When last we left, we became the
heroes. A memorable moment led to Daniel Bryan getting what he
wanted – a shot at both Triple H and the World Championship. But
they say that whom the gods destroy, they first make happy. There’s
still three shows left for the Authority to soften up the threat; how
will it begin?
The PG Era Rant for Monday Night Raw,
March 17, 2014.
Live from San Antonio, Tejas.
Your hosts are Old, King, and Cole.
Jason Albert is your guest
analyst, and with Booker T having the day off, Miz subs in.
Tonight: John Cena speaks; HHH
responds to the Occupiers.
The recap of the Occupy
segment gives me goosebumps.
Superstars match: Alicia Fox
This isn’t related to the show,
but: holy cow, that’s a thick Boston accent on Jason Albert.
It’s hard to see through Albert,
but 3MB has a Superstars match against R-Truth and Xavier Woods.
Damien Sandow is in the Andre
match, and he will be a part of tonight’s Raw.
Match tonight: The Usos face We
The People. This is based on SmackDown. Swagger apparently got the
interview site wrong, and there’s more tension that Zeb has to
Paul Heyman is here to talk during
We open with another look at Occupy
And from there, HHH is in the ring. He
opens by saying that this is the fans’ fault. All of it. See, it
didn’t have to come to this, but HHH is going to end Daniel Bryan and
the YES Movement, and he’s doing it because the fans made him do it.
He’s not upset anymore – a week will do that – and he’s decided
he will be cold, calculated, and remorseless to Daniel Bryan, as he
always is. But he wants to talk to Bryan later tonight, “man to
man”. Until then, though, we have a show… and Batista is on his
way. His shirt reads “NO Paparazzi”, so it appears we’re getting
Hollywood Dave after all.
Batista says that even though HHH has
problems with Bryan, he’s got problems with Batista too. Why is HHH
giving “that billy goat faced troll” an opportunity to be in HIS
match? “It’s not what I signed up for.” Batista came back to be
champ, and when he won the Rumble, he got that right. He’s not here
to be in a triple threat, where he may not get beat and still lose.
What was HHH thinking? HHH: “You think for a second that Daniel
Bryan has a chance in hell of beating me?” Wait, before we go any
further, here’s Randy Orton.
Orton agrees with Batista; why was it
even a possibility? HHH is frustrated that people aren’t giving him
any credit, so let him spell it out: that will not happen. The crowd
starts YES. HHH asks why both guys are freaking out. Has Daniel
Bryan gotten in their heads that much?
Batista: “Apparently not as much as
he’s gotten into yours.” Crowd: “Ooooooooooooh.” Orton
demands Bryan tonight in a no-DQ match, so he can teach Bryan a
lesson and do what Batista couldn’t do the previous week. HHH
agrees. So there’s our main event. Orton then talks to Batista and
says it’s not the YES Movement; they cheer Daniel Bryan because they
gave up on Batista. “No disrespect, but when you left, nobody
cared; when you came back, people cared even less.” Hey, if you
lived up to the hype, we wouldn’t be here. Batista says they love
Daniel Bryan because Orton’s a failure as champion. The only reason
Orton has the gold is because of HHH. Orton is a paper champion who
can’t be Batista. Everyone knows Batista will beat Orton… and the
two get into a shouting match, telling HHH to step aside. HHH starts
to walk away, but Batista demands he fix this triple threat
situation. HHH says he’s sick of everything. He’s sick of the fans
cheering for Bryan, but he’s also sick of Hollywood movie stars who
want to tell HHH what to do and claim they know more than he does.
He’s also sick of gifted guys who can’t win without his help because
they’re “so screwed in the head”. HHH thinks “the Old Man is
right: the only one you can trust in this world is yourself.” He
then says there will be a triple threat match at Mania, but it won’t
be Bryan… it’ll be him. Now, instead of just Bryan, it’s whomever
wins the Bryan/HHH match being added to the main event. Batista is
furious…. and walks into an RKO as HHH leaves. Crowd gives him a
Later tonight, John Cena will talk to
Up next, the Usos! They will face
Swagger and Cesaro!
Sidenote: HHH threatening to add
himself makes sense. Now there’s the nightmare scenario they can
tease us with, in addition to the dream scenario. But I wouldn’t
rule out a draw that leads to both men entering.
Young chases down Batista. He says coming back was a mistake and
We the People v. The Usos.
Swagger and Cesaro try to say they’re seeing eye to eye. Swagger
and Jimmy start. Swagger with a waistlock takedown, but Jimmy
reverses to a headlock and tackle. Double-leg takedown and legdrop
gets one. Jimmy with a chop, and Jey adds a flying forearm for one.
Swagger stomps away and tags Cesaro in, who pounds away. Uppercuts
follow, but Jey gets another forearm and corners Cesaro. Jimmy back
in, and a double-team leads to a slam and headbutt for one. Jey tags
himself in, but he’s caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Cesaro
for two. Cesaro with a headbutt. Swagger in, and he stomps away
like crazy on Jey. Swagger HITS THE CHINLOCK, but a blind charge
hits boot and Jimmy’s in. Leg lariat floors Swagger, but a whip
leads to a corkscrew moonsault by Jimmy for two. Jimmy cuts Cesaro
off, but Swagger boots him over the top rope as we go to break.
USO/WTP, part two.
Cesaro has a sleeper on Jimmy. Swagger in, and Jimmy tries to fight
out of the corner, but Swagger gets the high spinebuster for two.
Vaderbomb and leaping stomp follow, getting two. Cesaro taunts Jimmy
while stomping away, begging Jimmy to strike before knocking him
down. Swagger in, but Jimmy dumps Cesaro and kicks Swagger. Swagger
catches the ankle, but Jimmy with a Dragon Kick. Hot tag Jey, and
clotheslines and a kneeling uppercut follow. Flying forearm and
Rikishi hip check get two. Cesaro trips Jey, but Jimmy cuts off the
swing and dumps Swagger. Assisted Samoan Drop follows for two. Jey
goes up top, but Swagger pulls Cesaro out only to run into a double
superkick. Dive onto Swagger, but the other dive runs into an
uppercut. Neutralizer is the pin at 12:18. WE THE PEOPLE! **3/4
this is the match at WrestleMania, things just got a lot more
intriguing – now you can have either man break off. I still think
having one break the Andre trophy over the other’s head is better,
but hey, it should be fun.
sneak peek at the latest WWE cartoon: Slam City. The concept: the
wrestlers are kicked out of the ring and have to find day jobs.
Thankfully, it’s a cartoon. Looks silly enough to work.
tonight: Daniel Bryan against Randy Orton in a no-DQ match.
rewind to SmackDown to show you the Shield refusing to take orders
from Kane, allowing Big Show to get the latest win in their eternal
feud. After that, Kane attacks Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns makes
the Shield are confronted by Kane, who says everyone made mistakes.
Kane uses office-speak to tell them to stop holding grudges. Kane
needs the Shield to help him with the Authority’s mission. If the
Authority can’t count on the Shield, they will turn on them. So he’s
only gonna ask once: can they count on them? Rollins says, sure,
they’re on the same page. Kane approves, and he knows they’ll do the
right thing or else they will be replaced. Ambrose gives a cheesy
must be St. Patrick’s Day, because Hornswoggle is here to give out
green gifts. But Wade Barrett is here and he has a gavel. His
cranky look at Hornswoggle is amazing. He says Hornswoggle is a
real-life leprechaun celebrating the day. But now, the bad news:
most of you will waste the holiday being drunk, waking up with a
hangover and a ton of shame.
because someone has a sense of humor, here’s Sheamus. He’s wearing
the Ireland rugby shirt, since Ireland just won the Six Nations. And
to continue the joke, Titus O’Neil is his opponent.
v. Titus O’Neil.
TITUS O’NEIL WITH AN ORANGE BEARD. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. He’s
in the Andre match. Christian is at ringside, and he too will enter
the Andre match. Sheamus goes nuts to start, but Titus fights back.
A series of reversals leads to a Sheamus clothesline. He pounds away
in the corner, but Titus with clubs to the back. He puts his head
down, and Sheamus gets a kick and clothesline over the top.
Battering Ram off the apron follows. Titus reverses to send Sheamus
into the post, then a backbreaker. Back in, Titus punches down for
two. Fallaway slam and Sheamus rolls to the outside. Titus follows
and picks on Hornswoggle, tossing him in the ring and catching him.
He slaps Swoggle around, but Sheamus recovers and catches him off a
fallaway slam. He then throws Hornswoggle INTO Titus, sending him to
the apron for the Ten of Clubs. Running powerslam follows, and the
Brogue Kick ends it at 4:07. Whatever. *1/4
Young interviews Sheamus in the ring, asking what he’ll do for the
rest of St. Patrick’s Day. Sheamus is happy about Ireland winning
the Six Nations trophy, so speaking of trophies, he’ll be in the
Andre match. Christian disagrees, and he jumps from commentary to
attack Sheamus and throws him into the steps. Killswitch on the
next, John Cena has words.
week in Brooklyn, Ahnold is in the house with his Sabotage co-stars.
Ahnold doing YES is unintentionally funny. Also, apparently
Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Machine will be there. Somehow.
Cena is here. Cena credits the building’s energy. Cena says he’s
been around for 12 years, had 3,500 matches, and that means he’s been
“like an old married couple” with the fans. But Cena always
gives his best. He’s also been honest, so he needs to say something:
he’s afraid of Bray Wyatt. Afraid of who he is, what he says, and so
no, but he’s most afraid that people believe him. Bray Wyatt isn’t
like any other wrestler, because other wrestlers talk about who’s
best in the ring. Wyatt doesn’t fit that mold; he just wants to kill
and destroy. And Cena’s legacy is the target. Wyatt wants the world
to believe Cena is living a lie and that the WWE is phony. That John
Cena is filled with evil. “I say the hell with that.” Cena’s
been around for too long, and he may be afraid of Wyatt, but he
believes in his legacy. WrestleMania is not about Bray Wyatt, it’s
about fighting for every scar, every injury, every person who has
ever taken his word. So at WrestleMania, he will fight for who he is
and for his legacy.
now, words from the opposition. Luke Harper whispers “Silent
Night”. Bray says children believe in superheroes because they
want the world to be good. They don’t live long enough to understand
the lies. Wyatt talks about his childhood: it wasn’t good. He has
scars, too, but they’re from the world because it was his birthright.
The world taught him that the world will wither away and die. So
look at him now – wearing a Cena shirt! He could be just like
Cena: signing autographs, shilling merchandise, dating his “plastic
girlfriend”, hiding behind laughter, feeling better about himself.
But that’s Cena, not Bray. Wyatt admits to being different, because
he doesn’t care if he dies. All he wants is for Cena to know him.
Follow the buzzards. There was a notable Cena chant during that
I like that the Cena fans tried to drown out the promo. (Though
given Bray’s whisper-talk, there were times they succeeded.) It
shows that the fans, love or hate him, know he’s legit.
next: Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton!
disqualification: Randy Orton v. Daniel Bryan.
What happened to the champ entering first? We look back at Orton
RKOing Batista and Batista walking out. Orton pounds away to start,
but Bryan fights out of the corner and slams Orton into it. And
another. He kicks away in the corner, following with a knee to the
gut. We go outside as Bryan wraps Orton’s leg around the ringpost.
Bryan runs into the ring and dropkicks Orton, following up with
uppercuts, but Orton stops it with a headbutt. Now Orton drags Bryan
to the apron and clubs away. Orton chokes Bryan on the bottom rope,
and back in, an uppercut staggers Bryan. More uppercutting follows,
but Bryan gets Orton to the outside with a dropkick and follows with
a tope suicida. YES follows, but Orton finds a kendo stick under the
ring and smacks Bryan with it. Funny bit as a fan tells them to ring
the bell and Orton chastises him about it being no-DQ. Orton
suplexes Bryan onto the table (which doesn’t break) as we go to
Back in as Orton chokes Bryan with the stick in the ring before
measuring him and scoring shots with it. Bryan rolls out of the
ring, and Orton suplexes him on the barricade. Back in, it gets two.
Back out, but Orton catches him (“Oh no…”) and crotches him on
the post. From there, it’s his back-to-back backbreaker on the
floor. Orton throws him in, getting two. Twice. Orton goes ground
and pound on Bryan before doing the Garvin Stomp. Orton with a
straight right in the corner before mocking the YES chants.
Cross-corner whip leads to Bryan’s videogame comeback as the crowd
goes nuts. Bryan with the coast-to-coast dropkick and top-rope
Frankensteiner for two. Bryan finds the kendo stick now, and Orton
begs off… but to no avail. YES kicks and kendo strikes alternate,
leading to the roundhouse finish for two. Bryan goes up top, but
Orton catches him. Orton doesn’t follow, though, shaking the cobwebs
and picking a punishment. He grabs the beard and headbutts Bryan
before going up for a superplex. It connects, getting two. Orton is
furious and stomps away, picking Bryan up for the Draping DDT. Orton
smiles at the crowd and begs them to boo him louder. He signals for
the RKO, but Bryan knows it and rolls out. Orton goes to follow and
gets caned HARD. Bryan goes nuts on the outside, then dropkicks
Orton into the timekeeper. He goes to pick Orton up, but Orton drops
Bryan’s jaw onto the barricade and goes for a chair. He jabs it in
Bryan’s gut, then slams it into his back. Back in (with the chair),
but Batista returns and spears Orton. Bryan dropkicks Batista out
and covers for the pin at 14:28. That ending was too out of nowhere,
but the usual goodness between the two. ***1/4
Orton gets Batista Bombed for the heck of it. Crowd wants one more,
but one is enough.
can watch WrestleMania on the WWE Network, you know. Free trial ends
Saturday! Here’s how to sign up through WWE.com. (In doing so, we
find out the next Hall of Famer. Sloppy, guys. I won’t spoil it.)
Heyman to speak!
he’s on the stage now. “Ladies, gentlemen… Texans…” With
standard intros out of the way, Heyman is here to tell us that the
Undertaker is hanging on by a thread. His last few challengers are
people he’s barely survived… but Brock has run through the same
challengers. Not surprisingly, a mild CM Punk chant starts. We get
footage of the Undertaker’s Streak, put together by Heyman
ostensibly, but it claims even “Death Itself is slowly dying”.
The footage also says that Brock Lesnar is “Unmerciless”.
Whoops. Point is, the victims of the Streak have been dispatched
without any trouble by Brock Lesnar. Aha, that’s why they used Mark
Henry. Back live, Heyman says that this proves the Streak will be
Conquered. On April 6, the Streak shall Rest In Peace.
it’s the Authority. Stephanie is surprised that HHH just wants to
talk. Stephanie’s kind of offended by the “like a man” part,
because she’s still mad about the disrespect to the McMahon family.
HHH hasn’t forgotten it, though, and he’ll destroy him at
WrestleMania. But wait, Stephanie wants to know what happens after
HHH wins the title, and will it rip their family up when he’s on the
road. HHH glares at Stephanie and says he will take care of it.
Stephanie: “You better.”
is headed to the ring to face Goldust, next.
The Rhodes Brothers mock Fandango’s dancing on their way to the
ring. Fandango dances to start, but Goldust will not be out-weirded,
so he crawls to Fandango. He blows a kiss to Summer Rae, then
catches Fandango’s boot and mocks him. Fandango with a tackle and
more dancing, but Goldust with a hiptoss and atomic drop. Then an
inverted one before Goldust dances and does the uppercut. Summer Rae
jumps onto the apron, so Goldust does some DISCO. Summer Rae falls
off into Cody’s arms, and Fandango beats him down and throws him
across the ring. Summer Rae enjoyed the save… until Fandango
turned around. Fandango with a Hammer Throw for two. He goes to a
cravat, elbowing Goldust and choking away on the middle rope. Back
to the cravat. Goldust throws out and gets to punching away. Hammer
Throw whip is reversed by Fandango for two. Fandango goes to a
regular chinlock as all the energy leaves the match in a hurry.
Fandango uses the knee, but a blind charge hits the boot and Goldust
gets a spinning headscissors out of the corner. Goldust can’t
recover in time, and Fandango gets two. Something resembling a
suplex try gets botched, but Fandango gets it second try. Diving
legdrop misses, and the Curtain Call ends this at 5:09. Fandango was
just awful in this match, and Dustin is visibly upset over the match.
This needed more comedy and less Fandango blowing spots. -*
is headed to the ring next.
I realize the gimmick and the charisma are useful on Johnny, but he’s
just so bad in the ring on a regular basis. This is the kind of
person you need in a tag team. Tyler Breeze? Aiden English? There
Undertaker will appear on Main Event Live!
that leads to the segue of Corporate Kane (which appears to be his
unofficial name) going to the ring. Kane says it’s his job to
execute the vision of the Authority. Some actions should never
happen, such as Occupy Raw. It was dangerous and violated all sorts
of rules. So, Kane has investigated the event and concluded that
Daniel Bryan was not acting alone. Someone else was working with
him: Memphis native Jerry Lawler. Therefore, the Authority will take
action. Kane orders Jerry into the ring, but Lawler won’t move.
This causes Kane to bring the Shield out. (Note: JBL is bragging
about calling it.)
surrounds the announcers, Lawler in particular, and Ambrose yells at
Lawler to enter the ring. They escort Lawler into the ring. Kane
removes his suit and tie, ready to punish Lawler. Kane has known
Lawler for a long time, and knows he can’t fight, so this won’t be
fun for Kane (much). He asks for Lawler’s last words. Rollins says
he sees the look in Lawler’s eyes, but indicates Daniel Bryan won’t
save Lawler because the Shield “always does what’s best for
then the Shield turn around to face Kane.
is none too happy with this (as Lawler escapes) and gives orders to
them, saying they’re becoming a liability. But the Shield have Kane
surrounded. Kane tries to fight out, but that gives the Shield the
ability to attack en masse. Kane fights back, but Rollins gets an
enzuigiri and Reigns gets a spear. It’s Triplebomb time. Ambrose
tells Kane not to tell them what to do ever again as they pose over
tonight, Daniel Bryan and Triple H will have a man to man talk as JBL
loses his cool and calls everything short of 9/11 Daniel Bryan’s
and Naomi v. AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka.
The Bellas are on commentary. Naomi has a fancy eyepatch that
matches her outfit. Tamina and Cameron start. Tamina shoves
Cameron, but Cameron gets an armdrag. Monkey flip is blocked, and
Tamina with a lariat for two. Another clothesline follows for one.
Kneedrop by Tamina, twice, gets one. JACKET THROW OF DOOM follows,
then a double chickenwing as AJ tags in. AJ kicks Cameron, getting
one. She goes to the chinlock, adding a bodyscissors. Cameron
fights up, but AJ with a hairpull slam and in comes Tamina as Cole
and the Bellas give JBL a hard time. Tamina with a slam for two.
Fireman’s carry, but Cameron tries a sunset flip. Cameron turns it
into a dropkick, and hot tag Naomi. Dropkicks abound and Tamina goes
flying, and a full nelson bomb gets two. It’s BONZO GONZO as Cameron
is dumped, but an enzuigiri sends Tamina out. AJ hooks a
tilt-a-whirl guillotine, but Naomi reverses to an Oklahoma Slam. She
goes up, and the split-legged moonsault gets the win at 3:37.
So who’s going to challenge AJ at Mania?
AJ blames Tamina for the loss, and every loss for that matter.
Tamina finally has enough and shoves AJ away. Both women are furious
as they stare it down. Is that my answer?
2K14 has WrestleMania mode. You can set up Daniel Bryan facing
Triple H if you want.
we come back, we introduce the next member of the WWE Hall of Fame.
The fact that they spoiled it earlier is mitigated by the fact TMZ
did as well.
bit as they show the Riverwalk and talk about the river being dyed
green. Which would be fun except it’s 9:30 local time and too dark
to see the dye.
the next Hall of Famer is… MISTER T! The video package more or
less claims Mr. T made WrestleMania a big deal by his involvement,
and if that’s so, what took them so long to induct him? And yes,
they put him in the Celebrity Wing, even though you could argue he
should go in the regular Hall of Fame.
look at Hogan’s announcement of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle
Royal for WrestleMania 30.
Sandow, Alberto Del Rio, Ryback, and Curtis Axel v. Big Show, Dolph
Ziggler, Mark Henry, and Big E Langston.
Big Show, needless to say, enters the Andre match. As is everyone
else. Langston and Ryback start. Ryback wins a lockup in the
corner, getting a kick despite the ref’s best intent. He clubs away
on Langston, punching him down but missing on a criss-cross.
Langston with a shoulder tackle and corner shoulder ram, but Ryback
catches the second one only to walk into a Greco-Roman throw for one.
Henry in, and he and Langston do a double avalanche. Henry with a
headbutt, and Ryback brings in Axel. Axel gets run over and nailed
with a big boot. Ziggler tags in, getting a Rude Awakening on Axel
for one. Axel takes over during a satellite breakdown, and Ryback
takes over with CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY! Big slam by
Ryback gets very little. Headbutt by Ryback, but Ziggler vaults over
a Hammer Throw and cleans house with dropkicks. Langston and Henry
join in to clean out the heels, who regroup as we go to break.
tag, part two.
Del Rio slams Ziggler into the announce table, getting two back in.
Sandow in, and they double-team Ziggler with Sandow stomping like a
maniac. He chokes Ziggler on the bottom rope and headbutts like
crazy, even screaming “You’re Welcome” like a war cry. Ryback
in, and a stalling suplex… stalls too long, and Ziggler gets a
small package for two. Ryback levels Ziggler for two. Axel in, and
he drops an elbow, followed by a dropkick. Axel mocks Ziggler in the
ring, but Ziggler ducks a right and gets a leaping DDT. Sandow cuts
off the hot tag (with Axel’s help), getting a kneedrop for two. He
hooks a chinlock, which lasts a while. Sandow cuts off a comeback
with the knee smashes. He catches Dolph’s dropkick and slingshots
him into the top turnbuckle. Blind charge misses, though. Sandow
tries to stop the tag, but he can’t and Big Show is in to clean
house. Avalanche to Sandow, followed by a shoulder tackle. Axel
runs into a chop, but Ryback gets a spear. Langston sends Ryback
out, but Del Rio with the step-up enzuigiri as he dumps Langston and
Henry. Famouser by Ziggler and Del Rio’s out. Axel dumps Ziggler –
hey, this looks like a battle royal – and Show tosses Axel.
Chokeslam to Sandow ends it at 11:56.
look back at the finish from Orton/Bryan from earlier. This leads to
Batista leaving – again – and Renee Young catching up – again.
Batista’s not a quitter, and he doesn’t care who he faces because he
will be champion.
Wyatt is next in action.
reminder, the Undertaker is on Main Event Live. And on SmackDown,
John Cena faces Luke Harper.
Kingston v. Bray Wyatt.
Before the match, we get a summation of Bray Wyatt’s attack on John
Cena’s legacy. It’s awesome. Bray kicks away on Kofi and headbutts
him. Kofi comes back with a dropkick, which Bray approves of. Bray
with an uppercut to stop Kofi and he stomps away. Another uppercut
follows. Avalanche eats boot, then a second one hits the pendulum
kick. Bray charges a leap off the top and gets his running forearm
to flip Kofi. “I feel the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…”
Bray attacks some more and goes ground-and-pound. He leans his
weight on Kofi before getting a swinging gutbuster. “Is this what
Cena holds for me?” Kofi fires back, but to no avail as Bray stays
on top in the corner. Avalanche connects, leading to the inverted
look. Sister Abigail’s Kiss ends it at 2:56. Just a squash. 1/2*
we go to the main event showdown between Daniel Bryan and HHH, here’s
an ad for Oculus, in theaters April 11.
event: the showdown.
JBL goes on a rant about how everything that has gone wrong is
Daniel Bryan’s fault. HHH makes it quick and invites Bryan down.
Cole tries to say the ends justify the means with regards to
Occupying Raw. HHH wants to get some things off his chest, even
though no one in his inner circle wants to hear him talk. Crowd
WHATs HHH. A lot of things have happened over the past 7 months, and
HHH says everything that he did, he did because it’s Best For
Business. It’s not personal, no matter what Bryan thinks. Bryan may
not understand business, and he can’t expect people to have his
burden of daily decisions for the WWE. A lot has happened, though –
and last week, Daniel Bryan crossed a line that you should never come
back from. But HHH is willing to forgive, because no matter how they
got there, it feels like they were supposed to be here in the ring
together. But the fact is that in three weeks, they will have a
match, no matter how it got there. And HHH will not apologize for
his actions in the ring, nor should he – and the same to Bryan.
They will do what they do best, but because Bryan crossed the line,
HHH will end it. He doesn’t want to, but he has to. He will end the
YES Movement, end the uprising, and shut it all down. And if it
means killing off Daniel Bryan, he’s not sorry. It’s what is Best
For Business, and that’s what HHH has to do. But he wanted to tell
Bryan, as a man: no hard feelings. He offers a handshake. Crowd says
gets it – he wouldn’t take the handshake either if the roles were
reversed. But before HHH leaves, he has one more item: HHH has
dumped everything on Bryan since SummerSlam. And yet, even after all
that HHH has put Bryan through, Bryan won’t go away. Crowd chants
for Bryan. HHH says they cheer him out of respect. The fans have
seen what Bryan’s been through – the mountain of crap from HHH that
would’ve folded anyone else into taking their ball and going home
(cough Punk cough) – but Bryan’s still here. HHH admires Bryan’s
guts, and Bryan has earned HHH’s respect.
“RESPECT!?” Stephanie says that Bryan was disrespectful and
illegal and was reckless endangerment. So Stephanie is pressing
charges. If you spit in the McMahon face, you suffer. She orders
Bryan arrested. Out come six cops in riot gear, which makes HHH
furious. Stephanie is just as furious over respect. The married
couple argue as each one claims the other is undermining. Whose
business is it, hers or theirs? Meanwhile, Bryan agrees to go
quietly, but they mug him anyway. HHH is upset at the excessive
force, since he didn’t resist.
smiles at Stephanie, then calls the cops off. He doesn’t want this
and asks the cops to step aside. They’re not even real cops, you
know. Besides, HHH will do it himself. And
so with a handcuffed Bryan at his mercy, HHH goes to town on Bryan.
He stomps and chokes away, then rips the suit off. He yanks Bryan
out of the ring and throws him into the steps. He then drags Bryan
and slams him into the announce table, but Bryan kicks back. It’s
too little too late, and HHH slams him onto the table on his wrists.
Crowd is furious as Bryan eats barricade. HHH slaps Bryan around and
beats him down. Stephanie is yelling to tear Bryan’s head off as HHH
keeps up the beating. Bryan keeps trying to kick back, but HHH just
beats him up more and throws him into more barricades. He even tries
to drown Bryan in the water bottle holder. He rips Bryan’s shirt up
and, as a coup de grace, throws him back onto the table on the
monitors. Stephanie sarcastically does the YES point as HHH keeps up
the beating. Now HHH adds the YES point as he picks Bryan up and
allows Stephanie to slap him repeatedly. Bryan screams that
Stephanie hits like a girl, but Stephanie isn’t fazed and strikes
again. HHH rolls Bryan into the ring as this just goes on and on.
HHH grabs a chair and connects with Bryan’s head – and given how
little that’s done, the crowd reacts strongly. Bryan is out cold as
HHH takes his own shirt off, and even though they’re calling the show
over, it continues. HHH stands over Bryan, picks him up, and it’s
Pedigree time. Now Stephanie enters the ring, and the two stand over
Bryan and kiss in triumph. HHH declares it his ring, his house, his
show on the mic. There is no YES Movement. And finally, they play
HHH’s music as the segment and show end. No, wait, they reveal
Stephanie had the keys to the cuffs as her necklace all along. Okay,
now they leave.
how long that last paragraph is? That’s how long it felt. And on
Backstage Pass, you can hear HHH continue to taunt the crowd.
the thing: it’s a key component of any story to make sure the story
doesn’t go on too long. This went on too long by about five minutes.
HHH made his point when Bryan was handcuffed. He beat up on Bryan
and left him laying. Then it kept going. Look at where I think it
ends, and where it does end. That’s insane. And by the way, reverse
the roles and I’d agree.
next week needs to have the tables turned. He admitted this was a
setup, that the cops were fake, that this was an assault with a
deadly weapon. You can portray HHH as the favorite and Bryan the
underdog all you want, but at the end of the day, it’s an uncrowned
World Champion against a retired wrestler. Bryan cannot look like
too much of an underdog because it makes everyone look beneath HHH.
for the rest of the show: Usos/WTP for Mania is something I can get
behind if it goes there. AJ/Tamina appears to be happening. Naomi
came back strong. The battle royal looks like it’ll be more fun than
most battle royals. But tonight was all about Bryan/HHH, or more to
the point, about HHH.
before you look at me like I’m just hating: it was a great idea. HHH
snapping and adding himself because he can’t trust anyone is within
his character, as is suckering Bryan in for a beating. But
seriously? The five extra minutes are the difference between a hot
ending and a disturbing one.
TIME: 54:31 over seven matches
MVP: Triple H
SCORE: 7. This was all about HHH getting his heat back, which he did
and had to do. But I can’t go higher because it went too far.
Still, the undercard was fine, the feuds were set up beautifully, and
even Batista and Orton have issues, which seems to be lost in the
shuffle. Anyway, let’s hope there’s a scaleback on his momentum.
be back next week. Whine about me and the show here.