I Have Issues 25

The 20 Greatest Superman Fights
Part 1

Like everyone else I saw this.

It looks like even if the movie sucks the action is finally going to be accurate for a Superman fight! Something I and many other Superman fans have been dying to see as the best current Superman live action fight is from Superman 2 and is to say the least outdated. So in a four part series I am going to be showcasing 20 great Superman fights from the comics. Unlike the last times I did fight lists I am not going to be doing them in order of greatness. One reason is because everyone has their own opinions of what are the best fights and who am I to tell anyone they are wrong. The second reason is because it just gives me a headache. Thinking what should go where is just too many brain cells wasted on something that should be fun! So without further ado lets go to the cards!

Superman VS. The Kryptonian Super-Criminals ( Action Comics 846,851 and Action Comics annual 11, 2007-08)

Yes you read that right this battle took place over two years! 

That’s just because Adam Kubert couldn’t maintain his deadlines and the story had whole arcs in the middle of it. 

The criminals heat vision the hell out of the daily planet and just as Superman is pulling the jacket apart to reveal the S he is stomped from behind by Non, the brute of the three criminals. Being shoved through three buildings and into the ground of the park he rises up and punches Non. Non simply spits out a tooth and pushes Superman into the ground, holding him there for Zod. 

After a short conversation of Zod introducing himself, he punts Clark! Non flies in but is uppercut into the atmosphere as Zod goes into the test of strength with Kal son of Jor El. Suddenly countless space pods fall from the skies releasing even more Kryptonian criminals. Zod sends Kal into the Phantom Zone. 

After a time Superman finds his way back to the real world. Superman is shocked to find Metropolis has been left like an abandoned city with a faux crystal fortress of solitude created right in the middle. In this fortress the criminals have gathered Lois, Supergirl, Batman and various other heroes. 

Out-manned and outgunned, Superman finds Lex and request his help to defeat the criminals as Luthor is the expert on trying to kill Kryptonians. Luthor corrects Superman in that the hero will be helping him, not the other way around. Luthor has formed the Superman Revenge squad with Bizarro, Metallo and Parasite. He also has created red sun rifles to weaken Kryptonians and Green K rifles to kill them.

The U.S. Army is first up as they cruise into Metropolis and the Kyptonians go wild until Zod reaches the General and asks him for the total surrender of everyone on Earth (as if he could authorize something like that!) It’s then Supes comes in Rambo style with the Luthor rifles. The Revenge squad folows with Bizarro going toe to toe with Non and Metallo using Gold Kryptonite to take away some of the criminals powers sending them falling from the sky. 

In one of the greatest Lex moments he is attacked by a Kryptonian and uses a Kryptonite dust grenade to choke him up, he then fires a rifle to set the criminal on fire and then uses a single Kryptonite bullet to kill him. He then says, “So this is what it feels like to kill a Kryptonian. Feels Good.” 

Superman releases the rest of the heroes captured and together they work together to stop the criminals. 

Of course it ends up with Superman versus Zod above the streets of Metropolis where Kal proves that one on one Zod ain’t shit compared to him. 

Superman VS. Darkseid (Action Comics 586, 1987)
This is another short but sweet one. I scoured my back issues for a proper throw down between these two and surprisingly couldn’t find one. I even reread Final Crisis! Nope I still do not understand what the hell is going on in that story. It did have pretty pictures though! Anyway I was about to give up with the thought that maybe the reason I thought the two had a great brawl other than In the cartoons is because of this game.
Remember this one?
So I came across this story which is the first confrontation between post crisis Superman and Darkseid. Darkseid brings Supes to Apokolips via his eye blasts. On Apokolips Superman gets amnesia after battling some of the denizens of the hell planet and then is seduced (and gets busy!) with the rebel leader. The rebel leader known as Amazing Grace is actually a servant of Darkseid and uses the man of steel to put down the rebels and do battle with Orion and Lightray. In the end the New Gods use a mother box to return Superman’s memory and his costume to him.

Superman awakens from his amnesia and finds Darkseid’s eye blasts tracking him. 

Weaving all through the planet Superman finds and causes the beams to strike the Dictator himself. 
Darkseid survives his own blast and then pours it onto Superman but admits he needs time to recharge to get back to full strength. 
Supes has had enough and backhands the monster. A flurry of punches later and Darkseid sends the Kryptonian back to Earth via a mother box. 
The Deus Ex Machina, getting writers out of shit for thousands of years!
Superman vs. Thor (Avengers/JLA #2, 2003)
In the crossover that put more than a few comic fans into a nerd coma, we finally got to see the battle of the premier tough guys of their respective universes. Thor, Son of Odin God of Thunder vs Superman, Son of Jor-el the Man of Steel. In what could have had an entire issue devoted to it, 
We got a short but sweet fight.  Superman avoids the first Hammer blow and comes back with a swooping punch. Thor knocks Supes through a forest and Supes comes back with blazing heat vision. At first hurt by the blast Thor shrugs it off as he comes in for a deathblow with his Hammer. 
Thor strikes but Supes stops the hammer  with his hand and knocks Thor unconscious. 
Then the Avengers dog pile Superman and bludgeon/blast him into submission. Still it was finally settled, Superman is tougher then Thor, so put away your… but if Thor was the lord of Asgard he… no! shut it! Superman wins, Kurt Busiek said so!
And speaking of that Kurt Buseik fellow…

Superman vs Khyber (Superman 657-658, 2007)

In Kurt Busiek and Carlos Pacheco’s awesome story Camelot Falls, we visit an alternate future where a supervillian named Khyber organizes the world’s villains into an all-out war with the heroes. 
Superman steps up to take Khyber down himself but Khyber uses nanotech poisons that sap away Superman’s powers and then throws the Man of Steel into the center of the Earth causing a huge explosion on the Earth that kills millions. 
Years later, Superman comes back his body cracked and burnt but pissed off as well. 
He flies Khyber above the Nuclear Winter in front of the Sun and beats the supervillian to within an inch of his life.

Superman VS. Muhammad Ali (Superman VS. Muhammad Ali One Shot, 1978)
So what happens when you put the Man of Steel in a boxing ring against “The Greatest” of all time? We’ll its certainly more exciting than when you put Ali against Antonio Inoki.

The fight is set up in order to determine who will be Earths champion. The fight also took place on a planet orbiting a red sun so Superman’s powers will not give him a competitive edge. 
Ali also trains Supes how to box which seems a little like a conflict of interest if you ask me. (I guess Joe Frazier was busy training Bugs Bunny to fight Bob Backlund or something?)
As expected it goes like this.
and this!
And ends up like this.
Still a cool moment in history as Superman comes across probably his worst beating until he meets Doomsday. But that is a fight for another time.

Help Peter David

By, J. Ryan Buck ([email protected])
Get your comics here http://www.mycomicshop.com/
Previous installments here http://lostscribe0.blogspot.com/

Scott Keith in USA?

We know you know you are staunchly Canadian but here's a question for ya.

1. Have you ever been to America for a wrestling event or otherwise?
2. What is your thought of America in general? (The people, the places etc)
3. Would you like to move here?
4. (Follow-up to #1) If you've never been to a wrestling event, would you like to goto Wrestlemania? (if you have) Again?


.  Of course!  I detailed my trip to Las Vegas in 2002 in the Judgment Day rant.  
2.  It seemed hot and booze was much more readily available than I was used to.  
3.  Given my only exposure was to Vegas, I can give a hearty NO to that.  Man cannot gamble and eat cheap lobster all year, it's not natural.

4.  Love to go to Wrestlemania, probably never will, and I'm OK with that.  My goal is more getting to go to UFC at some point.  Plus going to Paul McCartney last November pretty much covered most of my bucket list concert/event needs anyway.  

What the World Was Watching: Monday Night Raw – September 22, 1997

by Logan Scisco

Jim Ross narrates
a video package that discusses the history of Madison Square Garden.  It even mentions the birth of
Hulkamania.  The subtle purpose of this
video package is to inform the audience that a big event is going to happen
Vince McMahon, Jim
Ross, and Jerry “the King” Lawler are in the booth and they are live from New
York City.

Intercontinental Championship Tournament First Round Contest:  Ahmed Johnson beats Rocky Maivia with the
Pearl River Plunge at 4:54:
Commissioner Sergeant Slaughter orders the Nation of
Domination away from ringside before the bout and Ross informs us that Ken
Shamrock will not be able to compete in the semi-finals, so Faarooq will
advance despite losing and will face the winner of this contest.  Ahmed gets a great pop from the crowd,
showing that he still had potential if he found a way to quit injuring his
opponents.  This is a fun match from a crowd
reaction perspective as they loudly boo Maivia every time he seizes the advantage.  Unfortunately, the match isn’t as fun to
observe, with Ahmed slashing his hand on a nail by the announce table after
being thrown over the top rope being the only notable moment.  Did this guy walk under ladders backstage or
something?  He’s always finding freak
ways to get hurt.  It’s amazing to look
back and imagine that Maivia, who did not look anywhere near Ahmed’s level in
this match, would be Intercontinental champion by January while Ahmed would be on
his way out of the company.  Rating: 
Steve Austin
appears in the crowd and says that someone is getting their ass whipped
tonight.  McMahon does not look happy
about that announcement.
Floyd Patterson,
Chairman of the New York State Athletic Commission, is shown in the crowd.
The announce team
recaps the European championship match at One Night Only
McMahon interviews
the Undertaker and mentions that the winner of the Hell in a Cell match at In
Your House:  Badd Blood will face the WWF
champion at Survivor Series.  The Undertaker
gives some generic comments about Shawn Michaels, which brings out the
Heartbreak Kid with his new European title and Michaels says that the WWF is
conspiring against him with all of these stipulations for Badd Blood.  Michaels repeats the fact that he doesn’t lay
down for anyone and that he will be one step ahead of everyone that wants to
bring him down.
Sunny comes out to
be the guest ring announcer for the next match
The Legion of
Doom defeats Faarooq & Kama Mustafa by disqualification when D-Lo Brown
interferes at 2:30:
The crowd is hot for the LOD’s entrance, but go mild for
everything else.  Less than two minutes
in all hell breaks loose and the LOD prepare to give Faarooq the Doomsday
Device, but D-Lo Brown interferes and all hell breaks loose.  After the bell, Rocky Maivia comes in and the
Nation do a four-on-two beatdown and Ahmed Johnson’s save attempt goes nowhere.  WWF officials eventually intervene to stop
the carnage.  All of this is building to
a six man tag at Badd Blood.
Call 815-734-1161
to get your VHS copy of One Night Only for $19.95 (plus $6 shipping and
handling)!  That shipping and handling
charge is pretty outrageous.
Jimmy Snuka’s dive
off of a cage against Don Muraco in October 1983 at Madison Square Garden is
Championship Tournament Semi-Final Match: 
Owen Hart (w/Police Crew) defeats “The Loose Cannon” Brian Pillman
(w/Marlena) by disqualification when Goldust interferes at 3:53 shown:
Pillman comes out with his left arm in a sling, which he
says he broke while having a good time with Marlena in the shower.  He says he is going to forfeit, but
Commissioner Slaughter comes out, demands medical evidence of Pillman’s injury,
and when he tosses a microphone at Pillman, Pillman catches it with his broken
arm.  Based on this evidence, Slaughter
orders that the match go on under threat of expulsion from the WWF.  Pillman and Owen proceed to move in slow
motion into basic wrestling moves until Owen gets hit by Marlena’s purse and
decides to wrestle the match normally. 
This does not last long, though, as Goldust charges the ring, makes sure
to deck Owen first, and then tries to go after Pillman, but WWF officials
restrain him so Pillman can get away with Marlena.  It would have been interesting to see if Owen
could have gotten a good match out of Pillman, but the booking of this match
did not allow that to happen.  This would
be Pillman’s last RAW match before he passed away.  Rating:  *
After the match,
Owen cuts a funny promo where he dedicates making the finals of the
Intercontinental championship tournament to Bret.  However, before he can finish, Steve Austin
attacks him from behind and teases attacking police officers.  McMahon runs into the ring and tries to talk
sense to Austin about his medical condition and Austin responds by giving
McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner before being taken to jail.  McMahon oversells the Stunner by convulsing
all over the canvas, but all silliness aside, this planted the seed for the
explosive Austin-McMahon feud of 1998
A video tribute is
given for Dick “the Bulldog” Browser
Jerry Lawler talks
with Rhonda Shear, host of USA Up All Night, who promotes her show.
Falls Count Anywhere Match: 
Cactus Jack beats Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna) with a piledriver
through a table at 9:14 shown:                                                                                                             
This is booked as Dude Love-Helmsley, but this is the
famous segment where Dude Love and Mankind step aside so that Cactus Jack can
take their place.  The crowd really loves
that piece of booking and a loud “ECW” chant breaks out.  Chyna turns the tide for Helmsley, as per
usual, and they brawl to the back, which brings back images of WrestleMania
X.  Speaking of which, thank god they did
not use the stupid stipulations of that “falls count anywhere match” for this
one.  What’s funny about this match is
that you have some white collar professionals in suits sitting in the expensive
seats around ringside and they don’t really know what to make of the brutality
on display in this match.  Chyna and
Cactus have a fight over a chair and Helmsley nails Cactus in the back, which
sends Chyna into the steps and incapacitates her.  Helmsley secures some near-falls as they
battle up the ramp with a litany of foreign objects, but when Helmsley goes for
a Pedigree on a table he sets up near the entrance, Cactus responds with a low
blow and a beautiful piledriver through a table to secure the win, just before
Chyna can make the save.  A very creative
brawl that provided a fitting finish to the Foley-Helmsley 1997 feud and it was
also enhanced by having Jim Ross on commentary. 
I don’t know if Vince McMahon would have known how to call this
thing.  Rating:  ****
Call 1-900-737-4WWF to hear about everything
that happened in the United Kingdom with WWF superstars!
Footage of Andre
the Giant slamming Big John Studd at WrestleMania I is shown
Ross and Lawler
talk some more about the European championship match at One Night Only
European Champion
Shawn Michaels comes out with a chair, which he sets up in the ring, and calls
out the Undertaker so he slap him around “main event style.”  The Undertaker finally arrives and although
he fends off an attack by Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Michaels decks him with the
chair and D-Generation X work him over.
-WWF Champion Bret
Hart tells the fans that he does not care who wins the Hell in a Cell match
because he knows he can beat either of them at Survivor Series.  This promo shows that Bret really is the odd
man out as far as booking is concerned.
Match:  Bret “the Hitman” Hart (WWF
Champion) defeats Goldust via submission to the Sharpshooter at 9:40 shown:
I hope Bret wore a cup for this match considering
Goldust’s latest match against a member of the Hart clan.  Bret spends most of the match working the leg
and Lawler spends most of the match speculating on what’s happening to
Marlena.  I have no problem with Bret
working the leg, but when it happens for seven straight minutes without leading
to anything, the match gets boring really quickly.  Goldust “builds momentum” (in Ross’s words),
but pulling off a bulldog is ridiculous considering how much Bret has worked
the leg.  The finish is somewhat nice, as
Goldust lifts his leg to catch Bret’s aerial attack, but Bret realizes “why am
I jumping straight down on someone’s exposed boot?” and applies the Sharpshooter
for the victory.  Rating:  **
After the bell,
Shawn Michaels runs into the ring and attacks Bret and Hunter Hearst Helmsley
joins in the beatdown.  Owen Hart, The
British Bulldog, Rick Rude, The Undertaker, and Jim Neidhart get involved in the
brawl, which leads to the Undertaker chokeslamming Bret and Michaels to stand
tall at the end of the show.  This was
Neidhart’s return, but what makes it amusing is that he kept wanting to attack
Rude, but Rude had to try to tell him to leave him alone since Neidhart beating
on him would void his Lloyd’s of London insurance policy.
The Final Report Card:  The first hour was very pedestrian before the
McMahon-Austin segment, but after that the show got rolling.  Anytime you get a **** match on RAW it is worth
a thumbs up rating and Cactus-Helmsley is still fondly remembered today.  In light of what we know about concussions it
is a little hard to watch, but for pure entertainment value it is tough to top.  The show was also a small tryout for Jim
Ross, as he took over lead commentary duties when McMahon went out and he did a
great job, especially with the Cactus-Helmsley match.  A really good show in the second hour, but I
would expect no less from a show held in Madison Square Garden.
Monday Night War Rating:  2.4 (vs. 3.7 for Nitro)

Show Evaluation:  Thumbs Up


It's Monday at 7:10. I just got home from work I'm sitting down to eat dinner and I'm absolutely dreading watching Raw. It's just three hours of the same stuff that goes on every week. It's definitely had some high points in the last few weeks such as the shield and Daniel Bryan But the format is just so stale. They need to something different. Maybe different announcers for the first hour. Something different.  Anything. What would you do?


Rip off Aces and Eights but with bigger names, because they literally have a dozen people sitting at home with nothing for creative to do with them right now.   You do a weekly unmasking of Christian, Evan Bourne, Tyson Kidd, Kassius Ohno, JTG, William Regal and a few others.  Paul Heyman is the mastermind and he steals the promotion out from under Vince and HHH by tricking HHH into putting up his shares in a match, only for CM Punk to screw him and have his ultimate revenge for the lack of promised ice cream bars.  

QOTD – June 11th, 2013

OK, today’s question is such….

If you could preform one finishing move, that would go off without a hitch, to anyone in your personal life, in any setting, without any legal ramifications, what would it be?

For me, and this is being cliche’, but I use to work security at Target, and my boss was the ultimate bitch. It was well known she hated men, and I was the first one she hired in YEARS. She was forced to hire me basically because I was the best candidate. She made my life absolutely miserable. Now, if I had my way, during the morning meeting we had, in front of everyone, I would have loved to kick her in her fat fucking gut and drop her with a Stunner that broke her jaw, and say I quit.

How say you?

The SmarK RAW Rant–06.10.13

The SmarK RAW Rant – 06.10.13 I ordered an iPad off Ebay tonight, which makes me feel dirty as a devoted Android user, but DAMMIT I want to play You Don’t Know Jack outside of Facebook and hopefully not have Gmail crash on me all the time. Live from Richmond, VA, which is a smaller city so it’s only mentioned in passing later in the show. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL HHH v. Curtis Axel Holy cow, they’re actually delivering an advertised match! Well, no, as HHH attacks and then Vince immediately comes out to interrupt, and tells the timekeeper to award the match to Axel as a result of a DQ at 0:34. However, HHH uses his powers as COO to restart the match, and Vince comes out again and this time Axel wins by forfeit. That’s a little dubious, even for Vince. So this time HHH restarts it as an Iron Man match, and Vince finally just sends Axel back to the dressing room and confiscates the ringbell. Minor question in all this bullshit I suppose, but why wouldn’t Vince just award the match to HHH? Dean Ambrose v. Kane Ambrose chokes him out a bit, but Kane comes back with a backbreaker and drops a knee on the back. Backbreaker and Kane tosses him as another ref runs the emergency backup bell to ringside, and they brawl on the floor. We take a break and return with Ambrose in control with a dropkick as we get yet another plug for someone watching TV on the App. They kind of aimlessly roll around on the mat and Kane blocks a tornado DDT and comes back with another backbreaker for two. Sideslam gets two. They fight on the top and Kane comes down with a flying clothesline and the Shield runs in for the DQ at 10:50. Boy, this was a whole lot of nothing. *1/2 Meanwhile, Vickie announces that Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton challenge for the tag titles at the PPV, and Kane gets a US title shot. Miz v. Cody Rhodes Miz fires away, but Cody gets a front suplex for two and tries an indian deathlock for some reason. Miz quickly comes back and finishes with the figure-four at 2:34. * Paul Heyman then comes out and adds Curtis Axel to the IC title match at the PPV. That’s some weird booking. Meanwhile, Stephanie confronts Vince, because now she’s a babyface again and Vince is the money-grubbing heel promoter again. Ratings in the toilet? MORE MCMAHONS! Chris Jericho joins us, still trying to find some hook for the Punk match that may or may not happen on Sunday. Much like Jaws 3D, this time it’s really, REALLY personal. This brings out Dolph Ziggler, who offers up Big E for Jericho, right now. Big E Langston v. Chris Jericho We’re joined after a break with Langston working the neck, but Jericho tosses him. That backfires as Big E sends him into the stairs, and back in for two. Jericho rolls him up out of the corner, but Langston clotheslines him for two. E goes back to the neck, but Jericho dropkicks him for two. Langston with backbreakers for two as the parade of retarded tweets continues. “Kane as US champ would rock :D” declares one. Are people getting stupider? Ziggler runs interference and Langston puts Jericho down and sets up to finish, but Del Rio runs out to brawl with Ziggler and Jericho finishes with the codebreaker at 6:19. This was fine, Langston’s got nothing going on at the PPV anyway. Although as usual Ziggler looks like a big loser. **1/4 Sin Cara v. Antonio Cesaro Speaking of big losers, I’m not liking Cesaro’s chances here. Cara quickly tries the ropewalk armdrag, but Cesaro crotches him and stomps away. Uncle Zeb is on commentary, so apparently Swagger v. Sin Cara is the next thrilling feud to headline veteran’s halls everywhere. Like really, isn’t Sin Cara a step WAY down? Can’t they find any bigger Mexican stars for Zeb to hate? Cara gets a flip powerbomb for two, but walks into a backbreaker, a swinging sleeper, and the NEUTRALIZER at 3:44 to finish. Well thank god for that at least. *1/2 No idea what this was on here for. Meanwhile, Brad and Vickie shill hamburgers. I think the reason they don’t run Canada very much any more is because we don’t have any of their sponsors up here and thus rob them of chances for quality product tie-ins like these. Randy Orton v. Roman Reigns Orton stomps him down for two and they brawl outside, where Orton beats on him and gets two in the ring. Reigns slugs him down, but Orton pounds away in the corner before getting dumped to the floor. And we take a break. Back with Roman holding a chinlock, and a clothesline gets two as I find out we’re only at the end of the second hour. I feel like I’ve been watching this show all night. Orton comes back with the draping DDT and the Shield threatens to run in, but Bryan assists in holding them off and it’s some sort of no contest at 13:00. So we’re right into the next match… Daniel Bryan v. Seth Rollins Bryan evades him and hits a clothesline as the crowd continues to go nuts for Bryan like no one else on the show. Bryan batters him with kicks and elbows (giving the crowd a chance to “Yes” with each one) and that gets two. Bryan puts him on the floor and follows with a high knee off the apron, and back in for two. Rollins takes him into the turnbuckles to break up the assault, and gets his own surfboard on Bryan. Bryan powers out of it and works the leg, however, then turns it into his own, which then becomes a dragon sleeper. BATTLE SURFBOARD! Rollins escapes with a cheapshot and we take a break. Back with Rollins hitting a dropkick for two and holding a sleeper on the mat, but Bryan does an amazing reversal of an enzuigiri into a kneebar. Bryan comes back with the kicks in the corner and a dropkick for two. More kicks follow, but Rollins gets his enzuigiri for two. He throws his own kicks, but Bryan flips out of a german suplex, so Seth powerbombs him into the corner for two. Never not awesome. Bryan backdrops him to the floor and follows with a dive, but Rollins blocks that and comes back in with the knee, which misses. Bryan gets a german suplex into the big kick for two and makes the comeback. He goes up and suckers Rollins into following, then brings him down with a top rope backdrop suplex that puts both guys down. Orton and Reigns get involved, but Bryan cradles for the pin at 16:32. Bryan is just on another planet of greatness this year. ***3/4 Kaitlyn is out to meet her secret admirer. And it’s Big E Langston, as suspected. And then after all those weeks of buildup, Big E reveals that it was all just AJ messing with her all along. This apparently leads to the LONG awaited title match on Sunday. Damien Sandow v. R-Truth Really, this match three hours into the show? Sandow is rocking the 1990 Rick Martel color scheme tonight and finishes with a Side Effect at 3:15. Sheamus comes out afterwards to build up their YouTube match on Sunday. Meanwhile, Stephanie is looking for HHH. We take a break and return with all three McMahons arguing backstage, until Stephanie leaves HHH and Vince alone together to work it out, and they basically agree that Curtis Axel is a geek not worth their time, and hug it out. What is this storyline even ABOUT? John Cena is out for a main event interview at 3 hours and 10 minutes into this borefest, and he talks and talks and talks and talks and Ryback talks and talks and talks and they want to FIGHT but Mean Gene Okerlund is like “Gentleman, this is neither the time nor the place!” and the lumberjacks hold them back from fighting, thus literally accomplishing the opposite of everything you would normally expect of lumberjacks surrounding a wrestling ring on a wrestling show. Kind of apropos for this show, I guess. The Pulse Illegally download Bryan v. Rollins just to say “fuck you” to WWE and ignore the rest of this one. This PPV might literally be no buys, not just the snarky usual internet thing. Like, literally, NO ONE is buying this show, I bet.

Tryout: Kyle Warne

RoH TV: June 9th Edition Kyle Warne here filling in for Adam Curry as weekly RoH recapper. The show opens on the announce desk with Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuinness. They explain that RoH hasn’t heard from Corino since “last week” when he threw a bitch fit about Lethal becoming the #1 contender to the TV title. They hype the Wolves vs Briscoes main event. Out comes Truth Martini with Matt Taven and 2 “Hoopla Hotties” (though I question that description for the chick on the left) and I groan at the prospect of Martini cutting a promo. Truth says he has something to say and the crowd jumps down his throat immediately. He rambles on for a while with the gist being “Lethal sucks.” He then Issues an open proving ground challenge, where should Taven be defeated the man who beats him will receive a TV tittle shot in the future. Personally I love the cocky heel issuing an open challenge angle just to piss himself when the big scary baby face answers, and here comes Ciampa to a monster reaction Pepper Parks to absolute silence. OK then, some jobber half the audience didn’t recognize at first works too, even Kelly doesn’t know who he is referring to him only as “This Man” when he enters. Parks takes the mic from Truth and slanders his “Willy Wonka hat.” Oh, burn—how will Truth ever recover from such nastiness? Parks sucker punches Taven and we head straight into… Proving Ground Challenge: Pepper Parks VS Matt Taven Pepper starts on offense until Taven turns it around with an Irish whip into a rebound back body drop. Parks gets up and attempts a suplex, but Taven slips out and drops him and elbows Parks in the mouth. They trade reversals until Parks hits a big knee strike to Taven’s jaw, and then hits the chin lock. Taven fights out but gets caught with a shitty dropkick and Russian leg sweep for 2. Parks runs the ropes and gets a spin kick to the face for his trouble; it gets 2 for Taven. Taven looks to press the advantage but Parks gets a vertical suplex to regain control. He whips the TV champ into the corner but eats boot when he runs in and Parks ends up on the apron. Taven brings him back into the ring with a hangman’s neck breaker and climbs the ropes. Frog splash misses and now its Parks turn to climb the ropes. Taven cuts him off and looks for the Superplex, but Parks reverses it into a sunset bomb from the top. That isn’t enough to beat Taven so Parks scales the ropes one final time. His dive misses the target, and Taven hits his modified DDT finisher for the three count. *1/2 This whole thing was not very good, Truth’s promo skills (or lack thereof) have been well documented by Adam, and Parks seemed off his game tonight, which didn’t help the crowd’s apathy to him. Rip Impact VS Tommasso Ciampa Side rant: what the fuck kinda name is RIP IMPACT. So after some great “crazy” mannerisms from The Sicilian Psychopath he agrees to the code of honor. Rip Kicks him during the handshake and the announcers praise his gumption. Ciampa shrugs Impact off and proceeds to beat him down in the corner. Ciampa pulls down the kneepad and gives the seated Impact two running knee strikes. Tommasso loads the poor bastard up for project Ciampa but Rip sweeps the leg and rolls him up for 1. Ciampa gets a lariat for 2. Ciampa picks Rip up into a vertical suplex and holds him in the air for the crowd to count the seconds just like Elgin always does as a challenge, and Elgin comes out to join us as a result. Elgin hops up on the apron as Ciampa follows through with the suplex and starts jaw jacking with him. Rip takes advantage of the distraction to recover and manages to score a half-dozen big kicks on Ciampa in a desperate flurry, then gets a swinging neck breaker. Rip looks to go upstairs but Ciampa cuts him off with a VICIOUS knee strike. Ciampa climbs up and deliver a Celtic Cross off the second rope on Rip to let him R.I.P ** Much better squash then the Taven match, with Impacts offense coming across as nothing more than hopeless desperation against the beast that is Tommasso Ciampa. I’d gone way to long without seeing Ciampa, the guy’s knee strikes look brutal and he shows more intensity then 90% of the RoH roster combined. Ciampa and Elgin are my favourite wrestlers in the company, and their match at Best in the World should be killer. Next we head inside RoH. A replay Package of Ciampa destroying QT Marshall and RD Evans. Kevin Kelly stresses that Elgin vs Ciampa will be Ciampa’s first PPV match in 10 months. We cut to comments from Elgin. Elgin says that he welcomes Ciampa’s challenge, and that he’d have done the same, picking a fight with the biggest dog in the yard to make an impact. Elgin tells Tommasso he made a mistake, and all he did was insure his return is short lived. Elgin says that “When they said all men are created equal, they were wrong” Adam Cole cuts a promo next on how he’s pissed people are questioning his integrity. He also says he’s realized that winning and losing is all that matters. Steen is the last guy to get time as he talks about what he and Matt Hardy were doing 10 years ago. That Kevin watched Hardy dive through tables ladders and chairs to make a name for himself. Kevin tells Matt he’ll be wishing for TLC, because what he’s going to do to him In Baltimore is far worse than any of that. We come back from break with S.C.U.M. entering through the crowd. Steve Corino says this company has made nothing but mistake after mistake for 10+ years. Corino says he can forgive the mistake of not giving Matt Hardy the first shot at Jay Briscoe, but draws the line at the “Limey no good piece of Garbage” Nigel McGuinness not including his boys in last week’s #1 contender matches. Things get heated and Nigel ends up nose to nose with Corino. Jay Lethal and C & C run out as reinforcements. Corino draws a chuckle from me and a “that was racist” chant from the crowd for referring to the coalition gathered in front of him as “Ring of Homies”. Corino screams that Lethal lost CLEAN to Jimmy Jacobs and that C & C lost CLEAN to Rhett Titus and Cliff Compton. The man has a good point. Everyone in the ring starts brawling except Corino and Nigel who just stare at each other, security hits the ring to clear it up as we go to commercial. If Nigel is healthy enough to wrestle I’d pay to see it against Corino, they’ve really built things up well between those two. Jay and Mark Briscoe VS The American Wolves And with the ring cleared it’s time for our main event with 20 minutes left in the show. The story here is about whether Jay and Mark can get along while they’re feuding. The Wolves have never defeated the Briscoes in a tag team match. Mark and Eddie start the match with some mat wrestling, they just keep countering each other with no one gaining ground until they both pause ready to throw a chop in a humorous spot that gets a good reaction from the live audience. Double tag puts Jay and Davey in. They take turns shoulder blocking each other, but neither guy will go down. Richards breaks the stalemate with a dropkick that knocks Jay right outside the ring. Davey looks for the big dive but gets cut off by a stiff elbow from Jay; he rolls in the ring and tags in Mark, and a double shoulder block takes down Richards. Things break down and everybody’s fighting; Eddie gets a body slam and kick to the back of the head on Mark outside the ring. Edwards throws him back in the ring which gets Richards a 2 count. The Wolves look to double team mark but he rolls through and tags in Jay for the hot tag. Jay cleans house and hits a neck breaker on Richards. Things break down again and both Briscoes end up outside. Davey gets the running kick on the apron, while Eddie wipes out Mark with a suicide dive. Back in the ring the Wolves gang up on Jay, Eddie hits a gourdbuster to set up a Richards dropkick. Eddie rams Jay’s head into Davey’s for the tag as we cut to commercial. We return with Richards applying the cloverleaf to Jay, Mark breaks it up. Eddie comes in and starts chopping the hell out of Jay’s chest in the corner. Jay escapes a chinchecker attempt then delivers an awesome spin buster and collapses. Both men are down, and we get the double tag. Mark starts whipping Davey around with his Redneck Kung-Fu, but Davey takes control with some kicks in the corner. Crowd chants YES! For every kick, so Davey turns around and yells NO! for a huge reaction from the crowd, the distraction lets Mark take control however. Mark gets a half dragon suplex for 2, then props Davey up on the turnbuckle. Edwards looks to intercept but gets a death valley driver from a newly revived Jay Briscoe instead. Mark slingshots Davey into a super kick from Jay, then lifts him up for the razor’s edge and Jay gives him a neck breaker on the way down. Eddie manages to break up the cover just in time, and then rolls out again. Mark climbs for the Froggy Bow but is stopped by Richards, Jay arrives on the scene however and hoists Davey on his shoulders for the doomsday device. Before Mark can get the diving clothesline he’s Enzugiried by Edwards who came out of nowhere. Davey slips of Jay’s shoulders an falls behind him. Jay then elbows Eddie in front of him, then super kicks Davey behind him, Then he GETS super kicked by Edwards—but he gives him the All-Japan no sell and boots him in the face, but he turns around into a head kick from Davey which sets up a textbook German suplex which Richards rolls into a cross Armbreaker. Things look bleak for Jay, but Mark comes flying through the air with the Froggy bow to break it up. Crowd chants this is awesome, fuck yeah it is—they’re going a thousand miles an hour in there now. Eddie and Mark get into a chop fest until Eddie throws him into the air to eat the alarm clock kick from Richards on the way down. Eddie then kicks Jay’s head off to take him out of the equation. Both wolves get double stops on Mark, but he kicks out at 2. Jay scrapes himself of the floor to distract Davey, while Mark reverses out of a power bomb. (Don’t ask how, shitty camera guy missed most of it) Mark looks to hit Davey with a Dragon suplex, but he lands on his feet—a second attempt puts the former world champ down however. Mark lifts Richards up across his shoulders for a tag team maneuver but Eddie stops Jay. Mark drops Richards to deal with Edwards but punches Jay by accident and sends him to the floor. (all those who didn’t see that coming say aye…really, no one?) Davey takes advantage of a distraught Mark and puts him in position to be tombstoned, Eddie kicks the upside down Briscoe In the head—and then Davey drops him with the pile driver for the win. ***1/2 THANK GOD, The Wolves have used that killer kick/tombstone combo in every match they’ve wrestled since reuniting and it WAS NEVER THE FINISH, even though the match is better if they just let it end there! A great main event with a really hot finish that furthered the ongoing World title feud, I can’t ask for anything else. A Really good show this week, the first 3rd dragged with Martini poisoning the airwaves, but everything after that was good stuff, Recommended for viewing—especially the main event.

Monday Night Open Mic

A little earlier start on this than normal.

No basketball game until tomorrow. No hockey game until Wednesday. Seems like there’s a small opening for RAW to up their ratings game a little bit.

Two weeks before the War Games DVD comes out. That will be the first wrestling DVD I’ve grabbed right off the shelf since “Rivalries”. I’m pretty sure I’ll jump on Best of MSG and the Mid-South DVDs as well but that might be it until they do a Rock-Austin “Rivalries”. Speaking of Austin has anyone checked out his podcast? Is it any good.

All right BOD’ers, the rules are consistent. Enjoy the show, come out swinging but keep it clean.

Mid-Year Evaluations, S through Z plus Divas

Finishing off the rundown on everyone in WWE as of the first half of the year:

Santino Marella: I heard Santino has been debating giving up on wrestling to spend time with his family. He’s probably already peaked so he might as well. If he doesn’t though, he should really start doing the Cobra Clutch as a finish.

Seth Rollins: There is lots of potential for Rollins as a scuzzbucket rocker-trash heel post-Shield. I also want to see him get a singles squash match against a smaller opponent, Sin Cara or someone, so he can show off a few of the power moves he has in his quiver that he never gets to do anymore.

Sheamus: Everyone has Sheamus pegged as needing to be the next Cena or the next HHH, but I think if he’s the “next” anyone, its this: he’s a muscular, talented power wrestler who’s a HHH protege and has teamed with Orton, spends his time close to the top, and is a jovial babyface who turns vicious on occasion. He’s basically the new Batista. All he needs to do is make sure he doesn’t lose that spot to Ryback and he should be fine.

Sin Cara: No chance of recouping their investment here. The intentions with this guy were pure but he just didn’t translate. I gotta wonder if the money would be better for him headlining in Mexico as Mistico rather than doing job detail here.

Ted DiBiase: He was having some decent matches on Smackdown before that king hell injury kept him out so long. If they ever decide to give him another shot they should reboot the character as a rich sadist, akin to Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. That way his relatively flat demeanor could be taken as being cold and calculating rather than dull and lifeless.

Triple H: I’m torn on this concussion angle. Besides that I don’t think anything is worth having more McMahon family drama on TV, it is kind of bad timing to have one guy attempting to soldier through a fake concussion while you have your World champion out with a real one. On the other hand, I think making an angle out of it is their way of showing their commitment to the Nowinski thing by bringing the issue to the forefront on TV. (I also suspect HHH has some kind of unresolved issue with Nowinski related to the fact that Nowinski was a big blonde Kowalski student that HHH probably saw some of himself in and then Nowinski bailed on them and made the company look bad in the media). So you’ve got the question of how seriously they take the concussion issue pitted against HHH probably wanting to make himself look good. Either way I’m betting that the “no head moves” initiative on the Saturday Morning Slam show becomes standard operating procedure in the future.

Tyson Kidd: Like I said before, his team with Justin Gabriel should be rekindled and repackaged with something to make them a babyface blowjob team. But also I wonder: will the Divas show on E! actually show Tyson as Nattie’s real life boyfriend? You gotta think that the story of childhood sweethearts living their dreams together and trying to make it as a couple after all these years is natural drama, and it could do something for Tyson’s career. I’m interested to see how that plays out.

Undertaker: He looked healthy enough at Mania that he really should come back for Summerslam and give Punk his clean win back. After that I’m sure it’s just gonna be lather, rinse, repeat.

Wade Barrett: Either commit to him or don’t. At this point, all the main titles are held by uppercarders except his; and I think the idea might be closer to putting the IC title on someone like Bryan or Swagger than to try and elevate Barrett. I like Barrett’s Guy Ritchie British street tough vibe, but he might be better off regrouping. Also, pick a song and stick with it already.

William Regal: I get the feeling the two “I don’t want to be the guy who never made it like you” runs he had in NXT against Ambrose and Ohno were dry runs for repeating it on the main show at some point, maybe against Barrett.

Yoshi Tatsu: After all these years I’m still not sure I even know whether Tatsu can wrestle or not. As it is I tend to forget that he’s not actually Funaki.

Zack Ryder: More and more I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s less “they didn’t want to let Ryder get over” and more “Ryder just expected them to get behind him once the YouTube stuff caught on and never went the extra mile to get there.” Foley called out Ryder when he was on Nerdist for never making his case to Vince directly. When Santino got into the Smackdown Elimination Chamber that one time and got a US title run, that should’ve been Ryder, but obviously Santino was the one in Vince’s ear saying that should be his spot. People say Ryder should just quit and go to TNA, but I get the feeling he’s a dedicated WWE mark and would only ever want to be there. I really don’t know what else to make of him, it may just be too late.

The Divas: I address the Divas as a whole because at this point, their universe is about to be rebooted. Once the E! show happens, its going to change anything that exists as far as the current Divas are concerned (if the show is a hit and it lasts of course). The dramas from the Divas show are going to carry over to the actual division. It’s pretty clever actually, shows like Bad Girls Club and Real Housewives have the same kinds of dramas as WWE, but in a different format where they can have more time to grow their stories. In the end I think AJ and Kaitlin will just go on to be valets and the Divas title will be a reality show prop for the rest.

That’ll do it for this series, thanks for reading.