Is the main thing – besides all the other main things – holding Daniel Bryan back the fact that most of his merchandise sucks? One of the main things that pushed CM Punk to the next level besides the Pipe Bomb and incredible MITB match was the fact that he debuted an awesome new t-shirt and it sold like crazy. I'm sure that most of Bryan's shirts involving goats and beards doesn't do him any favors. Steve Austin has said in the past that he was very hands-on in designing all his merchandise and recognized the value it had portraying his character (and making him shit tons of money). So is Bryan being too passive? WWE not getting behind him enough? Or would wearing the Sin Cara mask just cure all his problems?
From this week’s Figure Four Weekly Newsletter:
“Honestly, Punk is being a little bitch. I liked him so much before his run leading to and after that Money in the Bank in Chicago. He’s a guy where you have to be really in his circle for him to I guess open up, which I understand, but being put in a feud with Kane and then with HHH at Mania is not a bad thing. Now I understand he feels this is his last Mania and he wants to main event and really, with the right storyline, that match could main event, but literally after the Tribute to the Troops incident he’s just been difficult. There are so many there that want his spot, that want to say, ‘I need a weekend off to go to UFC.’ I really and fully believe he’s a little jealous of the crowd reactions to Bryan and it’s getting to him—He’s just been such a dick lately. That interview with Ariel, he acted like he was the victim at the Troops taping when Michelle was just joking. Little bitch AJ took it to the wrong level. Do you really think AJ would have a ‘pipe bomb’ interview time or longest Diva champ BS if she wasn’t dating Punk? Punk really doesn’t want to be the face of the company. That’s BS. I hate hearing that shit. He says he does but this isn’t ROH or OVW. He would bitch so much if he had to do Michael & Kelly at 9 a.m., then fly to a different state (for Raw), do a Make-A-Wish at 1 p.m. and then RAW, then do SmackDown, then do something Wednesday to fly home Thursday to be on the road Friday or Saturday. No way he could handle that for four months. He may come back as soon as Monday or he may never come back, but if never comes back he better remember how many fans he’s fucking over right now, the same way he believes the WWE is fucking him over. And I’m not defending Vince or HHH. Especially HHH, because people are seeing that HHH taking over isn’t as cool as they thought it would be. Outlaws, Nash, X-Pac, Flair, HBK, Batista—yeah must be nice to be HHH friends.”
Credit Bryan Alvarez
February 7, 2014
Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
the main story this week is Randy Orton running the Elimination
Chamber gauntlet as he has to jump through another Authority hoop to
be the face of the WWE, whatever that means anymore. His opponent
tonight is Christian which should be fun given their past encounters.
Let’s get to it.
sequence, which we don’t get that often anymore.
Daniel Bryan to get things going. On Monday, the Authority said that
he would be the face of the WWE if he could beat Randy Orton, but
that’s not what Bryan wants to be. He wants to just be himself, but
it doesn’t matter because the Authority showed their true colors by
sending down Kane to chokeslam him after the match. We get a clip of
the end of the match with Bryan fighting off Kane and hitting the
running knee on Orton for the pin, only to be beaten down after the
says that he’s put up with Kane doing his corporate thing since he
joined the Authority but he can’t do that anymore. He wants Kane to
come out here right now and explain himself, so here’s the Devil’s
Favorite Libertarian In A Suit From Mens’ Warehouse. Side note:
Kane’s current look reminds me of Bull Shannon from Night Court.
Kane stops on the stage but Bryan says he can’t hear him so Kane
should come to the ring.
stays where he is and gives a scripted apology but Bryan cuts him off
again. He reminds Kane of the HELL NO days and I AM THE TAG TEAM
CHAMPIONS and hugging it out. That Kane was his friend and Bryan
wants him back. Get rid of the suit and tie, go put on your mask and
become the monster again. Kane says they do have history, but that’s
all it is. He’s turned in the undisclosed location for a corner
office and is glad the HELL NO days are over.
used to be friends and the old saying in wrestling is you can make
friends or you can make money, and Kane is doing well for himself
right now. Bryan says he’s doing well too, but that’s because he has
an arena full of friends right here. If Kane and Bryan aren’t
friends, why doesn’t Kane come down here right now so they can settle
this like people who aren’t friends? Kane declines but gives Bryan a
match with Antonio Cesaro.
announcers explain the Elimination Chamber.
vs. Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston
Reigns/Ambrose here with the home state boy Rollins on commentary.
Ambrose grabs a headlock on Kofi to start as the fans chant for
Rollins. Kofi trips him up and hits a quick splash for two before
it’s off to Ziggler for no reaction at all. Dolph ducks a
clothesline and punches Ambrose down before dropping the ten elbows.
He speeds the spot up by not getting to his feet after each elbow and
dropping them from only a foot or so, which is a smart change.
comes in and runs Ziggler down to take over before it’s quickly back
to Ambrose. Kofi gets the tag as well to speed things up again but
Dean trips him up, setting up a SWEET running dropkick from Reigns
where he starts on the floor and lands on the apron. That’s the best
I’ve ever seen that move look and it takes us to a break.
with Dean getting two on Kofi off a butterfly suplex and cranking on
a reverse chinlock. Dean tries it again from the middle rope but
Kofi knocks him down and hits a high cross body to get a breather. A
spinning kick to Ambrose’s head is enough to make the tag to Dolph
but Reigns is in as well.
starts cleaning house with dropkicks and neckbreakers but walks into
something resembling Cena’s spinning slam. Roman loads up the spear
but Dean gets caught trying to tag himself in. The distraction lets
Ziggler get two off a jumping DDT as Ambrose takes out Kofi on the
floor. Ziggler can’t hook the Zig Zag and it’s the Superman Punch
and spear to knock Ziggler into next week. Reigns tags in Ambrose
and lets him get the pin at 9:58.
C+. This was more about
storytelling but it’s getting more and more obvious that Reigns is
getting the huge push soon. They’ve even got signature spots set up
for him, each one more high impact than the previous. He’s a fun guy
to watch and that can help a lot when you’ve got a rocket strapped on
match the Wyatts show up on screen with Bray talking about how the
Shield is bickering like children. They believe Bray is a joke and a
facade. The hat comes off and Bray gets serious. If you could see
the evil behind his eyes, you would know what kind of a monster he
really is. Harper says those that will not follow them will be the
first to burn. Follow the buzzards.
open with a discussion on Sheamus possibly wearing steel toed boots.
Sheamus runs Ryback over with a shoulder block but a Curtis Axel
distraction lets Ryback get in some cheap shots. The rolling
fireman’s carry puts Ryback down and Curtis gets a Brogue Kick.
Sheamus gets back on the apron and tries the ten forearms but Ryback
pulls him inside to break it up. I don’t remember anyone ever
countering that move.
hits a splash for two and we hit the chinlock for a bit. Sheamus
fights up and gets caught in the over the shoulder Stunner followed
by Ryback going up top (?!?) but missing a splash. Sheamus comes
back with right hands and gets all fired up with a powerslam. The
Brogue Kick is countered into a powerbomb for two and Sheamus is in
trouble. That trouble is short lived though as he counters the Meat
Hook with the Brogue Kick for the pin at 5:43.
C+. How sad is it that Ryback
is a jobber to the stars less than a year after he was #30 in the
Rumble? This match could have easily been on Wrestlemania last year
and now it’s a surprisingly good match on Smackdown. Ryback looked
better than he has in months out there, because he was wrestling the
same style that had him main eventing PPVs in 2012 rather than the
whining that wastes his natural skills.
week’s sitdown interview with HHH talks about Orton running the
gauntlet to make him better. Also on Monday: Orton vs. Cena.
Del Rio is in the back and we take a look at the brawl with Batista
from Monday. Del Rio wants
a piece of the Animal. The less talking in this feud, the better it
is for everyone involved including the fans.
Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro
grabs a front facelock to start but Antonio drives him into the
corner for some chops. Bryan comes back with knees and kicks to the
chest but walks into a European uppercut for two. Bryan bridges up
to block a pin and Cesaro can’t break it even by jumping on top of
Bryan’s body. Cesaro spends too much time shouting WE THE PEOPLE and
gets caught in a short arm scissors but Cesaro easily lifts him into
the air and drops Bryan down for the break.
pounds away in the corner and hooks a chinlock but Bryan comes back
with the running clothesline. A
top rope hurricanrana gets two on Antonio and there are some YES
Kicks but Cesaro counters the last one into a tilt-a-whirl
backbreaker for two as we
take a break. Back
with Bryan in a chinlock before
a bit boot sends him
flying across the ring.
misses a charge and falls to the floor but Bryan’s knee off the apron
hits Swagger instead of Antonio. Back in and Daniel’s missile
dropkick is countered by an uppercut but he grabs the rope to avoid
the Swing. Cesaro loads up the Neutralizer but Bryan counters into a
YES Lock attempt. That’s countered as well but Bryan comes out of
the corner with a headscissors to drive Cesaro into the mat for the
YES Lock (think the original Sin Cara’s La Mistica) and the
submission at 10:39.
B-. Good stuff here with both
guys countering everything thrown at them. The ending was awesome as
well with Bryan not being able to get Cesaro into the YES Lock by
muscle so he used a quick stunning move to get it on instead. I love
thinking during a match like that and these two are great at it.
comes out post match and the distraction lets Cesaro hit a
Neutralizer on Bryan. A chokeslam leaves Bryan laying as well.
Orton says one loss to Bryan doesn’t make up for the losses Bryan has
suffered to him. He’ll win
in the Chamber and confirm that he’s the best in the world.
Ladd Black History Month video.
Rusev and Lana are coming.
Bella vs. AJ Lee
picks AJ up in a choke to start before hitting a nice slam. AJ
throws on a sleeper to put Nikki down before kicking her down into
the mat. Nikki comes back with a facebuster and a bad looking
backdrop before the seconds get in a fight on the apron. Tamina is
knocked to the floor and Nikki throws AJ into Brie by mistake,
setting up the Black Widow to give AJ the submission win at 2:40.
look back at Titus O’Neil turning on Darren Young last week to split
up the Prime Time Players.
interviews Renee Young (yes that’s right) but Titus won’t let her
talk, saying he could have won a lot more titles on his own while the
Players were a team. Young has nice hair but Titus looks better,
smells better and has a great smile. He sends Renee running along
when Darren Young jumps him from behind and beats O’Neil up, shouting
that he isn’t dead weight. Nice beatdown segment, but at the end of
the day he’s just Darren Young and there aren’t many ways around
vs. Bray Wyatt
inset interview from the Rhodes Brothers says they’re desperate and
will be taking more risks to get back where they belong. Goldust
tries the deep breath and gets kicked in the face. Bray leans upside
down in the corner and Goldust doesn’t know what to think. All Bray
to start as he runs Goldust over and hits some uppercuts from the
hit a nerve hold on Goldie but he fights up and nails a back elbow
off the middle rope to get a breather. A middle rope hurricanrana
sends Bray to the mat again and Goldust follows up with a
spinebuster. Wyatt bails to the floor and Goldust hits a running
flip dive to take him down. The Family goes after Cody as Bray gets
angry. He takes Goldust’s head off with a clothesline and Sister
Abigail is good for the pin at 3:55.
C+. Another good match here
with Goldust continues his comeback tour while Bray is just a freaky
dude when he turns it on. They’ve kept him looking strong since
he debuted and the character has worked far better as a result. Why
WWE insists on never letting people be kept strong is beyond me when
the results can be this strong.
pops up on screen post match and says yeah, they’ll full of pride
because they’ve earned the right to be. Rollins says they’re not
afraid and he’ll be scraping their beards off his boot. Reigns says
they could have been WWE Champion and it’s time for justice. Believe
in the Shield. Bray shouts that he’ll believe in the Shield when
their eyes are battered shut.
Orton vs. Christian
Christian hits a quick shoulder block to start but Orton comes back
with knees and fists to the head. Orton
runs into a back elbow and gets backdropped to the floor, followed by
a top rope cross body as we take a break. Back
with Christian trying to crotch Orton against the post but Randy
pulls his legs forward to send the Canadian into the steel instead.
is dropped back first onto the barricade for two back inside. A
few stomps have Christian in trouble and Orton whips him across the
corner a few times. We get a pose with a shot of the Wrestlemania
sign but Christian comes back with a right hand of his own. Orton
dropkicks him down again and hooks a chinlock as the fans think Randy
sucks. Christian belly to back suplexes him down and they slug it
out with Christian getting the better of it.
Canadian rains down right hands in the corner but Randy comes back
with a running clothesline. Christian clotheslines him right back
and hits a top rope cross body for two. A top rope back elbow to the
jaw looks to set up the Killswitch but Orton snaps off the powerslam
for another two count. Christian
is sent shoulder first into the post but he’s still able to counter
the Elevated DDT. He can’t hit the frog splash though and the second
attempt at the DDT connects. The RKO and Killswitch are countered
but Christian’s sunset flip out of the corner is caught in the RKO
for the pin at 11:53.
B. These two always have
chemistry together and I’ve yet to see them have a bad match. The
ending, while done before, still looks good as Orton can time that
RKO out of the air almost perfectly. Christian doesn’t have a chance
inside the Chamber but he’s a great hand and can make you believe he
could pull it out.
Rating: B. I’m
not sure what has Smackdown on this roll as of late but I’m not
complaining at all. It’s either Wrestlemania or the upcoming TV
deals but the show has been great for most of this year. There were
two big matches, good build towards the six man and Sheamus vs.
Ryback in a good match. What more can you ask for on a supplemental
b. Kofi Kingston/Dolph Ziggler – Ambrose pinned Ziggler after a
spear from Reigns
Lee b. Nikki Bella – Black Widow
Bryan b. Antonio Cesaro – YES Lock
b. Ryback – Brogue Kick
Wyatt b. Goldust – Sister Abigail
Orton b. Christian – RKO
October 19, 1985
Your hosts are Bruno Sammartino and Vince McMahon
Tonight, Wendi Richter will defend her Women’s Championship against Judy Martin. Also in action are Ricky Steamboat, Randy Savage, British Bulldogs, Hart Foundation and the return of Hillbilly Jim.
This is Jim’s long awaited in-ring return and the crowd is into the Hillbilly act in a big way. The pre-match dance last for a while. Jim shoves Lombardi through the ropes after they lockup. Lombardi charges but gets caught with a slam as Elmer rings his bell and Junior stands there looking mentally challenged. Jim sends Lombardi into the post after reversing an Irish whip. He knocks him down with a headbutt then catches Lombardi in a bearhug, who immediately submits (2:20). After the match, the Hillbillies dance some more in the ring as Vince goes mental screaming “GET DOWN CUZ” at Junior during his wacky dance.
Thoughts: As goofy as the Hillbilly bullshit was, it was extremely over here. Vince was putting over Jim big time too and his new theme song, “Don’t Go Messin’ with a Country Boy.” Vince was really trying to get over the theme music on commentary when the “Wrestling Album” came out.
WWF Update with Lord Alfred Hayes. This is about the “Wrestling Album” as we see clips of wrestlers singing their songs, such as Hillbilly Jim and Jimmy Hart.
Jose Luis Rivera & S.D. Jones vs. Hart Foundation w/ Jimmy Hart
The fans are starting to respond to the Hart Foundation, instead of being silent as they have been. Bret backs away from S.D. as Jimmy agitates the fans at ringside with his megaphone. S.D. catches Bret with a dropkick then tags out as Rivera works the arm. Bret catches Rivera wth a knee then hits a backbreaker before tagging the Anvil then they put Rivera away with the Hart Attack (2:23).
Thoughts: Nice to see the Hart Foundation starting to get over a bit as a heel act but this match wasnt much and the jobbers were in control for most of the match.
Gene Okerlund is backstage with Hulk Hogan. He runs down a list of challengers for his belt such as Randy Savage, Terry Funk, Big John Studd, and King Kong Bundy. He then said he will give his opponents the “James Brown” treatment after he slams then down in the middle of the ring, whatever the fuck that means.
WWF Women’s Championship Match
Judy Martin w/ Fabulous Moolah vs. Wendi Richter (Champion)
They roll around on the mat then Moolah grabs Richter by the hair. Martin then leads Ricchter around by the hair as the ref yells at Moolah. Martin drops Richter in a reverse Death Valley Driver for two. The crowd breaks out in a loud chant for Wendy as Martin tosses her out to the floor. Moolah kicks Richter as she is down. More hair pulling from Martin as he drags Richter back into the ring. Richter then hits a poor excuse of a crossbody block and a dropkick. She places Martin on the top then tosses her off. Both women are down then Richter leapfrogs Martin and takes her over with a rollup for the win as the crowd goes nuts (3:23). Moolah is irate at what happened.
Thoughts: Match was alright, mostly due to the fact that Martin was in control. She was a really good wrestler and very underrated as far as women wrestlers are concerned. Richter sucked in the ring but connected with the fans and they went nuts for her.
Okerlund is with Bob Orton. He asks him about his cast as Orton said he is the best wrestler in the world and does not need a weapon in the ring.
A plug for the WWF Calendar airs set to a generic 80’s jazz solo.
Ron Shaw vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Shaw roughs up Steamboat for a bit. Steamboat comes back with a dropkick after a dull Irish whip sequence then works the arm. He hits Shaw with a chop before putting him away with the flying body press (2:45).
Thoughts: The crowd went nuts for Steamboat. The match itself was really dull and Shaw looked gassed during the Irish whip sequence and never recovered. No mention of Steamboat’s feud with Muraco and Fuji during the match.
Piper’s Pit with guests Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji. This segments starts off with all of the heels gushing over each other. Piper also said it was “disgusting and distasteful” watching Steamboat use illegal kicks and chops and thinks it should be banned. Muraco calls Piper a genius for recognizing that Steamboat uses illegal martial arts then says that he has the sensei in his corner in Mr. Fuji and can counter anything Steamboat has to offer. Fuji challenges Steamboat to a martial arts match as Piper makes fun of Steamboat for wearing “Ballerina tights.” Good segment that re-sparked the feud.
Mario Mancini vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth
Vince gushes over Elizabeth and wonders what she sees in the Macho Man then Bruno lets us know that she is a tough negotiator. Savage catches Mancini with a clothesline then stuns Mancini’s neck off of the ropes. He tosses Mancini outside and follows him out with a double axe handle then rolls him back inside and finishes him off with the flying elbow smash (1:10). After the win, Savage goes up top and hits Mancini with another elbow smash.
Thoughts: Really fun match. Savage looked awesome and went all out in this short match. He was getting over more and more each week and his elbow smash was probably the most impressive finishing move in the company at this time.
Joe Mirto & A.J. Petruzzi vs. British Bulldogs
Davey works on the arm of Petruzzi to start. He then hits a backdrop before tagging out. Dynamite knocks down Mirto with a shoulderblock. He catches him with an armdrag then a missile dropkick before tagging Davey. He gets two off of a slam then puts him in a chinlock. Dynamite nearly kills Mirto with a snap suplex then drops the leg before Petruzzi tags. Petruzzi then fights off a Boston Crab attempt but the Bulldogs take turns tossing him around before Mirto tags. Davey catches him with a running powerslam then Dynamite finishes him off with a flying headbutt after being launched by Davey for the win (4:43).
Thoughts: The announcers were really putting over the ability of the Bulldogs throughout the match. They looked impressive, even if Mirto couldnt take some of their offense. The crowd popped big for the finish.
Okerlund is with Jimmy Hart and the Hart Foundation. He asks them about the Killer Bees as the Anvil mockingly said he is scared of them and talks about how as a kid, he pulled apart the wings of bees and watched them drop, prompting Okerlund to call him a sick indiviual. Bret gets interviewed and promises that they are going to put them away and shows a little bit of personality for once. After they leave, Terry Funk joins the set and tells Okerlund that JYD is a “jackass and yells at Okerlund to shut up after he told him he couldnt say that word. They were referring to the entire Jimmy Hart stable as the “Hart Foundation” at this time.
Next week, Paul Orndorff & Killer Bees take on the Hart Foundation & Barry O. Also in action are Terry Funk, David Sammartino & Tito Santana, King Tonga, The Dream Team, and Cousin Junior & Uncle Elmer. Plus, Piper’s Pit with Rick McGraw.
Final Thoughts: A really fun show with a lot of important segments. Hillbilly Jim made his in ring return and the Women’s Championship was defended. Also, they furthered the Steamboat/Muraco feud and had some good in-ring action as well. There was really something for everyone here. At this time, the WWF started to develop a pretty damn good in-ring product too as well as a blossoming tag-team division. They also continue to decently plug the “Wrestling Classic” PPV.
Subject: WCW 2001 = TNA 2014?
A look from PTBN at the parallels between the talent and work going on in WCW 2001 and TNA in the post-Hogan world of 2014.
Ok, so Sting coming back is pretty much a given at this point? And everyones talking about how to book, so heres my idea:
I think WWE needs to move FORWARD with Stings character, not just play off nostalgia so heres my idea. After the Wrestlemania match, Undertaker beats Brock and everyone is going nuts, he kneels down as his iconic music plays and when the lights come back on Undertaker grabs his neck in surprise Announcers are like “what is going on?” “I think I just seen a bee?” Then over the coming weeks Undertaker keeps getting stung by bees but no one knows who is doing it until Vince Mcmahon comes in and is like “Oh so you got STUNG huh? That must really STING” And then Undertaker puts two and two together and becomes detective Undertaker and figures out that Sting is controlling the bees and is sending a message Could easily stretch this out throughout the whole year, with Undertaker appearing at RAW every week and grabbing his arm, or putting sting ointment on it etc going on wikipedia and researching bees Then at Wrestlemania Undertaker turns the tides and pours the urn on sting, which was actually full of honey all along and all the Bees sting Sting and Undertaker wins.Buyrate?
Two billion network subscriptions!
WWE.com Smackdown Preview
Other Names WWE is Considering for the Hall of Fame
Right now, the WWE are looking at adding Lita and Paul Bearer. They also want to induct Mr. T, who has turned down the offer several times. There is also another name in the works who is apparently on a similar level as Jake Roberts and the Ultimate Warrior
Credit Dave Meltzer, Wrestling Observer Newsletter
WWE.com Article on “15 Superstars You Forgot Existed.”
Seeing that cover alone made me want to just purely despise this book…I was surprised, to say the least.
I became a pro wrestling fan in winter of 1989. I remember watching the Viewer’s Choice PPV teasers, and the trailer for Survivor Series 89 made an impression on me. I loved watching all the pre taped promos from Roddy’s Rowdies, Rude’s Brood, the Hulkamaniacs, the Million Dollar Team…the shit just seemed so surreal and so COOL to this 9 year old. In particular, a hulking black menace with a lazy eye named Zeus really caught this youngster’s attention. I had no clue, back then, of what a good worker was, who was a good hand and who was clearly an actor posing as a wrestler…all I knew then was that Zeus was SCARY AS FUCK, no more no less. And if Hulk Hogan’s offense could not slow him down, then by God, who could stop the man? All of that concern was set to rest a month later, when the WWF broadcast, on PPV, No Holds Barred: The Movie, The Match. Hulk vanquished his large lazy eyed black foe (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Deebo from Friday…) with three crushing bodyslams and a thunderous leg drop.
From that point until now, I was hooked. Of all things, it was Zeus that hooked me on pro wrestling. Sad to say.
Now some of you are probably wondering (hell, most): “What the fuck does this little rant have to do about Missy Hyatt?” Fair enough. I appreciate that you allowed me to indulge myself in that opening paragraph. Well, here it is. Most people my age, who discovered the phenomena known as Pro Wrestling around the same time, list a few seminal events that set off their perpetual slavish devotion to the pseudo sport we have come to know, love, hate, revile, and mock. Zeus was mine. About a month after the No Holds Barred Tag Match, we were treated to the epic criss cross of death between Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior at the Royal Rumble 1990, from Orlando, Florida. Right around those two events, the NWA, by then more or less WCW, was advertising a Clash of the Champions event, to be broadcast on TBS. I had no idea who the players in the main event were, besides Ric Flair and Sting. Even fans with the most rudimentary understanding of the mat wars were familiar with those two. As an added caveat, the Horsemen’s match with Gary Hart’s J-Tex group would be contested inside a steel cage. After being mesmerized (did not take me much back then) by the “spectacle” that was the No Holds Barred match (which, in hindsight, is just Randy Savage carrying three dudes on his back) was likewise a cage match. I was all in.
Now, the match, and the pre-match angle that saw the Horsemen kick Sting out of the group, remains the stuff of legend. I picked a hell of a Clash to be my first endeavor into WCW. The night progressed, Sting blew out his ACL, yadda yadda yada. We all know the story. But that event was what introduced me to WCW, and with the WWF running the Hogan-Warrior bulidup to Mania 6, you knew this nine year old was hooked and fucked for life. So I started watching everything available to me…and with WWF Superstars, Wrestling Challenge, Prime Time, as well as WCW Saturday Night and Main Event on Sundays (Captain Planet y’all), that pretty much monopolized my non-homework time.
Which brings me to Missy Hyatt…finally.
Missy was this wrestling fans’ first crush…back in the early 90’s, she was beyond gorgeous to a young boy who had yet to come of age. At the time I started watching WCW, she was involved with Jason Hervey of “The Wonder Years” fame. In 1990-91, he was very much at the pinnacle of his career, pre-Eric Bischoff, pre-“Scott Baio is 45 and Single”. Most male fans of the era cite Miss Elizabeth as their first pro-wrestling crush, and I would be hard pressed not to mention her striptease at Summer Slam 1988 as one of those coming of age moments for a generation of young, horny wrestling fans. But Missy was something else entirely. Whereas Elizabeth was, more or less, a chaste, fairly innocent figure who played Yang to hubby Macho Man’s Yin, Missy was more or less just a total tramp. With huge tits.
Missy’s book does nothing to dissipate the rumors that have surrounded her throughout the years. Written in 2001, she is remarkably candid about who she blew and worked with over the years. As a teenage fan, she was infatuated with Tommy Rich, to the point where she and an Atlanta territory fan named “Cheryl”, who I can only imagine to be the future Cheryl Roberts of future WWF fame, attended a live event together. They arrived for the event far too early and encountered the Georgian booker of the time…who remains unnamed. Missy was smitten at that point by Tommy Rich. Now, Missy, real name Melissa Hiatt, is, in case you have not noticed, a fairly attractive woman. Especially in those pre-collagen, pre-botox days. The booker made sure Missy was front row for “Wildfire’s” match. The long and short of it, according to Ms. Hyatt…she gave him road head.
Thus begins one of the most glorious and enjoyable trainwrecks of a book I have ever read.
Missy was involved (read: FUCKED) many wrestlers over the years, and she names names here. From Tommy Rich, it was Jake Roberts (who she describes as…well…odd), Road Warrior Hawk, “Hollywood” John Tatum…who was the man who got Missy into the business, and is possibly one of the worst workers of all time. Seriously, I was on a recent Global binge with ESPN Classic running marathon showings lately…and the man just flat out had NOTHING in ring. Or out of the ring. That is where Missy was supposed to come through. Early on in the dying days of the territories, Missy became John’s mouthpiece. Talk about putting lipstick on a pig. But Missy was something different, a hit with fans, and her schtick went down like a fine wine with them. But, for her, something wasn’t right. She was John Tatum’s sidepiece, but she was clearly above him. Her territory was soon turfed during the 80’s Vince McMahon takeover…and none other than Vince himself extended an offer to Missy that she clearly could not refuse.
That offer was for Missy Hyatt to take over the segment that was Piper’s Pit, in the form of Missy’s Manor. Large shows (and Kilts) to fill. Piper had just departed WWF to star in such critical hits as “They Live” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown.” So he had his plate full. “Missy’s Manor” was slated to be the replacement for Piper’s now legendary segment, but it bombed the first night out, as the Missy character was completely narcissistic and never should have been the WWF’s plan for her…Missy was all about Missy, and for her to be trot out week after week as an interviewer when the character remained the clear focus was just counter productive. Both Vince and Missy realized this, and when Vince turfed Missy’s Manor to, instead, have Missy become the head “Federette”, or ring girl, she went back to the love of her life, Eddie Gilbert, who was a partial booker in the recently bought out by JCP UWF promotion.
From there, Missy was made color commentator of the product, with legend Jim Ross as the blow by blow guy. (Resisting…urge…blow…Missy joke…done). While there, Missy was on the outs in her relationship with Gilbert, which she confirms in having a one night stand with, of all people, Dr. Tom Prichard. I cannot accurately describe that hot garbage, so let us move on. Missy did. On. And down.
More or less, this book is a total kiss and tell memoir…Missy throws a veritable promotion under the bus as men who have laid under her. Her next experiences were with a man many years her junior, Marcus Bagwell, Bill Fralic (Studd the Dud, for Mania 2 wonks), as well as some well known hockey players. But chief among these was Jason Hervey. I always thought this relationship was a work…but Missy confirms that it wasn’t. And she all but says it was more or less about the money turning her on more than anything the diminutive Hervey could offer. As I said earlier, what this book lacks in either depth or moral compass, it makes up for in the total TMZ factor.
From there, and we are talking about page 135 out of less than 200, Missy quickly conveys her ECW experience, where, I think most of us watching the problem at that point can attest, Missy was just bombed out of her mind. Watch her eyes during her angles in ECW…nothing there but, maybe, lust. She conveys a story about how Lori Fullington, Sandman’s wife, treated her like royalty when the red light was off, but when push came to shove in ring, she just stiffed the ever loving fuck out of Missy. Sounds about right. Although this book is written in 2001, there are no mentions as to the WrestlingVixxxens website…just to Missy begging Vince McMahon for a job in 1997, being rebuffed, which led to Missy going back to school. The entire ending of the book, knowing what we know now, over a decade later, is utter horse flop. But don’t let it take away from the rest of the work: Missy Hyatt’s book is the equivalent to picking up that National Enquirer gimmick when in line waiting to check out at the Grocery Store…you know it is likely 95% bullshit, but it is 100% entertaining. That is the best way I can describe Missy’s book…only with less BS than an Enquirer article.
February 6, 2014
Hydro Arena, Glasgow, Scotland
Mike Tenay, Tazz
still in Scotland as we’re setting the stage for Lockdown. The big
story of course is the reveal of MVP as the new investor, starting
the big feud for the year. MVP is a decent enough choice but they
just need to do something else around here. The power struggle stuff
is so played out in TNA but at least there’s a new face involved in
things. Let’s get to it.
open with a fight in progress.
Young vs. Abyss
is Monster’s Ball, meaning anything goes. They’re fighting in the
back with Young actually in control and bringing Abyss through the
entrance. Abyss comes back with a big right hand and some forearms
to the back and the opening bell rings. Young crawls over to a
trashcan full of weapons and blasts Abyss in the back with a pipe to
get the advantage, only to have Abyss backdrop him on the floor.
It’s table time but Young hits a quick dropkick to get a breather.
goes for the mast but Abyss slams him into the apron to get a
breather. They head inside for the first time with Eric coming off
the top, only to jump right into Abyss’ hands. A hard clothesline
drops Young again and Abyss goes outside to get a chair. The chair
is placed on Eric’s ribs but he manages to turn it on its side to
crotch a charging Abyss. Eric is sent into the corner and out to the
apron where he comes back with a missile dropkick for two.
as Eric gets some momentum he gets sent face first into the chair in
the corner and a chokeslam gets two. Abyss goes outside and gets his
bag of tacks before loading up a superplex, only to have Young
counter with a sunset powerbomb into the tacks for two. Eric goes up
top but Abyss punches him off the top rope and out through the table
in a huge crash. Back in and Young somehow gets his foot on the
ropes to break the pin so Abyss pulls out the big weapon: Janice, the
baseball bat full of nails. Young rips the mask off to save himself
and reveal Joseph Park, earning himself the Black Hole Slam for the
pin at 9:41.
B-. That might be a bit high
but I was digging this
match. It wasn’t the best hardcore match I’ve ever seen or anywhere
close to it but Young was working well out there. I can tolerate him
much more easily when he’s not being over the top and stupid which is
what we got here. Abyss is a fun character too as there’s something
awesome about a guy who just breaks stuff.
picks up a broken piece of a mirror and sees himself, turning him
back into Joseph.
brings Dixie a contract for a title match against Magnus at Lockdown
but Dixie is disgusted. She says things have changed around here and
she can’t just give out title shots. Roode says this isn’t his
problem so Dixie makes him face Joe tonight for the title shot at
Lockdown. Bobby is still annoyed but Dixie implies a lot of help.
MVP for his first speech as the new investor. He’s been around the
world for the last few years just living life. In his younger days
he got in trouble for not realizing the consequences of his actions.
It’s become clear to him that there are people here in TNA making the
same mistakes and he’s tired of seeing that every week. Over his
career he’s made a nice income and then used that money to make more
found some people that think like he does and it’s time for a change.
TNA has so much potential but the bad leadership is killing it.
That will not happen under his watch but here’s Spud for an
interruption. Spud thinks MVP should come meet Dixie in person
because Dixie loves making new stars. MVP: “Yeah, herself.”
Spud says that if MVP were to come to Dixie, he would be greeted with
open arms. MVP threatens Spud with violence and then announces
Magnus vs. Kurt Angle in a non-title match.
Ray says he’ll bury Anderson next week but he’ll put the next person
he sees in a coffin as a preview.
Sabin is in a purple room and says he doesn’t accept that Velvet Sky
has broken his heart. She’s a woman worth fighting for and he’s
invited her here to this special room for later tonight.
Man vs. Bully Ray
comes out with the coffin and says that Curry Man is in the wrong
place at the wrong time. He kicks Curry Man’s head off and slowly
takes off the jacket. This isn’t even a match with no bell or
referee. Curry Man is laid out with a piledriver and a shout of
ANDERSON before Ray throws him in the coffin.
complains to Dixie but she reminds him that it’s a non-title match
before checking her makeup. Spud insists she looks beautiful as
Ethan comes in. Dixie cuts him off before Ethan can say anything and
Ethan isn’t pleased, saying Dixie doesn’t have time for her own
blood. She’ll talk to him in a week.
Austin Aries with something to say. As X-Division Champion, he
reminds us that it’s not the title that makes the man but the man
that makes the title. He’s held every title in this company and is
the man who invented Option C. His intention is to hold the X Title
until he can cash it in again but here are the Bro Mans for an
interruption. They’re just a distraction for Zema Ion to blast Aries
in the back with his Feast or Fired briefcase. Zema wants a referee
out here right now and the match is on.
Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion
gets two early near falls before a baseball slide to the back puts
Aries down again. Austin comes back with a chop but is sent into the
barricade to put him down again. A slingshot DDT gets two on Aries
but Ion misses a corkscrew moonsault, allowing Aries to hit a discus
forearm and a release belly to back suplex. There’s the running
corner dropkick and a brainbuster retains Aries’ title at 2:11.
gets Spud ready to meet MVP.
recap Samuel Shaw revealing his shrine to Christy Hemme last week.
This week, Christy asks him what’s going on before cutting off their
is tired of appeasing Dixie Carter. Magnus comes up and says Dixie’s
orders are Roode’s job, not favors. Roode needs to stop worrying
about favors and start worrying about Joe. The loss last week is
brought up and Magnus says he’ll tap out anytime in a non-title
match. Roode is annoyed and wishes Magnus luck against Angle.
comes in to see Dixie (in her fourth appearance in an hour), who
brags about building this company from the ground up. She talks down
to him a bit and tries to speak the wrestling language to him,
dropping terms like giving a rub and curtain jerking. MVP thinks we
should start in the ring in front of the fans and they bicker a bit
before MVP leaves. Spud thinks he’s a bloody nice bloke.
Angle vs. Magnus
Magnus tries to wrestle with Angle to start and it goes as well as
you would expect it to. Kurt throws him down before hitting some
Rolling Germans and posing a bit. The Angle Slam is blocked with a
thumb to the eye but he takes Magnus down again for the ankle lock,
drawing in EC3 for the DQ at 2:30.
goes after Angle’s bad knee and blasts it with a chair. He puts Kurt
in a leg lock, likely writing off Kurt for knee surgery.
tells Dixie that she started a war with the wrong man. He’ll fight a
war of attrition or a blitzkrieg and win every time.
Young had to expose Joseph Park for who he was because you have to
treat crazy with crazy. He doesn’t know what’s coming next.
recap Velvet Sky breaking up with Chris Sabin over the last few
in that purple room whith Chris Sabin. This is where he and Velvet
had their first kiss and tonight it’s going to be special again.
Marriage is implied before a confused Velvet comes in. Back from a
break and Sabin apologizes to Velvet, calling this a big mistake. He
pulls out the ring box and Velvet is very nervous. There’s nothing
in the box though because Sabin is asking her to get out of his life.
He’s tired of hearing about Velvet all the time, even when he was
World Heavyweight Champion. Therefore next week, it’s Sabin vs.
Velvet in a match.
recap the MVP vs. Dixie stuff tonight.
of Joe making Magnus tap last week to become #1 contender.
Joe vs. Bobby Roode
start with Joe running over Roode and dropping a knee, only to have
Bobby dropkick him off the apron. Back in and a neckbreaker gets two
on Joe and we hit the chinlock as the match slows down. Joe fights
up but misses his backsplash, only to catch Roode in a powerslam to
get a breather. There’s a HUGE handprint on Joe’s chest from a chop.
Roode fights off the MuscleBuster and blocks the Koquina Clutch
before getting caught by both moves for the pin by Joe at 6:54.
C. This was fine and did its
job of making Joe look even more like a killer. Clean falls over
former world champions are never going to make someone look bad and
Joe is on a roll heading into Lockdown. Also, how nice was it to
have a match end without any interference? Such a concept.
are Spud and Dixie to introduce MVP for the summit. Dixie brings up
Magnus to start and talks about how far he’s gone in such a short
time. Carter complains about the fans not shutting up and tells them
to give her the support she needs. This brings MVP to talking about
changes that he wants to make. He’s tired of Dixie making TNA a
place for all her friends to run roughshod over and refuses to be “a
butler at a Paula Dean party.” Dixie’s party is over and MVP
smiles at her to end the show.
Rating: C-. This
show brings up TNA’s long running problem of putting so much emphasis
on one idea: if you don’t like that story, you might as well not
watch the show. It’s not as bad as it was in the Aces and 8’s days,
but this show had five Dixie appearances and several other segments
that were about her story. Yeah she’s getting better in the role,
but that’s what people said about Aces and 8’s and look where that
went. There’s other good stuff on the show now, but it’s still
dominated by a power struggle story which isn’t what people want to
see right now.
b. Eric Young – Black Hole Slam
Aries b. Zema Ion – Brainbuster
Angle b. Magnus via DQ when Ethan Carter III interfered
Joe b. Bobby Roode – Koquina Clutch
I haven’t done many shoots at all about guys who were best known for being in ECW so I selected three shoots of guys who dish a ton of dirt and tell some crazy stories. They are not the biggest names (and some of you will probably groan about that), but the shoots are all great, that I promise.
Here are your choices:
Vote by clicking on the link below. Voting ends Saturday at 8pm.