how he will take away Hogan’s WWF Title.

In action next week will be the Junkyard Dog, Demolition, Kamala, and the featured match of the Rougeau Brothers vs. Don Muraco & Bob Orton

Final Thoughts: Decent show this week. They had a lot of angle advancement here with Danny Davis and through commentary on the Andre angle. Blackjack Mulligan made his return and that made the fans in the building happy. Also, they are giving pushes to Can-Am Connection and Butch Reed to inject some new blood near the top of the card. Not bad at all.

Waiting for the Trade – Thunderbolts

Waiting for the Trade

New Thunderbolts (vol
1): One Step Forward

written by Kurt Busiek
& Fabian Nicieza, art by Tom Grummett

collects New
Thunderbolts #1-6


Why I Bought This: I
generally enjoy the Thunderbolts and
this book features a team line-up I particularly enjoyed in another trade I
read so I figured I’d grab the start of that era.

The Plot: Mach IV
(Beetle) starts up a new team of Thunderbolts and they try to fill the void
left by the disbanding of the Avengers (in “Avengers: Disassembled”).

(spoilers below)


Chapter 1 – Beetle is released from prison and promises to
start a new T-Bolts team. Two months later he approaches Songbird about
rejoining; as she is semi-retired from heroics and going to college since the prior
version of this team disbanded.  Also the
romantic relationship between these two is on the rocks since then. Abe claims
he met some white collar inmates during his prison stay and got them to agree
to finance the new team. Songbird checks out the new headquarters where Atlas
is working as mechanic since losing his powers in the last series. He also
mentions that he and Dallas broke up since that series ended. They also mourn
Hawkeye’s death in “Avengers’ Disassembled.” We meet a new recruit: Blizzard
v2.0 (an Iron Man villain whose costume gives him powers similar to Ice Man.)
The chit chat is interrupted by an emergency alert when Fathom Five attack NYC.
They are apparently a bunch of Namor villains—the only one I recognize is their
leader Llyron, who is Namor’s illegitimate son via Llyra and who usurped the
Atlantean throne in the 90s in perhaps the best Namor story I’ve ever read.
Anyway they fight with Blizzard feeling a bit overwhelmed when he has to take
on a sea monster. Captain Marvel v3.0 (a.k.a. Legacy, the original’s son) arrives
to lend a hand (and hit on Songbird). Legacy wins the fight but when he refuses
to follow orders Atlas becomes enraged causing his powers to return. He then
pummels Legacy and throws him into the ocean unseen by his teammates. Atlas
claims the escaping Atlanteans KO’d and kidnapped Legacy while withholding that
his powers are back. In the cliffhanger we learn Abe’s financial backer is
Baron Strucker (founder of Hydra).

Chapter 2 – We join a battle between the T-Bolts and the
Wrecking Crew in progress. The T-Bolts are doing fine when Speed Demon arrives
and finishes off Wrecker for them. He then asks to join, having worked with
Beetle in the Sinister Syndicate. We learn a little about the dynamic between
Beetle and Strucker. We see that Purple Man has the Thunderbolts under
surveillance and that he saw Atlas kill Legacy. Cut to the UN where Namor is
disavowing the actions of Fathom Five. The T-Bolts arrive and demand Namor help
them track down the villains. Before that can proceed they are interrupted by
an attack by the Great Game (obscure post-Clone Saga Scarlet Spider villains
who treat life like a videogame). Namor, the T-Bolts and Mr. Fantastic unite to
fight the villains and win with relative ease; however, the villains’ (unseen) boss
activates the self destructs in the armors of the unconscious Gamers. With time
running out Joystick (the only Gamer still awake as she was captured in one of
Snowbird’s sonic constructs) agrees to help Reed deactivate the bombs if the
T-Bolts will take her in. Even with her help the bomb explodes. 

Chapter 3 – Songbird’s force field saved the heroes inside
the building but now it is collapsing. Atlas grows to hold it up, while
Blizzard and Speed Demon work on putting out a fire inside. Beetle, Spider-man
and Code Blue arrive and help civilians on the outside from falling debris.
Reed discovers the explosion had radiation in it. Things are getting dire as
Songbird is losing her voice, Atlas is growing taller than is safe and the
radiation is shorting out his ionic powers, Blizzard’s armor is leaking Freon
and Mach-IV’s armor is damaged by a chunk of building. Abe calls Strucker and
gets him to send Radioactive Man to the scene to drain the radiation. This
gives the heroes inside time to have Joystick and Reed clear a path to the
outside that everyone else can escape through. Damage Control stabilizes the
building and in the aftermath various Thunderbolts go the hospital having
earned the respect of the veteran heroes present. In the epilogue Strucker
begins to wonder if the T-Bolts could actually threaten his plans when he is
ambushed by a new Swordsman (v4.0 I think) who stabs Strucker through the

Chapter 4 – Wolverine has been brainwashed by Hydra, who are
apparently having a civil war. The faction controlling Wolvie have sent him to
Strucker’s HQ to kill the Baron. Strucker meanwhile removes the sword from his
chest. They then have a sword fight which Swordsman is winning but Strucker can
take the blows (as he obviously has some healing/immorality thing going on I
was unaware he possessed). Swordsman plans to decapitate Strucker figuring that
will get the job done but then Strucker reveals his blood contains a “death
spore” virus that could kill all of NYC if it was released into the air. Just
then Wolverine arrives. Meanwhile, the T-Bolts enjoy some downtime after last
issue. Speed Demon, Joystick & Blizzard want to go party but Abe nixes that
because they have outstanding warrants. Atlas visits Songbird in the hospital. Some
fishermen find a glowing pod with a man in it off the coast of NJ. Back to the action, Swordsman
engages Wolverine and uses an electric sword to stun him. Wolvie shakes it off
and reveals he doesn’t care if killing Strucker also kills NYC. We see Purple
Man is watching the fight. Strucker steps in and uses his cyborg hand to defeat
Wolvie. He then throws him off the building but Swordsman makes the save with a
web-line from his sword. Wolvie recovers and recognizes Swordsman’s scent (but
we are not told his identity). Whoever Swordsman is Wolverine ‘has never liked
him’ but the two part ways without further combat. We learn Swordsman works for
Purple Man. Back at T-Bolt HQ Speed Demon’s trio go to a strip club after Abe
is called to meet his parole officer, who happens to be Carol Danvers. He tries
to get her to clear the criminals on his team for membership when Fathom Five’s
sea serpent attacks the Brooklyn

Chapter 5 – Carol (Ms Marvel/Warbird) engages Fathom Five
while Abe calls his team to respond. He only gets in touch with Atlas and
Radioactive Man. Fathom Five defeat Warbird but Atlas arrives to fight the
monster. He’s doing okay until the other villains take out his legs. Abe
decides he has to help even without his armor but that goes poorly for him.
Fortunately Speed Demon arrives to make the save then in a funny bit races back
to the strip club before anyone sees he was there to help. Atlas is raging out
of control again and kills the Sea Monster. A package arrives for Abe but
before he can open it Llyron corners him. This time Radioactive Man arrives in
the nick of time to make the save. Abe dons his old Beetle armor and joins the
battle. Just as the Thunderbolts are mopping that crisis up Hydra makes an
attack on the city.   

Chapter 6 – Hydra has its own version of the Hellicarrier
and dozens of plane sized UFOs for the attack. Atlas takes the lead while
Radioactive Man wakes up Carol. Beetle radio’s Strucker, who reveals he only
funded the T-Bolts so there would be heroes to oppose him as he wants to
instill maximum terror when he destroys NYC and he felt it would be more
effective if a group superheroes failed to stop the attack for all the world to
see; with the Avengers disbanded he decided to create the Thunderbolts figuring
they would never be able to stop his plans. He further reveals he was the one
who set the Wrecking Crew and Great Game on them just so he could see them in
action to be prepared for this final battle while also increasing the public’s
faith in the T-Bolts by having them save the UN. We get a quick montage of
other heroes like the New Warriors, Power Pack, Spider-man and Captain America
joining the fight against the rank and file Hydra across the city; while the
Thunderbolts unite (including the three members from the strip club) to take on
the Hydra-carrier. Also during the montage the glowing pod from chapter 4
hatches and the occupant heads to the battle. Atlas and Joystick bring down the
Hydra-carrier so Strucker detonates a nuclear bomb. Radioactive Man absorbs it
but the effort KOs him. Strucker has 14 more
nukes set to detonate simultaneously. Speed Demon and Blizzard are dispatched
to freeze them all but only get to 13 of them before Blizzard’s suit runs out
of Freon. The last nuke detonates just as Legacy returns and he absorbs the
energy, then announces his new codename is Photon as the City unites behind the
Thunderbolts as their new heroes.


Critical Thoughts:
I love this book. This is everything I want a comic book to be. I particularly
enjoy the peripherals and how it’s written but let’s talk about the core of the
book first.

The team itself is a really good collection of characters.
Beetle has never been written better as he steps into the leadership role here.
Songbird and Atlas are mainstays of the T-Bolts and remain as interesting as
ever, particularly the new subplot of Atlas’s powers increasing while making him
more irrational. I really like the character of Legacy and have since his first
appearance (plus I’ve been working my way through his original series by Peter
David and it’s a lot of fun too) so he’s a welcome addition to the team; which
is something I would say of all the new members. Speed Demon, Joystick and
Blizzard all bring a new dynamic to the team, needed as the original version
had become a little too run of the mill near the end. This returns some of the
tension of who really wants to reform and who doesn’t. Ditto Radioactive Man,
as I think this was the first time the idea that he is a hero in China and only considered a villain in the U.S.
was introduced. Right off the bat this is a book that has clear voice of who
and what it is about.

Aside from that I love the way it uses the larger Marvel
Universe to enhance the story it tells. I like that we see all these other
heroes and not just big names like Spidey and Wolverine who help sell books,
but quick throw-away panels of Power Pack or Code Blue just to show that the
Marvel Universe is filled with heroes who would respond to a major catastrophe.
I like the villains they chose and more to the point how they were presented.
Marvel has hundreds of villains, we don’t need to see the same 30 or so as the
only major threats and everyone else defeated as an off-panel joke. Namor and
Scarlet Spider don’t have books anymore fine, but their villains can still show
up to cause trouble once in awhile. I’d add the T-Bolts having trouble against
these minor characters proved very effective to show the new team still
learning how to work together. I like the continuity shout outs from the 80s
like Namor hating Atlas because of what he did to Hercules in the Masters of
Evil or Speed Demon and Beetle acknowledging they were on short-lived team
together. I like the subplots involving future threats–something that is often
lost in this writing for the trade era—Purple Man is in the background spying
and making plans in this trade and we don’t know what they are yet; and I’m
okay with that. Comics used to do this all the time setting up future threats
for a page or two while the hero dealt with the current crisis of the month.
It’s nice to see some good old-fashioned comic book stories in a new millennium

A quick note the art: it was very good all around in both
action scenes and panel layouts. Everything flows really well. There’s a lot of
tension in the UN building collapsing chapter and in the final battle Hydra
thanks to the art. The visuals of Atlas and the scale of his expanding powers
were also conveyed quite impressively . 
So kudos to Tom Grummett.


Grade A. I loved
this and I have every intention of tracking down all the other trades from this

BoD Tuesday Night Thread

On tap for tonight:

WWE Main Event is on the Network tonight at 8pm EST.

The NBA has eight games on the schedule tonight. At 8pm EST on NBA TV the Dallas Mavericks face off against the Memphis Grizzlies and at 10:30pm EST it’s the Sacramento Kings vs. Los Angeles Lakers.

In the NHL there are ten games on the schedule. At 7:30pm EST the Los Angeles Kings take on the Buffalo Sabres on NBC Sports Network and at the same time on TVA, the Washington Capitals face the Tampa Bay Lightning.

There are several college basketball games tonight as well. At 7pm EST on ESPN Illinois takes on #7 Villanova and 9pm EST it’s Indiana vs. #4 Louisville

And as usual talk about anything else going on tonight here.

Superstar Of The Year


It's rare when there's a universal consensus amongst wrestling fans, but I think we can all agree that "The Juggernaut" Roman Reigns was the clear choice to win the Slammy Award for Superstar Of The Year based on his numerous accomplishments in this, his breakout year. Is it too early to start discussing where he ranks all time in the pantheon of WWE greats?

​Also, did you know that you can watch all his classic matches for only $9.99 a month on the WWE Network?  ​

HoF Questions

Hey Scott,

1) What do you think the chances are of someone like Meltzer, Keller, ever getting into the WWE HoF. On a related note, did Vince attend the '96 WON HoF when he was inducted?

2) Where do you stand on the Koko B. Ware Test?

1.  Attend what exactly?
2.  More importantly, does Test pass the Koko B. Ware Test?  Would that rename the rule the Test Test?  

Possible Awesome Matches that ALMOST happened

Good evening Mr. Keith.  So I'm going through the RAWs on the network, from the beginning, and something came to mind that kind of ticked me off.  Events/angles unfolded that lead to a brighter road that didn't end up happening, but came very close .  Two instances:

Janetty & Kid win the tag-titles from the Quebecers, weeks before the Hart Brothers shot at Royal Rumble.  They lose them back before the PPV.  I know it was to show anything can happen on RAW, but c'mon, That match would have friggin Rocked at the Rumble, Owen still could have turned on Bret, and the Quebecers could have got their rematch at Mania, and we wouldn't have had to sit through Men on a Mission

Savage comes to the aid of someone in Backlunds chicken wing.  I think it was just an audience member, but watching I would have loved to have this lead to a match between the two.  Both slowly getting crazier and crazier.  Savage wouldn't even have to give up or job, just let Backlund snap to get him and the move over.  

I'm starting Nitro slowly so i haven't come across anything as of note yet, so what are your biggest instances of a Possible awesome match coming thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to happening, but for whatever reason, didn't?  And for the sake of the discussion on the blog, Benoit/Punk does not count 

OK, I've been beating that drum for a while now, but I feel we need to build a time machine and make it happen at Starrcade 95.  
Also, the recently discussed heel Ramon v. Undertaker match at WM11 that was set up with vignettes that never aired probably could have saved that show to a certain degree.  Probably would have revived Hall's career too. 
I also feel like World champion Shawn defending against the former Kliq members in goodbye blowoffs (heel Kid, heel Ramon) would have been epic and could have carried them through the summer.  But then 96 sucked for a lot of reasons anyway.  

BoD Daily Update

Daniel Bryan Update

Despite not being used on TV last night, Bryan was flown in for RAW. No reason yet as for why he was not used during the show.

Credit Dave Meltzer, Wrestling Observer Radio

Why Was the Royal Rumble Match Originally Advertised as a 40 Man Match?

With the Rumble being held in Philadephia, the original plan was for some of the ECW original wrestlers to be part of the match to make it a 40 man match but WWE officials decided to nix the idea.

Credit Bryan Alvarez, Figure Four Daily

Shelton Benjamin Update

Despite a rumor floating around about Benjamin returning to the WWE, there are no plans for him to return to the company. There was a story floating around that the WWE filed a trademark for the Shelton Benjamin name but the real story is that the WWE filed a notice of cancellation on 11/14 that they were no longer claiming ownership of that name.

Highspots Releases Diva Diaries Shoot with Stacy “The Kat” Carter

Click below to view the trailer, which runs for about four minutes.

And don’t forget to vote in the group SS and TT brackets for Place to be Nation’s “Greatest Song of the 90’s Tournament. Click on the links below to cast your votes

Southern States Wrestling Power Half Hour December 6th, 2014

Total nonstop Southern States Wrestling from the world famous Kingsport Farmers Market!

Southern States Wrestling Power Half Hour
December 6th, 2014

Jake Booth vs Troy Buchanan

After the usual intro (minus any semi-famous wrestler plugs), we start off cold with introductions for the opening match from the Thanksgiving Extravaganza.  The weather caused many issues with wrestlers being unable to make the card, so I guess Jake’s shot at the Streetfighting championship will have to wait for another day.

The bell rings and, OH HAPPY DAY! Joe Wheeler is alone on the stick!  That alone should be enough to push even a Jake Booth match up to DUD level!

Wearing the old amateur wrestling tights that he probably stole from his high school, Booth backs Buchanan into the corner, who immediately turns up the chickenshit in fear of this wrestling monstrosity.  As Jake does the same in another corner, Joe Wheeler is really on his game here, somehow finding a way of making the move to the Farmer’s Market seem like a big deal.  Maybe it is, as this place is quite honestly worlds better than the Grey Community Center.

Buchanan eventually stops his stalling to get Jake into a side headlock, giving Wheeler time to sing his praises.  Jake twists out into a hammerlock, playing into his strengths, as he can do these moves adequately if you let him do them really slow.

Buchanan stalls a good bit more before they finally lock up again, resulting in a go-behind that leads to a schoolboy for a two count, which leads to another thirty seconds of stalling from Buchanan.

Joe Wheeler gets muted out on his attempt to tell the audience about Christmas Night Star Wars when the on screen graphic tells us that it is being held on December 23rd.  Beau James should give up on having his announcers promote his upcoming shows, as they almost never work out as planned.

Finally, Buchanan gets the bright idea to just kick Booth in the gut, and he takes over with a small set of SSW Main Event Offense.  Buchanan is okay here, like a poor man’s Kyle Kool.  I’m just happy to see somebody that looks only slightly obese.

Buchanan sends Jake into the ropes for a backdrop, but Booth counters into a sloppy sunset flip that gets about 2.7.  The boys must be comfortable with this ref, as two near falls in the same match are practically unheard of in SSW.  Buchanan is up first and connects with a hard running elbow, covering for almost 2.

As Joe Wheeler tells us about Buchanan’s exploits as one half of the T-Rex Express, Buchanan goes up to THE SECOND ROPE and connects with a double axe handle.  But Troy chooses to jaw with the fans, allowing Jake enough time to recover with a few two-handed punches.  After Troy clearly tells Jake what to do, Jake comes off the ropes and runs into a kneelift.

After spending an eternity telling Jake what to do next, he throws Jake off the ropes, who ducks the move and bounces back with a clothesline to the lower chest.  Yeah, I wouldn’t trust Jake Booth to throw his arms anywhere near my face either.

After an awkward biel, and an even more awkward chest-bump kind of move, Jake whips Buchanan into the far corner, but catches a boot coming in.  Tempting the fates, Buchanan heads up to the second rope again for another double axe handle, but this time Jake catches him with a shot to the gut, leading to a comical delayed flip bump a good second after getting hit.

Jake sets up for his patented football tackle…and connects!  He follows up with a Kamala-like splash that’s good enough for the pin.

Winner in about 5:30, the savage from deepest, darkest Kingsport, Jake Booth 1/2*

I have to admit, Jake is getting a little better.  He’s moved down a notch from “ultra suck” to “super suck”.  And it’s so refreshing to hear Joe Wheeler call a match unencumbered.

Speaking of Wheeler, he is back to interview the newcomers The Washington Bullets.  They speak of the great tag teams to have passed through Southern States Wrestling over the years, such as Edge & Christian, but they are better than them all.  They crow about their victory tonight, as the helpful graphic tells us that we will see them in action in two weeks.  They’ve been all over the place…Florida…Georgia…and they’re coming to prove that they are better than each and every one of us.  Even kbjone!  They’re job us to win, ours is to lose!

Christmas Night Star Wars takes place on Decemeber 23rd, Misty James birthday, in a WELL HEATED Farmers Market!  I’m sure that the 30 or so people in attendance at this last show will attest to that.

Wheeler is back with the SSW Champion D’Andre Jackson. Unfortunately, due to travel issues, Frank Parker was unable to get his title shot at the Thanksgiving Extravaganza, but he will get his chance at Star Wars.  Beau James apparently gets distracted, or just stops giving a shit, because after the first muting he just lets all the other references to Christmas Night slide.  D’Andre asks Joe what’s on his Christmas Wish List.  Joe answers “Peace and happiness through the world.”  D’Andre answers “A win over Frank Parker.”  Not quite as noble.  After a rambling interview that literally says nothing, he makes us wait a good ten seconds before delivering his even more meaningless catchphrase.  If his job as champion is to sound even worse than Jake Booth, then mission accomplished!

Southern States Wrestling Television Title Match: Scott Sterling(c) vs Beau James

The relentless onslaught of wrestling action continues, as we immediately join into the start of this match, the match that just three weeks ago Beau James himself told us would never be televised.

Apparently, this match has a twenty minute time limit, but the TV title is only on the line for the first fifteen minutes.  I don’t think you need me to tell you how this match is going to end…but I need to figure out how to stay sane watching a Beau James match FOR OVER FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES!

Sorry, imma just gonna go with the Cliff Notes version of the match calling here.

First five minutes: Tie up.  Tie up.  Armbar.  Arm ringer.  Hammerlock.  Armbar.  Hand stomp.  Arm bar.  Arm ringer.  Hammerlock.  Reversal.  Mute out Joe Wheeler.  Hair pull.  Headlock.  Another reminder that the Farmers Market is well heated.  ArmBAR.

Second five minutes: Hip toss. Shoulder block. Clothesline.  Two count.  ARMbar!  Hair pull.  Corner whip.  Missed charge.  Elbow.  Punch.

Third five minutes: Punch. Choke. Hand stamp. Kick. Wristlock.  Punch x 5.  Elbow.  Uppercut. Two count.  Forearm.  Rope choke.  Head butt.  CHOKE!  Eye gouge.  Mule kick.  Punch.  Punch.  Chop.  Biel.  Eye gouge.  Arm ringer.  ARMMOTHERFUCKINGBAR!  Eye gouge!  Choke!  Forearm!  Forearm!  Punch!  Kick!  Double chop!  Double throat thrust!  Punch x 4!  Elbow!  Back rake!

Immediately after the fifteen mark of the match was announced.  Beau James locks in a Cobra Clutch, and within ten seconds puts Scott Sterling down for the pin.

Winner in about 15:10 via Stall Time Is Finally Over, Beau James.
However, by stipulation, still SSW TV Champion, Scott Sterling. -***

I’m sorry.  I thought I could make this entertaining…but these two old men blatantly engaging in a fifteen minute stallfest just to get out of the stupid booking corner they painted themselves into broke the limit inside me.  I’m begging someone to hide me.

HUGE NEWS UPDATE:  They have actually created a television title belt!  And it looks like one of those cardboard things that the Hardy Boys used in their elementary school trampoline fed!  Scott Sterling tries to slink away with his title, but is too fat to fit under the bottom rope as we go to commercial.

Tim Young’s Unnamed Marketing Firm must be a joke…but it ceased being funny months ago.

Joe Wheeler backstage with a not-very-happy Scott Sterling, allowing us a good shot at just how chintzy this new belt is.  Due to Jake Booth being due a rematch, and Beau James defeating Scott Sterling and remaining the number one contender, Scott Sterling will have to defend his TV title at Christmas Star Wars against Jake Booth and Beau James in a “Round Robin Match”  A coin toss will determine which wrestler Sterling will face first, the loser will go to the floor, the guy that was on the floor will replace him for another match, and the process repeats until one wrestler has earned a win over both opponents.  Congratulations on finding something more convoluted than a Triple Threat Match!  Scott says he’s been beating these guys for the past two years, so he doesn’t care about beating them both on the same night.

They don’t even let Joe finish his final comments before scrolling up to an interview with Jake Booth.  Joe spends another thirty seconds explaining the stips again before giving Jake a chance to talk…which was actually a pretty good idea.  Jake Booth has wrestled Scott Sterling all over the place, and he knows all about him and his rulebreaking ways, and knows he’s got to keep an eye on him. But he also knows that he doesn’t have to worry about his Uncle Beau James…

Which brings out…an enraged Beau James into the shot?  Let’s make up for shirking his match by transcribing his promo:

“Hold on.  Wait a minute.  I just walked in here to wait my turn to hear my own nephew say he doesn’t have to worry about me?  You just said it right here on the TV for everyone to hear, you think because you’re the hot new thing you don’t have to worry about your uncle?  You better ask this guy right here, Joe Wheeler, cuz he’ll tell you you better worry about me!  I’m the person that put Robert Fuller’s lights out!  I’m the person that got up from Jerry Lawler’s piledriver!  And you’re gonna come on this T…Joe Wheeler, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even be on this TV!  If it wasn’t for me nobody would even care about you!  Tell me you don’t have to worry about me, I put my whole life into this profession, and you’re gonna come on TV and make some smart remark like that!”

As a fuming Beau James stalks away, a confused Jake Booth tells Joe that all he was going to say was that he didn’t have to worry about Beau James breaking the rules, as we cut to the Jesus Saves!! sign to close the show.

Beau James heel turn?  I’m down for it.  They’ve done all they can fighting Scott Sterling and Frank Parker, so the only people left for the James Family to fight is each other.

Over 20 minutes of wrestling on this show, about as much as RAW these days.  If Beau James can make his own shitfests more palatable with heel tactics, they might be on the verge of filling the well heated Farmers Market some day.

The PG Era Rant: the 2014 Slammy Awards!

The PG Era Rant for the 77th
Annual Slammy Awards, December 8, 2014. Would Michael Cole lie to
Live from Greenville, SC.
Your hosts are Cole, JBL, and Lawler on
Raw; Byron and A-Ry on the Pre-Show; Renee Young and Booker T on the
Pre-Show Stage; and Seth Green on the stage.

Pre-Show award winners (an asterisk
means the award was presented live):
  • Insult of the Year: The Rock
    toward Rusev/Lana*
  • Fan Chant: “You Sold Out”
  • Double-Cross: Seth Rollins
  • Animal of the Year: The Bunny
  • Best Actor: The Rock
  • Tag Team of the Year: The Usos*
  • Who’s NXT: Sami Zayn
  • Anti-Gravity: Seth Rollins,
  • Faction: The Shield
  • Best on Twitter: Dolph Ziggler
  • Breakout Star: Dean Ambrose*
  • Guest Host: Hugh Jackman
  • Couple: Daniel Bryan & Brie
  • Rivalry: Daniel Bryan v. The
  • Hashtag: #RKOOuttaNowhere*
    (accepted by Seth Rollins)
Tonight’s main event is John Cena
against Big Show.
Jerry Lawler introduces Seth Green to
host. I need to get that cover of Muscle & Fitness Lawler says
Green’s on. Seth says that unlike other predetermined awards shows
(I just got crushed by 400 lbs of irony), this is YOUR show. Miz and
Sandow interrupt the opening remarks to ask to be in Green’s next
project. Green, however, prefers Sandow. All this sets up the “This
Is Awesome” moment, with nominees Occupy Raw, Stephanie’s arrest,
Sting sends the Authority packing, and the Hogan/Austin/Rock beer
summit. Voting continues on the WWE App until after this match.
Dolph Ziggler v. Seth Rollins.
Rollins kicks Dolph down to start, but Dolph launches Rollins to the
apron and dropkicks him to the floor as we go to break.
the record, I think the right number is 64 based on what Scott posted
for 1987. Then again, the WWWF/WWF/WWE began in 1963, so the maximum
is… why am I thinking about this? Anyway, those two being out here
means it’s likely the Authority end is in the lead.
Ziggler/Rollins, continued.
Rollins stands over Dolph, but a slugfest breaks out before Rollins
gets a kneelift. Rollins with elbow smashes and a running kick for
two, then we go to the chinlock. Crowd is loudly behind Dolph, which
rallies him into getting a jawbreaker. Rollins airballs a Stinger
Splash, but Dolph doesn’t, and he follows with a Rude Awakening and
Heart Attack Elbow for two. Sky High DDT is blocked, and Rollins
goes for the buckle bomb, but Dolph with a sunset flip for two.
Superkick misses, but the Sky High DDT doesn’t, getting Dolph two.
The two duck kicks, but Rollins gets an apron enzuigiri. He goes up,
but Dolph meets him there. Rollins goes for the Murderdeathkill
powerbomb, but Dolph backdrops him off. Joey Mercury shoves Dolph
down, and the Curbstomp ends it at 7:24. This didn’t need a
commercial break mid-match. **
your winner of the This
Is Awesome moment of the year
Sting’s debut! Then again, Sting isn’t here, but a ticked-off
Rollins is, chasing Seth Green away. Rollins says Sting cost him the
biggest win of his career and is solely responsible for eliminating
the Authority. Rollins accepts on Sting’s behalf because Rollins
believes he deserves it more.
New Day pose by the Slammy statues AS a Slammy statue. Funny stuff.
Kofi’s up next.
Raw was robbed.
review some of the awards from earlier.
Kofi Kingston v. Stardust.
The two trade hammerlocks to start, with Stardust getting the
advantage. Kofi kicks away, but misses a blind crossbody and
Stardust with a springboard Binoic Elbow. He stomps away by the
ropes before raking the eyes. Kofi fights back, but a short elbow by
Stardust leads to a chinlock. Hairpull slam keeps Stardust in
charge, but Kofi with a kip-up rana (!!). He stops a blind charge
and begins the comeback, ending with a new variation on the Boom
Drop. Running knee in the corner and Kofi goes up, and the frog
crossbody ends it at 2:57. *1/4

Ace introduces the nominees for Surprise Return of the year, but
first he wants People Power back. Your nominees are: Hulk Hogan,
Batista, The Rock, and Ultimate Warrior. Voting is underway! And
here’s how you get the WWE App (I thought we were done with this).
Winner to be named after the break.
the Game of War ads are just Evony ads in live-action, right?
the Surprise Return
of the Year

is: Ultimate Warrior! They play a video tribute to him.
Seth Rollins thanks security for letting him do everything, but Paul
Heyman finds him. Heyman’s here to accept all the Slammys for Brock
Lesnar. They remind us that if Seth Rollins beats John Cena (Seth:
“IF?”), Cena is no longer on tap to face Brock Lesnar. Does that
make Rollins next? He does have the briefcase, and therefore can
face the champ whenever he wants. And when Rollins decides to do it,
no one will see it coming. Heyman, though, has a rebuttal: Brock
Lesnar may as well be Champion for Life. Rollins can still be the
future of the WWE – which was obvious from the day Rollins took out
Lesnar at Night of Champions – but John Cena, not Brock Lesnar, is
the one in the way. If Rollins wants to be the future, he must make
John Cena the past. Rollins is hyped.
get a look at NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte, who… is out for a
match!? Hey now, that’s next!
believe this makes Ultimate Warrior the first posthumous winner of a
NXT Match: Charlotte v. Natalya.
This is essentially an ad for NXT R-Evolution. Charlotte’s WHOO is
as good as Ric’s. Natlaya cheks with Tyson, so Charlotte jumps her
from behind and attacks. Shoulder thrusts in the corner, but charges
hit elbow and Natalya gets a sleeper. Package jawbreaker by
Charlotte gets two. Mounted punches by Charlotte, but Natalya slaps
her and reverses a kick block to a leglock, which Charlotte in turn
reverses to a chinlock. Natalya runs into a CHOP, then dedicates the
next one to Kidd. Flair kneedrop gets two. Another one hits, but
Natalya takes advantage of some stalling and tries a Sharpshooter.
Charlotte reverses to a figure-four try, but Natalya with the inside
cradle for the pin at 2:30. Tyson Kidd celebrates like he won. Way
too short, but Charlotte looks like she could fit in. 3/4*
the OMG Shocking Moment is… wait for it… Santino Marella. Crowd
is underwhelmed. And no, Luke Harper taking a shower doesn’t as a
shocking moment. And before you ask, yes, the Cobra is helping
present. Your nominees: Seth’s double-cross, Nikki Bella crushes her
sister, a children’s choir taunts John Cena, and the Streak ends. Go
NXT, Charlotte and Natalya were given 15 minutes and stole the show.
They get to Raw and it’s a 2-minute match that is background to Tyson
Kidd. As a fan of women’s wrestling, all I can say is Kevin Dunn
delenda est. I mean, would 5 or 6 minutes kill them?
it goes without saying that winner of the Shocking
Moment of the year

is: Brock Lesnar! Paul Heyman accepts on Brock’s behalf and says
very little.
now, we hear instead from Bray Wyatt. He talks about meeting Sister
Abigail for the first time – she was sitting in a rocking chair,
the same chair Bray Wyatt used, and the same chair Dean Ambrose
destroyed last week. He says Ambrose destroyed a piece of Bray Wyatt
by taking an irreplaceable part of Wyatt. So Wyatt had to get even
by taking something from Dean – his voice, on SmackDown. “Does
that shock you? Does that frighten you?” Bray is a monster, he’s
fear incarnate, and he despises everyone. He sees them only as moths
drawn to his flame, and people will be burned. And this Sunday, he
will bring hellfire from the ladder, conquering Dean Ambrose and
looking down at his mangled body as the world is not allowed to cry.
Ambrose deserves it all, that’s why. It comes in Tables, Ladders,
and Chairs. (Oh my.)
wait! An ambulance pulls up to the arena… and out steps Dean
Ambrose! He’s got a neck brace but is otherwise healthy. And he has
a table in the back of the ambulance, as well as ladders and chairs,
which he throws onto the ramp. And then, to make a point, he yanks
off the neck brace. He carries the ladder and chair to the ring, but
Bray Wyatt is not backing down. Ambrose throws everything into the
ring, including the ladder into Wyatt, then gets more toys and chucks
them onto Bray. In the ring, he sets up the table, but Bray bails
out (not unjustifiably so, mind you). Ambrose even offers himself
onto the table for Bray to get back in, then when Bray tries, he pegs
Wyatt with a chair.
“What is wrong with Ambrose?”
“Is there anything right with Ambrose?”
takes the mic – his voice has fully recovered – and promises
he’ll put Bray in the ambulance. With weapons, Ambrose is the
monster, and he promises to eat the Eater of Worlds.
Green returns (still pumped up over Dean’s antics) and introduces
Jerry Lawler to go over the Diva of the Year nominees: Brie Bella,
Paige, AJ Lee, and Nikki Bella. Voting continues on the App.
said it before, and I’ll say it again: Dean Ambrose is the modern
Roddy Piper. Stuff like laying on the table begging for Bray to
attack proves it. He’s got that vibe.
the Diva of the
AJ Lee! (The four Divas were waiting together backstage and got
photobombed by Titus O’Neil for no reason.) She’s happy that she has
redefined “Diva” – you no longer have to be girly. She hopes
next year the winner is an NXT alumna (she names them all), because
they’re next in line for the throne… but AJ is still queen, and
will be Divas’ Champion again.
Young interviews John Cena. He talks about how Vince said people
need to step up, and how Seth Rollins was offended and will make a
statement on Sunday… but first, he has to face someone who thought
he stepped up, but proved to be a puppet. First, he’s a puppet for
HHH, then for Seth Rollins. And on Sunday, a tables match – which
can end instantly. Seth doesn’t to pin or submit John Cena (which is
good, because he can’t); but if he puts Cena through a table, Seth
steps up and Cena may have to step down. Champions wins big matches,
so it’s go big or go home for Cena. He’s going to show the world
tonight instead of tell by slamming Big Show, and then he’ll step up
on Seth Rollins. If people think he’s done, bring your lunch,
because this Sunday, the “spineless, gutless little SOB” goes
through a table.
dunno what’s wrong with Cena, but even when he delivers on
interviews, it sounds redundant. And while that seems to work with
Hogan and Rock, it’s not working here. It just shows he’s one step
below those guys – but we all are in the business.
Erick Rowan v. Luke Harper.
Luke Harper brings a ladder with him for grins. It’s a slugfest to
start, with Rowan getting the better of it with headbutts. Avalanche
in the corner, but Harper returns with a dropkick for one. Stomps
and Gator Roll, into a chinlock. Rowan breaks out, but walks into a
superkick for two. Rowan backdrops out of a powerbomb and unloads
with clotheslines and another Avalanche. Full nelson slam gets two.
Harper kicks Rowan away and bails, but Rowan follows to the outside
only for Harper to use the ladder for the DQ at 2:03. 1/2*

leaps off the steps, but straight into a forearm shiver by Rowan, who
sends him into the stairs with a fireman’s carry drop. Rowan tosses
the stairs into the ring, but Harper catches him only to get tossed.
Harper eats stairs and bails.
Naomi is celebrating the Usos’ Slammy win from earlier. Jimmy and
Naomi get cute, but Naomi reveals that she heard from Miz’s agent.
The agent is real, but Jimmy doesn’t buy it. Whatever the case,
Naomi has a screen test later this week. Jimmy will come along
because he doesn’t trust Miz, but Naomi takes this as a personal
affront because that makes perfect sense, right?
Rose and company come out for LOL Moment of the Year. Are Rose and
Bunny getting along this week? Rose wishes he was hosting (he
mutters that the people in charge are clueless) before presenting our
nominess: Mr. T’s Hall of Fame speech, WeeLC, Damien Sandow’s copycat
act, and Vickie Guerrero dunking Stephanie. App vote time!
why wouldn’t Naomi want Jimmy with her for the screen test ANYWAY? I
mean, it just makes sense that you’d want your husband there for
moral support. Instead, she takes his desire to be with her as
offensive. How does this make sense?
we reveal the winner, here’s some more awards from earlier.
the winner for funniest
moment of the year

is: Damien San^H^H^HMizdow! Needless to say, Miz shoves Sandow out
of the way and does his speech for him. Crowd: “WE WANT MIZDOW!”
Miz: “Yes, you want Miz now!” Miz then finally gives credit to
the person who deserves it the most: his face.
and Lana head to the ring as we learn Rusev/Swagger III is on for TLC
for the US Title. No stipulations, which doesn’t bode well for the
challenger. Lana says the real funniest moment is everything about
America. Oh, and shut up. But the real joke is the Real Americans.
This, needless to say, brings Jack Swagger out on his own with a mic.
Jack says what goes around, comes around. He promises to break
Rusev’s ankle to get even for Colter’s leg, and the war is on! Rusev
sends Swagger into the barricade, but Rusev misses the superkick and
hits the barricade instead, hurting the ankle!Swagger slams him
ankle-first into the barricade. This of course leads to the Patriot
Lock, and Rusev taps! (Once, but still.) Officials have to yank
Swagger away. Crowd begins a We The People chant as Swagger tries to
drag five refs with him to get to a hurting Rusev.
THE PEOPLE. Also, Jack – I love you and all and you’ve got a great
act, but there’s a reason they gave you Dutch as a manager. Swagger
sounded like he was about to forget his lines and wanted to get them
out before he got caught up in the moment.
New Day will face the Dust Brothers on the TLC(S) Pre-Show.
The Usos and Ryback v. Kane, The
Miz, and Damien Sandow.

Seth Green joins commentary and is a fan of Sandow. Kane and Ryback
start, with Kane getting a headbutt. Ryback with a Thesz press and
mat slams, followed by the Stupid Splash for one. Kane clubs away on
Ryback and slams him as the crowd wants Sandow. Ryback with a diving
shoulder tackle for one, and Jimmy comes in with an axhandle to the
arm. Jey in, and he gets a sunset flip try, but Kane pulls him away
and nails an uppercut. But first, Seth Green takes a selfie. Miz in
with a headlock takedown. Miz knocks over Jey, but Jey recovers with
a hiptoss and headlock takedown of his own. (Sandow is imitating
everything Miz does, as always.) Miz with a kick in the corner, and
he and Sandow show off (crowd is on Sandow’s side). Jey avoids a
whip and chops away, which brings Sandow in to chop himself. Jey
suplexes Miz (and Sandow by proxy), then tosses Miz (and Sandow by
proxy) as we go to break.
real issue’s going to be how things go when Sandow eventually gets
tired and fights for himself. It’s been noted by a few of my friends
that it’s all fun until he gets in the ring, and there might be a
reason they’re keeping him on the sidelines.
#6ManTag, continued.
Kane has Jey in a chinlock. In a related note, I can finally tell
the two Usos apart. Jey escapes with a jawbreaer as we find out
Ryback did a stalling suplex on Miz (and Sandow by proxy) during the
break. Kane cuts off the hot tag and brings in Miz. Miz taunts
Jimmy, but Jey tries to fight back only to get hit with the Million
Dollar Move. Miz stomps away and knocks Jimmy off the apron before
keeping Jey from Ryback. Unsuccessfully, it turns out, as Ryback
gets in and goes to town on Miz. Spinebuster, Kane saves. The Usos
run into Kane’s goozle but escape and superkick Kane out. Jey dives
onto Kane, leaving Jimmy with Miz. Miz sends Jimmy out, but turns
around into the Meathook and Shell Shock for the pin at 9:57. Sandow
writhes in pain alongside Miz while Seth Green tries to raise
Ryback’s hand. Emphasis on tries. So the Usos hoist Green on their
shoulders. Perfectly acceptable six-man. *3/4
go back to the first ever Slammy Awards in 1986. And to think we’re
up to 77 now. Of course, they got to 37 by the next year, so who’s
Steamboat comes out to present for Match of the Year. Steamboat goes
over his Matches of the Year before presenting the nominees. Your
nominees are: WM30’s main event; Cena/Wyatt Last Man Standing;
Shield/Evolution I at Extreme Rules; and the Authority’s Last Stand
at Survivor Series. Begin voting now, and after this break, we’ll
announce the winner.
I had these matches at ****3/4, ****1/4, ****1/2, and ****1/4
respectively. So that should tell you where my vote went.
week, Raw and SmackDown are live, as is the Tribute to the Troops!
And yes, I’ll be recapping the Tribute live, assuming I remember.
first, the Match of
the Year

is: Cena/Authority! And to accept the award, Dolph Ziggler.
Steamboat shares some private but hopefully kind words with Dolph.
Dolph promises he’s going to build on that moment. He did what
everyone else would do – entertain with all his heart when jobs
were on the line. The Slammy truly belongs to the fans!
AJ Lee v. Summer Rae.
Summer pats AJ on the head and shoves her down. This irks AJ, who
unloads with a Thesz Press but walks into a wheelbarrow slam for two.
Hammer Throw and spinkick gets two. Leg choke against the middle
rope and she gets a seated cobra clutch. “Diva of the Year, huh?”
She slams AJ down for two, and back to the cobra clutch. Crowd
chants for the most over Diva, inspiring AJ to put on the Black Widow
for the submission at 2:19. Summer Rae continues to be awful. DUD
in a surprise return, Rob Van Dam is back to present the nominees for
Extreme Moment. Fun bit as his chyron appears on the screen, but
without his name on it. RVD says it couldn’t be anyone else. The
nominees are: Brock Lesnar gives John Cena ALL the German suplexes;
Kane Tombstones Daniel Bryan three times in a row; Chris Jericho
dives off the cage onto Bray Wyatt; Seth Rollins puts Dean Ambrose
through “cinderblocks”.
know, now that I’m thinking of it, that Rollins/Ambrose street fight
deserved to be a Match of the Year contender.
your Extreme Moment
of the year

is: Chris Jericho off the cage! But rather than get Jericho, we get
Fandango to accept on his behalf. He thanks Chris for losing to him
in his debut match.
Mick and Noelle give us more WWEShop stuff. (A replica Slammy goes
to Al Snow, because of course it does.)
Young is with Big Show. Show promises that he’ll be focused tonight.
He’s still mad that the fans won’t forgive his mistake. But what he
does to John Cena tonight isn’t a mistake. He’ll knock John Cena
out, and then take care of Erick Rowan, who’s out of his league. The
mistakes are theirs, not Show’s.
who do you suppose Scotty from Orlando is that was getting the Macho
Man DVD? Scotty Taylor? Scott Hall? Raven? Discuss if you want.
pre-show Slammy recapping.
now, Booker T will present Superstar of the Year. Your nominees are:
Brock Lesnar, Dean Ambrose, Daniel Bryan, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt,
John Cena, and Seth Rollins. VOTE! DO IT! DO IT NAOUGHW!
kayfabe, this is easy: Brock Lesnar. But that’s not how you decide
the vote.
Jericho will be your guest authority figure next week in Detroit.
the Superstar of
the Year

is: Roman Reigns! And he’s here to accept in person! And not via
satellite, as he himself notes. “It’s not the brass ring, but it’s
pretty damn good, and I love it.” He says he doesn’t care who is
at the top of the stairs, he’s going to step up to them. Believe
didn’t buy into the hype before, but if that Slammy voting is legit,
then I’ll get behind Roman Reigns as Royal Rumble winner.
Main event: John Cena v. Big

We review the punch by Big Show at Survivor Series for what feels
like the 100th
time. Show with a shot to the gut to start, then works over him in
the corner. HASHTAG. Hammer Throw on Cena, and Show just stands
over him. CHOP OF DEATH misses, and Cena tries to fight back, but he
bounces off of Big Show on a shoulderblock. Show walks over Cena.
Big slam follows, then an elbowdrop for two. Repeated kicks to the
gut follow, then the CHOP OF DEATH connects. Avalanche misses, and
Cena gets a DDT. Cena runs into a Bravo Side Slam for two. Show
kicks Cena around, then dominates a slugfest and clubs Cena down.
Cena kicks Show away, but leaps into a bearhug. Cena breaks it, then
escapes a chokeslam into a sleeper. Show drops to one knee, but he
snapmares to break. Cena goes for tackles that stagger Show, then
ducks the KO Punch and lands a back suplex. Five Knuckle Shuffle
follows, but Show catches him with the goozle. Cena escapes the
chokeslam again, and he gets the AA for the pin at… no, for Seth
Rollins to race in for the DQ at 5:40. You’re protecting BIG SHOW?
Noble, and Mercury beat the tar out of Cena before Rollins gets a
ladder and Noble and Mercury get a table. Rollins climbs the ladder,
threatening a Curbstomp off of it, when Dolph Ziggler races in and
tips the ladder over. Rollins bails, and security gets destroyed.
Big Show recovers and knocks Dolph and Cena both out, but this brings
out Erick Rowan. Rowan is caught from behind by Luke Harper,
allowing a double-team that sends Rowan into the stairs. Crowd wants
Ryback. Show chokeslams Rowan off the stairs (seriously, he
bounced), and now here comes Ryback. He sends Show into the post,
then Meathooks Harper in the ring. Table is set up, and Harper’s the
target, but while Harper’s up for Shell Shock, Kane appears and goes
nuts with a chair on Ryback. Dolph returns and is caught by Show,
but he escapes a chokeslam and superkicks Show repeatedly until the
giant’s out. Harper then wheelbarrow slams Dolph through the table,
so Cena AA’s Harper only to get Curbstomped by Rollins. He calls for
help from security as he clears the announce table, and he wants to
make an example of Cena. It’s the Shieldbomb to Cena through the
announce table. Rollins taunts Cena’s body to end as the heels stand
in heaven’s name couldn’t that match just end with a clean finish?
  1. New
    Day beats the Dust Brothers when Kofi pins Goldust.
  2. Miz
    and Damien Sandow beat the Usos when Sandow pins Jey (after Jimmy
    chases Miz off, Sandow decides against imitating the chasing and in
    favor of winning the match).
  3. Erick
    Rowan pins Big Show with help from the stairs.
  4. United
    States Champion Rusev defeats Jack Swagger by disqualification when
    Swagger uses Zeb Colter’s crutch as a weapon, leading to a future
    cage match.
  5. Ryback
    pins Kane with the help of chairs.
  6. Dolph
    Ziggler claims the title from Luke Harper to regain the
    Intercontinental Title.
  7. John
    Cena puts Seth Rollins through a table to go to the Royal Rumble.
  8. Nikki
    Bella defeats AJ Lee with interference by Brie, leading to a triple
    threat match at the Rumble.
  9. Dean
    Ambrose pins Bray Wyatt in the TLC match.
TIME: 32:50 over seven matches
MATCH: Rollins/Dolph
MATCH: AJ/Summer
MVP: Roman Reigns
Perri does Main Event. Tommy Hall does SmackDown. Scott Keith does
1996. Logan Scisco does 1998. Zanatude pokes Southern States
Wrestling with a stick. And you provide the discussion.
the Slammy for Recapper of the Year goes to… Brian Bayless? I want
a recount! Our e-fed is not a recap!!

BoD Survivor Series

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Finally, BoD Survivor Series has arrived. Let’s jump right into things as we see a glimpse inside the locker room of the face side of the 5 Tag-Team Traiditional BoD Survivor Series match:

Mar Solo presents each member of the team with their own carafe of “Special Brew” coffee. Solo distributes them with great enthusiasm as he prepares a toast for his team, who are wondering where the cups are but Solo raises his own carafe and starts chugging as the other nine guys look at him in disbelief. After a minute, Solo finishes and slams down the carafe as he proceeds to run out to the ring for the match. The other nine guys look around then Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James proceed to GIT FUN-KAY. Abeyance & thebraziliankid are on their phones feverishly typing away in the BoD Evening Thread about god knows what. The Drivers arrive as the bus that takes them to the arena broke down and Dr. Facts & Onita100 are just happy to be part of the card. 

Now lets head to the other locker room:

Curtis Williams is putting on his tape as theberzerker yells “HUSS” repeatedly. WWF1987 & Bobby are getting ready as they prepare to stop the funk tonight. “Happening” Harry Broadhurst says that no one will get to hear Harry facts 18-27 but that Harry Fact #28 is that he will not get eliminated from this match. Danimal, Harry’s partner, appears to only be talking using insider wrestling terms as he tells Paul Meekin to stop “working the boys.” And finally the RIPSHIT KILLERS walk through the walls as THE YETAAAAY punches off the cinder block that was stuck on AAAARGH THE BARBARIAN’S antler. 

Strike Force & Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James & Abeyance & thebraziliankid & The Drivers & Dr. Facts & Onita100 vs. Curtzerker & Paul Meekin & White Thunder & RIPSHIT KILLERS & Harry Broadhurst & Danimal Crossing & WWF1987 & Bobby

Mar Solo has the 1986 Chrysler Lebaron convertible and tells his teammates to pile up as he proceeds to push them all to the ring. JAVA POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oddly enough, the Drivers, who take the bus to the arena, got driven out to the ring. Match starts with Williams and Harris going at it in the middle of the ring. Harris punches his way out and tags James, who comes off of the top rope with an elbow drop that gets two. James now tags Spicolli Driver as he stays on offense. Williams rakes the eyes and tags Thunder, who takes control of the match. Spicolli Driver tags out to Dr. Facts as he comes in swinging. DDT gets two. Gutbuster gets two. Dr. Facts climbs up top but Thunder ducks a crossbody then tags Meekin. Thunder puts on the figure four then Meekin hits the Earthquake splash for the pin as Dr. Facts & Onita100 have been eliminated. thebraziliankid comes in and dropkicks Meekin from behind. thebraziliankid tags Abeyance as they try to double slam Meekin but that fails. Meekin sends them both down with clubbing forearms then tags Danimal, who drops an elbow on Abeyance. Danimal stays on the attack and tags Broadhurst, who finally makes it in the ring! Harry Fact #29 is that Abeyance got stomped on the head and #30 is that a suplex got him a two count. Harry tags out to Meekin, who toys with Abeyance then taunts the crowd, who comes back with the signature “Shut up Meekin” chant. Meekin sends Abeyance into the corner but misses the Avalanche splash as both men are down. The crowd chants for Abey as Meekin picks himself up but White Thunder runs in and boots Abeyance down. thebraziliankid comes into the ring as the ref tries to maintain order. Meekin grabs Abey as the ref orders the Kid to the corner but Thunder accidentally hits Meekin instead with a high knee smash then Abey comes back with the Zig Zag off of the rebound and covers for the pin as White Thunder & Paul Meekin have been eliminated. OH NO, THE YETAAAAY has come in and knocked Abey down. The YETAAAAY tags his partner as the RIPSHIT KILLERS are destroying Abey in the corner. Abey needs to make the tag as Bobby is in the match choking out Abey with his foot. Bobby sends Abey in the corner but eats boot on a charge then Abey makes the tag to Harris as things are GITTIN’ FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Harris goes after Bobby and beats on him but WWF1987 runs in and now Lil’ James comes in and there is a four-man brawl in the ring. Neither team will stop so the referee ha no choice but to disqualify both teams as WWF1987 & Bobby and Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James have been eliminated as this is now a 3 on 3 match. Matt Indeed comes in as Mar Solo is highstepping and pumping his fist out on the floor as he still has on his white windbreaker. He’s excited, folks! Indeed hits Danimal with a pair of armdrags then highsteps himself while bouncing around. AAAARGH THE BARBARIAN tags into the match and Indeed ducks a clothesline and takes him out with a dropkick. Solo tags himself in and Strike Force takes out both of the RIPSHIT KILLERS with dropkicks as the crowd is in a frenzy. AAAARGH THE BARBARIAN tags in Broadhurst as Solo is in the match for the other team. Solo catches Broadhurst with a hip toss then parades around the ring pumping his fist. Juvydriver tags and chops down the Happening One. theberzerker tags as the HUSS section erupts. “HUSS” “HUSS” “HUSS.” theberzerker HUSSES and backs Juvy into the corner. Juvy escapes and charges at theberzerker but runs into a boot then Williams tags himself into the match and they put Juvy in the HUSS lock as Juvy taps out almost immediately as The Drivers have been eliminated. It’s 3-2 now as Williams jumps thebraziliankid from behind. On the apron it appears that Mar Solo is crashing as the effects of a carafe’s worth of coffee of caffeine has worn off. Danimal tags and yells “get heat” as he stomps away. Abey tries to rally the crowd behind his partner as Solo is sleeping on the apron. Indeed runs to the back as I have no idea what is happening now. Tag to theberzerker as he HUSSES a lot. Williams tags himself into the match and puts the Kid in a sleeper as two people on the face side are asleep. Indeed is pushing a tray down the ramp and…and…….THAT’S A CARAFE OF SPECIAL BREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Indeed tries to wake up Solo then pours him a cup. Solo takes a sip and is immediately awake then chugs the carafe as Danimal tags back into the match. The Kid slides underneath him and ducks a clothesline then comes back with an enziguiri as both men are down. The Kid is up first and rolls away then tags Solo, who is a carafe of fire!!!!! He runs in at full speed and knocks down Danimal then takes him out with a flying forearm and gets the pin as Danimal Crossing & Harry Broadhurst have been eliminated. Harry lets us know that Harry Fact #31 is that he was never pinned. thebererker is in the ring but Solo knocks him outside with a flying forearm. As theberzerker gets up, he notices the HUSS section. They are all yelling “HUSS” as theberzerker looks at them and yells “HUSS” right back. They are all communicating through the powers of HUSS but the referee is counting as Williams is yelling for his partner to get back into the ring but it’s too late as theberzerker got counted out and Curtzerker has been eliminated. THE RIPSHIT KILLERS head into the ring but Strike Force and Abey & Kid take them out with double dropkicks as Abey hits THE YETAAAAY with the Zig Zag and Kid climbs up top for the leg drop and gets the pin as THE RIPSHIT KILLERS have been eliminated and your winners are Strike Force and Abeyance & thebraziliankid.

SURVIVORS: Strike Force, Abeyance & thebraziliankid

In the Administration locker room, GM Bayless prepares his team for their upcoming match against Archie Stackhouse and the Riverdale Covenant. They then head to the ring. As they are inside, Stackhouse comes out with his Covenant that consists of Reggie, Hot Dog, Moose, and Pee Wee. Stackhouse then grabs the mic:

“Let me introduce to you all my Covenant. Here they are: Gosh Hopkins, Garth Holmberg, Rockstar Gary’s #1 Fan, and…………………………Nebb28!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Bayless is beside himself. Those are his Administration cabinet members.

GM Bayless & The Administration vs. Archie Stackhouse & Riverdale Covenant

Nebb starts off the match with Average Joe Everyman. Joe tries to tell his friend to come back to the Administration but Nebb laughs it off and pulls out HIS PET ROCK!!!!! Bayless yells from the apron that the rock is his but Nebb bounces it off of the head of Joe then hits a Downward Spiral for the pin as Average Joe Everyman has been eliminated. And now the other Covenant members not involved in this match carry Joe to the back as White Coat Security heads after them. Nebb tags #1 Fan as he heads over and decks Gary. He tosses Gary into the corner then tags Archie, who smiles then hits the Neck Crank and covers for the pin as Rockstar Gary has been eliminated. And Moose and Pee Wee are back and take Gary away. It’s 5-3 as Archie grabs a jacket and shows it to Bill Ray. It’s a Covenant Jacket with his name on it as they are recruiting Ray! Bayless yells at him not to take it as Ray seems conflicted. Justice Gray sneak attacks Stackhouse from behind now but Stackhouse turns right around and grabs him by the neck. Bayless & Ray now take down Stackhouse from behind but the entire Covenant runs in to save their leader. The Administration manage to escape the ring as Bayless yells at the fabulous timekeeper, Mister E Mahn, to ring the bell. The bell does no get rung as we do not have official word that this match is over now Bayless tells the remaining men to head back to the locker room and as they head up the ramp they run into Reggie and Hot Dog!!!!! The Administration and the GM now take off through the crowd as the entire Covenant chases after them. The ref counts to ten as the only person in the ring is Archie Stackhouse and he has won the match by default since everyone else has been counted out. Stackhouse calmly walks out and heads to the back as this feud appears to be far from over.

SURVIVOR: Archie Stackhouse

After hearing from the Champion side of the match two weeks ago, lets hear from the challengers:

Mikey Mike: “I lost the C-List Title once and I will get it back, DBSM. And when I do it’s staying with me forever and when that happens you can say by to Mark Linn-Baker and Harvey Grant forever!

Andy PG: “Perri, what you did to my friend Stranger was inexcusable. It was chickenshit! Tonight, I will pay tribute to the Stranger by eating a meal similar to his. I had Frankenberry for breakfast, a donair for lunch then a can of soda and the pulled pork pizza from Papa John’s for dinner before kicking Perri’s ass all over the ring.”

Magoonie: “Tonight, Upper Midcard Express, we get our revenge on you then after that we will take the Tag Team Championship Belts right back to the midcard! 

Ferrari: (gets off of his cell phone) Sorry but I don’t have time as I have to judge the 4th Annual Poughkeepsie Bird House Festival. Rita Dugan is looking to take home her 4th PBHF #1 Trophy. Is their an assistant around to hand me a Larabar? No, oh, uh, Upper Midcard Express, we comin’ for you!

Kaptain Kiwi: “Hart Killer, I went to New Zealand and trained in conditions that would make any third-world prisoner jealous. Sir Garea was hard on me so I could take on anyone and win anything. And after this, I will win the BoD Solid B+ Player Championship. 

Before the match starts, DBSM comes out to the ring with his entourage and is about to introduce the newest member of his posse. Who will it be:

DBSM: “Now, the musician of the posse, the one who will always sing on the drive to the parties and when we use Uber to bring us home, get up on your feet and put your hands together as it’s virtually insanity that you get to see him. Ladies and gentleman, here is…………………………………………………..


Technically, he is Jay Kay, but fuck that and the group too. All the stars are here tonight, folks.

Champions vs. Challengers
DBSM & “Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle & Hart Killer & Upper Midcard Express vs. Mikey Mike & Andy PG & Kaptain Kiwi & Midcard Mafia

Starting off this match are Magoonie and DBSM, who points at his posse in the front row as we see them. Jamiroquai’s hat is blocking the view of everyone else. DBSM is acting a bit cocky here as he slaps Magoonie on the back. Magoonie slaps him back and drops him with a back elbow smash. DBSM scurries over and tags kbjone, who comes in and stares down Magoonie, who is a house of fire. Magoonie takes him own with a hip toss. Magoonie tags his partner, Ferrari, who comes in and works the arm. Ferrari gives kbjone a backbreaker and that gets two as Petuka runs in for the save. Magoonie runs in but the ref orders him to the back as the UMX are double-teaming Ferrari. Petuka is now the legal man and he puts the boots to Ferrari. He whips him in the corner but Ferrari dodges a charge. Ferrari hits a suplex then kbjone runs but Ferrari takes care of him. Magoonie runs in but Petuka ducks and he accidentally boots his partner down. kbjone grounds Magoonie as Petuka covers and grabs tights for the pin as Steve Ferrari has been eliminated. The UMX are now beating on Magoonie as they hit him with a double suplex as Ferrari is livid. Ferrari appears to leave but stops and goes back in and kicks Magoonie right in the face! The UMX are shocked and the rest of the Challengers are irate as Ferrari heads to the back. Piers tries to go over to him but Ferrari completely ignores him. Uh oh, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD!!!!! PETUKA BAZOOKA IS ABOUT TO BE LAUNCHED.

petuka bazooka
Petuka Bazooka

And Petuka covers for the pin as Magoonie has been eliminated. The Champions now have a 5-3 advantage. Andy PG is in the ring as Perri also tags into the match. Andy begs Perri to come over but he tags kbjone instead. Andy takes down kbjone then tags Kaptain Kiwi. And Kaptain Kiwi is unleashing some GAREA MADNESS!!!!!!! Two jumping side headlock takeovers and a hiptoss. Petuka runs in and Kiwi backdrops him. Kiwi goes over to kbjone and puts him in an abdominal stretch then takes him over in a cradle and gets the pin as kbjone has been eliminated. DBSM runs in and takes down Kiwi from behind. DBSM hits a back suplex that gets the thumbs up gesture from the guy who played Waldo on”Family Matters.” Perri tags in and boots down Kiwi as Miss Danielle cheers from the outside. Perri whips Kiwi but he leapfrogs him and hits a crossbody as both men are down. Kiwi gets up and somersaults then tags Mikey Mike, who goes right after Perri, who runs over and tags DBSM. The C-List champion and his challenger go at it in the ring trading punches. DBSM gets a knee to the gut and once again signals over to his posse but that allows Mike to roll him up and get the pin as DBSM has been eliminated. It’s 3-3 again in the match as Hart Killer runs in and chop blocks Mike then immediate turns him over for the Sharpshooter but Mike grabs the ropes. Perri tags and kicks Mike then taunts Andy, who is sitting on the apron. Andy runs in and shoves down the referee and goes right after Perri. The ref signals for the DQ as Andy PG has been eliminated. Andy takes Perri outside and is laying into him with right hands as he is fighting for his friend, Stranger in the Alps. Perri then puts Miss Danielle in front of him as Andy stops and Perri heads through the crowd. Andy sidesteps Danielle and chases after Perri as the referee counts to ten as Matt Perri has been eliminated. It is now 2-2 as Petuka is beating on Mike. Hart Killer tags and starts choking out Mike. The ref breaks that up as Petuka and Hart Killer are beating on Mike as Kiwi looks on in anger. Or not as Sir Tony Garea taught him well to master the stonefaced facial expression. Hart Killer now as Mike in the Sharpshooter. Mike tries to reach the ropes but Hart Killer pulls him back in the middle of the ring and after a valiant effort, Mike taps out as Mikey Mike has been eliminated. Its now 2-1 as Petuka yanks Kiwi off of the apron. He rolls him back inside as Hart Killer puts him in the Sharpshooter. Kiwi is in the move but look he is powering out!!!!!!!!!!! His facial expression remains the exact same as he gets out of the move. Petuka tags in and quickly goes after Kiwi. Petuka gets him up and DEAR LORD NOT ANOTHER PETUKA BAZOOKA. But wait, Kiwi floats over and uses a reverse rollup that knocks Hart Killer off of the apron and gets the pin as John Petuka has been eliminated. It is now 1 on 1 as the crowd goes nuts as Kiwi has Hart Killer where he wants him. Kiwi hits Hart Killer with a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGG jumping side headlock takeover. That was so beautiful Sir Tony would think about cracking a smile. Kiwi is now firing away as Hart Killer calls for time but his wish does not get granted. Kiwi goes up top and tries for a crossbody but Hart Killer ducks the move and rolls him up and grabs the ropes and gets the win as Kaptain Kiwi has been eliminated. Oh man. Kiwi rolls right outside and heads up the ramp as we are all getting 1986 Tony Garea flashbacks when he really didnt feel like doing the job. Has the bad luck of Kaptain Kiwi returned? Will he ever be able to beat Hart Killer for his title when they finally meet?

SURVIVOR: Hart Killer

Backstage, an angry Steve Ferrari heads to the parking lot and goes up to the Yaris, but walks right by it and gets into a black sedan. Guess he is traveling in style to his next gig.

Team Ice Cream: Hoss & Primetime Ten & Biscuit & Tommy Hall & Dock Muraco vs. The Good Guys: Beard Money & Joe Dust & Logan Scisco & “Mr. WCW” Chris F-B & Night81

Hoss has pushed out a cooler full of ice cream and plates of lettuce. He yells at his team that if they lose, they will have to eat lettuce. Hall, who according to Wade Michael Meltzer, has been so desperate he was found dumpster diving at Panera Bread, starts off the match with Scisco, his BoD Mania opponent from last year. Scisco starts unloading on Hall, who looks too depressed to even fight back. Scisco charges and hits a flying forearm then goes up top and drops an elbow and gets the pin as Tommy Hall has been eliminated. And Tommy slumps out of the ring as Hoss yells at him to eat his lettuce. EAT YOU’RE SAD LETTUCE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muraco, wearing his “If You Want Me to Attend You’re Wedding, Don’t Schedule it During the G1 Tournament” T-Shirt comes in and hits Scisco hits 14 chops. He then yells at Chris F-B, saying that the Barbarian never had a *** match. Muraco yells some more but that allows Scisco to fight back. He tags Joe Dust, who drops Muraco with a backbreaker. Beard Money tags and does a ****-star cartwheel as he catches Muraco in a bearhug but Hoss runs in and breaks that up. The crowd boos Hoss as the camera pans to granny as she is upset in the crowd. Beard Money gets up as Muraco tags Biscuit, who boots him right in the face. Biscuit is a grizzled veteran who in fact is so grizzled that everytime he thinks about using an ice pack to relieve his pain, he smashes glass into the ground then grinds his knuckles into the remains and does a 100 pushups instead. Biscuit tags back Muraco, who does not care for sports entertainers like Beard Money. Muraco locks on a cross armbreaker but Money reaches the ropes. Muraco tries to work the leg but Beard Money escapes and tags Mr. WCW, who climbs up and waits for Muraco to get up and when he does he hits a flying shoulder tackle then puts him in a small package and gets the pin as Dock Muraco has been eliminated. It’s 5 on 3 now as Muraco is fuming over the notion that the Barbarian was having ***+ matches in WCW. Mr. WCW looks at him but that allows Hoss to attack him from behind. EAT YOUR -***** LETTUCE, DAMMIT! yells Hoss at Muraco. Hoss then picks up Mr. WCW and hits the pants-shitter (atomic drop) and chokeslams him for the pin as Mr. WCW has been eliminated. Scisco tags in and he leaps off of the top but Hoss catches him and slams him down. Hoss then picks Scisco up and hits another chokeslam for the pin as Logan Scisco has been eliminated. Hoss has made it a 3 on 3 affair. Night81 comes in as Hoss tags PrimeTime Ten so he can have an ice cream break. PrimeTime and Night go back and forth for a while until PrimeTime rakes Night in the eyes. Biscuit tags back in and goes after Night as these two have had quite the battle the past few weeks. Night regains control and hits Biscuit with a spinebuster for a nearfall. Joe Dust tags but Biscuit reverses an Irish whip by Night and sends him into Joe as Biscuit rolls up Joe and get the pin as Joe Dust has been eliminated. Joe rolls outside as he is not happy at all. Biscuit beats on Night then tags PrimeTime, who crashes and burns after a top rope splash. Night gets up then somersaults underneath PrimeTime and makes the tag to Beard Money, who whips his former enemy into the ropes and catches him in a bearhug and gets the pin as PrimeTime Ten has been eliminated. Its a 2 on 2 match now as Beard Money is in with Biscuit. He tags Night, who goes to work on Biscuit. Night gets his Irish whip reversed and Hoss knees Night in the back. Biscuit clotheslines down Night then tags Hoss, who hits a chokeslam and gets the pin as Night81 has been eliminated. Its 2 on 1 now as Beard Money gets into the ring. Biscuit tags in and takes Beard Money down with a knee smash. The Midwestern grappler tries to stretch out Beard Money but gets taken over with a hip toss. Hoss runs in and Beard Money usees his momentum to shove him to the floor. Beard Money then looks outside and see Hoss flip out on the ice cream man because he is selling ice cream bars. Hoss thinks dirty hillbillies are the only ones who eat ice cream on a stick. The ice cream man won’t give Granny her money back as Hoss is yelling at both of them. Beard Money comes out but the Ice Cream Man whacks Beard Money in the face! WAIT A MINUTE, that is not an ice cream man, that is…………………………BIFF KENSINGTON III!!!!!!! BK3 takes off his fake mustache and cap as Hoss rolls inside and just beats the ten count as Beard Money has been eliminated. Hoss rolls outside and laughs with Biff, who calls himself the Ice Cream Man. Biff grabs the mic:

“And here is my first member of Kensington Enterprises, HOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And guess what, he can get all the ice cream he wants.
Hoss grabs the mic:



Lets go backstage and see what is happening:

Mar Solo is with his partner, Abeyance and thebraziliankid. He is brewing his victory roast as he runs around high-fiving everyone

The production crew is running away as Archie Stackhouse is coming down the hallway looking for the administration. We see another camera crew that caught up to GM Bayless, Gray and Bill Ray down the road. Ray keeps looking behind him as Bayless’ driver, Trunk Barlow, takes him away to his secret location.

In catering, Andy PG and Matt Perri are fighting as Miss Danielle is screaming. White Coat Security is running in to break things up.

Backstage, Jobber and the Job Mob approach Parallax:

Jobber: Parallax, you ready for the match?
Parallax: (Pissed) I am but you lie to me again and I will curb stomp each and everyone of you. And even if you do not, I will get that title off of your waist. Maybe not today, but starting tomorrow, every day I get out of bed I do so with the full intention of being the champ. Not you, Forum Boy, or that Fuj shithead will stand in my way. (Parallax blows by them as he heads to the ring. 

Jobber & Parallax & Job Mob vs. Jef Vinson & Fuj & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & cabspaintedyellow

Before the match, Zanatude proudly proclaims that GM Bayless has made his Six-Man Tag Championships official. Match starts with Cabs and the illustrious Stuart Chartock in the ring. Cabs gets the best of him. Zanatude tags and Cabs works the arm. He hits a dropkick as Parallax tags into the match. Cabs goes right after him, the man who curbstomped him out of anger a few months ago. Parallax swings and misses and Cabs gets two with a DDT. Shoulderbreaker gets two. Cabs sends Parallax into the corner but eats boot on a charge. Parallax climbs up top and pulls back the arms of Cabs and hits a Super Curbstomp then covers for the pin as cabspaintedyellow has been eliminated. Kyle Warne is in the match as Zanatude tags himself in now. Zanatude tells us all that he is indeed the six-man champion of the BoD. Warne locks up with Zanatude, who grabs the ropes. Big Dirty Murph runs over and decks Warne from behind. Zanatude slides over and covers but that just gets two. Chartock is in the ring now and he tries a slam but Warne floats over and hits a lungblower as both men are down. Warne is up first and makes the tag to Adam Curry! The pride of Buffalo runs in and spears Chartock. Curry runs over and decks Murph and Zanatude off of the apron. He then backdrops Chartock and follows that with a Lionsault then tags Warne as they set up for the powerplex. Warne comes off the top with a superplex and Curry hits the SSP and covers for the pin as Stuart Chartock has been eliminated. Murph runs in and cheapshots Curry then puts the boots to him. Murph whips Curry but misses a clothesline and gets hit with a leg lariat. Curry hits a springboard dropkick then puts Murph in a La Magistral Cradle and gets the pin! Big Dirty Murph has been eliminated. Jobber is in now and he kicks Curry in the face. Jobber picks him up for a slam but Curry turns that into a small package for two. Jobber send Curry into the ropes and Murph with a chair cracks Curry in the head. The ref yells at Murph to leave then Jobber picks up Curry and hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin as Adam Curry has been eliminated. It’s 3 on 3 now as Fuj enters for the first time and goes back and forth with Jobber. A medic is tending to Curry, who brushes him off and heads to the back, presumably to look for Murph. Zanatude tags and comes off the top with an elbow on the head of Fuj. Zanatude tries to go up again but Fuj cuts him off. Zanatude is able to shove Fuj off but gets caught coming off the top with a double axe handle. Fuj then picks up Zanatude and hits a wheelbarrow suplex and rolls through to put Zanatude in the ankle lock! Zanatude is panicking the taps out as Zanatude has been eliminated. Parallax enters and stares down the Fuj. These two are not fans of each other to say the least. Now the action starts as they are swinging wildly. Jobber runs in but Vinson flies across the ring with a flying forearm as the match has completely broken down. Vinson takes himself and Jobber to the floor with a clothesline as they are brawling. In the ring Fuj ducks a clothesline as the ref gets flattened. He is out like a light. The Job Mob run down the aisle and are carrying a table. But wait, Adam Curry is coming down and he flies right after Murph! It’s mayhem in the BoD! Curry is fighting off the Job Mob by himself but is falling prey to the numbers game but out from the stands come Cultstatus. He boots down Chartock then spears Murph through the barricade!!!!!!!! The ref slowly gets up as Zanatude slides the table near the ring apron as Parallax and Fuj are battling. Cult runs in and Parallax has Fuj up for a back suplex through the table but Cult whacks him with a chair in the face and they both crash through the table!!!! The ref gets up and starts counting and gets to ten as both Parallax and the Fuj have been eliminated. Cult is now going over to both guys and slams down the chair as White Coat Security drags him away as he is not medically cleared to be here tonight. Jobber is in the ring now as Vinson is busted open. Jobber picks up Vinson and hits a backbreaker that gets two. Jobber puts Vinson in a Boston Crab now as the champ is in complete control. The medics are coming out to check on both Parallax and the Fuj as this match continues. Jobber places Vinson up top and goes for a Super Death Valley Driver but Vinson counters with a DDT in midair as both men are down! The crowd starts a “holy shit” chant as each man slowly gets up. They start trading punches as they get to their feet. Jobber with a leapfrog but gets caught with a dropkick as Vinson stopped short. Vinson with a rollup that triggers a pinfall reversal sequence as the crowd is into this match. Vinson tries a crossbody but Jobber catches him and falls forward with a slam and that gets two. Jobber pulls up Vinson and signals for the Razor’s Edge. He picks up Vinson for the move but he slipped out. Vinson tries to get Jobber in the TKO but Jobber stops that and they trade reversals for a minute. Vinson gets sent into the corner but Jobber misses a charge and Vinson stuns him with a hook and picks up Jobber and hits the TKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vinson covers 1………………………………….2………………………………………3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as Jobber has been eliminated. Vinson gets up and looks at the carnage that surrounds him as he is the lone survivor of this match. The camera shows Parallax and Fuj being helped by medics but they see each other and are now brawling in the aisle!!!!!!! Vinson is back in the ring as he is the winner and will get another chance to face Jobber or the Title. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Night Open Mic

Howdy Blog O’Doomers!

Hope your day is going well. It’s pretty rainy and grey here so a nice night to make some chili or stew and lay under a blanket to read or watch some TV.

So I guess C.M. Punk signed with UFC. First I’m curious if Punk is a guy that can move buyrates and second I wonder how desperate Dana White is to get those buyrates.

Does Punk have any history as a fighter? I heard he does some BJJ but I don’t know. It’s not like the signing of Brock because Brock had some serious credibility based on his days as an All-American heavyweight wrestler.

Anyway I wish the guy well and I think it’s good on him for doing something he clearly wants to do and has a passion for. I’m sure he’s not going to be given the toughest competition to start but I’m not sure Punk is the big money-drawing star White think he’ll be.

Speaking of Lesnar, here’s a match of him back in the day with Shelton Benjamin as the Minnesota Stretching Crew.

TV Tonight is:

MNF is Packers-Falcons
It’s Slammys Night on RAW
7 NBA Games, Cavaliers are at Brooklyn
3 NHL Games, Pens-Rangers is the best bet there.

President Obama is on Colbert tonight.

Keep it clean!

DVD question


As a big collector of WWE DVDs in the past, I've always wondered what sets sell well and what sets don't.  Is there a list/website that tracks the sales numbers?


Yeah the WWE investor's site typically goes over home video sales and maintains a top 5 for the year, so you'll get numbers every quarter.  I just remember that the SNME one disappointed, for example, which is why there hasn't been a sequel yet.  Generally the Observer will lay out the numbers when they become available.  

WWE Boxsets

Hi Scott,

As someone without Network access I rely on DVD/Blu-Ray purchases to satisfy my lust for wrestling of years past. Be it WCW, ECW or early 90's WWF.

Which of the boxsets released by WWE have been your favourite? Any particular one you thoroughly enjoyed enough to suggest for a purchase?

Clash of Champions has got to be my favourite of recent-ish releases.


It's your own fault for having a address.  However, if you REALLY wanted, you could have Network access.  

That being said, the Ultimate Ric Flair collection is by far my favorite, with a bazillion ***** matches on there and another metric fuckton of awesome promos.  The HITC set is great, but not the kind of thing I can watch straight through for 9 hours because it tends to get a bit overwhelming.  Of course, the Punk set (which fucking apparently sent to the WRONG ADDRESS and so I never got it!) and I also really loved the SNME set, even if it didn't sell great.  The Rise and Fall of ECW and Unreleased sets are nice slices of the promotion that distill it down to watchable chunks and eliminate a lot of the extraneous crap, so I'd recommend either of them as well. Finally, the original Bret Hart set, tears in my eyes, blah blah.