Ric Flair and Mean Woo by gawd Gene

Hello my fellow Canuck fan,

I'm a big fan of the blog, but I've never submitted anything until now.  This isn't a list of questions to generate a debate or anything else thought-provoking just a simple clip on Youtube of The Nature Boy and Gene Okerlund.  I must have erased all Nitro memories from the Tuesday on TSN nights because I don't remember the "Mean WOOO! Gene" as being that drawn out, but the crowd sure looks like they're having a blast.  I remember when I used to have that much watching wrestling ……..


I think TSN used to edit out a ton of stuff like that to get the show down to a manageable length.  They were like the Hulu of Canada!  

What makes a good heel?

So I’ve debated this with several people and would like to get your thoughts.  What makes a good heel?  Is it as simple as pissing people off?  Time and time again I hear people say how great Vicki Guerrero is.  However, there is nobody that makes me hit fast forward on the DVR quicker.  I suppose you could call it X-Pac heat.  Is that bad, or is the only thing important that you get a negative reaction?

 In my opinion a good heel is someone that makes you want to pay money to see them get their ass kicked.  With Vicki, you don’t have this except on occasions where she feuds with a diva.  If she is harassing a male wrestler, it is pointless, especially with no male on female violence allowed.  So you are left with things like having her dance like Elaine.  Then we have the “Cool” heel.  I would say Hall and Nash were the epitome of this.  You can’t say people didn’t pay money to see them.  However, in the long run they ended up making WCW look like losers.  That leads me to my second point, a good heel makes themselves look bad to make their opponent come out more popular.  I’ve heard it referred to as Showing Ass.  Hall and Nash would lose to Lugar and Sting or the Steiners, but they never made themselves look bad.  The next night they would come out like it was no big deal.  Compare this to the Brain getting put in a weasel suit and selling it to the point of chasing his tail.  Thoughts?

Vickie has cooled off a LOT.  People boo her reflexively now, but she hasn't added anything to the Dolph Ziggler package for many months and he'd be 1000% better off without her.  Her peak as a heel was obviously the Smackdown GM run with Edge, where she was in an unwarranted position of power and did a really effective job as someone who deserved to be taken down a few pegs.  Now she's just this annoying person who does nothing, which is like the Mr. Fuji managing method.  
And yes, showing some ass is definitely a good thing, although WWE has gone so far over the top with it that no heels can get heat anymore.  Ted Dibiase was probably the best template for what a good upper level heel should be — he talked a big game and looked like a threat to the main guys, but generally lost the big match when it came down to it because he was too arrogant for his own good.  And the loss would upset him so much that he'd plot and scheme against his next babyface opponent.  All good stuff.  
The other alternative is of course the Monster Heel, the guy who never shows ass and keeps winning until one babyface finally is able to stop him, at which point he rockets down the card again so the next guy can have a turn.  If they don't actually ever lose, then it's a Road Warriors situation where fans just turn them babyface, kind of defeating the purpose.  The Monster Heel was of course the status quo during the Hogan era, but it's harder to pull off now because the product features the same few guys in a rotation and they don't want to break from the 50/50 booking patterns to let someone be that kind of dominant guy.  
I think that it's tough to say that there's one "good" kind of heel, just like there's more than one good babyface type.  It's fine to have cool heels, but eventually someone's gotta teach them a lesson.  Obviously that's where Punk is headed.  

Two weeks worth of Deadspin Wrestler run-in Stories

Quick Note: I am back from vacation so I will post my TNA weekly PPV review on Saturday and then will follow my schedule after that.

Read on to see what Matt Hardy bought at the mall and how Hornswoggle disrupted a bar. Also, a fan tells the Road Dogg that he loves him and Macho Man tells a fan to see him on the Spice Channel.


Here is last week’s installment. Read on to see which wrestler made a fan by him a kebab and who likes lemon slices with their Coors Light. Also, nice stories about Owen Hart and Hillbilly Jim.


WOODSTOCKtober Countdown: WCW Halloween Havoc 2000

The SK Rant for WCW Halloween Havoc 2000 (Let’s wrap up this countdown with one of the low points of WCW’s lowest point.) – I’m always accused of being biased, so I’m going to add one positive thing to every match so you can’t say that I didn’t find any. – Live from Lost Wages, NV – Your hosts are Tony, Stevie & Mark. How bad is it when Stevie Ray has leapfrogged both Mike Tenay and Scott Hudson into the regular PPV spot? Opening match, WCW World tag titles: Mark Jindrak & Sean O’ Hare v. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kidman v. The Boogie Knights. I really wish the champs would have their names on their boots or something, because I still can’t tell the difference. (Thankfully Sean would at least distinguish himself enough in WWE that today I could tell the difference were I stupid enough to want to watch this show again.)  Kidman & Wright double-team Jindrak to start, but Wright turns on Kidman. O’Hare gets the same treatment. Kidman shoulderblocks Disqo for two. (Oh yeah, this was when Disco changed his name to Disqo because of Cisqo.  Fun fact:  I have no fucking idea who Cisqo is because I didn’t listen to any kind of top 40 radio or music shows between the late 90s and a few years ago.  It constantly amazes my wife when I have these giant pop culture blind spots of stuff that she assumes everyone shares knowledge about.  But I digress.)   Wright dropkicks Jindrak for two. He gives Jindrak what appears to be a high knee, but Jindrak goes down about two seconds before the move connects. Wright uses the Edge & Christian assisted suplex on Jindrak for two. Man, Wright is outworking everyone else in the match by 100% here. O’Hare comes in and cleans house on the smaller guys, making them look like jobbers. How ironic. The champs hiptoss Kidman into the ring, and the Boogie Knights double-team Rey Rey as the pointless highspots start. They fire off a bunch of them until Sean O’Hare finishes Disqo with the Seanton bomb at 10:05 to retain the titles. This was what it was. **1/2 Positive thing: The right team won. – Hardcore title match: Reno v. A-Wall. I haven’t watched Nitro or Thunder in months so I’m totally lost as to the point here, but I vaguely recall the whole deal with Reno winning the title on a reversed decision a few weeks ago. The Idiots stress that this is OLD SCHOOL HARDCORE, BABY, as those “Start in the back and fight to the ring” rules have gone the way of Tony Schiavone’s self-respect. (I love the idea of “old school hardcore”, given that the entire style they’re ripping off originated about two years before this show took place.  Maybe 5 if you’re counting ECW, but who does?)  Rhetorical question: When was the last time a hardcore match in WCW was actually fought under those rules, because I haven’t seen one of them since about July? Reno puts Wall through a table 10 seconds in to just completely cheapen the gimmick. Do the people booking these matches have ANY idea how to effectively use things like tables? Notice how the WWF makes the fans chant for them for 10 minutes before one gets pulled out? There’s a reason. It’s called DRAMATIC TENSION. We get to hear the term “old school hardcore” about 14 times. Fight to the rampway and into the back, which was supposed to be the kind of thing that we didn’t want to see anymore and thus was eliminated. My head hurts. Wall throws one of those imitation plastic monitors that you see in IKEA displays at Reno, and luckily he ducks to avoid the serious injury that hollow plastic props can cause. Hmm, there’s a picture on the screen, but it’s not plugged in? WCW: Swedish for “crap”. (Oddly enough, IKEA now uses real TVs in their displays, or least they do at the Edmonton store when I’m lucky enough to get out there and spend ridiculous amounts of money on stuff I don’t need.  Maybe it’s a good thing Saskatoon isn’t big enough to ever get an IKEA.)  Back to the ring, more tables. Yay, more tables, that’ll make them their 60 million dollars back. Reno gets his neckbreaker thing on a table for the pin at 10:45. What exactly is that move supposed to be doing to cause damage? Basically he’s just turning him over. In fact, the brunt of the blow is on Reno, because he’s the one landing on his back and taking the weight of Wall on him. (And yet 80 zillion indy guys now use that move, to the extent that “Roll the Dice” has basically become the generic name for the move.  I think that Crossroads might become the new de facto standard name with time, though.)  Oh, sorry, I’m being biased again, feel free to write me and complain about the Rock Bottom or the KICK WHAM STUNNER, because lord knows I care about each and every piece of mail I get from people defending this stuff. ½* An MIA-NBT showdown follows. Positive thing: The Wall didn’t cause serious injury to himself or his opponent.  (Sadly, the serious injury would come just three years later for the Wall, as in death.)  – Impromptu match: Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak v. Chavo Guerrero & Lash LeRoux. Chavo & Lash dominate Stasiak to start as Madden stresses that THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM between Stasiak & Palumbo while the other two argue that there is. Note to retarded bookers writing this stuff: It’s the year 2000. Just thought I’d let you know. Lash dominates Palumbo, but Chavo gets dumped. Palumbo & Stasiak argue and Stasiak gets rolled up for two, just in case the “Blind Deaf & Dumb Society of America” happened to be in the audience tonight watching and wasn’t sure what the storyline was.  (If they were today, Alberto Del Rio would probably tear up their braille signs and laugh at them, and then they’d sue WWE and win.)  He comes back with a powerbomb for two. Chavito plays trooper-in-peril, but reverses a press slam and gets the hot tag to Lash. He gets nailed and exchanges sleepers with Chuck Palumbo. When was the last time ANYONE used a sleeper in the WWF (not named “X-Pac”)? (Dolph is bringing it back, baby!  And HHH did shortly after this, too.)  You know why? Because it’s a dead move and fans instinctively get bored when it’s used. So of course we ended up seeing three or four of them tonight. Hot tag Chavo, and heel miscommunication allows Chavo to hit the DDT on Stasiak for the pin at 9:22. If they think splitting up Palumbo & Stasiak is gonna help one bit, more power to ‘em, but a little subtlety goes a long way in wrestling and they’d do well to remember it. Match was pretty boring. *1/4 Positive thing: Madden brought “Chavito” into formal use. – Shane Douglas & Torrie v. Konnan & Tygress. Torrie is dressed as Wonder Woman. Konnan, who got severely beat down in the opening match and had to be helped out by EMTs, looks remarkably better as he hits the ring a minute in to save us from seeing any more of Torrie v. Tygress. He and Tygress double-team Douglas, and you immediately know that you’re watching a WCW PPV because Douglas has the World’s Biggest Brace and a double-wrap on his left arm, so Konnan and Tygress work on the good arm. (Well because then both arms are useless, maybe?) Reverse psychology, maybe? Torrie comes in and does the Baywatch Lifeguard Run in gloriously bouncy slow motion at Tygress in the corner, but runs into a foot. I don’t know how one can possibly screw up that spot, but they managed. (Lifting the foot in the corner is a tough gig.  Just ask Kevin Nash.)  Tygress plays T&A-in-peril. Ah, you might ask: If Konnan was so injured that they had to get a non-wrestler to do the brunt of the work, why not just sub him out and use someone else? Answer: Because then all the irate fans who paid to see this match would demand a refund. Hot tag Konnan, and Katie bar the yadda yadda yadda. Everyone stands around waiting for a cue to go home in a charming spot that makes me love WCW THAT MUCH MORE until Torrie does a sort of Franchiser on Konnan that manages to make the move even MORE useless than when Shane does it. I think Konnan and Torrie had to pause for a couple of seconds to figure out who was actually supposed to be selling the move. Konnan MIRACULOUSLY kicks out from that move and hits the X-Factor on Douglas at 8:35 for the pin. See, now I personally wouldn’t have given this anything NEAR 10 minutes with two injured guys and two chicks in there, but everyone says I’m biased so I guess it was okay. -**1/2 Positive thing: Torrie running. – DNA match: David Flair v. Buff Bagwell. I still don’t know what “DNA rules” are supposed to be. Flair brings some beakers in a baggie to at least make an effort to sell the angle. I’d pull up the quote from Vince Russo last month about how this angle would have “swerve after swerve” and shock the world, but really it’s like pulling up old quotes of Eric Bischoff from 1997 going on internet chats and talking about how boring the ratings wars were at the time. The horse is dead, why lay in anymore shots? Buff pounds on Flair and yawns a lot, treating the match like a joke. HE’S SHOOTING, BROTHER! What’s really sad here is that David doesn’t even realize that he’s being made into the joke, as he goes through his usual crazy selling and generally tries really hard with what he’s being given. It’s always a tragedy when someone with as little talent as David is out there giving it his all and someone who used have as much as Buff did is out there acting like the match is beneath him. It might be, but it’s his job to convince the fans otherwise. They do something resembling brawling on the floor, and David gets hit with a chair and bleeds, giving Bagwell the win at 5:42. Apparently it was a first blood match. That’s one of those details you want to tell people, guys. Especially the wrestlers, because Bagwell hits the Blockbuster and tries for the pin before the ref informs him that he’s already the winner. (That’s WCW for you.)  Whew, that’s a relief, if David had been booked to win then Buff might have quit and we’d be robbed of ever seeing him again, and god knows the world isn’t ready for life without Buff. -***, thus showing the god-given talent and drawing power that Buff Bagwell brings to the table every time out. Positive thing: Neither Judy Bagwell nor Miss Hancock was involved in any way. – Somebody’s grandfather (in a Yankees jersey) walks in and turns on Buff after the match, looking remarkably like Lex Luger if he was a 40-year old has been with no career direction. Oh, wait… – Kickboxing match: Mike Sanders v. The Cat. Cat squashes Sanders for the three scheduled two-minute rounds, but at the end of the third one Shane Douglas KO’s Cat with a chain. Cat is saved by the bell (I think?), but brawls with Douglas and gets counted out (??) after the time limit expires (???) to lose the commisionership to Mike Sanders (????). I think we need one of those Bruce Mitchell “Explain the Booking” contests to take care of this one. –**** Positive thing: I liked Mike Sanders’ shirt. – Mike Awesome v. Vampiro. You know, I was pretty much hoping that this one would end the negative-star run, but then I was also hoping that Buff would no-show and get fired tonight, so I guess I’m just overly optimistic. Vamp wants the #1 contendership in return for all the people he’s beaten in his WCW career. Vamp bails and Awesome hits a tope con hilo, although only in a loose sense of the word “hits”. Brawl into the crowd for lack of anything good to do. That goes on for a bit, until Awesome gets jumped by an energetic fan and stops to pound him into oblivion before going back to hitting Vampiro with worked punches two seconds later.  (Could I have timed this repost ANY BETTER?!) Don’t forget to stomp, guys. Back to the ring for a duelling chairs spot that comes out of nowhere and goes the same place. Vamp hits a Super-Frankensteiner and nearly breaks Awesome’s neck in the process. He follows with a top rope something that looked like a cross between a cannonball and a Thesz Press, but somehow was worse than both. Awesome bails, but Vampiro comes back with a Michinoku Driver. Hey, they hit a spot! Congratulations, remind me to buy a card to commemorate the occasion. Vampiro stops to go table shopping, but none is evident. So instead of WRESTLING, he wastes another minute checking under every side of the ring. They head outside and Awesome powerbombs him on the floor for two, as this has suddenly become a falls-count-anywhere match. Funny, I didn’t think it was Vancouver. Back in, a top rope Awesomebomb finishes at 9:50, returning the favor by nearly breaking Vampiro’s neck. I don’t know why people were getting excited about seeing this one. -*1/2 Reason #459 why WCW is losing 60 million dollars: Awesome does this incredible-looking deadly finisher, the announcers sell it like Vampiro is a corpse, and what music is playing the background? Awesome’s cheesy 70s elevator music. Positive thing: Mike’s hair remained in pristine condition even after the match. – Canadian title: Lance Storm & Jim Duggan v. General Rection. Please, Duggan, bring us above DUD! Slugfest between Rection and Duggan to start. Storm goes next and runs into a foot. He comes back with an atomic drop. Rection dumps him but gets dumped in turn. Man, this is thrilling action. Duggan chokes him. Long beatdown follows. Storm provides the second sleeper spot on the night, then heel miscommunication cues the comeback for Rection. Powerslam gets two. The ref (Scott Armstrong, the second-best worker in the match) gets bumped and is out cold. No wonder the Armstrongs jobbed all the time. Duggan piledriver, no ref. Elix Skipper runs in but gets held off by Major Gunns. Is that storyline STILL going on? Didn’t everyone stop caring about it two months ago, including the bookers? Rection does something that looks kinda like a russian legsweep to Duggan, and finishes with a moonsault that misses by six inches to capture the Canadian title and thus bury Lance Storm further. I guess retarded WCW logic says that because Duggan jobbed, Lance Storm keeps his heat for a rematch with General Rection. Not that anyone wants to see Storm v. Rection again to begin with. Reason #1949 why WCW is losing upwards of 60 million dollars: The second-highest champion in the promotion is named “Hugh G. Rection”. DUD Positive thing: Zero stars is still better than less-than-zero stars. – Jeff Jarrett v. Sting. Tony talks about how the first Halloween Havoc was in 1989 and how 11 years later Sting is still here. Open mouth, insert foot. (I don’t get it.)  Brawl to start, then Sting misses a Stinger splash and then dumps Jarrett. That’s about the extent of the good part of the match, as a bogus Sting, dressed in 80s garb, comes out to taunt Sting. Sting takes him out. Sting & Jarrett brawl into the crowd, where finds “Early 90s Sgt. Pepper Sting”, complete with hot pink tights and bad makeup job. No ducktail, though? That’s pretty sloppy. He beats up that one, too. I’d call the match incredibly retarded right now, but I’m afraid it might get worse. Back in, Jarrett & Sting stall until Wolfpac Sting joins us and gets beat up. For those people who wonder what exactly we recappers mean when we talk about “masturbatory insider booking” that goes over the heads of 99.9% of the audience and only serves to amuse the bookers, this is the match you wanna look at. Jarrett controls with some basic stuff as we’re all just waiting for Sting #4. And indeed he soon pops out of the ring and drags Sting under, only to get beat up. I think that one was played by Steve Keirn. Or maybe Ray Licachelli. The lights go out and a fifth Sting rappels from the rafters to attack. PLEASE don’t tell me that they were just waiting for Bret Hart to retire so they could start doing that again on a regular basis. This Sting is bald, by the way, thus shattering the finely crafted illusion of authenticity that they had been shooting for all match long. Sting puts him through a table as Sting #4 (for those keeping track) returns to hit Sting with the guitar and give Jarrett the pin at 14:38. WCW’s never-ending quest to make Jeff Jarrett a top heel continues. And with booking like this, would YOU bet against them? -*** Positive thing: Copyright issues prevent them from doing the same gimmick with Jarrett’s old personas. For the moment. – I mean, CHRIST, how hard is it to book a Jarrett v. Sting match? You put them out there, say “Have a good match” and decide that one goes over the other. My working theory for this show so far is that Vince Russo snapped, killed all the other bookers, and wrote the show while high on amphetamines and coffee with the help of his imaginary friend “Mortimer the Space Cowboy” in one last attempt to destroy the promotion before he’s officially fired. However, as noble a goal as that may be, there’s just no excuse for ever mentioning Kung-Fu Action Lobster Sting again. – WCW World title: Booker T v. Scott Steiner. Dear god, Crush & Adam Bomb are main-eventing tonight? Hammerlock sequence to start. Steiner bails, but changes his mind and comes back to pound away on Booker. Brawl outside and into the crowd, which Steiner dominates with ease. Back in, Steiner elbowdrop gets two. Booker escapes a surfboard, but runs into a lariat. Steiner gets a top rope fallaway slam (right onto the section of ring torn apart by the previous match when Sting #4 popped through it) and poses, not even bothering to cover him. Sure, bury your World champion, why not? Who needs offense, anyway? Booker comes back but Steiner lariats him again, out of the ring. Back in, Steiner lays in the boots. Booker comes back with a missile dropkick (yah! Scott finally sells a move!) but that offensive flurry doesn’t last long for Booker as Steiner grabs his trusty foam lead pipe and takes out Booker and several refs for a DQ at 13:27. Nothing earns the trust and support of a dwindling fanbase more than a DQ in a title match that they spent $30 to see. * Positive thing: There was an impressive shot of Medasya’s ass while Steiner was making his entrance. – Kroni>| v. Goldberg. We’re got MAYBE 5 minutes of total airtime left here. And indeed it’s 1998 all over again as Goldberg dispatches both with the usual at 3:42. DUD Positive thing: The show is over. The Bottom Line: Hands down, worst PPV of the year to date. No competition, no likely challengers on the horizon unless XPW suddenly gets a better TV deal. What was expected to be decent was overbooked into insanely bad, and what wasn’t supposed to be good, wasn’t. Disqo’s lame duck gimmick sums up the current booking very well: Lame duck. Or, if the WWF deal doesn’t go through, dead duck. (Well, the WWF deal did go through, and they still ended up a dead duck anyway.)  Thumbs WAY down.

COCKBLOCKtober Countdown: WCW Halloween Havoc 99

The Netcop Rant for Halloween Havoc 1999 (Speaking of awesome scary stuff, BATMAN #13 this week.  Holy SHIT Scott Snyder has made Joker one terrifying son of a bitch again. I bow to his comic writing greatness.) Warning: The following rant contains sarcasm of a damaging nature and may expose the hypocrisy of WCW shills. Readers with WCW leanings may wish to ask their parents before having the Vince Russo era exposed for the farce that it is.  (I called that one early and often.)  Live from Las Vegas, NV, which seems fitting for the first Russo show, somehow. Your hosts are Tony and Bobby, sitting at ringside instead of in the back. Opening match, Cruiserweight title: Disco Inferno v. Lash LeRoux. DI gets a quick start to control. Lash comes back with some basic stuff and they brawl out of the ring. Back in and Lash hits a sloppy rana from the top for two. Back-and-forth with more bush league stuff for a bit. Disco gets the swinging neckbreaker for two, and the jumping piledriver also gets two. I miss the Macarena Driver, personally. (Is WWE gonna have people doing a Gangnam Style thing soon?  Because I’ve never even seen the original video and even I’m tired of hearing about it.)  Lash hits a sloppy pumphandle powerbomb for two. Whiplash, but Disco escapes and hits the Chartbuster for the pin. This was indyish as you can get, but probably the best that could have been expected. **  (Eh, Lash always tried hard, but he was always way out of his league.)  Earlier in the day, Benoit and Malenko tell Saturn & Douglas to shove the Revolution up their ass. “Ass” total so far: 1. I smell a screwjob to mess up Benoit’s career again. PLEASE prove me wrong, WCW. WCW World tag title: The First Family v. Harlem Heat v. Kidman & Konnan. They had announced that Rey Rey (which is apparently his new official name) was injured, and so the Filthy Animals were stripped of the titles. Kidman and K-Dong still wear the belts to the ring, acting like babyfaces, even though the storyline has them as heels. (That whole sentence sums up Russo in a nutshell.)  Just non-stop weapons shots here, none of them very good. The Heat & Knobbs fight backstage, ala RAW. Stevie Ray hits Knobbs with a mummy and gets the pin there, while in the ring (which the camera totally misses) Kidman pins Hugh Morrus a couple of minutes later as the Heat comes back out (there was two referees). They act all controversial and stuff, but the Heat’s pinfall clearly came well before the Animals’ did. Heat gets the titles for the 10th time. This was utter junk. 1/2* Sports Entertainment Segment: DDP & Kimberly are out to insult the crowd. Crowd chants “You suck” and DDP replies “I can’t suck, I’m not from Vegas”. More spanking innuendoes stemming from Nitro result, plus some masturbation innuendoes towards Flair, all of which leads to DDP issuing a challenge for a strap match tonight. Hey, changing the stips on the fly, where have I seen that before? Oh, yeah, the WWF. “Ass” count: 3. Eddy Guerrero, who apparently stole Flair’s Rolex, plays heel and challenges Saturn for the next match. Dammit, pick a side and stick to it with the Filthy Animals. Eddy Guerrero v. Saturn. Eddy works the knee and they brawl on the floor. Eddy takes a nasty bump on the stairs (called a “bump” by Tony – wow.) and Saturn works on the arm, back in the ring. Crowd is just ENTHRALLED with this, let me tell you. A couple of suplexes, and now Saturn goes for the knee. Crowd goes for the nacho stands. Eddy comes back with a brainbuster, but the frog splash misses. Eddy goes to the top and Saturn crotches him and superplexes him. Eddy reverses out of a Splash Mountain attempt (you DARE try that on Eddy?!?), and Flair runs in with a crowbar for the Sports Entertainment Finish ™. Yeah, advance those storylines, Russo! We don’t need those stupid pinfalls, that’s so 80s! Kidman & Torrie try for the save and get beaten and kissed, in that order. Dull match. ** Backstage, Goldberg is hammering on Sid. Blood is seen. Atta boy, Sid! And now, it’s another Sports Entertainment Moment as Buff comes out for an interview. On a PPV. Jarrett attacks, Lex Luger makes the save. Que? “Ass” count: 4. I’d be neglectful in not mentioning Luger’s pathetic missed guitar shot, as he nails Buff by mistake but doesn’t catch him with the flat of the guitar, so it doesn’t break. D’Oh. Backstage, it’s more Sports Entertainment as Eddy calls in the troops on his cell phone. Wonder who he stole that from… Berlyn v. Brad Armstrong. Total squash. I mean, no offense for Brad, until Berlyn tries the neckbreaker and BA reverses the legsweep for the pin! WHA?!? Jesus, if you’re gonna squash Brad, squash him, and if you want to give him the win, at least give me the decent match I know they can pull out. But this shit was ridiculous. 1/2*  (I know Russo really liked Brad and wanted to find a role for him, but Berlyn was still a relatively hot act at that point.  Just weirdness.)  Flair gives a ranting interview about all the sex he had with Kimberly and all the sex he’s gonna have with Torrie. It’s nice to see SOMEONE who can finally get motivated under this new atmosphere. World TV title match: Chris Benoit v. Rick Steiner. Steiner stalls to start. He runs through his same old, same old. Benoit comes back with a superplex and a plancha. More stalling, and then Rick goes with the greco-roman ballshot to take over. And now to the resting. Oh for god’s sake, you idiot, just let Benoit carry the damn match. Two released german suplexes, with Rick wandering around and nonchalantly taking his time between moves. Benoit comes back with the rolling german suplexes, and the ref gets bumped. Oh, man, I’ve got a bad feeling. Chair gets involved, and Rick nails Benoit with it to block the swandive. Malenko runs in…and turns on Benoit. (It was a SWERVE!)  Oh, shit, I KNEW that was gonna happen. Steiner gets the pin and the title, and once again Benoit is the plucky guy who “put up a good fight” and “came THAT close” but never quite gets it done. At least Malenko as a heel is a good thing. * The Total Package v. Bret Hart. I’ve got a bad feeling about this one, too. Lots of brawling for the first minutes, and not much happens as Luger starts working on the knee. Half crab…and BRET TAPS? What the hell was that? Kudos to Bret for selling the knee injury from Nitro, but LUGER? *1/2 Goldberg interview. “Ass” count jumps to 6, an unheard of total for WCW. Sports Entertainment Moment: Madusa (in a bikini) comes out to shill Nitro Perfume. She goes to the table, then tells the announcers that “this is BULLSHIT” and dumps the perfume on Bobby. They didn’t apologize for the bad word.  (Was this the deal where they were complaining about how bad that perfume smelled as well?  Where they were supposed to be shilling it but were just constantly harping on how shitty of a product it was?  So much weirdness at that time that didn’t make sense unless you were in on the joke.)  WCW World title: Sting v. Hulk Hogan. Hogan’s music plays, no one comes out. Sting comes out, Hogan’s music plays again, no one comes out. Finally he comes out in street clothes, says something to Sting, and does the “pin me, pay me” deal, laying down for the Sting pin. Hah, I called that one before the show started. DUD Big heel heat for Hogan there. I think we all know where this is leading.  (To Sting bombing as a heel and tanking ratings even worse than CM Punk currently is?  Because yeah, it did.  And before you get your panties all in a knot, I think we can agree that Punk is awesome as a heel, but it’s clearly not helping business in the slightest, especially wit a big DVD focusing on him and their flagship video game with him on the cover, and it was probably a huge mistake to even do the turn.)  US title match: Sid v. Goldberg. The Outsiders destroy Goldberg before the match. Sid attacks and the brawl is on. Sid is just absolutely bleeding a gusher, approaching 0.8 Muta. Man, he sucks as a wrestler, but his blading is top-notch. Historical note: This is the first non- Hogan, non-Flair, authorized blade on WCW PPV since about 1994. (Until Standards & Practices got wind of it.)  Much resting abounds, until the ref just stops the match due to bleeding. Goldberg gets the belt. THAT’S IT?!? Six months of shitty buildup and THAT’S the payoff? 1/4* Sting is back. He wants ANYBODY for the title tonight. Oh, you don’t wanna issue those open challenges, Sting, especially when Russo is booking… Strap match: DDP v. Ric Flair. Brawling into the crowd to start. Now Flair tapes an artery of his own, but not as bad as Sid. Flair gets laid out on the announce table and whipped. Flair beats the tar out of him back in the ring, and the figure-four gets two. Thank god, no “touch all the corners” rule. DDP gets a quick Diamond Cutter, but Flair has his foot on the ropes. Nope, Robinson counts three. Everyone seems very confused, but the decision stands. Weird. That was just out of nowhere. David hits the ring with a crowbar, but Kim takes him out with her Kung Fu Action Boobies ™ and a monster beatdown on the Flair family follows. Pretty nothing brawl with a weird ending. **1/2 And now, another Sports Entertainment Moment, as Flair is brought to the ambulance, and it gets hijacked by the Filthy Animals, who are now heels again. (BURIED IN THE DESERT!)  Monday Night RAW, April 1997. I’m just saying… Sting is back. Again. And this time, the one person you DON’T want answering your challenges answers… WCW World title match: Sting v. Goldberg. Welcome to Crash TV, as the guaranteed money-maker feud for Starrcade gets hot-shotted on a PPV likely to do a 0.4 buyrate. With three minutes left in the show, to boot. Sting dominates quickly, but spears Goldberg. Goldie no-sells, but Sting comes back with three Stinger splashes, also no-sold by Goldberg. Spear, jackhammer, see ya. SO WHY PUT HIM OVER SID FOR THE TITLE?!? Oh man, I need a shotgun and a bottle of bourbon after that one. 1/4*  (And THEN they just vacated the title anyway so they could do their stupid 64 person monstrosity leading up to the next shitty PPV.  Because Russo feels, like I do, that tournaments are awesome.  Unless Russo is booking them.)  The Bottom Line: Let’s see…Blood, scantily clad women, swearing, sexual innuendo, bad wrestling…hey, it’s RAW! While Tony Schiavone might preach “cutting-edge”, it’s really just WCW playing catch-up to where ECW and the WWF already were in 1997, and as Bart Simpson once said… “We’re supposed to catch up with the other class by going SLOWER? Cuckoo…” Welcome to the Russo era. Peak match: **1/2. I guess wrestlers need not apply. Thumbs down.

A new stable

We haven't seen a stable on WWE TV in quite some time, and I was recently reading a post on PWTorch, and a suggestion was made about adding others to the CM Punk/Paul Heyman alliance, if you will. If you were to add 3 or 4 wrestlers, who would you add and what would you name the stable?

Well obviously you've got Punk and Brock Lesnar in there, although that's a weird dynamic because generally you want one main guy, one secondary level guy, and a tag team for the best return on these sort of things.  So if Punk is the main guy, you'd almost want to spin off Brock alone to keep him from overshadowing.  Plus let's face it, he doesn't need Heyman.  I think I'd go with Wade Barrett as the secondary guy in the Barry Windham role, because he can eventually turn on Punk and they want to make him into a top guy anyway.  Plus he's a businessman, Heyman's a businessman, it's a good fit.  Then for the tag team, I'm gonna go off the beaten path and say Kidd and Gabriel, because they would DESPERATELY need someone to talk for them, but don't need much in the way of in-ring changes.  Although since it's a heel stable, they would shift from plucky high-flyers to that Tully and Arn style of fast-paced cheating bastards instead.  I might even switch out Gabriel for a more rough-house style guy who can play the Arn Anderson role.  Maybe that would be a good spot for one of the NXT knobs that isn't doing anything else, like a Johnny Curtis or someone bland like that.  Repackage him as a tough-but-silent enforcer, let Kidd run his mouth and do the in-ring heavy lifting, you got a winner.  
As for the stable name, they should steal that one from NXT:  The Ascension.  

Monday Nitro – May 19, 1997

Monday Nitro #88
Date: May 19, 1997
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

FINALLY past Slamboree and we have four weeks before the Great American
Bash where the world title still won’t be on the line. At least that
show will have a big time grudge match in the main event but we’ll get
to that later on. Anyway tonight is likely going to establish the PPV
main event and deal with the fallout from last night. Let’s get to it.

open with a recap of the ending of the show last night with the old
guys winning and Tony declaring it the BIGGEST MOMENT EVER in WCW.
Flair to open the show. Flair says that last night he erased everything
the NWO has done with the help of Piper and Greene. This draws out Syxx
who says that the wrong guy got pinned last night and that he doesn’t
like the idea of Flair saying he can beat Syxx. Syxx says he can beat
Flair and challenges Flair to a match tonight. Flair says he doesn’t
know if he can beat Hall and Nash but he knows he can beat Syxx so it’s
TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Steven Regal
pounds the punk kid down to start and hammers him in the corner. A
sunset flip gets two for Iaukea and the fans are on fire tonight. Iaukea
crucifixes him down for another two but Regal counters a headscissors
by slamming him down face first onto the mat. Regal kicks him in the
head and suplexes him before the Regal Stretch ends this. Seeing Prince
Iaukea get beaten up makes me smile.
We get some clips from last night with Mortis and Wrath beating up Glacier until Ernest Miller debuted made the save.
Masahiro Chono vs. Dave Taylor
is NWO. Tenay talks about a major name debuting on June 30 on Nitro. I
won’t say who but if what I can find is correct, two major names would
debut that night. Taylor controls early with some European uppercuts but
walks into an atomic drop. Chono knocks him to the floor but back in
the ring a piledriver is broken up by Taylor. Not that it matters as
Taylor charges into a boot and the STF ends this quick. The STF is
Chono’s signature hold if you’re not familiar with him.
Sonny Onoo says Chono has a debt to pay with New Japan and Onoo has someone coming in next week but won’t say who.
JJ Dillon reinstates Nick Patrick.
Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet
isn’t allowed to be in the NWO but he’s anti-WCW. Riggs speeds things
up to start and hits his decent dropkick, only to have Wallstreet take
him down soon thereafter. Wallstreet hooks a chinlock as the fans look
at something in the crowd. A small package gets two for Riggs and
Wallstreet tries to pull something out of his pocket. Nick Patrick stops
him and Riggs gets a sunset flip for the pin. Another short match, but
did we REALLY need to see Scotty Riggs vs. Michael Wallstreet when we
had an hour for the show? I get that it’s for Nick Patrick, but do we
need to focus on him either? Really?
of wasting time, here’s NASCAR driver Mark Martin to talk about a
sweepstakes to win a racecar. The car being brought in is probably what
the fans were looking at in the Riggs match. Flair comes out with Martin
to try to make this look like it’s important.
Time for the road report to waste some more time. This includes Lee Marshall singing some Elvis.
get a video from last night with Page holding off Savage and the NWO
with a crutch.The Giant eventually made the save when Page got in
Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael vs. Steiner Brothers
and Scott start things off with Jeff being sent into the corner
quickly. Jeff comes back with a neckbreaker to take over but a suplex is
no sold. Scott gorilla presses Jeff down and hits a kind of Angle Slam
off the top for two. Off to Rick vs. Mongo and it’s a slugfest of
course. Mongo takes out Rick’s knee but gets caught by a suplex and what
was supposed to be the middle rope bulldog but wound up being like a
cravate-dog if that makes sense. Everything breaks down and Kevin Greene
runs in with a briefcase shot to Mongo’s back, giving Rick the easy
Rating: C-.
Apparently they thought last night’s match with White vs. Mongo was so
great that we MUST do another battle of the football players. I mean,
having Mongo as a ring general is a can’t miss idea right? The match was
barely long enough to rate but it’s the longest match of the night so
far. The problem with these tag matches is there’s nothing to fight for
because the Outsiders weren’t going to defend the titles, so why bother
having the other teams fight?
We get a video from during the break where Mongo and Greene got in a fight backstage.
Ric Flair vs. Syxx
jumps Flair as he comes in but a charge into the corner misses. Flair
fires away with punches and chops and here are the Outsiders for the DQ.
The match wasn’t even a minute long.
gets destroyed because the Horsemen were escorted from the building due
to the Mongo vs. Greene fight. Nash says it’s about putting the old
guys out of business. Syxx has flowers for some reason.
Bischoff for the closing segment. He says that last week he wanted to
talk to Sting but he was nowhere to be found. The NWO called him and
looked for him and even sent a private detective agency after him. Sting
isn’t in the rafters or the locker room tonight because he’s a coward.
Sting will never get a match with Hogan because it would mean bad things
for the Scorpion enthusiast. Bischoff says if Sting were here, he’d
slap the paint off his face. Sting pops up through the ring and lays out
Bischoff to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+.
This definitely wasn’t a good show but it was miles better than the
previous week’s. I know they only have an hour at this point, but does
WCW know that? At times I’m really not sure given some of the stuff they
put out there. This show felt like it had some energy to it this week
which has been lacking for awhile. Maybe it’s because they’re coming off
a PPV or maybe it’s because the build to Slamboree was incredibly long,
but this felt much fresher and it made the show go by a lot faster.
They’re back to the full two hours next week.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com

Shawn v. Rock

Hey Scott.  Thanks for the good work.  All your stuff is easy to get caught up in on a boring day at work. 

Your talk about Wrestlemania and part timers pointing at signs made me think that they could make that work for one more year.  Do you believe that the WWE should give us The Rock vs Shawn Michaels while they can.  Shawn seems to keep showing his face on TV and i'm sure he's still capable of putting on one last classic, and they shouldn't wait before his body starts to deteriorate, or until the Rock is uninterested in coming back.  I believe its the one of the last big Superfights left for the WWE, and they should get it done asap.  Do you think it has a shot of happening?

I don't think Shawn has any particular desire to return, but I certainly wouldn't say NEVER or anything.  I think it's one where their careers were kind of ships passing in the night, because Rock didn't become a megastar until after Shawn left, and then Shawn came back after Rock had moved onto becoming more or less a full time actor, so it's not like there's years of history there for them to draw from.  The dynamic would be kind of weird, too, I think.  Honestly, making Superfights with a part-timer jobbing to a new guy is much more productive than popping one big buyrate at Wrestlemania, so I don't think it would be a terribly productive match.  The stereo kip-up would really be the only reason to justify it.

Bullying Fans

– Alberto del Rio vs. a fan (he ripped up a little girl's sign and mocked her for crying, the mother is making a stink about it, Dixie Carter called the family and offered them tickets to BfG and a meet n' greet)

Just wanted to note that this particular news item is particularly annoying from all sides.  WWE is so far entrenched in the Be a STAR crap that they should be monitoring this kind of nonsense, but also clearly this kid is not cut out to be a wrestling fan.  Like holy shit, if I was lucky enough to get ringside seats in 1988 and Ted Dibiase tore up my sign and laughed at me, I'd be BRAGGING about that shit at school the next day!  I'd probably still be telling that story on the blog to this day.  THAT'S WHAT WRESTLING FANS DO.  We get yelled at by heels about how our mothers are whores or we're fat boys, and we're ENTERTAINED by it.  So yeah, WWE should probably stop doing the cheap heat stuff that is more associated with wrestling than sports entertaining, but this mother should also find a more suitable hobby for her son, like chess or computer programming.  
Also, it's nice that Dixie is trying to throw some goodwill their way, but isn't she forgetting about one of her main heels?  You know, BULLY Ray?  Kudos all around there.  

BEDROCKtober Countdown: WCW Halloween Havoc 98

The Netcop Rant for WCW Halloween Havoc 98. I didn’t intend to do one, but y’all won’t leave me alone… – Note: My roommate and his crack-smoking brother were busy having a domestic altercation for a good chunk of the first hour and a half of this show, so if I missed or glossed over anything important, it’s because I was distracted.  (Oh man, adventures with Andrew.  My use of the term “domestic altercation” here is an extreme understatement.  Anyway, in a related story, my CD player broke down around this time, so Andrew “acquired” one for me and sold it to me at a very reasonable price.  I’m going to assume he just had one around the house so I can sleep better at night.  Eventually he got better as a person and I considered him a friend for a few years after that.  Not anymore, sadly.  I’d like to get on my high horse and presume that my lineage is any better, but my brother is also a recovering addict, and in fact used to work for the Hell’s Angels as an associate before doing something really stupid to lose the job. Family, what can ya do?)  – Live from Lost Wages, NV – Your hosts are the Usual Gang of Idiots. – Opening T&A: The Nitro Girls “dance”. – Opening yakfest: Scheme Gene brings out Rick “Dumbest Man in the World…Next To Sting” Steiner. (Steiner’s more of a “Duh Duh” idiot, whereas Sting is a gullible idiot.  Different things.)  I’ve finally figured out that those knobs on Rick’s jacket are little bulldogs. Buff Bagwell comes out to offer to be in Rick’s corner, because he’d NEVER, ever, turn on him. No, seriously. Honest. This time he means it. Would he lie to us? – Opening match (finally): TV title, Chris Jericho v. Raven. Raven whines about his losing streak vis-a-vis a conspiracy against him. (There kind of was, in fact.)  Hey, maybe he should talk to Jericho. Jericho verbally berates him until Raven attacks and gets levelled by Jericho. Raven clotheslines him out of the ring and uses the STEEL steps to his advantage. Back in and Jericho gets to do his thing, hotshotting Raven and hitting the springboard dropkick, but misses a dive off the apron. Jericho goes headfirst to the STEEL steps again, but Raven takes his trademark upside-down bump to the STEEL railing. Back in and more international objects are utilized. Sleeper by Raven. Suplex to escape and a senton. Jericho with a charge out of the corner and gets caught with a powerbomb. They exchange more stuff. Raven gets the Even Flow for two, Jericho gets the Liontamer but he escapes. Kanyon jumps on the apron and gets knocked by Raven accidentally, allowing Jericho to get the Liontamer for real. Too much action to call in the last sequence, and a great opener. ****  (That is a great forgotten classic that deserves to be on a DVD somewhere.  Get on that shit, WWE!)  – Hogan comes out to talk, as PPV watchers switch channels by the thousands. He’s wearing an nWo Nitro shirt, thus confirming that they had nothing better to do with the 1,000,000 shirts that were produced for that purpose in late 1997. (Why not send them to starving kids in Africa like they do with the losing Super Bowl merchandise?  I know if I’d gone two weeks without proper nutrition, I’d be like “Sweet, a Hollywood Hogan t-shirt!”  I forget which comedian I paraphrased/stole that joke from, but kudos, because it’s a great one.)  – Meng v. Wrath. (I think this match would make the blog’s brain explode.) Wrath beats him out of the ring and hits the somersault off the apron he was working on while with Mortis. Back in the ring and Wrath hits a couple of clotheslines to force Meng to sell. Meltdown attempt #1 fails and Meng takes control. Crowd is gone. Does Meng even have any idea how to play to/against the crowd anymore? (He’s the MONSTER MENG!  He doesn’t care about the crowd!)  More slow boring offense from Meng. Wrath with a uranage for two. Meltdown for three. Good pop for Wrath. 1/4*  (And then Nash squashed him.  I mean, honest, I get the point of the winning streak ending like it did, because they were setting up Nash as the guy who ends streaks, but talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.)  – #1 contender’s match: Disco Inferno v. Juventud Guerrera. (#1 contender for what?  Drunken karaoke champion?) Disco takes control early but Juvy hits some flying stuff. They do an awkward spot that leads to a Rocker Dropper from Juvy, and Disco gets monkey flipped right out of the ring and Juvy follows him out with a flying headscissors on the floor. Back in and Disco with the chinlock. They trade more stuff and Juvy ends up hitting a wicked cross-body to Disco on the floor. Juvy flips out of a suplex and hits a rana. He goes for the Juvy Driver but Disco flips out and tries an inverted suplex, but both guys end up escaping and knocking each other out. Disco gets two. Juvy with a sunset flip but Disco smacks him down and does the Macarena, then uses the GIANT SWING OF DOOM~! and falls headfirst on Juvy’s crotch. It gets two. Disco goes to the top and takes way too long and gets crotched. Juvy with the rana off the top, and he goes to the top himself and nails the FLYING BODY ATTACK OF DEATH~! Juvy with the Rube-Goldbergian bulldog for two, but puts his head down on a whip and Disco hits the SWANK jumping piledriver for three. No Macarena, however. ***1/4 – 10 brownie points to whoever can identify who Rube Goldberg is and why I refer to Juvy’s bulldog in that matter… (Offer no longer valid.)  – More Nitro girls! You’re telling me they couldn’t have chopped 19 minutes of this shit out? And were they handing out breast implants at the door or what?  (10 brownie points to whoever can explain the logic of having NITRO Girls on a PPV.)  – More time wasting as Scott Steiner and the Giant challenge Rick and Buff for the tag titles later in the night. Never mind they probably knew that the show would run long as it is. I dunno, this is kind of suspicious. They NEVER used filler material before this (if you don’t count the wrestling, har har) on PPV, so why suddenly start sticking AT LEAST 10 minutes’ worth of interviews and Nitro Girls in there?  (In fact they did know the show was running long and they told cable companies well in advance, but 1998 wasn’t exactly the technical heyday that it is now, and most of them just weren’t able to block off all four hours, even with advance notice.  Thankfully, Bell Expressvu, or whatever the hell it was called at that point, was one of the ones who did.)  – Alex Wright v. Fit Finlay. Case in point, this match, which they already had in the can from the Thunder tapings a few nights before. There was no reason to even show this. How can Mike Tenay hype Hogan-Warrior II with a straight face.  (Because he’s dead inside?  That would certainly explain how he can watch Joseph Park get hit in the face with a hammer and just shrug it off.) And why are they talking about the main event during this match? Are there some channel surfers who were watching other PPV events and just suddenly decided to buy this one halfway through? This match is nothing incredibly special, as they go through the motions for about five minutes until Wright hits a reverse neckbreaker out of nowhere for the pin. Call it about **1/4.  (Trust me, the much more entertaining brawl was happening live in my apartment.)  – Lodi v. Saturn. Lodi is from “anywhere in the world but Las Vegas, Nevada”. I think we’ve made all the gay jokes about Saturn’s attire that can be humanly made. (But not about Lodi’s!)  A Saturn squash with Lodi stalling punctuated in between. T-bone suplex, falcon arrow suplex, Death Valley Driver. Next match. 1/2*  (Kudos to Lodi for really stepping up his sign-making game around this time.)  – The Idiots blather to waste more time. – More Nitro girls. – Cruiserweight title match: Kidman v. Disco Inferno. See, now why couldn’t this have been on Nitro? Disco controls to start but Kidman comes back with a botched flying headscissors. Disco with a drop toehold on the bottom rope. Disco mocks him and hits an elbow. Kidman takes a blind charge and Disco ducks, sending Kidman to the floor. Disco follows and Kidman improvises a springboard bulldog using the steps! Ouch! Kidman to the top but misses a splash. Disco gets two. Chinlock from Disco. To think that last year he was TV champion and losing to a woman. (It’s like it was only yesterday!  Oh wait, it was.)  Disco Sucks chant. Ricochet clothesline from Kidman, but Disco returns with a faceplant. Disco lays the smack down in the corner and teases a dance, drawing great heat. Belly to back suplex for two. More trash talk from Disco. He misses the boogie elbow off the second rope and Kidman with the sitting powerbomb for two. Cross corner whip and Kidman eats elbow, but manages to snap off a powerslam for two. Dropkick misses. Disco nails the piledriver for two. Kidman up with a springboard bulldog, but Disco turns it into a suplex and hits a gourdbuster for two. Macarena Driver gets turned into the facebuster and that of course leads to the shooting star press for three. Disappointing. **1/2 Allow me to add my voice to those saying that he should take two months and tour Japan. – Gonnad’s music video. Just guess how much I loved this. It should be noted that he equates his music with weed, alcohol, heroin and crack. Great message to be sending out to the kids. (Better this than Skrillex.)  And it’s yet another five minutes that didn’t need to be on PPV. – WCW World tag team title match: Scott Steiner & The Giant v. Rick Steiner & Buff Bagwell. Tony at least pays lip service to continuity by noting that nWo rules apply to the tag team titles and the nWo can pretty much do whatever they want with them. Buff isn’t even dressed to wrestle. If you need to know what happens here, just go back and read my Havoc 95 rant because THE SAME FUCKING THING HAPPENS HERE. Tony has the temerity to actually bring up the name of Ch__ky the evil doll. I won’t dignify it by writing it. Giant beats on Rick to start, and then Scott gets his licks in. Nothing notable enough to type going on. It’s so sad that Scott turned on Rick in FEBRUARY and they’re just fighting for the first time now. Rick comes back and stupidly tags in Bagwell, who promptly turns on Rick, duh. The announcers try to sell Bagwell as being REALLY convincing this time, unlike the other 14 times. Scott and Giant continue the assault on the partnerless Rick as Bagwell retreats. Fans start a spontaneous Goldberg chant in hopes of coaxing him into helping. Giant better lose some weight if he wants to jump ship. (He did OK for himself in WWE.)  They don’t take fat boys up North. Giant teases some pinfalls but refuses to pin him. Rick fights back but Scott crotches him. That’s about four in the same match. Giant slowly….climbs…the…ropes and hits Scott with a missile dropkick by mistake. Rick comes back with the usual, nails a bulldog off the top on the Giant…and gets the pin? See, the faces are generally supposed to lose in these situations. (Oh yeah, this was the tremendously entertaining portion of the WCW booking period where they had Rick Steiner and Kenny Kaos as tag team champions, as well as a brief stint with Judy Bagwell as a champion.)  Well, anyway, we get… – Rick Steiner v. Scott Steiner. Scott bails but Rick drags him back into the ring. Rick destroys his brother to great crowd reaction. (Running theme at the apartment that day.)  Scott crotches him again to retake control. Tenay notes that it makes four, if you’re counting. Well, Mike, some of us ARE, thank you. Rick comes back but Buffy returns with a Bill Clinton mask and Stevie Ray. Buff cleans house with the ODOR EATER OF DEATH~! and the bell rings. But the match seems to be continuing. Buff counts a couple of two counts himself but Rick keeps kicking out so Buff dumps the ref. Rick takes out Buff and nails the bulldog on Scott, and Nick Patrick runs in to count the final three. Entertaining crap. Call the whole thing ** because I’m feeling generous.  (By “generous” I mean “A few drinks into the show.”)  – Video package for Hall v. Nash. – Scott Hall v. Kevin Nash. The ring entrances give me time to change my laundry and go get my dinner ready. I’m serious. (One thing about apartment living that I will NEVER miss is shared laundry facilities.  Home ownership is worth it strictly for being able to do laundry whenever and however often you damn well want, without scrounging for quarters.)  Hall hammers Nash right from the start and chokes him out with a cable. Hall trash talks him over the PA and brings him back in the ring for more abuse. At least he’s not “drunk”. (Although he was likely drunk.)  Big Wolfpac chant. Edge attempt early but Nash fights him off. The Idiots note that Nash isn’t really fighting back. (He is pretty passive-aggressive.)  Nash with two cross-corner whips and a sidewalk slam, not called anything by Tony or anyone else. Slugfest. Hall with the usual as the Idiots trip all over each other to call the Outsiders the GREATEST TAG TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT~! Wasn’t that the Steiners about a half an hour ago? (Plan change.) Nash comes back with his usual. Nice to see the huge contract hasn’t affected Nash’s work ethic or anything. Nash proceeds to destroy Hall with knees in the corner while mocking his drinking problem. Big boot and a powerbomb. Another one, and Nash simply walks away, not wanting to beat Hall. Hall wins by countout. *1/2  (And yet Nash STILL got the Starrcade title shot after losing a major match by countout!  I hope someone got fired over that one!  Oh yeah, Bischoff did, never mind.)  – US title match: Bret Hart v. Sting. Bret stalls *forever* before Sting drags him in and beats on him. Bret retakes control (very slowly) and stomps and chokes. Man, the Nitro brawl was way better than this. Crowd is dead. I would have thought they’d have been able to work together much better. Bret with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM!, but Sting catches him off the second rope and applies the Scorpion. Sting works on the leg, but Bret plays possum. Sting stomps on the knee anyway, which allows Bret the opportunity to load up an international object. Sting gets it but the ref blocks, allowing crotchshot #5509 on the evening. Okay, this time it’s the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! for real. They end up on the floor and Bret drops Sting on the STEEL railing. Watch that potty mouth, Bret. Ref checks on Sting and gets an elbow in the mouth for his trouble, then Bret drops a leg on him for good measure. They exchange some stuff (carefully stepping over the referee) and Sting gives Bret a superplex which is for naught. Stinger splash but Sting nails the ringpost. Bret grabs the BASEBALL BAT OF DEATH! and wallops Sting a few times, then applies the Sharpshooter as the ref revives to count the “submission”. Ugh, five minutes too long with a silly ending. Bret NEVER did this sort of thing in the WWF. He always won clean, even if he had to cheat outrageously on the way. This was just a typical cheap Hogan ending. **, and I’m very disappointed in both guys. Sting does a stretcher job. Reports say this will lead to a Sting vacation. Well, fuck, what do you call ALL OF 1997???? Maternity leave?  (Bret so did not give a single shit by this point.)  – THE MOST ANTICIPATED RETURN MATCH IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT! : Hulk Hogan (w/ boa) v. The Warrior (w/out “Ultimate” or a hope in hell of winning). The Idiots wax about Hogan needing to beat the Warrior until I feel like singing ABBA’s “Waterloo” in tribute. Waterloo, everybody’s got their Waterloo… Duelling “Hogan sucks” and “Warrior sucks” chants to begin. (Hey now, let’s settle this right now and agree they both suck, OK?)Warrior apparently calls his fans the Warriors. I’m surprised he hasn’t launched a lawsuit against them, too, for copyright violation. Nothing personally offensive meant to anyone, but if you liked this match you’re a goddamn crack-smoking braindead moron.  (People have quoted that line many times.  I take a certain amount of pride in it.)  Much like my roommate’s brother, but that’s another story. Hogan stalls, Warrior stalls. Warrior calls for a test of strength. Hogan beats on him. Only two or three actually hit. Hogan with more alleged offense. Test of strength. The boring chants begin. They trade wristlocks and do the criss-cross-slam spot, which Warrior no-sells and responds with his own. Hey, where I have seen that before? Hogan gets clotheslined to the floor, but at least he doesn’t blow out his knee this time. Weak brawling on the outside. Mike Tenay calls it a “fine wrestling match” and I feel like slapping him around for whoring himself like this. Back in the ring and Patrick gets bumped. The nWo comes out to help and they botch it one-by-one. Hogan with a belly-to-back for two. Hogan whips Warrior with the WORKOUT BELT OF DEATH! and chokes him out. This is turning into a Roddy Piper comedy match. Elbows that always miss, well, miss. Warrior fucks up a chop block but misses the big splash. Now Warrior’s got the WORKOUT BELT OF DEATH! and gives Hogan some without a DQ. Now Hogan digs out the “fireball” but it fails. (Man, when nitrocellulose can’t even save a match, you’re in trouble.  Jerry Lawler could draw a house for years on end with well-timed fireballs.) This is just sad, my friends. So now Warrior has to improvise something to cover up. Double axehandle off the top, which Hogan blocks (called as such by the announcers) but Warrior fails to sell so Hogan sells getting hit and the Idiots just sit there silently for a while. Hogan blades and sets up the legdrop, which misses. Horace Hogan wanders out with a chair as Warrior hulks up. THREE CLOTHESLINES OF DEATH! Bischoff distracts the referee as Horace nails Warrior with a weak chairshot to the back, allowing Hogan to get the pin. Geez, where’s the Disciple when you need him, Warrior? (Selling coke on the subway.)  What a fucking farce this was. -** I would have boosted it to a DUD had the attempted Warrior barbeque gone down, but it didn’t.  (That rating feels a bit generous to me.  I’m thinking –****)  – WCW World title match: Goldberg v. Diamond Dallas Page. It’s pretty sad when Hogan does 20 minutes of every cheap Memphis heel tactic known to man and Jerry Lawler and gets zero reaction, but Goldberg and Page blow the roof off the joint with a straight wrestling match. It’s sad in that Hogan is probably going to repeat the same match at World War III and get the World title, not in that straight wrestling matches are bad.  (Boy, Hogan really REALLY wanted that win back, but Nash’s asskiss-fu was stronger, I guess.)  I really, really hope the Braindead Suits in charge of WCW are paying attention. (They weren’t.  Ever.)  Goldberg tosses DDP around out of the lockup to a huge pop. DDP mouths him off and they go tumbling out of the ring. DDP takes down Goldberg, who flips and lands on his feet. Fireman’s carry and cross armbreaker from Goldberg. DDP up with a jawbreaker and he takes control with some good wrestling. Goldberg tosses him and DDP with a necksnap off the top rope. Whip to the corner and russian legsweep for two. Goldberg is selling and everything. Front facelock slows things down. Goldberg knees out and spins off a neckbreaker. Suplex variation from Goldberg and a sidewalk slam. He should be wrestling like this all the time. Back with the cross arm-breaker on DDP. Whip and DDP with a flying headscissors, but Goldberg with a superkick. Charge and Goldberg goes to the post and fucks up his shoulder. See, now DDP should have gone to work on the arm, but that’s a minor point. DDP with a clothesline off the top for two. Goldberg whips DDP off the ropes with one arm but gets DDT’d. DDP signals for the Diamond Cutter but Goldberg pops up and spears him, further injuring the arm. The crowd is rabid. And he’s STILL selling the arm injury! He goes for the jackhammer but the arm is gone and Page gets out and hits the Diamond Cutter! Gets a very dramatic two count. Page tries a suplex but Goldberg reverses to the Jackhammer for the win. Best Goldberg match ever. What the hell, I’m feeling generous. ***3/4 – World War III promo. The Bottom Line: Two really good matches, one good match and a whole lot of mediocre->crappy stuff is good enough for a thumbs up from me. Show ran WAY too long, however and there was way too much filler, however, so this isn’t a glowing recommendation by any means, but WCW avoids the hot pokers this time around with a good effort.

Tammy Sytch Arrested Again…Again


Jesus, they let this psychopath out on bail and she goes back to Darling's house AGAIN?!  How many times can they give her bail before she does some actual jail time?  And isn't the intent of bail supposed to hinge on an assurance that the person isn't going to do the same thing again?  If Tammy has a history of arrest for the SAME CRIME, why would they let her bail out?  This is almost as much the fault of the legal system as it is Tammy's messed up brain, I think.