Bash at the Beach 1998

Bash
at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox
Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators:
Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan 
Reviewed by Tommy Hall 
Tonight
is all about the celebrities as the main event is DDP/Karl Malone vs.
Hollywood Hogan/Dennis Rodman. We’ve also got football player Kevin
Greene vs. the Giant in what was supposed to be a tag match. Their
original partners are in a world title match as new champion Goldberg
defends against Curt Hennig. The midcard matches should be solid,
meaning this has potential to be something good. Let’s get to it.

The
opening video focuses on the three major matches tonight with some
shots of the beach cut in as well.
The
set is the usual intricate beach setting with sand, lifeguard towers
and beach balls. The announcers wearing hula shirts is a nice touch
as well.
We
get an intro from the announcers, bragging about all the media
attention the show has been getting. Nothing wrong with that.
Gene,
in a white tuxedo, hypes up the hotline.
Raven
vs. Saturn
Under
Raven’s Rules of course. Saturn is in trunks now instead of jeans.
Raven of course has Riggs and Lodi with him, the latter being dressed
like Hat Guy. Saturn meets him in the aisle to start and whips Raven
into the barricade very hard. He chokes Raven with the shirt and
takes it inside for the first time. Saturn slips on the top for a
bit but comes back with a quick missile dropkick to put Raven down.
An ankle lock is quickly broken by Raven grabbing the ropes, even
though there are no rules so there’s nothing the referee can threaten
Saturn with.
Raven
avoids a legdrop and hits a quick knee lift to put Saturn down for a
breather. It’s already table time (Tony: “He’s got a chair.”)
but Raven gets crotched while trying to suplex Saturn over the top
and through the table. They head to the floor with Raven hitting the
Russian legsweep into the barricade for two, even with Raven’s feet
on the ropes. Raven’s sleeper is countered by a jawbreaker and both
guys are down again. Saturn is up first for some kicks in the corner
and a suplex to take over.
Now
it’s chair time (complete with jokes from Heenan at Tony’s expense)
with Saturn hitting a spinning springboard legdrop onto Raven onto
the chair for two. Saturn takes out Riggs and Lodi but crushes Nick
Patrick in the corner with a springboard leg lariat in the corner.
Out to the floor again with Raven being bulldogged into the steps.
Saturn
sets up another table next on top of the original with Raven in
between but here’s Kanyon to turn on Saturn, pulling Raven out from
between the tables. We hit the shades of gray as Kanyon takes Raven
inside and gives him the Flatliner onto the chair. Riggs rolls in
Saturn and puts Raven on top for two. Saturn comes back with a Death
Valley Driver to Riggs but the Even Flow is enough for the pin for
Raven.
Rating:
C. The match was fun but as
usual, they’re not actually going anywhere with all this stuff. So
many of the feuds just go in circles and that doesn’t help anyone at
all in the end. Kanyon and Saturn need to do something soon to
capitalize on all these awesome moments they’ve had but it seems like
they’re going to be doing the same stuff they’ve been doing for
months.
Here’s
Eddie to talk about Chavo’s match with Stevie Ray before his hair vs.
hair match with Eddie. This is the first mention of Stevie being
involved in the PPV, which might be a good idea. Eddie says Stevie
is going to destroy Chavo and Eddie will pick up the pieces.
Juventud
Guerrera vs. Kidman
Wasn’t
this supposed to be Juvy vs. Reese II? Kidman looks much cleaner
than usual. They lock up to start with Kidman taking over with a
headlock. Both guys hit the ropes a few times and they flip to a
stalemate. Kidman gets chopped against the ropes and takes down by a
headscissors. Lodi pulls Juvy to the floor for a quick beating but
Kidman takes out his Flock mate on a dive. Guerrera slides back in
and hits a HUGE dive to take both guys down.
Back
in and Kidman slams him down before taking it right back to the
floor. Juvy is dropped throat first across the barricade but Kidman
misses a charge off the apron to send himself crashing into the
barricade as well. They head to the apron with Juvy hitting a sunset
bomb to slam Kidman onto the floor again. The fans of course get on
Lodi instead of paying attention to the match.
Juvy
throws him inside again and stomps Kidman in the corner a bit before
loading up a top rope hurricanrana. Kidman counters with a low blow
and a top rope sitout spinebuster for a big crash and two. Back up
and Kidman chops away but gets rolled up for two. They head to the
corner again and Kidman gets crotched on the top rope, allowing Juvy
to hit a springboard hurricanrana for a close two. Kidman’s middle
rope bulldog gets the same and they trade rollups for two. The Juvy
Driver gets two but Kidman slams him down to set up the Seven Year
Itch. Juvy rolls away at the last second though and it’s the 450 for
the pin.
Rating:
B-. Good match here as you
would expect from these guys. It’s nowhere near their best but it’s
better than Reese vs. Juvy would have been. This would have been a
good choice for the opener as the fans got into it, even though a lot
of their heat was directed at Lodi. Fun stuff.
Konnan
is on WCW.com, talking about his family eating fish tacos.
Stevie
Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
This
is a result of a one off conversation between these two on Nitro.
Chavo has a Super Soaker and an inflatable duck around his waist.
Eddie comes out to watch so Chavo dedicates the match to him. Chavo
avoids contact for awhile before offering a handshake. Stevie shakes
his hand…..and Chavo submits. For some reason, Stevie is mad even
though he won.
Time
for the hair vs. hair match and Eddie is livid.
Eddie
Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Loser
gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only
to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in
and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson
is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A
frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending
him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in
it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie
gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and
pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.
Eddie
hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as
the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends
Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back
in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him
down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on
Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special
in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be
clotheslined right back down.
We
hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some
chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks
to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster
is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed
concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down,
setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.
Back
up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the
turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT
(Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors.
That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to
a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee
takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.
Rating:
B-. To no surprise, this was a
good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches
are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being
crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier.
He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the
idea all along.
Post
match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off.
He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You
don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own
hair and shaves the whole thing off.
We
get an odd few moments during the haircut as Tony talks like the main
event is up next before going into a full recap of Jericho vs.
Malenko. Instead of either of those, we get this.
Disco
Inferno vs. Konnan
This
is a bonus match and Disco is officially from FUNKYTOWN. Before the
match, Alex and Disco imitate Konnan in an unfunny bit. Nash and
Luger come out with Konnan which is some serious overkill. They’re
just a comedy tag team guys. Nash and Konnan do their full entrances
and talking bits as we’re clearly filling time now.
Konnan
takes him down with ease and stomps on Disco’s back. An X-Factor and
the rolling lariat put Inferno down again but Wright pulls him to the
floor for an attack. Luger Racks Alex, allowing Nash to Jackknife
Disco. Konnan puts on the Tequila Sunrise for the easy submission.
That’s three people interfering in a two minute match with no
backstory for those of you keeping track. This is why we needed
another NWO group?
Kevin
Greene vs. The Giant
Greene
is very fired up here. He rolls away from Giant to start and sneaks
in a slap to the face. Giant growls at him so Kevin bails to the
floor. Greene kicks the ropes to crotch Giant as they come back in
before pounding away in the corner. The fans are into this and it
helps that Greene could probably get a job on his looks and charisma
alone. Giant catches him in a bearhug though and spinebusts him down
to take over.
A
Goldberg chant starts up so Giant pounds Greene in the head out of
anger. Back up and Giant chops away as Tony talks about the Georgia
Dome show getting 39,919 people. Every source I can find says it was
over 40,000, so why would WCW understate it? I’ve never understood
that.
Anyway
Greene snaps Giant’s throat across the ropes but gets headbutted
right back down. They head to the floor with Giant going face first
into the barricade a few times before heading back inside. Kevin
hits a top rope forearm to drop Giant for two and it’s time to go for
the knees. That lasts about two seconds before Greene charges into a
chokeslam in the corner for the pin.
Rating:
C+. That’s on a very adjusted
scale considering that Greene isn’t a wrestler. Factoring that in,
this was some very impressive stuff. Greene looked completely
comfortable out there and there wasn’t a single time there where he
looked lost. If he wasn’t an incredible football player, he had a
career in wrestling for sure. Entertaining stuff here again.
Hennig
says Goldberg doesn’t have the heart to beat him.
We
recap Jericho vs. Malenko with a video from Nitro, showing Malenko
getting handcuffed for attacking Jericho after the insults about
Dean’s dad.
We
still don’t know who Jericho’s opponent is tonight so he comes to the
ring with a cane while wearing a top hat as he promised to do. He
teases a softshoe but here’s JJ to interrupt. Dillon thinks he might
have made a mistake about Jericho, but we have an opponent. He
hasn’t been in the ring in six months, but it’ll be a No DQ match
like it was supposed to be with Malenko. Jericho: “Bring out the
jobber!”
Cruiserweight
Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rey
is clearly limping on the way to the ring but has a VERY muscular
physique. Rey fires off forearms in the corner and dropkicks Chris
into the ropes. Jericho bails to the floor for a breather but comes
back in to go after the bad knee. They head up the aisle and fight
on the lifeguard’s before Rey hurricanranas him down onto the
“irritating” (Tony’s word) sand.
Back
in and Jericho rolls through a high cross body for two before hitting
something like a top rope powerslam for no cover. Jericho grabs a
chair and goes after the knee but spends too long mocking Rey,
allowing Mysterio to get in some shots to Jericho’s knee. The West
Coast Pop is badly botched to the point it looks like a powerbomb on
Rey. He bails to the ropes to avoid the Liontamer but here’s the
suspended Dean Malenko. The distraction lets Rey snap off a
hurricanrana for the pin and the title.
Rating:
D+. This didn’t work very well.
It’s not a horrible match but Rey looked very rusty out there. The
crowd was happy to see him, but they booked themselves into a corner
with Dean. He needs to get his revenge on Jericho and be done with
it but this just extends the story out even longer. Hopefully Rey
gets better with some more ring time.
Post
match Dean chases Jericho to the back and Arn Anderson slows Jericho
down, allowing Malenko to get in some shots.
TV
Title: Booker T vs. Bret Hart
Booker
is defending after being goaded into the match by some Bret chair
shots. Bret gets taken to the mat but comes back with right hands to
the face to take over. A snapmare gets two for Booker and he sends
Bret out to the floor. Bret comes back with a whip into the
barricade and we head back inside for the first shots at Booker’s
braced knee. Booker grabs a quick spinebuster for a floatover two
count but Bret backdrops out him out to the floor.
Back
in and Bret stays on the knee before getting two off a Russian
legsweep. Booker gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with
a quick side kick and the flapjack. There’s the Spinarooni but
Booker doesn’t snap to his feet as he usually does. The missile
dropkick gets two as Bret gets his foot on the ropes. Bret goes
outside and grabs a chair to stop a diving Booker for a DQ.
Rating:
D+. Well that happened. Really
there isn’t much else to say about this match. The match was just
there with Bret doing some stuff, Booker coming back, then Bret
ending it with the chair. Bret is probably at the top of the list of
guys who were wasted in WCW as he went from WWF Champion to losing in
a lower card title match inside of eight months. That’s impressive
even by WCW standards.
Bret
goes after the knee with the chair and cracks it over the exposed
knee cap. He hooks the Heartbreaker around the post and Stevie Ray
takes his sweet time in making the save.
Video
on Goldberg’s big night on Monday.
WCW
World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig
No
Rude for the challenger tonight. Goldberg runs him over to start and
hits a kind of release belly to belly, sending Curt into the corner.
Goldberg uses his legs to take Hennig down and Curt bails to the
floor. Back in and Goldberg charges into a boot in the corner but
Hennig gets caught in a gorilla press powerslam. Curt goes after the
knee with a chop block and some cannonballs. The HennigPlex gets two
and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to retain the title.
Rating:
D. You know all those other
Goldberg matches? Read whatever I said about any of those and swap
out whatever that opponent’s name for Curt Hennig.
We
recap the main event without words. Basically the basketball players
don’t like each other because they played in the finals twice in a
row and Hogan said some stuff about Page that DDP didn’t like.
Diamond
Dallas Page/Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman/Hollywood Hogan
Page
and Malone have matching attire, which look like they jumped into a
vat of hot glue with their jeans on. They come out to some hip hop
song that keeps saying “feel the bang.” Malone looks like he’s
been carved out of granite while Rodman is in a t-shirt and jeans.
The basketball players get us going but first Hogan has to take off
Rodman’s glasses. Rodman runs to the ropes to hide and the fans are
all over him. That works so well that they do it a second time. A
test of strength doesn’t happen as we hit two minutes into the match.
Rodman
grabs a headlock but bails to the floor when Malone charges at him.
Off to Hogan for a posedown with Hollywood getting frustrated.
Malone hooks a kind of standing chinlock (imagine a left arm Rock
Bottom but he clasps his hands together and squeezes) before slamming
Hogan down. We’re five minutes in now and it’s off to Page. DDP
gets Rodman and shoves him down off a lockup. A shoulder puts Rodman
down again as the stalling continues. They spit at each other and
Rodman armdrags him down. Somehow we’re seven minutes into this
match.
They
hit the ropes a bit and collide to send both guys down. Back to the
headlock by Rodman but Page reverses into one of his own. The fans
are clearly getting restless. Rodman leapfrogs Page twice and they
collide again to give us more laying down. Malone comes in and kicks
at Rodman, sending him over to Hogan for the tag. Karl hooks a top
wristlock and shoves Hogan to the mat. Hogan complains of a hair
pull and Rodman gets in a cheap shot to get to the whole tag match
idea for the first time.
Hogan
chokes a lot and slams Malone down before raking the boot over
Malone’s eyes. Rodman comes in with some elbow drops before it’s
back to Hogan for a chinlock. Here’s Rodman again for some double
teaming and a belly to back suplex from Hogan. Hollywood misses an
elbow though and it’s hot tag to Page. DDP comes in with a top rope
clothesline to Hogan but a cheap shot from Rodman lets the NWO take
over again. Hogan chokes away in the corner with his boot followed
by a running clothesline.
Rodman
comes in for a double big boot and more choking before it’s back to
Hogan for right hands in the corner. Page hits a quick elbow but
Rodman breaks up the tag attempt and puts on a front facelock.
Malone plays cheerleader on the apron and we get the unseen and
phantom tag tropes to space the match out even more. The big boot
puts Page down but he avoids the legdrop and it’s hot tag off to
Malone.
Clotheslines
all around put the NWO down and they both get slams. There’s a
double noggin knocker followed by Hogan’s head going into the buckle.
A big boot drops Hogan and it’s off to Page for a running Diamond
Cutter (Hogan landed on his hands, making the move look horrible).
Malone Diamond Cuts Rodman but Disciple sneaks in with a Stunner to
Page, giving Hogan the pin and a face pop for some reason.
Rating:
F. This was about what you knew
it was going to be, though it could have been FAR worse. Malone was
clearly taking this seriously which is more than you can say for most
celebrities in matches. Rodman looked like your usual celebrity
wrestler: decent at the one or two really basic moves he used but
pretty worthless otherwise. I’ve read before that this was
originally booked to go nearly an hour, which makes me shiver in
fear. I guess Hogan needed this win as a thank you for the
mainstream attention he brought in?
Malone
gives Disciple and the referee Diamond Cutters (good ones too) and
the NWO celebrates like this is a big deal.
The
announcers talk a bit to wrap things up.
Overall
Rating:
C. This is the WCW PPV
formula but a better version than usual. The earlier stuff is mostly
good while the main events cripple it, though Goldberg’s match was
what the fans wanted to see and was executed as well as it could have
been. The problem with the company is the same as always though: the
main stories aren’t going anywhere. The tag match doesn’t change
anything here and everyone involved in it now needs to start a new
story. It’s a good show overall, but as usual turn it off before the
main event.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:
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2013 Scott Sez…Heroes of Wrestling

The Netcop Rant for the “Heroes of Wrestling”, a one-time-only (oh lord let that be true) so-called PPV that I wasted $19.95 on due to a long story that I don’t wanna get into. Thankfully, I made sure to stock up on alcoholic beverages before the show, and BOY did I need them.  (Rather ironic that I would rag on Jake Roberts for his behavior while getting wasted myself.)  First of all, the pre-game show looks like it was edited on a Video Toaster, with jump cuts so sudden that I think some poor editor down in Mississippi is suffering from whiplash as we speak. (Oh, the Amiga computer, still good for cheapshots years later.)  We get some various BAD angles to set up the show, including George Steele & Sherri Martell getting caught in a secret tryst, Bob Orton cheating at poker, and Tully Blanchard getting shoved into a trunk by Stan Lane. I don’t know who I pity more, btw – Sherri or George. Not a promising start. Live from Bay Saint something, Mississippi. I didn’t quite catch the name of the town where the casino we’re coming from is, and I hadn’t heard of it at any rate. Your hosts are Dutch Mantell and some dufus named Randy Rosenbloom, not Gordon Solie as was triumphantly advertised leading up to the show. He wouldn’t make so much as an appearance.  (Gordon wasn’t long for the world, sadly.)  The arena is announced as 2,000 SRO, (Standing Room Only or Sold Right Out depending on who you ask.)  but they’re lucky if there’s 600 people there, and the lights are so dim you can only see the first five rows anyway. A big banner for the casino sits on the ring apron, and I won’t dignify it by reprinting the casino’s phone number here.  (An indy doing 600 people these days isn’t that bad, especially for a nostalgia group like this one.)  Opening match: The Samoan Swat Team v. Marty Jannetty & Tommy Rogers. First of all, Fatu looks like Yokozuna, with his ass taking up most of the camera whenever he’s on. Seriously, he’s just that fat. (This was of course written in 1999, just before he went back to the WWF as Rikishi.  So that’s at least one person who got a job out of this.)  And it’s not like he’s been retired for the past few years or anything. The SST is managed by some Paul E. wannabe goof. Jannetty (who is looking like a crack addict) has let his hair grow back since his WCW stint last year. (He looks even worse these days. And the crack addict thing might not be far off given his habits at the time.)  Stall session to start, with Jannetty taking control once Samu gets in. Jannetty is blowing moves left and right and missing his cues, which would indicate either drugs or alcohol tonight. Of course, had I known what was in store, I’d have counted my blessings for Jannetty at least being coherent. Stay tuned, folks. Lots of arm-working from the Fantastic Rockers, for lack of a better name. First chinlock of the show comes at 8:15 EST. Expect more. Inevitably, Fabu’s HUGE ASS overcomes Marty and he plays Ricky Morton. Speaking of Ricky, the RnR would seem to be a perfect fit for this show – I wonder why they’re not on it? (Because even Ricky Morton has standards?) Jannetty takes a chairshot and the announcer declares it “obscene” and “unethical”. No shit. Where did they dig this dipshit up? Rogers gets the hot tag, but tries to headbutt the Samoans and gets nowhere. Jannetty and Rogers double-team the SST, with Jannetty hitting a plancha on Fatu, but that leaves Rogers alone with Samu. Samu hits a pretty good TKO and gets the easy pin at 9:51. Nothing special here. 1/2*  Did I mention how bad lead commentator Randy Rosenbloom is, calling a simple dropkick a “legdrop” and other things equally ridiculous? Thank god Dutch was there to cover for him. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine v. George “The Animal” Steele. George has Sherri with him. It occurs to me that given the choices, George is smarter to eat the turnbuckle than to eat…oh, never mind. George starts to remove his shirt, and Hammer jumps him. Sherri attacks as well, thus throwing the subtlety card right out of the window. But George can’t see the betrayal, because the shirt is over his head. Plus he’s really stupid. Steele finds an international object and hits Greg with it, then hands it off to Sherri for safe-keeping. Sherri hands it right to Greg, who plays “Hide the object” for a bit, and then Sherri turns on George outright, nailing him with a chair and giving Valentine the win at 6:31. Hey, our first negative star match of the night! –***  (The booking and the matchmaking was just bizarre here.  Valentine was still doing regular indy shots at this point and could have worked a totally acceptable match with someone like Tully Blanchard.)  Julio Fantastico (Sanchez) v. 2 Cold Scorpio. I have no idea why they even bothered with this one. 2CS has a WCW World title knockoff with him, which is never mentioned by the announcers. Captain Lou Albano comes out to do rambling commentary. Decent, but awkward wrestling sequence to start. Julio ends up on the floor and Scorp follows with a pescado. Now it’s Julio’s turn, as he blows a pescado and ends with a skin-the-cat type thing, then decides to REDO THE SPOT (Ugh!) and hits it better on the second try. Sure sign of a jobber 4 life right there. NEVER REDO THE SPOT! He does take a nice backdrop over the railing into the crowd. Back in the ring and then a very ugly sequence begins, with the end result being a legdrop from Scorpio and a badly blown Tumbleweed to finish it at 9:48. Hey, if you’re gonna do a spotfest, HIT THE DAMN SPOTS! *  (Julio never ended up doing anything in the business anyway.)  The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. The Artists Formerly Known as the Bushwhackers. The heels have some goof named Nikita Brezhnikov in their corner, who does a bad Russian accent and wears what looks like a Cossack uniform and waves a USSR flag. Geez, read the news once in a while, guys. We get the Russian national anthem (short form version) and the Iranian club demonstration, for old (and I mean OLD) time’s sake. Thankfully, I’m on my third drink by this time and I’m getting pleasantly detached from the living room. Ssssssssssssss tttttttttttt aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. The old, wrinkly, Volkoff beats on Luke to control, although there’s six inches of air between Luke and the bottom of Nikolai’s boot on every kick. Sheik comes in and gives Luke what can only be generously described as a lovetap, and Luke sells a throat injury like Steamboat. Yeargh. The heels are working so loose they might as well stand in the aisle and kick them from there. It’d look more believable. Seriously, this is just SO sad. Butch finally gets the hot tag, and heel miscommunication involving the wrong person getting hit with an international object gives Butch the pin at 8:45. Oh. My. God. –****  (That’s actually a generous rating given Meltzer’s famous demolition of the match in the Observer.  This is where I would have stuck George Steele, by the way.  Steele & Bushwackers v. Sheik/Volkoff/some other geek at least confines the major suck to one bad comedy match.)  Stan Lane v. Tully Blanchard. Both guys look pretty good, age and layoff time considered. Pretty nice start with Tully taking a bump into the post early, and Lane gets a neckbreaker and a cobra clutch. Russian legsweep gets two. They hit the floor and Tully puts a figure-four on him on the floor. Lane is playing the heel but Tully is drawing the heel heat for some reason. Lane is also sporting the Chris Candido hairstyle. Anyway, back in the ring and after a brief bit involving a sleeper, we get the stupidest ending in wrestling, the “belly-to-back suplex and one guy lifts his shoulder” double pin. In this case, Tully gets the shoulder up first and wins at 7:12. Well, they tried, I guess. 1/2*  (Much like getting the gold medal at the Special Olympics…) Who in god’s name is booking this crap? I mean, the double pin spot? I know this is supposed to be nostalgic, but let’s at least get past 1985 in the booking, PLEASE! Do an nWo run-in and get it up to 1997 or something… One Man Gang v. Abdullah the Butcher. Both guys bleed. Both are counted out at 7:29. There’s your match highlights. Oh, those and Abby swiping the blade over his forehead every five seconds with a camera focusing on his head. Almost forgot about that one. –*** (Hopefully Gang didn’t get Hepatitis from this match.)  What’s the point of doing a non-conclusive ending to a one-time-only match? To protect the reputation of two semi-retired wrestlers?  (I think their reputation was long gone by this point anyway.  OMG could have teamed with Sheik and Volkoff, I think.)  “Cowboy” Bob Orton v. Jimmy Snuka. I’m on drink #4 by this point, so it’s gonna be hard to faze me. (These days I stop after one.  Just doesn’t interest me anymore.)  Snuka gets a quick two off a cross-body, but Orton takes control with a cheapshot. A suplex into the ring and a kneedrop gets two. Orton is moving slow, but he’s pacing himself nicely and doing his usual great job of working the mat. He works one armbar in particular for quite a long time. (Like father, like son.)  Dutch is doing an absolutely spectacular job of selling the armbar for the fans at home, because Randy Rosenbloom has no idea what the hell is going on, in terms of the psychology. The fans invent increasingly crude taunts for Bob during the armbar, leading to the epic “Bob is a faggot! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) in D-Minor” to close out the armbar.  (Clearly we know he reproduced, so they’re probably off-base in their criticisms of his sexuality.  I don’t think Snuka ever had any children, though.)  Snuka comes back with the usual, and they do a double-KO with Orton falling on top for two. Snuka recovers and heads to the top, but Orton tries to reverse to a superplex. Lou Albano grabs Snuka’s ankles to stop the move, and Snuka hits a bodypress off the top for the pin at 11:42. Match of the night, at a whopping *1/4 And now…THE FUN PART! During the night, the wrestlers have been cutting various pre-match promos with some Pettingill-ish clone backstage, with nothing of note being said. Then comes Jake Roberts. The promo itself was unexceptional. No, what was so memorable was the fact that he was PLASTERED. I mean, he was literally so stinking, falling down drunk off his fat ass that he could hardly string together a sentence, and in fact needed to grab onto the interviewer to keep from falling over. The interviewer looked SERIOUSLY freaked at having Jake hanging on him, with the snake crawling around in it’s bag on the floor. (Let’s GO TO THE YOUTUBES!) And then the match… Jake “The Snake” Roberts v. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. PLEASE let it be quick, that’s all I ask. (Dozens of young wrestlers also thought the same thing before trips into the shower with JBL.)  Jake is literally STAGGERING down the aisle on the way to the ring. He tosses Damien into the corner, then staggers back to the dressing room, takes his shirt off, and staggers back. Poor Neidhart has no idea what to make of the situation. (I’m guessing “This guy is almost as fucked up as my wife!”) Jake hits on a couple of ugly chicks in the front row, then rolls in and we’re underway. Anvil literally does all the work, physically carrying Jake through the “match” so he doesn’t’ fall over and puke all over the ring. Damien wriggles free of the bag, so Jake pulls him out and makes uses it as a surrogate penis, waving it around the ring while protruding from his crotch, pointing towards women in the front row. And there’s KIDS in the audience, all over the place. I think Jake can finally kiss his wrestling career goodbye, for good this time. And now obviously someone in the back realizes this is getting out of hand, so King Kong Bundy comes out to run interference. Anvil puts Jake in a long chinlock, and looks to be bitching him out while there. Jake goes for the DDT, but he can’t get the spot quite right, so Bundy runs in for a 2-on-1. Yokozuna makes the save, and it’s turned into a tag match. Jake takes a couple of chairshots from Neidhart to hopefully make him stay on the floor, but he rolls back in and Bundy gets a two count. Jake hasn’t even bothered to lace his boots, and when Neidhart pulls on his foot to stop a tag, the boot comes free. Jake makes the hot tag to Yoko, but about 2 seconds later Bundy splashes and pins Jake (the illegal man) for the pin to end the whole fiasco. Jake and Yoko beat up Bundy’s manager, and the show is hastily yanked from the air 15 minutes early without so much as a goodbye from the announce team. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your Worst Match of the Year, hands down. -***** I suppose it would be harsh of me to wish Jake would just choke on his own vomit one night and spare us all ever watching him ruin his life or the lives of the people that care about him ever again, but at the rate he’s going he’s probably not far off.  (I’m continually amazed that 15 years after this, he’s still alive.)  The Bottom Line: You may have noticed that we didn’t get the advertised main event, or even Yokozuna or Bundy wrestling for more than 5 seconds each. Leave it to Jake to ruin an entire show for everyone. Not that there was much there to ruin. Easily the worst PPV I’ve ever seen, and that includes a lot. I don’t know how these morons got a PPV deal in the first place, but since the buyrate is likely to be somewhere between 0.00000005 and 0.1 (if they’re lucky) I doubt we’ll have to worry about seeing this abortion stink up our TV screens ever again.If there was a rating even lower than thumbs down I’d give it. If you want nostalgia, watch WCW. You might even see a wrestling match there by accident, too. (Given the people involved, here’s the matches I would have booked instead: Stan Lane & Marty Jannetty v. Scorpio & Tommy Rogers George Steele & The Bushwackers v. Samoan Swat Team & Yokozuna King Kong Bundy v. One Man Gang Bob Orton & Greg Valentine v. Jimmy Snuka & Jim Neidhart Main event: Jake Roberts v. Tully Blanchard I dunno, still not great, but I’m big fan of disguising weakness with tag matches.  This would also presume that Roberts wasn’t shitfaced going into the show, and that he and Tully could do promos leading up to it. 

What haven’t you seen? Plus I call you out for killing ECW!

In this era of being able to see what you want, when you want, some 'Doomers might not know what it's like to read Scott talk about the Rocker's white tights being covered in blood and having to wait 3 years to watch the match (Shawn's first DVD was so great given the fact that it might have been the first "Hey, we OWN all of wrestling history DVD" DVDs).
Is there anything that you've heard of IN THIS BUSINESS that you've never seen that you want to? Being a former tape trader myself ('tween the ages of 12-18, seriously that Lucha on Galavision show bought me my first car!) I was privy to many ECT tapes with stuff like the Brody/Luger match, McMemphis,MutavsHase, assorted garbage wrestling, and my favorite tape-Eddie Gilbert's angles! Also, anything pre TNN ECW were big sellers (we tape traders are all to blame for ECW going under. You may not admit it to us, but how much money did you make of off ECW? I'd honestly say that I made around $300 net copying/trading/selling ECW stuff).

Now, aside from my question for you, can we have a copyright/youtube/google ad friendly thread where we can ask for rare clips/matches/angels and receive INSTANT gratification?
Oh man, Muta v. Hase was such great stuff.  Muta v. Liger was also amazing.  I miss comp tapes and WCW All Nighters.  The only stuff I haven't seen / can't easily access would be the stuff that doesn't exist anymore, like Sawyer v. Rich, or Bret v. Tom Magee, or Money Inc winning the tag titles from the LOD.  Really, if I suddenly decided I wanted to binge on Michinoku Pro or Muto's awesome 2001 run, there's tons of YouTubers or online DVD dealers who would hook me up.  
And I made way more than $300 off ECW.  You must not have been trying hard enough.

Rumble 14′

White Thunder here,

 I mentioned in the Rumble thread the other day how cool it would be if Royal Rumble was actually for the Unified World Titles. I hate to see a screw job at TLC and yet another reign by Abeyance but a Rumble for the belt would be amazing. They could also have some hot TV matches as guys could have to win a qualifying match to get into the Rumble. 1992 is still considered the best Rumble and I feel this would be a great way to build some excitement heading into the Wrestlemania season. Any chance we see this or this too much of wrestling angle and not enough entertainment?

I think if they vacated the title AGAIN and then built up to Rumble promising that this time, no lying, we absolutely swear that we won't do a screwjob finish and will have a definitive winner for the belt…they'd probably kill the Rumble off once and for all.  
I've had enough of Abeyance the Champion this year.  Let it die.

Thunder – July 8, 1998

Thunder
Date:
July 8, 1998
Location:
Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators:
Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Lee Marshall, Tony Schiavone
Reviewed by Tommy Hal
The
main story here of course is Goldberg winning the world title two
days before in the Georgia Dome. We’re heading into Bash at the
Beach on Sunday and the question is how does this change the PPV card
on Sunday. Goldberg had been scheduled for a tag match but the world
title wasn’t scheduled to be defended anyway. Hopefully we get the
announcement tonight but it’s WCW so they probably haven’t thought
that far ahead. Let’s get to it.

This
is on a Wednesday instead of the usual Thursday.
The
announcers talk about Goldberg to open the show with Heenan almost on
the verge of standing and applauding.
Here’s
JJ Dillon with a major announcement. Apparently Goldberg has
accepted a challenge for a title match from Curt Hennig and will face
him on Sunday. Giant and Kevin Greene, who were scheduled to be in a
tag match with Hennig and Goldberg, will have a singles match
instead. Also we’ll find out about the US Title eventually.
Now
here’s Hennig to hype up his match on Sunday. Curt is sure he can’t
wrestle DDP tonight because it might interfere with his world title
shot and all the Black and White fans here wouldn’t want that of
course. The fans apparently are all psychics as they’re chanting
Goldberg without opening their mouths. Hennig wants Rude to lawyer
up to get out of the match with Page and promises to win the title
for Hogan. Heaven forbid he do it to be world champion of course.
Public
Enemy vs. Shiima Nabunaga/Tokyo Magnum
I
hate to admit it, but Public Enemy had one of the catchiest themes I
can remember in WCW. The Dragon Gate guys jump Public Enemy to start
but are quickly clotheslined down and out to the floor. We start
with Tokyo vs. Johnny with Magnum being put down with a pancake. Off
to Rocco who misses a springboard moonsault, giving Shiima a two
count. Shimma gets crotched on the top and everything breaks down.
Tokyo gets caught in a double gutbuster and Shiima is put through the
double stack of tables for the academic pin. Basically a squash.
Tokyo
tries to dance with Public Enemy and gets punched in the face,
drawing in Disco Inferno and Alex Wright to beat Public Enemy up.
Video
on the basketball match.
Villano
IV vs. The Cat
It
sounds better than Ernest Miller if nothing else. Villano gets in a
cheap shot to start which fits the whole villain gimmick. He stomps
away in the corner but Cat comes back with a quick sunset flip for
two and a kick to the head, living up to the whole karate guy
gimmick. The other Villano tries to sneak in but gets kicked down as
well, allowing Cat to hit his top rope kick to the face for the pin
on V.
Rating:
D+. There wasn’t much to see
here other than the finish but at least Cat is starting to show some
charisma out there. It also doesn’t help that he was doing some
basic stuff besides just kicking all the time. It’s still not
interesting or anything but it was a big step up over what he’s done
before.
Here’s
Eddie Guerrero to talk about the hair vs. hair match with Chavo on
Sunday. He was happy to see Goldberg win the title on Monday because
Goldberg got it all together. On Sunday, Eddie is going to get it
together against Chavo. Eddie has spent the last few months building
Chavo up but somewhere along the way a screw came loose and Chavo has
lost it. “We’re talking wacko here.” Eddie gets real serious
and promises to humiliate and degrade Chavo by shaving him bald,
because no one likes bald people. Just remember that he’s doing it
because he loves Chavo. Very solid promo here to hype up a good
feud.
Here’s
DDP for even more talking. He’s proud of Goldberg as well, “and
that’s a shoot.” Page fumbles his words a bit while trying to talk
about Hogan and Rodman before talking about how awesome Malone is.
Apparently Malone has been training over five hours a day every day
to get ready for the match. Sunday is going to end the worst year of
Hogan’s life and that’s about it. As for Hennig, he isn’t getting
out of the match tonight and will feel the BANG.
Juventud
Guerrera vs. Judo Suwa
They
trade chops to start with Suwa getting the better of it. Juvy gets a
boot up to stop a charge in the corner and a headscissors sends Suwa
out to the floor. A big dive takes Judo out and fires up the crowd a
bit after all that talking put them to sleep. Back in and Suwa
stomps on Juvy and hits a Vader Bomb for two. They run the ropes a
bit with Juvy being sent out to the apron but he comes back in with a
springboard missile dropkick to the back of the head. Kidman strolls
out to ringside as Juvy hits two Juvy Drivers in a row for the pin.
Rating:
C. Some nice high spots in
there but not much else. This is another one of those matches just
thrown out there to fill in some time and fire up the crowd a bit but
it wasn’t one of the better versions. Kidman didn’t do anything in
the match but it tied into Juvy vs. Reese on Sunday.
Post
match here’s the Flock to beat up Guerrera again with Kidman hitting
the Seven Year Itch.
Bash
at the Beach ad.
Here’s
Mongo for another interview. He talks about bringing back the
Horsemen and we get a promo from Arn in 1995 right before his match
with Flair at Fall Brawl. In it, Arn talks about giving Flair all he
has and being able to look at himself in the mirror the next morning
because of it. Mongo again asks to bring back the Horsemen and name
drops Flair a bit.
The
announcers talk about Sunday.
Another
Bash at the Beach promo.
Stevie
Ray vs. Konnan
Before
the match, Ray talks about how Booker isn’t here because he’s getting
ready for his match on Sunday. Konnan makes noises on the way to the
ring which I think were supposed to be English but I could only make
out words like Flexy and Mach. Stevie tries to pound some grammar
into him to start and gets two off a forearm. A World’s Strongest
Slam puts Konnan down but he pops back up with the rolling lariat and
an X-Factor for two. They head to the floor for a bit with Stevie
kicking Konnan in the face before hitting him with a chair for the
DQ.
The
beating with the chair continues until Booker comes out in street
clothes to stop his brother.
Video
on Bret vs. Booker.
Hennig
is on the phone with Rude and talks about sending a fax to the bosses
which guarantees that the match doesn’t happen tonight.
Raven/Horace
vs. Saturn/Kanyon
Apparently
we’re going to see Hogan vs. Goldberg again on Monday. Not a
rematch, but a rebroadcast. Saturn works on Horace’s arm to start
before handing him off to Kanyon for a crucifix. A swinging
neckbreaker puts Horace down but Kanyon goes to the floor to fight
Raven. Horace busts out a suicide dive of all things to take Kanyon
down as the Flock takes over. Raven comes in with a running
clothesline and a knee lift to put Kanyon back outside.
A
Russian legsweep sends Kanyon into the barricade for two back inside
and it’s back to Horace. This has been rather physical so far.
Horace gets two off a top rope splash and we hit the headlock on the
mat. Kanyon comes back with the fireman’s carry pancake and it’s a
hot tag to Saturn. Everything breaks down with Saturn taking Horace
down with a hurricanrana. A chair is thrown in as Saturn sets up a
table on the floor.
Kanyon
catches Horace with an electric chair faceplant and heads outside to
put Raven on the table. Saturn goes up top but Lodi throws powder in
his eyes, meaning Saturn can’t see that Raven has put Kanyon on the
table instead. The top rope elbow tries to put Saturn through the
table but it’s more of Saturn bouncing off Kanyon with the table not
breaking at all. Raven gets the easy pin on Kanyon back inside.
Rating:
B-. This was a WILD five minute
match. Again, Kanyon and Saturn steal the show whenever they’re out
there which makes me curious to see how WCW manages to screw them up.
Horace is someone else that is better than I remember and was more
than adequate in the role of the agile power man here.
Steve
McMichael vs. Rick Fuller
As
mentioned almost every time, Fuller is a guy who could have been
excellent as a bodyguard for some cowardly heel. Fuller chops away
to start but Mongo takes out the leg to put Fuller down. A very
early tombstone attempt is broken up with a knee to the face but
Mongo keeps pounding away in the corner. Mongo runs into a boot in
the corner and Fuller pounds away before a legdrop gets two.
McMichael comes back with a kick to the face of his own and the
tombstone ends Fuller.
The
announcers tell us that Malenko has been suspended for his actions on
Nitro and will NOT be at the PPV on Sunday. They also talk about
Jericho insinuating that Dean’s brother Joe was the product of an
affair. Heenan: “Well they don’t look alike.”
Jericho
is here with a bandaged noggin and says he can’t wrestle Dean due to
what happened on Monday. He wants a credible opponent but JJ doesn’t
come out to give him one. Jericho says he’ll put on a top hat and
tap shoes and read poetry if he can’t get an opponent named.
Cruiserweight
Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon
Jericho
grabs a headlock to start but they speed things up by running the
ropes. A back elbow puts Jericho down and he bails to the floor.
Dragon drokicks him through the ropes and things slow down a bit.
Back inside and Jericho kicks him in the ribs and snaps Dragon’s
throat across the top rope. Dragon is down in the corner but Jericho
does his long stride instead of following up. He bends Dragon’s back
over his knee to work on the back a bit as things stay slow.
Dragon
fights up and hits a spinning kick to the chest, only to be caught in
a German suplex for two. Chris gets crotched on top but the super
hurricanrana is broken up. Jericho’s superplex is countered into a
front superplex by Dragon for two but Jericho puts him right back
down with a backbreaker. Dragon hits a Lionsault to a standing
Jericho into the Dragon Sleeper but Chris is quickly into the ropes.
The Liontamer is countered into a small package and Dragon counters a
powerbomb into a cradle, only to be caught in the Liontamer for the
submission.
Rating:
C+. Good match as usual here
with Jericho looking great out there. Dragon was more than keeping
up with him as well, but he wouldn’t be around much longer to do
follow up. The cruiserweight division is awesome at the moment with
Jericho being a much more skilled Honky Tonk Man as everyone wants to
see him get what’s coming to him.
Here’s
Kevin Greene with something to say and the place gets almost eerily
quiet. As always he mentions Goldberg to try to get the fans to care
but it doesn’t work as well this time. He talks about how great a
football player he is before talking about Giant not being here
tonight….and that’s about it.
Video
on Rodman.
Diamond
Dallas Page vs. Curt Hennig
Curt
comes out in street clothes and seems to be taking as long as he can.
He slowly takes off his shirt until a guy comes up with some papers
for him. Apparently due to his title match on Sunday he’s under no
obligation to have his match tonight, causing Page to roll his eyes.
Vincent tries to jump Page but gets laid out with the Diamond Cutter.
Hennig goes after Page but Goldberg’s music comes on to end the show
(Goldberg didn’t appear).
Overall
Rating:
C+. This was an
entertaining show that set up Bash at the Beach rather well. What
more can you ask for out of a go home show, especially when the show
it’s promoting isn’t very interesting? The midcard is awesome at
this point but they need to actually get somewhere with the stories.
Good show here though as the midcard bails out the non-main event
again.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

THE LIGHTNING ROUND!

I don’t think you’ve had a lightning round in a while, but I was just wondering about your musings on the following gimmicks and personas:

–Dr. of Thuganomics John Cena Loved it at the time, although I’d probably have gotten sick of it just as fast as I did with Super-Cena.  But yeah, I was all aboard the Cena train when he was getting the rocket push. –Reverend D-Von It was more clever than interesting. –Legend Killer Randy Orton circa 2004 Should have been even bigger before Undertaker kind of derailed it.  It was a tremendous concept, though.  –Hollywood Heel Rock (I know, it’s Rocky, what’s not to love, but how did you think this stacked up among his character runs?) Brilliant, high-concept trolling from the master.  He did it just to prove he could.  Unfortunately he never had a chance to draw on top with it.  –The New Age Outlaws Huge fan, but much like everyone else I was burned on them by the time they did the reunion and farewell in 2000.  It was a gimmick that lasted the perfect amount of time and drew all the money it was going to.  –The SmackDown Six (the three-way tag team feuds between Angle, Rey, Edge, Benwho, and Los Guerreros)  Only thing that kept me sane in 2002.  –nWo in WWE Waste of time and money.  –RAW GM Eric Bischoff Should have drawn millions in a deeply-layered meta-textual war with Vince McMahon as revenge for WCW’s death, but they hugged in his first appearance and he was just a effective but clownish heel instead.  –Rated-R Superstar Edge circa Banging Lita Well we all know how I feel about Lita from that era.  I was so far burned out on wrestling in general that I never really got into Edge’s run on top, to be honest.  –Dancing Lance Storm (cabbage-patching face turn after Austin called him “Boring”; a try at personality, embarrassing, or just plain forgettable? I actually admit to having a soft spot for this one) Barely even remember that one.  –The Hurricane He was right where he should have been with that gimmick.  –Right to Censor I really wish the people involved would have been better, because it was an awesome pure heel gimmick in a time when “cool heels” where dominating and annoying everyone.  –Alliance Heel Stone Cold I believe this falls under the Invasion / Heel Cena / Montreal rule.  Bonus question: Over/under the unification of the world titles lasting longer than the apartment switch on Friends? They’re jumping through so many hoops to avoid actually advertising and/or promising a unification that you can only think it’ll be the belt-swapping scenario everyone has guessed.

Smackdown – November 29, 2013

Smackdown
Date:
November 29, 2013
Location:
Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators:
Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
The
main story coming into tonight is Cena vs. Orton being confirmed for
TLC, but I can’t imagine we’ll get much on that at Smackdown. Other
than that the big questions are what did the Wyatts do with Daniel
Bryan and why did Shield take out Punk on Raw. The show likely won’t
answer any questions but we might get a food fight because that’s how
wrestling works around a holiday. Let’s get to it.

Theme
song.
Here’s
Renee Young in the ring to introduce Randy Orton. We look back at
the end of Survivor Series where the Authority helped Orton beat Big
Show with the Punt. Orton says he begs to differ with Renee’s
version of things. First off he was playing possum instead of being
knocked out. He didn’t need the Authority to prove he could beat Big
Show. All that did was taint his inevitable victory. That brings us
to Monday where Cena showed up to challenge Orton to the title
unification match at TLC. Renee asks Orton about why he didn’t
accept the match himself but Orton walks away.
We
go to the back for the Thanksgiving party. Everyone is having a good
time so here’s Vickie to let us know that this is a leftover party.
She has everything anyone could want, but this will NOT turn into a
food fight. There will however be an eating contest between Titus
and Khali but we have to wait on the winner.
Curtis
Axel vs. Mark Henry
Ryback
and Langston are here as seconds. Henry throws Axel around as you
would expect to get us going. Ryback gets in a cheap shot on
Langston and the distraction lets Axel get in some cheap shots on the
knee to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Henry gets
to his feet and throws Axel around like a small ferret. The JYD
headbutts put Axel on the floor between two large muscular men and
Ryback’s interference doesn’t work at all. Henry throws Curtis back
inside for the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin at 3:08.
Rating:
D. Axel is a guy in desperate
need of a repackaging. The talent is there, but he needs something
completely different after how badly he’s been crushed. At least he
doesn’t have the title anymore. It looks like we’re setting up for
Langston vs. Ryback, which is going to hurt someone in the short term
when neither guy can really afford that.
Truth
and Xavier Woods (in a Power Rangers shirt) are in the back when a
ticked off Brodus Clay shows up. He gave them permission to use the
music and Funkadactyls, not steal them. Brodus tells the rookie to
watch his attitude and slaps him in the face. Truth and Tensai break
up the fight as Brodus seems to have turned heel.
Back
to the eating contest when AJ and Tamina crash the party. Vickie
threatens to turn this into a food fight with the two of them against
everyone else. That goes nowhere and we pan over to Khali passing
out and Titus winning the contest. The win earns him a match with
Antonio Cesaro tonight. Khali is covered in mashed potatoes.
Plymouth
Rockers vs. Los Matadores/El Torito
3MB
coming out to the Rockers’ music isn’t something I ever expected to
see. JBL is WAY too excited to see El Torito. Torito gets things
going with Slater as JBL refers to this as an inter-species match.
The other Band members try to jump Torito but the Matadores dropkick
them to the floor.
Torito
dives through the ropes to take them out as the crowd is silent.
Fernando gets stomped down in the 3MB corner with Drew draping
Fernando’s feet on the ropes and firing off forearms to the back. A
hot tag brings in Torito with a top rope hurricanrana followed by a
flying headscissors. Off to Diego and the double Angle Slam ends
McIntyre at 2:57. Comedy match and not a funny one.
Video
on the European shows.
Tons
of Funk vs. Xavier Woods/R-Truth
Tensai
and Truth get us going with both guys escaping various hold attempts.
Truth finally gets slammed down but blocks a charge in the corner
with a boot to the face. Off to Woods who pounds on Tensai and kicks
him in the jaw to little effect. An enziguri sends Tensai into the
corner and it’s off to Brodus for the headbutt to the chest. A
middle rope splash crushes Woods for the pin at 2:18. I like the
idea of this feud. Stealing music seems like an easy way to start a
feud but I don’t remember it being used since…..the late 80s?
Punk
is worried that he hasn’t heard from Bryan and that he has bad ribs
thanks to Reigns. He thinks Shield is acting on orders from someone.
Bray
Wyatt talks about seeing mannequins in his dreams. Everyone is
intoxicated in their own vanity but we all see symmetry. Bray
insists that no one knows people like he does and that Daniel Bryan
will be safe with them.
Titus
O’Neal vs. Antonio Cesaro
Titus
has a stomach ache which likely means a bad ending to this one. He
grabs a headlock on Cesaro but gets dropkicked down, sending Titus
into the ropes to hold his stomach. Titus jumps over Cesaro in the
corner and kicks him in the face, only to make himself hurt more from
the bark. Cesaro knees him in the stomach and puts on the Swing but
Young comes in for the DQ at 2:00.
Titus
is sick in JBL’s hat (censored of course) for the payoff. Zeb makes
fun of Titus so he gets sick on Colter as well. This went on WAY too
long.
The
Raw ReBound covers the main event.
Tag
Titles: Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Shield
Reigns
and Rollins are challenging and Ambrose is on commentary. We get
some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Cody grabs a headlock
to start on Rollins as Cole asks if the Authority had anything to do
with Shield attacking Punk on Monday. Apparently Cole doesn’t have
clearance to get that answer so Ambrose says it’s Shield’s personal
business. Cody slams Rollins down and brings in Goldust for a middle
rope ax handle to the arm. Back to Cody who gets two off the front
suplex and it’s back to the arm.
Reigns
comes in and you can feel the match change in a hurry. Goldust bows
up to fight him but is easily knocked to the floor. Back in and
Reigns scores with an uppercut but gets caught by a dropkick for no
cover. Everything breaks down for a bit with the champions clearing
the ring as we take a break. Back with Cody working on Seth’s arm
but not being able to hit the Alabama Slam out of the corner.
Instead Seth sunset flips him down for two and kicks Cody in the head
for the same.
The
announcers talk about brothers being tag team champions and Ambrose
asks a question we need a definitive answer to: are Edge and
Christian brothers or not? Reigns comes in for some pounding before
it’s quickly back to Rollins who chokes on the ropes. Cody gets
caught in a front facelock by Reigns before getting dropped by a back
elbow. Rollins comes back in but misses a charge, sending him out to
the floor.
The
hot tag brings in Goldust who clotheslines Reigns down a few times
and a cross body gets one. Reigns breaks up the top rope cross body
and sends Goldust to the floor as we take another break. Back with
Goldust in trouble and being knocked into the corner by Rollins. We
hit the chinlock on Goldust but he grabs a small package for two. A
DDT puts Rollins down but Reigns knocks Cody off the apron to break
up the hot tag.
Reigns
clotheslines Goldust down for two and puts on a headlock. Goldust is
taken into the Shield corner but comes out with a double clothesline
to put everyone down. Now the hot tag brings in Cody with a missile
dropkick and a sunset flip gets two on Rollins. Seth counters the
moonsault press and sends Cody face first into the buckle to put him
down.
Everything
breaks down again and Goldust is sent into the barricade. Cody comes
off the top with a nice plancha to take out both Shield members.
Back in and Rollins avoids the moonsault press but misses the top
rope knee. Cross Rhodes puts Seth out but Ambrose breaks it up for
the DQ at 16:03 shown of 23:03.
Rating:
B-. Do I really need to explain
that a Shield match is good at this point? Yeah they do a lot of the
same stuff in a lot of their matches, but they’re some of the most
entertaining matches we’ve gotten this year. Cody and Goldust have
awesome chemistry with these guys also so this was your usual very
good TV match.
Post
match here’s Punk with a chair to take out Shield. Vickie pops up on
screen and makes it a six man tag.
Shield
vs. CM Punk/Cody Rhodes/Goldust
The
match is joined in progress as we come back with Punk pounding away
on Ambrose in the corner. An elbow to the head gets two for Punk and
it’s back to Goldust for a clothesline. That’s enough of the golden
one so here’s Cody to pound on Dean in the corner a bit more. A
backdrop out of the corner puts Ambrose down and here’s Punk again
with a top rope ax handle to the head.
Ambrose
avoids a charge in the corner and it’s off to Rollins, who is
immediately taken down in a modified Indian deathlock. Back to
Goldust to stay on the leg and here’s Cody for more of the same. JBL
goes on a rant against Cole for reporting about the locker room,
which somehow leads to him accusing Shield of helping Stanley Kubrick
stage the moon landing. The tag champions stay on Rollins until Punk
comes in with a backbreaker for two. There’s the bridging Indian
deathlock with the facelock before it’s off to Cody for a half crab.
Rollins
avoids a charge in the corner and brings in Ambrose as we take
another break. Back with Dean slamming Cody down but charging into a
boot in the corner, allowing for a tag to Punk. CM fires off his
usual strikes followed by the swinging neckbreaker. He loads up the
GTS….and here are the Wyatts. Punk charges at them but runs into
Dean’s elbow and a beating from Reigns ensues. Back to Dean but Punk
DDTs him at the same time Rollins is caught in a neckbreaker for a
cool double team. Punk goes over to Goldust but the Wyatts pull
Goldust to the floor for the DQ at 5:50 shown of 9:20.
Rating:
C. This was much less
interesting than the previous match. There’s only so much you can do
with this much time, especially when Punk didn’t get to extract much
revenge here. It wasn’t bad or anything but two tag matches in a row
like this with mostly the same cast is a bit of a stretch.
Post
match the brawl continues until the Usos and Mysterio head out for
the save. Vickie comes out to make it a twelve man tag. Good grief.
Shield/Wyatt
Family vs. Usos/Rey Mysterio/CM Punk/Goldust/Cody Rhodes
Back
with Ambrose bringing in Harper to work over Jey Uso. Harper runs
him over a few times but gets rolled up for two, meaning it’s time
for Rollins to come in and stomp away. Seth stomps away in the
corner and it’s off to bray for his hard hitting offense. Back to
Harper for the Gator Roll into a front facelock but Jimmy gets in a
cheap shot from the apron.
Rey
comes in off the 495th
hot tag of the matches but can’t knock the big man down. Instead
it’s a big boot to Rey’s face for two and another tag to Wyatt. Bray
hits a running splash in the corner and brings in Rowan for a
swinging bearhug. A side slam gets two on Mysterio and it’s back to
Ambrose for a front facelock. Rey gets sent into the corner and
here’s Rollins, only to accidentally send Ambrose to the floor.
Mysterio
gets in a kick to Seth’s head and it’s yet ANOTHER hot tag to Punk.
He cleans house again and hits the suicide dive to Rowan on the
floor. Back in and Punk hits three straight high knees to Erick in
the corner. A neckbreaker sets up the Macho Elbow and everything
breaks down. The Usos superkick two monsters and hit their dives on
Harper and Rollins. Bray breaks up the GTS attempt on Rollins but
Rey breaks up Sister Abigail. The 619 knocks Rowan into the GTS for
the pin at 8:47.
Rating:
D. Is it over yet? I’m almost
afraid to say anything else about the match because it’ll probably
turn into a 32 man tag match next. This went WAY too long and almost
nothing had any interest to it by the end. We’ve seen these guys
fighting so many times over the last few months and the last two
parts of this dragged really badly. It wasn’t that it was a bad
match but I was sick of watching these guys by the end.
Overall
Rating:
D. This didn’t work for
me. The three tag matches are almost literally half of the show and
the rest of the show is a bunch of thrown together nothing. For
once, Impact had this show beaten. Last night’s Impact was another
throw away show because of the holiday, but it actually had some
storyline development. We got NOTHING here other than a tag match
that went on twice as long as it should have. It wasn’t so much that
the show was bad but it just didn’t matter at all, meaning there was
no reason to sit through it.
Results
Mark
Henry b. Curtis Axel – World’s Strongest Slam
Los
Matadores/El Torito b. Plymouth Rockers – Double Angle Slam to
McIntyre
Tons
of Funk b. Xavier Woods/R-Truth – Middle rope splash to Woods
Antonio
Cesaro b. Titus O’Neal via DQ when Darren Young interfered
Cody
Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield via DQ when Dean Ambrose interfered
Cody
Rhodes/Goldust/CM Punk b. Shield via DQ when the Wyatt Family
interfered
Cody
Rhodes/Goldust/CM Punk/Rey Mysterio b. Shield/Wyatt Family – GTS to
Rowan
Remember to pick up my new book on the History of In Your House for just $4 from Amazon at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GV3KXSE
And head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Roman reigns

>

> If there's nothing we can do to stop the Roman Reigns super push than why don't they go the full nine and have him challenge Taker at WM 30. It actually makes sense as the Shield put him through a table last time we saw Taker. Taker comes back in the Rumble and ends the Shield's "diesel run". Taker can run through Rollins and Ambrose en route to Mania but always get speared by Reigns. Reigns make the challenge and then puts on a great effort before getting tombstoned and pinned. They can do the Rock/Hogan ending where the Shield turns on him for failing only for Taker to make the respect save and boom! Reigns is mega star and face.

>

> Sent from my iPhone

Sure, that would be fine. Long as they don't do something stupid like the Legacy three way from 2010 (2009?).

WWF Madison Square Garden: June 21st, 1985

June 21, 1985
Your hosts are Gene Okerlund and Gorilla Monsoon

Terry Gibbs vs. “Leaping” Lanny Poffo
The MSG debut for Poffo, who has not even made his TV debut. Gibbs hits a shoulderblock but Poffo kips up then shows off his quickness. He works the arm for a bit then gets two off of a crossbody block before going back to the arm. Gibbs yells at the ref about how Poffo is breaking his arm then backs Poffo into the corner. He misses a corner attack but cheapshots Poffo and stomps away. Elbow drop gets two. He tosses Poffo through the ropes. Gibbs follows him out and slams him on the floor. Back in the ring, Gibbs blocks a sunset flip then gets two off of a suplex. He grabs a bearhug but Poffo manages to take him over. Poffo whiffs on a senton and Gibbs covers for two. Poffo fights back and hip tosses Gibbs out of the corner. He then hits a dropkick before putting him away with the moonsault (6:34) **1/2.
Thoughts: Solid match that was all action and minimal restholds. The crowd popped for the moonsault but were quiet for everything else. Gibbs did a good job as a heel, easily the best I have seen from him. Poffo looked good in his debut and his perm was something else.
Tony Atlas vs. Matt Borne
Borne shoves Atlas off of a lockup then mocks him by flexing his arms. Atlas responds by shoving him away then hitting a few armdrags. He then sends him to the floor with a poor excuse of a dropkick. Borne goes back inside as Atlas outsmarts him before hitting an atomic drop. Borne works the arm the fires away when Atlas tries to power out. He works a chinlock then targets the back. Borne starts to punch Atlas in the face but he no-sells the attack. Borne tries to escape but Atlas drags him back in by his tights, exposing his ass in the process. Atlas beats on Borne then rams his head off all four corners of the ring. Back suplex gets two. Borne lands a few shots in the corner but misses an elbow drop from the middle rope and that allows Atlas to hit a press slam then put him away with a splash (7:03) *1/2. Borne attacks Atlas after the match but ends up getting tossed over the top rope.
Thoughts: Borne looked good and carried the whole thing. The match was designed to make Atlas look good and Borne did everything that he could to make that happen while Atlas basically did poses.
Jose Luis Rivera vs. The Missing Link w/Bobby Heenan
Link takes forever getting into the ring as he kept on running backstage. Heenan eventually gets him to go inside as some of the crowd taunts him but most really do not care. Rivera attacks him before the bell but ends up eating elbow off of a charge. Link then hits a headbutt from the second rope and uses a few more headbutts . Link hits a slam then another headbutt off of the middle rope for the win (1:43) ¼*. After the match, Heenan prevents Link from ramming his own head off of the post.
Thoughts: Fine for what it was I guess. The match probably would have been a lot worse if it had gone any longer. Link just did not get over at all in the WWF and I think that part of that was due to George Steele having the same gimmick.
Moondog Spot vs. “Jumping” Jim Brunzell
This is also the MSG debut for Brunzell, who is sporting the Killer Bees tights. Okerlund said it is about time that Brunzell got into the WWF and they both put over the Killer Bees team with Brian Blair. Spot works a leadlock but Brunzell escapes and uses a flying head scissors. Brunzell works a key lock before working using another head scissors. He works the arm some more as the camera shows a hot blond in the crowd that has Okerlund going out of his mind. Spot begs for mercy after a headbutt then Brunzell goes back to the arm. Brunzell leapfrogs Spot but ends up walking into a forearm. Spot hits a backbreaker then a fist drop. He then lands a kneelift before hammering away in the corner. Brunzell comes back with a bell clap but misses a corner charge and ends up getting booted out of the ring. Spot follows him out and rams his head off of the steps. Brunzell is able to pull Spot’s leg down after he went in the ring and rams it off of the post. Spot comes back with an inverted atomic drop, while selling the leg, then uses a chinlock. Spot kicks him repeatedly and gets two before going back to the chinlock. Brunzell comes back and works the leg but ends up getting clocked in the face.  Both men slug it out then end up colliding, which starts to wake up the crowd. Brunzell is up first and lands an uppercut. Spot begs for mercy in the corner then Brunzell ends up firing away. Atomic drop gets two. He ducks his head for a backdrop and gets elbowed but manages to duck down then plants Spot with a dropkick for the win (12:22) ***.
Thoughts: Really good match that the crowd didn’t seem to care about that much. Despite not being advertised on TV yet, the announcers put over the Killer Bees team on commentary. Okerlund was putting over Brunzell strong, likely due to their connection from the AWA.
Rick McGraw vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage
Before the match, Finkel refers to Savage as “wrestling’s number one free agent.” Savage yells at everyone before the match then orders that the camera lenses get cleaned. The announcers talk about how all of the managers have their eyes on Savage. Macho starts by stalling then both guys jockey for position. Savage ducks outside and picks up a chair then jumps on the guardrail to stir up the fans, getting hit with debris in the process. Savage continues to taunt the crowd, who already hate him. Savage finally goes into the ring and works an armbar. He pulls him back down by the hair then dumps McGraw throat-first onto the top rope after he attempted a head scissor takedown. McGraw manages to put Savage in the airplane spin but Savage is able to put his foot on the ropes. Savage boots him in the face after a backdrop attempt then fires away. McGraw blocks a turnbuckle smash then monkey flips Savage out of the corner. Backslide gets two. Savage ducks outside for a breather and chases the camera man up the aisle. He then yells at an old couple at ringside and taunts the crowd some more then attacks McGraw from the apron. Elbow drop gets two. Suplex gets two. He sends McGraw to the floor with an elbow smash then follows him out with a double axe handle off of the top rope. The crowd was amazed by that spot. He then suplexes McGraw on the floor as the crowd is pelting him with trash. Savage hits him with a running knee smash that sends him flying over the stairs. Back in the ring, Savage hits a flying attack on McGraw, who was hunched over the middle rope , but misses a second attempt. McGraw sends Savage into the corner, who ends up in the tree of woe. He works on Savage but gets clotheslined after he charged at him and that allows Savage to climb up top and hit the flying elbow drop for the win (12:52) ***.
Thoughts: Despite being somewhat of a glorified squash match, Savage put on an absolute clinic on how to be a heel. He went from being an unknown to loathed by the crowd in a matter of minutes. The wrestling was good too.
Adrian Adonis & Big John Studd & Bobby Heenan vs. Mike Rotundo & Barry Windham & George Steele w/Capt. Lou Albano
Adonis is back after five months, carrying more weight in his gut. Match starts with Steele chasing Heenan around the ring, which gets a big pop from the crowd. Adonis enters and Steele goes nuts but Windham calms him down and tags into the match. He takes down Adonis with a few armdrags. He then hits three straight slams as Adonis goes into the wrong corner and Steele rakes his eyes on the ropes. Adonis then tags Studd and heads up the aisle, eventually going back to the apron. Windham slugs away and almost slams Studd, who is able to grab the rope. Windham comes back with a crossbody block as the crowd is going insane. Studd comes back with a few elbow smashes then tosses Windham into the corner. Heenan tags but Windham reverses an Irish whip then beats on him in the corner. Heenan then takes a crazy bump over the rope and Steele catches up to him this time and rams his head against the guardrail as the fans go crazy. Albano settles down Steele then Rotundo and Studd tag into the match. Rotundo works the arm for a bit but gets overpowered. Adonis tags and stomps a mudhole into Rotundo. Adonis hits a jumping DDT and that gets two. The match breaks down after the heels beat on Rotundo in the corner. Steele grabs a chair then chases out the heels before hitting the referee, who then rules the match a DQ (9:59) **1/4.
Thoughts: Even though this had a good amount of stalling, it was still enjoyable. The crowd was more pumped for this match than anything else to be honest.
Desiree Peterson vs. Judy Martin
Okerlund makes a comment about Martin having the biggest set of eyes that he has seen on a woman. Martin uses a hairpull then hammers away. Petersen ducks a chop and hits a sitout atomic drop. Martin ducks outside after a punch to the mid-section then gets caught in an arm wringer when she returns. Petersen continues to work the arm until Martin chops away then throws her out of the ring as she lands awkwardly on the announcers table. Christ that looked painful. Martin then catches her with a reverse Death Valley Driver then throws some chops and kicks before tossing her outside. The bell keeps ringing for some reason. Martin rams Petersen against the post then roughs her up inside the ring. She places her in the tree of woe as the referee tries to intervene. Martin goes outside and pulls her hair then goes back in and places her on the ropes. She uses a mat slam on Petersen then gets two off of a chop before throwing her outside of the ring yet again. Martin stomps Petersen, who landed on the table, then continues to stomp her in and out of the ring as the announcers are yelling for the ref to disqualify Martin. Back inside, Martin powerbombs Petersen and that only gets two. She uses a chinlock for a minute then tosses her back outside. Back inside, Martin works a headlock then puts her between the ropes and kicks her to the floor. Petersen fights back then slams Martin’s head off of the table repeatedly. They go back inside as Petersen fires away. She tries a flying headscissors but Martin counters with a backdrop. Petersen is able to reverse an Irish whip then uses a reverse rollup with a bridge to get the win (16:05) **1/2. The win got a bog pop from the crowd.
Thoughts: A much better match than I ever would have thought. Although it didn’t need to last this long, it was well worked. Martin was really good here and was pretty underrated as a worker in general.
Tony Garea vs. King Kong Bundy w/Tony Garea
Garea bounces off of Bundy a few times. He the punches away at Bundy but it has minimal effect. Bundy catches Garea with an elbow but misses an elbow drop. Garea takes down Bundy and works the leg as Hart is going nuts on the megaphone. Bundy gets back up as Gorilla claims that Bundy is 500 lbs. Bundy chokes out Garea with his foot and the ropes. He pulls him up after an elbow drop then applies a chinlock. Garea comes back with a dropkick and punches away in the corner but Bundy reverses an Irish whip and finishes him with the Avalanche (6:17) ½*.
Thoughts: Dull match and there was no reason on earth for Bundy to sell this much for Garea.
Intercontinental Title Match
Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs. Greg Valentine (Champion) w/Jimmy Hart
This was the first time I have heard Steamboat called “The Dragon” since joining the WWF. Steamboat looks absolutely ripped. Steamboat uses his poses and that angers Valentine. Steamboat takes over Valentine then chops away in the corner. Valentine bails as Hart is screaming “no karate” into his megaphone, with the fans going nuts. Back inside, Steamboat hits a barrage of chops before working on the neck. Steamboat catches him with a heel kick and Valentine retreats to the corner. Steamboat chops him down then uses a chinlock. Crossbody gets two. Valentine backs Steamboat into the corner then kills him with forearm smashes. Steamboat fights back from the apron then hits a chop from the top rope, which gets two. He hits a slam and goes for a splash but Valentine gets his knees up. Valentine stomps away then goes to work on the leg. Steamboat manages a small package but fails on a slam attempt then gets knocked to the floor, where he gets taunted by Hart. Valentine continuously kicks Steamboat off of the apron until both guys have an intense slugfest in the ring. Steamboat wins that as the fans are going crazy. Steamboat uses more of his “martial arts” then heads up top and hits the flying body press but Valentine is able to get his foot on the ropes. Valentine catches him with a back suplex and both men are down as the fans chant for Steamboat. Valentine gets two off of a pair of elbow drops then tries for the figure four but Steamboat sends him into the corner. He sends him to the floor with an enziguiri then the bell rings when Valentine enters the ring but both guys continue to slug it out until Steamboat chops him through the ropes, then it is announced that Steamboat won by countout (14:20) ***1/4.
Thoughts: Good, but certainly not great. Steamboat’s karate gimmick slightly hindered his in-ring work though and just made him look life a goof.
B. Brian Blair vs. Barry O.
Blair is rocking the Killer Bee trunks. Barry attacks him before the bell but Blair reverses an Irish whip and hits a backdrop. Barry bails and gets chased around until he runs into a punch. Blair works the arm then takes Barry down with a shoulder block. Barry catches him with a clothesline then gets two off of a backbreaker. He uses a chinlock then catches Blair with a running knee smash before tossing him outside. Barry attacks Blair then puts on another chinlock. Blair comes back with a crossbody but gets dumped outside. Blair goes back inside and fights back, knocking Barry to the floor. He drags him back inside and hits a clothesline. He then hits a top rope elbow smash and a series of punches but misses a charge in the corner. Blair goes behind Barry then locks on the sleeper and after the ref drops his hand three times, Blair gets the win (8:13) **1/2.
Thoughts: Good action. No one cared though. Blair could work but really had no personality to back it up.
Okerlund interview Don Muraco and Mr.Fuji in the locker room. They promise victory tonight.
Okerlund know interviews B. Brian Blair. He asks him about his new team with Jim Brunzell as Blair says that the Killer Bees were named after the Miami Dolphins defensive line. This interview was quite generic.
Okerlund is now with Hulk Hogan. He says that Hulkamania lives one day at a time and that steel cages are for animals but that this is the only way to win the war. He also says that he doesn’t care about fame, just the WWF title and that he has been training with “Rambo” and does not feel pain.
Steel Cage Match
WWF Heavyweight Title
Don Muraco vs. Hulk Hogan (Champion)
Fuji is not ringside with Muraco. Hogan tosses the belt at Muraco. He picks it up but Hogan ducks the shot then uses it to whip him as the ref grabs it then shuts the cage door. Both guys try to ram each other into the cage. Muraco hits a low blow then stomps away. He hits a kneelift then tries to go out of the door but Hogan stops him. Muraco hits several chops but Hogan hulks up and chops back. He drops an elbow then rams his head into the cage, busting him open. Hogan picks him up and launches him into the cage as Muraco is dripping blood. He charges but Muraco pushes him into the cage. He slingshots Hogan into the cage then tries to climb out but Hogan stops him. They fight on top of the cage as they are both covered in blood. Hogan gets booted down then Muraco slowly comes down and beats on Hogan, who is wearing a crimson mask. Muraco runs into a boot and ends up getting caught in the ropes and Hulk scrambles to the door and tries to go out but Muraco grabs his leg. Hogan manages to fight him off then steps outside for the win (9:05) **1/4.
Thoughts: Bloody match but they really didn’t do a whole lot in the ring. The outcome was never in doubt though and the crowd didn’t react a whole lot.
Final Thoughts: I thought this was a very good house show. Most of the matches were fine and the MSG debut of Savage was great. One of the better house shows you will see in this time period.

Bryan vs. Reigns

Scott,

I can see your point about Daniel Bryan not getting a real run as the top guy recently due to numbers being down from Cena's runs (though it can be argued that "pushing" him while they are also acknowledging that he really isn't a main even guy is a self-fulfilling prophecy).  However, using that logic, what is behind this plan to push Roman Reigns to the moon?  He has a decent look and family ties, but he is nowhere near as seasoned as the other Shield guys, let alone some other guys on the roster who are waiting for a spot (like Antonio Cesaro, who has a ton of experience, can work the WWE style, and has abilities on the mic.)

Because that's how it works.  They've decided that Reigns is The Guy, so everything will be reverse-engineered to make sure he gets over and looks good and none of the other excuses will be applied to him.  Welcome to wrestling.

Impact Wrestling – November 28, 2013

Impact
Wrestling
Date:
November 28, 2013
Location:
Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators:
Mike Tenay, Tazz
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
It’s
the Thanksgiving episode tonight and the main story is an eight man
elimination tag with Team Roode vs. Team Angle. No word on who will
actually be on each team, but it shouldn’t be that hard to figure
out. We should also get some buildup for the remaining tournament
matches. Let’s get to it.

Here’s
Dixie to open things up. With the southern accent rolling she talks
about how things have gotten so crazy around here lately that she
needs some help. Therefore, here’s hew new Chief of Staff: Rockstar
Spud. He’s from British Boot Camp and OVW in case that name means
nothing to you. Spud immediately sucks up to Dixie and says Impact
would be nothing without her. The roster is put on notice that he’s
watching them and that Carter is the queen.
This
brings us to the tournament matches. First up we’ve got Jeff Hardy
vs. Bobby Roode and the Wheel of Dixie has made that a tables match.
Angle vs. Magnus on the other hand is a last man standing match.
That’s all on that front as Dixie talks about the winners of the
matches tonight getting a feast while the losers get nothing. You
can see the food fight from here. Finally here’s Ethan Carter III to
suck up to his aunt a bit before his match.
Ethan
Carter III vs. Curry Man
The
camera is lower than usual here. Curry Man is Christopher Daniels as
the mascot of a Japanese curry company. He rants in Japanese a lot
and is slammed down a lot as the bell rings. Carter slams the masked
head into the mat a few times while telling him how rich he is. We
hit a camel clutch and a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant breaks out.
A
clothesline and a suplex get two for Carter but Curry Man comes back
with some forearms and dodges a splash. The jobber comeback is short
lived though as he goes to the top and gets punched in the jaw,
allowing Carter to slam him down. The One Percenter is good for the
pin on Curry Man at 3:37.
Rating:
D. I like Carter and it’s a
good idea to bring in some slightly bigger names for him to beat up.
Curry Man is going to be a one off or two off character at most and
there’s nothing wrong with that. Carter is actually nailing this
character and that could mean good things for him down the line.
Carter
does his catchphrase post match.
We
look back at Gunner costing Storm the match last week by throwing in
the towel.
Gunner
is in the back and will be part of Team Angle tonight. Storm comes
in and will be on the team too because whatever problems he has with
Gunner can be dealt with on off hours. Gunner says he did what he
thought was best last week but Storm doesn’t want to hear it. More
on this later I’m sure.
The
Bro Mans are with their new DJ Zema Ion when ODB and Eric Young come
up. The tag champions aren’t interested in being in the Turkey Bowl
tonight, but they’ll take the match upon hearing their opponents:
Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes.
Velvet
Sky vs. Lei’D Tapa
Tapa
sends her into the corner to start and runs her over, only to have
Velvet avoid a charge and get in a few forearms. Gail trips her up
though, only to be ejected from the arena. Tapa runs her over again
and chokes a lot before kicking Velvet in the face to put her down
again. The fireman’s carry into a Stunner ends Velvet at 3:35.
Rating:
D. Total squash here which
doesn’t really do much for the division right now. There just isn’t
anything going on other than Gail, so why have the bodyguard destroy
a former star of the division? My guess is they’re setting up Tapa
as the big challenger for Gail, but does anyone want to see that?
Video
on the Turkey Bowl, a match where the loser wears a turkey suit.
Dewey
Barnes/Norv Fernum vs. Bro Mans
This
is the Turkey Bowl match with Turkey Bowl bosses ODB and Eric Young
at ringside. The Bro Mans now have DJ Zema Ion introducing them
which is as good of a job for him as anything else. Robbie rants
about how amazing the champions are as Zema does sound effects. The
bell rings and the jobbers get rollups for two each, but a Hart
Attack ends Barnes at 18 seconds.
Post
match the losers are put in the turkey suits while Robbie makes
turkey sounds and forces them to dance. The goons seem to enjoy it.
We
get another video of AJ in Mexico, talking about what an honor it is
to defend the title.

Dixie
freaks out and gives AJ one week to give the title back or the legal
options begin. What would wrestling be without a legal threat every
week?
Roode
with with his team: Chris Sabin and Bad Influence. Jokes are made
but Roode wants them serious.
Spud
hassles the caterer about the Thanksgiving feast tonight.
Angle
and Magnus agree to team up tonight but beat each other up for a shot
at the title next week.
We
get a video on Anderson beating ray last week to end Aces and 8’s.
It’s
time for a funeral for Aces and 8’s, held in a funeral home with some
Main Event Mafia members, Mike Tenay (in orange subglasses) and Eric
Young as the only people there. Joe eats cookies while Young cries.
No one has anything to say but Anderson pops out of the casket. He
says he was trapped in the team for a year, meaning he rode
motorcycles a lot and was part of many many many many many many many
many segments on the show. He also thanks Hulk (not named) for
sending over a delicious deli plate.
Angle
wishes D’Lo the best and throws a bobble head into the casket in his
memory. Joe swallows whatever he’s eating and talks about the Aces
hiding behind masks which they should have kept on. He has a six
pack which symbolizes the only way to look at the bikers without
masks on. Joe hands them out instead of throwing them in the casket
(making sure not to give one to Kurt in a nice touch). “To the
Aces and 8’s: may they ride their mopeds to the shores of Valhalla.”

Tenay
talks about Tazz being at the broadcast table with him but buries
Tazz’s cut and Brooke’s shorts. The shorts wind up in Tenay’s pocket
of course. Eric is up next and buries one of the turkey suits,
sending him into a fit of crying. Anderson goes last and thinks
about putting in Ray’s hammer but says he’ll keep it since it’s a
perfectly good hammer. Ray comes I and tells Anderson to sleep with
one eye open in the best interest of his pregnant wife. Ray calls
death the final awakening and leaves. Really fun segment here,
though it was better in 2005 when they held one for Team 3D and
really cranked up the jokes.
Video
on Angle being part of One Direction Day, a charity event. Angle had
a quick match against a masked man which can be seen on the One
Direction Day website if you’re interested.
Spud
yells about food some more.
Team
Angle vs. Team Roode
Bobby
Roode, Chris Sabin, Bad Influence
Kurt
Angle, Magnus, James Storm, Gunner
Elimination
rules. The captains get things going with both submissions quickly
being escaped, giving us a standoff. Bad Influence comes in at the
same time so Angle clotheslines them down, sending Daniels to the
floor. Off to Magnus for some forearms before he cranks on the arm
for a bit. Storm comes in to pound on the legal Daniels before
bringing Gunner in for a clothesline/Russian legsweep combo for two.
Gunner is sent out to the floor where Kaz and Sabin get in some cheap
shots and the heels take over.
Back
in and Sabin works over Gunner for a bit, only to quickly tag in Bad
Influence. Gunner runs them over and slams Daniels down, allowing
for the hot tag to Storm. The corner enziguri puts Daniels down and
it’s a Backstabber for Christopher and a Closing Time to Sabin. Last
Call drops Kaz but Sabin grabs a rollup to eliminate Storm.
Magnus
comes in for the first time and clotheslines Sabin down before
bringing in Daniels for some chops to the chest. Magnus charges into
a boot in the corner though, allowing for the tag back to Kaz. Bad
Influence double teams Magnus down for two but Magnus coms back with
a quick slam. A double tag brings in Kaz and Gunner with the
tattooed one catching Kaz in an Irish Curse backbreaker. There’s the
Gun Rack but Daniels breaks it up. The High/Low is enough to get rid
of Gunner and get us down to 4-2.
It’s
Magnus in for the good guys but Daniels easily takes him down and
works him over. Magnus fights up from his knees before hiptossing
Daniels out to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Daniels
down but Magnus hurts his knee. The medical staff comes out to check
on him as we take a break. Back with Magnus gone, meaning it’s 4-1.
The
heels hit a series of legdrops on Angle with Sabin getting a two
count. Angle grabs a quick cradle but Daniels has the referee to
prevent a count. Kurt fights up and takes out as many bad guys as he
can with clotheslines before suplexing Roode and Sabin out of their
shoes. In a very impressive power and stamina display, Angle hits
ELEVEN Rolling Germans on everyone not named Sabin, including one to
Bad Influence at the same time.
An
Angle Slam puts Sabin down and there’s the ankle lock to Kaz.
Daniels tries to break it up so there’s a double ankle lock to
Daniels and Kaz at the same time. Roode brings in a chair but gets
caught in an Angle Slam. Kurt blasts Roode with the chair for the DQ
at 18:18.
Rating:
C. This was more about the
story than the match, but man alive did Angle look awesome out there.
Those German suplexed were impressive and the one to Bad Influence
looked awesome. The opening stuff was there to fill in time but
that’s fine for something like this. Fun match.
Team
Roode celebrates in the back with Roode saying Angle can’t beat him.
Storm
wants to know why Gunner didn’t save him in the tag match. Gunner
wants to know if they have plans as a team and walks off. Storm says
no one dictates the futures of Storm and Gunner.
Video
on the final four in the tournament.
The
Carters aren’t thrilled with the idea of eating Spud’s feast so
they’ll be heading to Texas for their Thanksgiving.
Here
are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with
Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby
asks everyone what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful
for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that
Park isn’t here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie.
Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout
in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.
Sabin
is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and
Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion
(officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad
Influence: “I’m not sure about that.” Roode says the real
Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful
when he becomes the next champion.
It’s
time to eat but here’s Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of
turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode
challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here’s his backup.
Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in
the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere,
Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to
end the show.
Overall
Rating:
D+. This was a go home
show for next week’s regular Impact and there’s nothing wrong with
that. No one was going to be watching tonight, so why waste anything
important on this show? It’s a Thanksgiving special so why not just
do some fun stuff and have a big comedy moment to end the show? We
can get to the important stuff later on and that’s the right move all
around.
Results
Ethan
Carter III b. Curry Man – One Percenter
Lei’D
Tapa b. Velvet Sky – Fireman’s carry into a Stunner
Bro
Mans b. Dewey Barnes/Norv Fernum – Hart Attack to Barnes
Team
Roode b. Team Angle, last eliminating Angle via DQ when Angle used a
chair
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