The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–01.17.13

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 01.17.13 Live from Orlando, FL Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay & Tazz TONIGHT! A wrestling wedding! Those always go smoothly, right? Sorry I missed last week, as I got preoccupied with trying to reinstall Android on my Chi-Pad and was literally up all night going crazy, to the point where I forgot about Impact. Finally I took the coward’s way out and bought a newer, dual-core, equally Chinese tablet from merimobiles.com and moved on with my life. Combined cost: Still less than a damn iPad. Earlier: Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer (?!?) show up to offer congratulations to Bully Ray, while Brooke meets with her bridesmaids. So is Tommy no longer a WWE employee? Or is this what TNA got in the settlement? Because they really should have held out for at least Jack Swagger or something. Jeff Hardy comes out to celebrate his big win at Genesis, but BAD INFLUENCE interrupts to hype Daniels’ title shot next week. Daniels notes that the fans aren’t Creatures of the Night, but rather creatures of habit…the habit of LOSING. That’s harsh. Jefferson wants to do it RIGHT NOW, but he gets beat down until James Storm makes the save. And we appear to have a tag team match right now. Jefferson Hardy & James Storm v. Christopher Daniels & Kazarian The babyfaces clean house and we take a break. Back with Storm & Hardy working on the arm, but Storm gets caught in the corner, allowing Kaz to clothesline him for two. Kaz works him over in the corner and Daniels puts him down with a neckbreaker for two. He chokes Storm down, but a cradle gets two for Cowboy. Daniels holds a chinlock, but Storm fights out with a legsweep and makes the hot tag. Jeff hits the legdrop on Kazarian for two and the whisper for two. Daniels catches him with an STO and brawls out with Storm, and Kaz cradles Hardy for two. Twist of Fate finishes for Hardy at 11:49, however. Daniels lays Hardy out on the ugly belt afterwards. Solid formula tag match to set up the title match next week. **3/4 Meanwhile, Joseph Park offers Bully a box of cigars on the down-low (“Kayfab!”) as a wedding present. Gut Check: Since there were two contenders last week, they first eliminate Brian Cage, who looks like the guy who should be the bigger star and thus he’ll probably stick around as an Ace and/or Eight. Tazz immediately gives him a no, so he gets to cut his promo. Apparently he uses JBL’s lariat and calls it the Boomstick, which gives him an automatic YES in my book. Shinobi the Black Ninja votes yes to build drama, and Rio Rodgers gives him a contract. Christian York v. Kenny King York dives on King and works him over in the ring, pounding away in the corner and using some KAWADA KICKS. King tries to scurry away and York pulls him back in, but King hits him with a spinkick. York escapes the Flush and hits a low kick from his back, then a backdrop suplex, but when he tries King’s move on him, King rolls him up with a handful of tights for the pin at 2:57. That was a pretty great story for a 3 minute match, with York actually pissed off about the results of the PPV match and being all sloppy as a result, then trying King’s move on him as revenge to cost himself the match. ** Meanwhile, Bully appeals to Sting, trying to win Hulk over somehow. Sting is out to appeal to Hulk Hogan on Bully’s behalf, and Hulk is having none of it. Social media is standing up for his point of view, brother! Something’s just not right with Bully and he’ll never trust him. Sting, of course, will trust anyone at any time no matter how shady they are, and he’s totally Team Bully and thinks Hogan should just do it for Brooke. Meanwhile, Gail Kim confronts Taryn about her shoddy refereeing. Gail Kim v. Velvet Sky I don’t get the thinking behind bringing Velvet back and then having her look nothing like she did when she left. And what the hell does “let the pigeons loose” even MEAN anyway? Velvet chases Kim out of the ring, but Kim comes back with a Nash choke in the corner. Sky with a pair of rollups, but Kim kicks her down and follows with a clothesline. Kim tries a neckbreaker but Velvet is off on another planet and doesn’t know how to take the move, so Kim has to walk her through it again. Sky comes back with a suplex where Kim almost literally does the move to herself, and then Kim chokes Sky down…and Taryn counts two! God, even the referee sucks in this match. Gail hits Eat Defeat, but Sky’s foot is under the ropes, and this time Taryn won’t count. So Sky comes back with a bulldog and flying headscissors, and some sort of terrible looking X Factor and a pedigree to finish at 5:52. Velvet is terrible as ever, although Kim’s professionalism here and more importantly, the frequent camera angles down Velvet’s cleavage, save this from negative stars. ½* Meanwhile, Dixie and Brooke bond via their robotic acting. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode, the greatest frenemies in wrestling today, are SICK of all the crappy champions in TNA, and they object to the wedding. This brings out Chavo & Hernandez for the brawl, and hopefully Roode & Aries get the belts off them. Meanwhile, Sting makes one last pitch to Hogan on Bully’s behalf, although he’d better hurry up because there’s only 15 minutes left until Bellator! Main Event Wedding: Brooke Hogan marries Bully Ray, and Hulk does show up because he always does the right thing. Especially if it’s filing frivolous lawsuits for millions of dollars. Brooke and Bully exchange vows without incident (“She’s the worst actor ever. She sounds like she could be ordering a pizza” notes my non-wrestling fan wife), and no HHH out to object…but just before the priest makes it legal, Tazz objects…and reveals an Aces & Eights vest underneath his jacket. And the WEDDING MASSACRE is on. Well you knew they’d try to tie their two big storylines together somehow. The Pulse: Nothing really great in the ring this week, and I think everyone was just waiting for the Aces & Eights attack at the wedding. It was entertaining enough, but way too much talk and not enough rock this week.

Waiting for the Trade – X-men

Waiting for the Trade
by Bill Miller

 
Marvel Masterworks
Uncanny X-Men vol. 11

by Chris Claremont
& Dave Cockrum with Len Wein

collects Giant Size
X-men #1 and X-men 94-100

 

Why Bought This: Surprisingly
this was in the discount bin of my favorite local comic store. I’d never read
these issues before despite their importance to comic book history, so when I
saw this on sale I was like why not?

 

The Plot – Now
classic X-men heroes Wolverine, Storm, Colossus and Nightcrawler join the team
as Chris Claremont begins his legendary run on the title.

 

Chapter 1 – In Germany a mob with pitchforks and
torches is about to kill Nightcrawler when Professor X saves him and recruits
him for the X-men. He then recruits Wolverine away from the Canadian
government, former X-men foe Banshee, Storm out of Africa where she was being
worshipped as a goddess, Sunfire (whom he is previously acquainted with) from Japan, Colossus off a farm in Russia and
Thunderbird off an Indian reservation. He introduces the new recruits to
Cyclops, who recalls how the current X-men team (Jean Grey, Ice-man, Angel,
Havok and Polaris) met defeat on Krakoa while looking for a new mutant. Cyclops
had his powers drained but managed to escape, and now he and Professor X need
these new X-men to mount a rescue mission. Cyclops’ powers return and he leads
the new team to Krakoa. They split into groups of two to search the island and
each group is attacked by natural phenomena like vines or rock slides. They
eventually all find their way to a temple where the original X-men are being
held hostage and their powers drained by vines. When they free them the island
rumbles and comes to life as Krakoa itself is the mutant detected by Cerebro.
New and old X-men unite to throw every super power they have at Krakoa to
little effect. From across the Atlantic Professor X lends a telepathic hand,
which hurts the creature. Storm, Cyclops and Havok feed energy into Polaris to
enhance her magnetic powers and she then hurls the creature into orbit.

Chapter 2 – Professor X offers the new heroes permanent
membership on the team. All but Sunfire accept, who then goes home to Japan. With the
plethora of new members available all of the originals except Cyclops quit
noting they enrolled in Prof. X’s mutant school as teens and now they are
adults and want civilian lives. Scott and Jean share a kiss before she departs.
We get a training montage in the Danger Room as Scott forms the new recruits
into a team, although Thunderbird’s pride sees him have trouble fitting in.
Meanwhile a group of five animal people named the Ani-men take over NORAD under
orders from Count Nefaria (at this time just a rich crime lord and not the
Superman-inspired powerhouse he would later become in The Avengers). The military calls the Avengers for assistance, but
they are on a mission so Beast refers the call to the X-men. They fly the
Blackbird to NORAD, where Nefaria shoots it down forcing the X-men to bail out
sans parachute in mid-air.

Chapter 3 – With only Storm and Banshee able to fly (and
only by gliding on wind and sound currents) and only Colossus able to survival
the fall the team is literally short-handed as Storm can only carry two people
and Banshee only one and they have four non-flyers. As leader Cyclops orders
the others rescued first and Banshee is able to come back for him at the last
possible moment. Nightcrawler teleports into NORAD only to be attacked by a
frog man. They have a battle of dueling acrobatics that Nightcrawler wins. He
then opens the hatch-door for the rest of the X-men but once inside Nefaria
gasses them. The team breaks through a wall to escape. They are attacked by
hypnotized soldiers, whom Storm takes care of with wind and rain. Next all five
Ani-Men attack (a gorilla, frog, cat, dragonfly and bird) and after four pages
of battle the X-men win. Nefaria attempts to escape in a fighter jet and Thunderbird
jumps on the wing. The plane explodes in mid-air and Thunderbird dies.

Chapter 4 – Cyclops is blaming himself for Thunderbird’s
death alone in the woods. He loses his temper and shoots off an optic blast
which happens to damage an obelisk. The others are practicing in the Danger
Room when Wolvie loses his temper and tries to kill Nightcrawler, who teleports
away. Banshee chastises Wolvie, then goes with Prof X to meet new housekeeper
Moria MacTaggurt with whom Banshee is instantly smitten. We cut to Scott Lang,
who is maniacally building Sentinels for the government only to be confronted
by some military commander who intends to shut the project down. Back at the X-Mansion
Cyclops is suddenly thrown through a wall from outside by a demon he awoke at
the obelisk. Storm, Colossus and Nightcrawler each attacking it one at a time
with marginal effectiveness until Wolvie steps up, goes berserk and slices it
to death. The demon however resurrects by draining off a portion of the life-force
of those in the room to do so. Pro X tries to read its mind and is nearly
driven insane until Banshee intercedes. Pro X did discover the Obelisk is its
weakness during the telepathy so Storm flies out to it and blows it up with
lightening killing the first of what will be many demons over the years.

Chapter 5 – Prof X is having nightmares that he is an alien
exile. He confides in Moria when he awakens. Meanwhile an unseen foe surprises
Havok and Polaris at home, defeating and hypnotizing them with ease. At the
airport the X-men are meeting Jean Grey’s plane as she comes to visit only to
be attacked by Havok and Polaris. In the course of the fight Havok blows up
some planes. The mystery villain is revealed as Eric the Red (apparently a
former identity of Cyclops). As the fight continues Polaris nearly kills Jean
and Storm, while Cyclops is forced to fight his own brother. Nightcrawler and Colossus
try to fight Red but he proves to be just as strong as Colossus and hits him
with a plane. Storm loses her temper and electrocutes Polaris. Even hypnotized
this pisses off Havok, who blasts Cyclops and then tends to Lorna. When Prof X
and Wolvie arrive, Red sees the numbers are not in their favor and the villains
retreat. Cyclops has a chance to shoot Havok to stop him but can’t bring
himself to do it causing Wolverine to criticize him.

Chapter 6 – It’s Christmas and the X-men are shopping in
their secret identities when they are attacked by Sentinels. Jean is captured
and Cyclops finds himself hanging from a building but is saved by Storm. Storm
uses a hurricane to defeat one but has to stop because they are in the middle
of NYC. Banshee and Wolverine are captured off-camera and the robots retreat.
Meanwhile Prof X is on vacation in the Caribbean
when he too is attacked by a Sentinel. For some reason his telepathy actually
shuts it down but then he has an alien nightmare again (while awake) and
another Sentinel is able to capture him. Scott Lang is gloating over the
captured X-men. He slaps Jean which annoys Wolvie enough to break his bonds. He
destroys a Sentinel then frees Jean and Banshee but not Prof X since they don’t
have his wheelchair and there are more Sentinels to fight. They destroy a bunch
but when they break a hole through the wall to escape they discover they are in
outer space.

Chapter 7 – The three heroes are about to die in the vacuum of
space when a Sentinel retrieves them. Lang gloats how there is no escape. The
remaining X-men figure out where their teammates are being held and somehow
arrange a space shuttle launch to save them. The shuttle is attacked by
Sentinels and breached, sucking Storm (in a space suit) out into space. The
remaining heroes ram the shuttle into Lang’s base. A Sentinel attacks Storm,
who discovers her powers are far stronger in space as she can manipulate
stellar storms of cosmic energy. In the base the heroes defeat some more
Sentinels then rejoice when Storm turns up alive. Jean is able to sense Scott
and telepathically let him know she and Prof X are in a different cell block
than Banshee and Wolverine. Scott sends everyone else to Wolvie while going for
Jean and the Prof himself. He finds Lang and pummels him with his fists for
taking Jean hostage; until Lang is assisted by an unseen foe to take them down.
The rest of the new X-men come looking for Scott only to find him with original
team in their original costumes out for blood.

Chapter 8 – We get a big fight between the two X-men teams
that leads to the first ever Wolvie-Colossus fastball special. Wolvie manages
to fight his way to Prof X (who is working with the originals) and confronts
him on what is going on. Prof X rises from his wheelchair and decks Wolvie.
Jean then uses telepathy on Wolverine. This reverts Wolvie to animal mode and
he disembowels Xavier, revealing a robot. We see Lang still has the real Scott,
Jean, Pro X and their astronaut pilot prisoner. Cyclops escapes and he and Lang
fight while the new X-men finish up the original X-men robots (aka
X-Sentinels). Lang gets more irrational as the fight goes on, and ultimately
kills himself when he tries to kamikaze attack Cyclops with a hovercraft. The
heroes still have to get back to Earth but there are severe solar/cosmic ray
storms and their shuttle’s shielding has been damaged around the ship’s
navigation controls. Jean realizes she is the only one who can pilot the ship
as she uses telepathy to read the pilots mind to teach herself how to fly the ship
and then hopes her TK force field will protect her from the solar storm as she
pilots the craft while the others are shielded. Scott and Wolvie both try to
talk her out of it but she mind zaps Scott and tells Wolvie off. After a
tearful farewell with Storm, whom she makes promise to tell Scott she loves him
she embarks on the most fateful flight in comic book history. And we see her TK
field fail before the onslaught of cosmic rays in the cliffhanger.
Critical Thoughts:
There’s a reason this run is legendary. It starts off good, as the new
characters find their footing on the team and quickly accelerates to great when
we get to the Sentinel story and Jean’s sacrifice. And as we all know the best
was yet to come with Jean.

I will say the demon story, while enjoyable as a fight
scene, is pretty clichéd and one-dimensional. Questions like why is there an
ancient obelisk with a demon in the woods near the X-mansion, would need a lot
more explanation in a modern story. Furthermore why does zapping the obelisk
free the demon but blowing up completely. It’s all very arbitrary.

Krakoa is also pretty lacking in explanation. It’s a mutant
island? Islands aren’t born, so how does it have X-gene? But let’s face it the
point of this story is to introduce the new heroes with a suitably big threat
that gets them together so they can overhaul the team, and by those standards
it succeeded beyond anyone at Marvel’s wildest expectations.

Ditto, the villains aren’t all that interesting in the
Thunderbird story, nor is Thunderbird a very interesting character before he
dies. But again the point was to show anything could happen in the new
reiteration of the X-men and in that case it set a tone that thrived in the
X-books for the remainder of Claremont’s
long run.

 

Grade: B+. That
Sentinel story is an easy A, the others are better for historic value than
actual stories. Still a trade well worth-reading and the ending makes me want
to buy the next one to read the Dark Phoenix slow build again.

 

NXT – January 16, 2013

NXT
Date:
January 16, 2013
Location:
Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators:
William Regal, Tony Dawson
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
We’re
officially in the Langston Era here and if my memory is right, this
was filmed recently which means we’re actually going to be closer to
being caught up with the current WWE product. It’s hard to say what
to expect here but the word seems to be that something big is going
to be announced soon. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a recap of last week’s main event and the title change.
Welcome
Home.
Adrian
Neville vs. Sakamoto
Neville
is formerly known as Pac. Interestingly enough a guy on the forums
that I run used to backyard wrestle with him. Sakamoto is in way
better shape than you would expect him to be given the robe he always
wore. Neville is apparently an amazing high flier and he spins out
of a wristlock and grabs a headlock to start. A headscissors puts
Sakamoto down and Adrian flips back to his feet. The fans dig him so
far.
Sakamoto
gets a boot up in the corner and hooks a chinlock to take over for a
little bit. Make that a decent bit as the chinlock continues.
Adrian suplexes out of the hold and flips forward a few more times
before hitting an enziguri to stagger Sakamoto. Neville goes up and
hits a HUGE corkscrew shooting star for the pin at 3:25.
Rating:
C-. The ending was great but
until then, Neville didn’t really show off a ton of flying otherwise.
It’s a very flashy looking move and the rest of his stuff looked
fine so I can’t say it’s a bad debut or anything. Sakamoto has some
potential in him too now that he’s away form the black hole known as
Tensai. The match was pretty dull until the ending though.
Leo
Kruger vs. Trent Barreta
Ohno
sits in on commentary. This is as a result of Trent getting beaten
up and injured by Kruger a month ago. Trent takes over with a fast
clothesline and a knee drop for two. A bridging northern lights
suplex gets two for Barreta and it’s off to a headlock. That goes
nowhere as Kruger fights up and hits a hard knee to the ribs to take
over. Trent gets draped ribs first over the top rope for two as we
take a break.
Back
with Kruger working over the ribs with a knee drop and a half crab.
A gutbuster gets two for Leo as Kassius and Regal continue to argue.
Regal threatens Ohno so Kassius acts as if nothing has ever been
wrong between them. Kruger misses a charge in the corner so Trent
comes back with chops and a clothesline. The running jumping elbow
in the corner puts Leo down again and a missile dropkick gets two for
Trent.
The
tornado DDT is countered into another half crab with a knee in the
back but Trent finally makes a rope. An enziguri sends Kruger down
to the floor, followed by a BIG flip dive from Trent to take him down
again. Kassius runs down and decks Trent though, allowing for Kruger
to hit the Kruger End back inside for the pin at 7:53 shown of 11:23.
Rating:
C+. Why Barreta is released
while Ohno gets to keep a job is beyond me. Trent continues to be as
smooth as ever in the ring and Kruger is starting to get things
working well too. I’d assume we were supposed to get a tag match out
of this but with Barreta being released that isn’t very likely.
A
second referee informs the first one of Ohno’s interference and the
decision is reversed.
Here’s
the NEW NXT Champion Big E. Langston with something to say. He
welcomes us to the Era of Five but here’s Camacho to interrupt him.
Hasn’t Langston already beaten this guy? A referee comes out and we
get a match which I think is non-title.
Camacho
vs. Big E. Langston
Camacho
pounds away in the corner to start but Langston no sells it and
clotheslines Camacho down. The Big Ending finishes Camacho in 1:15.
Langston
does his usual stuff post match. This takes longer than the match
itself.
Damien
Sandow/Antonio Cesaro vs. Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd
Before
the match, Sandow says that the people here will learn to appreciate
him. Sandow and Kidd start things off but it’s quickly off to
Justin. Damien gets his arm cranked on a bit so it’s off to Cesaro.
Gabriel dropkicks him to the floor and we take a break. Back with
Justin getting two off a sunset flip on Sandow. He cranks on
Damien’s arm and messes with his hair to really get on Sandow’s
nerves.
Off
to Cesaro for a hard headlock for a few seconds before Gabriel fights
back with chops and right hands. Cesaro elbows him down before it’s
back to Sandow for some knee drops. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and
it’s back to Antonio. Off to a front facelock before Justin fights
up and backdrops Cesaro to the floor. That’s about the extent of his
offense though as Cesaro comes back in with the gutwrench suplex for
two.
Back
to the chinlock but Gabriel escapes for the third time, with this one
being followed by a hot tag to Tyson. Everything breaks down as
Sandow comes in again with Damien getting two off a rollup. Back to
Gabriel as Kidd dives onto Cesaro. A Lionsault and the springboard
elbow to Sandow get the clean pin at 8:00 shown of 11:30.
Rating:
C+. Basic tag match here with
the smaller guys getting to hang with the more established guys with
no real problems at all. Unfortunately Kidd is gone for the next
eight months or so due to destroying his knee. Cesaro again gets to
look strong here by not getting pinned, which is a nice touch from
WWE.
Overall
Rating:
B-. Another good show
tonight as we transition to the next stretch of shows. Langston gets
to close out an old issue he had while at the same time getting to
look dominant over a WWE guy. This wasn’t a blow away show or
anything and unfortunately two guys here aren’t going to be around
for a very long time anymore after this show. Good show here with no
time wasted, which is the standard procedure on NXT.
Results
Adrian
Neville b. Sakamoto – Corkscrew Shooting Star Press
Trent
Barreta b. Leo Kruger via disqualification when Kassius Ohno
interfered
Big
E. Langston b. Camacho – Big Ending
Tyson
Kidd/Justin Gabriel b. Antonio Cesaro/Damien Sandow – Springboard
Elbow Drop to Sandow
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com

Dream Super Hero Team

All right Scott, I know you're a fanboy so I figured you and the blog could have some fun with this scenario: you get tagged to write a comic book, not just any book, but the Justice League. and you can add any eight characters of the pre-Flashpoint DCU, but here's a few rules.

 
1. None of the Big Three can be on the team, that's right, no Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman
 
2. they have to have one wild card character
 
3. the leader has to have been a leader of another DCU team
 
4. and one of the members dies at the end of the first arc, but it can't be the wild card character
 
I won't put my squad because I don't want to influence anybody, but it's still a pretty cool concept. go

Those are some pretty arbitrary rules.  
I'd go with Nightwing as leader, with Flash (WALLY WEST), Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner), Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Captain Marvel, Donna Troy and I'm not sure what you mean by "wild card" character but I'd throw Ambush Bug on there for additional comic relief because he's convinced that he's related to Blue Beetle.  For the first arc I'd kill Donna Troy because she's come back from worse, and probably replace her with either Power Girl or Martian Manhunter.

Terry Funk or Randy Savage?

Hey Scott,


Long time fan blah blah blah…

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on who you think was better between Terry Funk and Randy Savage. I think it's an interesting question for a number of reasons: both great on the mic, both great babyfaces, both great heels, both great workers (could work the technical style well while also being able to work a distinct style of their own; Funk as a brawler, Savage as a high flyer), both drew money for many years (Funk more so in Japan, Savage certainly in the US), both highly regarded by their peers. To the best of my knowledge, I don't think they ever worked each other.

It may just come down to personal preference because these are all qualities you would look for in a wrestler – especially when people get into 'greatest of all time' talk, but I just wanted to get your thoughts. Maybe if you find this as interesting as I do, this could be something you could spread over to the board.

Thanks! Happy New Year!

– Matt
http://pdrwrestling.net

Obviously I'm biased since Savage is one of my favorite wrestlers ever, so I'd go with him. I think Savage drew money on a much larger scale than Funk, although Funk probably did so over a longer period of time.  

Monday Nitro – August 25, 1997

Monday
Nitro #102
Date: August 25, 1997
Location: Carolina
Coliseum, Columbia, South Carolina
Attendance: 8,048
Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
We’re past the Clash
and the main change is that we have Sting vs. Hogan on the verge of
being announced. Other than that we’re getting ready for Fall Brawl
which is in like three weeks I think. The main event tonight is
Savage vs. Luger as they renew an old rivalry. Other than that I
wouldn’t expect anything big tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
the vulture stuff from Clash which is over the top but fits well for
Sting at this point.
Here’s Gene in the ring
to recap JJ’s offers to Sting. He calls out “Earic” Bischoff to
address the possibility of Sting vs. Hogan. Bischoff says ultimatums
can come back to bite you, which means the WCW ship has to sail
without Sting. JJ is on the phone (seriously? They couldn’t get JJ
Dillon to a show?) and says that Eric is jumping to conclusions.
Apparently WCW was
flooded with letters from fans so Hogan vs. Sting will happen. Eric
FREAKS and says it won’t happen because Hogan is too busy, but if the
match happened, Hogan would destroy him. Cue Sting who puts Eric on
his knees and puts a Hogan shirt down his throat. Sting smiles for
the first time in a year.
Raven jabbers a bit.
The Nitro Girls dance.
Ernest
Miller/Glacier vs. La Parka/Psychosis
Glacier vs. La Parka to
start with Ice Man kicking him in the face. I’m as shocked as you
are I assure you. Psychosis trips up Glacier but gets caught by a
spin kick from La Parka in a bit of heel miscommunication. A
powerslam puts La Parka down and Psychosis screws up again by hitting
his partner by mistake. They’re even now I guess. Miller comes in
and gets caught in some EVIL double teaming on the floor while being
stretched over the railing. Back in and the masked guys screw up
AGAIN with La Parka kicking Psychosis in the head. Everything breaks
down and La Parka hits Glacier with a wooden chair for the upset pin.
Rating: D+.
What in the world was the point of this? Go show that Glacier and
Miller aren’t a good team? I think we established that about the day
they started teaming together. Other than that, it’s nice to see a
new team who has done well before getting a win, even though they
look like the Three Stooges at the same time. Nothing to see here,
as usual.
Silver King and Ultimo
Dragon come in as the brawl continues post match. Dragon gets beaten
down, leading to this.
Silver King vs.
Ultimo Dragon
Dragon is in trouble
from the beating by all three other luchadores before we get going
here. He says he’s ready to go and it’s on. King already misses a
charge but a following kick in the corner connects with Dragon to
take him down. A top rope legdrop and moonsault get two for King and
we hit the chinlock. Silver misses a top rope elbow but takes
Dragon’s head off with a clothesline.
King chokes away a bit
but jumps into a dropkick as Dragon makes his comeback. He pounds
away on King in the corner and adds a Muta Handspring Elbow. A kind
of rana is botched by Dragon and both guys are down. They try it
again and Dragon gets much higher this time and hits the rana
perfectly for two. King goes up and after bumping the cameraman
twice, gets caught in the super rana and the Dragon Sleeper for the
tap out.
Rating: C-.
Not much here but at least they’re trying to give these guys a story.
What that story is I’m not sure but at least they’re trying somehow.
Other than that though, the botch on the rana wasn’t great and it
really slowed the match down. Silver King is a much bigger deal in
Mexico, but in WCW he never amounted to anything.
Here are Savage and
Hall for a chat. Hall says you can’t have a party without the NWO
and they’re the reason why everyone is here and watching on TV at
home. Apparently DDP has joined the NWO even though Savage voted no.
As for Luger, the slump will continue tonight when he takes the Big
Elbow. Gene asks Page to come out and asks if the Diamond Cutter to
Luger on Thursday was intentional or not. Page calls the question
stupid and says he and Luger will settle their differences like men.
Just advancing stories here.
Chris Benoit vs.
Jeff Jarrett
Benoit drills him three
times in a row to start and ducks the enziguri attempt from Jeff.
Jarret heads to the floor and is immediately caught by a baseball
slide, so he hides behind Debra like a coward. Back in and Jarrett
misses a charge in the corner but manages to avoid the Swan Dive.
Jeff goes up top but Benoit pops up for a superplex, but Jarrett
hooks Benoit’s legs once they hit the mat for a fast pin. Short but
intense as you would imagine from a Benoit match.
The Nitro Girls dance
some more.
Mortis/Wrath vs.
Faces of Fear
Apparently this is a
rematch from Saturday Night where the Faces of Fear lost. Wrath and
Barbarian start things off with neither guy being able to keep an
advantage. Vandenberg grabs Barbarian’s leg and Wrath kicks him down
for two but Barbie pops right back up. A top rope lariat gets two
more for Wrath but he misses a middle rope elbow. Off to Meng for a
double middle rope headbutt for two more. Everything breaks down so
let’s talk about WarGames.
There’s no Jimmy Hart
out here with the Fear dudes for some reason. Things calm down a bit
and Wrath charges into a Meng boot in the corner. Back to Barbarian
who gets caught by a cross body of all things. Not hot tag brings in
Mortis to fire off kicks but Meng goes into MONSTER MODE….which
lasts about four seconds before Mortis kicks him down for two.
Everything breaks down again and Mortis jumps into the Tongan
Deathgrip to end this.
Rating: C.
I’ll give them this: they’re giving these lower level guys some
programs which while not great do in fact exist. So many people
today have nothing of note to do and just wait for a story to come
along. This isn’t much of a story for these guys but it’s something
to do and a chance for them to show their skills a bit. That’s kind
of nice to see and the matches aren’t horrible or anything.
Wrath and Meng fight
some more post match.
BUY THIS STUFF!
Hour #2 begins.
Here are the Horsemen
with something to say. Flair wants to know RIGHT NOW if Hennig is
with them or against them. Curt comes out but he says he’s still not
ready to give Flair an answer at this point. However, Flair was
expecting this so here’s Arn Anderson to give a final sales pitch.
Anderson talks about how he’s never been the biggest, the strongest,
or the best at anything, but he’s parlayed that into a wrestling
career. Then a few months ago he had to have neck surgery which left
his left hand (he’s a southpaw) too weak to hold a glass or button a
button.
Then a few days ago at
the gym, he dropped a water bottle and saw the water falling out of
it like the sand in the hourglass of his career. Therefore, he’d
rather walk away than endanger the careers of men he respects. Every
time he got in the ring, he gave you everything he had and that’s how
he wants to be remembered. However he has one more challenge and
that’s to Curt Hennig. He asks Hennig to be the new Enforcer of the
Horsemen, which is Anderson’s spot on the team. Hennig says it would
be a privilege and shakes Arn’s hand to join the team.
US Title: Steve
McMichael vs. Eddie Guerrero
Mongo (the champion)
gets jumped from behind to start with Eddie going after the knee. A
snapmare puts the champ on the mat and Eddie stomps away before
hitting a DDT out of the corner for two. A headscissors gets the
same as Mongo is in trouble. Steve comes back with some basic power
stuff including a slam and another slam and then a SPINNING slam. A
charge misses in the corner and Eddie goes up, only to jump into a
Tombstone for the pin to retain. Nothing to see here.
Here’s Rey to update us
on his knee injury. He shouldn’t have wrestled at Road Wild which
brings out Konnan to run his mouth. Trash is spoken but Giant comes
out to scare Konnan off.
Bischoff comes out and
runs off Heenan and Tenay, saying he and Tony are doing commentary
for the rest of the show. Ok then.
Cruiserweight Title:
Yuji Nagata vs. Chris Jericho
I never got the appeal
of Nagata. I know he’s a big deal in Japan but his WCW stuff bored
me to death. Technical stuff to start with Jericho being sent into
the ropes where he misses a spinwheel kick. Yuji takes it to the mat
and fires off a HARD kick to Jericho. You know, because he’s
Japanese and Japanese wrestlers kick a lot. Jericho comes back with
a dropkick and slam to set up a springboard splash for two. We hit a
chinlock for a bit before Nagata is put in the Tree of Woe for some
kicks.
We take a break and
come back with Jericho getting dropped stomach first onto the ropes.
We head to the floor where Jericho comes back with a cross body and
it’s back inside. Yuji punches Jericho coming off the top to break
up an ax handle shot. Jericho shrugs that off, hits the Lionsault,
the WCW-rare double powerbomb and hooks the Liontamer for the tap out
to retain.
Rating: D+.
This didn’t work for the most part for me. Nagata is another guy who
is just there with no real character or anything resembling one aside
from “he’s a big deal in Japan.” Therefore, it’s hard to care
about him and it’s hard to buy him as a legit threat to Jericho’s
title. Not bad but nothing interesting at all here.
Harlem Heat wants to be
#1 contenders but they have to get past the Steiners apparently. Ray
talks about not having to go up north (to WWF) or to Japan because
they’re the big tag team of WCW. The Steiners come out to say they
deserve another title shot because of how the previous match ended.
Vicious and Delicious come out to brag and a fight breaks out.
More dancing.
TV Title: Alex
Wright vs. Dean Malenko
Alex is defending.
Dean messes with him by using amateur stuff on him to start before
taking him to the mat for two. The champ heads to the floor and
comes back in with a strategy of punch Dean in the face over and
over. Sometimes it’s the simplest ideas that work best I suppose.
There’s an elbow drop but the champion stops to dance instead of
covering.
There’s a backbreaker
and Wright bends Dean over his knee for a little while. Wright’s
piledriver attempt is blocked into a backdrop. Malenko loads up a
superplex but gets shoved down. Instead Dean settles for a dropkick
but Wright goes to the eyes to break up the Cloverleaf attempt. A
pair of suplexes take Dean down but Dean counters into another
Cloverleaf attempt, drawing Dean and Eddie out for the DQ.
Rating: C-.
This was just waiting around until we got to the ending. The matches
tonight haven’t had much to them at all other than setting up stuff
for the future. That’s ok for a bit but when that’s all that happens
on the show it gets old. Dean needs Jarrett to go to the WWF already
so he and Eddie can just do their thing without being dragged down.
Lex Luger vs. Randy
Savage
Savage, an old Memphis
man, stalls before we get going. Luger punches him into the ropes
and gets pulled away by the referee, resulting in Savage getting in a
punch to take over. Randy seems to be keeping things simple tonight
with punches and a clothesline as we head to the floor. More basic
attacking by Savage as he starts focusing on the ribs by sending
Luger into the barricade.
Luger tries crawling
around but gets kicked in the head. You can’t say Savage didn’t live
up to his name. A double ax off the apron puts Luger down again,
preventing him from getting back into the ring. Savage finally
throws him back in and drops the top rope ax on him for two. A
sleeper on Luger is quickly countered into a belly to back suplex and
both guys are down.
Luger gets up first and
starts his comeback with his complete assortment of non-Rack moves
(punch, clothesline, atomic drop, forearm) before calling for the
Rack. Hall of course runs in and rams the guys together by mistake.
Page comes out and checks on Luger, resulting in Lex Racking him to
end the show.
Rating: D+.
This was again just there for the ending to play off the idea of
Luger and Page having issues. Based on that, I’ll set the over/under
for pleas for WCW to come together at 4 for the first hour of next
week’s show alone. Savage and Luger fought forever in WCW so it’s
kind of nice to see them rekindle that a bit here.
Overall Rating: D.
This show just wasn’t very good. It was almost all angle
advancement, but at the same time there weren’t any good matches to
back it up. We’re heading into WarGames now and nothing is really
set in stone yet. We can see most of the card though, and that’s the
most important part. Anderson’s retirement speech is worth checking
out, if nothing else to keep in mind for the parody that would
follow.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com

Crazy Deadspin Story

http://deadspin.com/5976517/manti-teos-dead-girlfriend-the-most-heartbreaking-and-inspirational-story-of-the-college-football-season-is-a-hoax


Is it wrong that less than five minutes after reading this, I termed this the "Katie Vick of College Football?"

Dude, that story was CRAZY.  They should do that with CM Punk, where he tries to bang some chick he met on Twitter and then it turns out that it's Colt Cabana fucking with him.  That would actually be a storyline that's original for wrestling.  Plus then he could be CATFISH CABANA.  
I await my royalty cheques from WWE.

Site Plug

Hi Scott,


Longtime reader, followed you from site to site and still enjoy your
rants.  I am undertaking a project to try and post the results of all
the WWE televised shows (PPVs, Raw, NXT, Main Event, Superstars,
Smackdown and Saturday Morning Slam) for 2013 and compile the win-loss
records for each wrestler.  So far I have made it through two weeks
without losing my mind.  Hopefully I can continue through the rest of
the year.  The site is http://wweresults2013.blogspot.ca

Thanks,
Craig

I'll save you the trouble:  John Cena wins every match, Ziggler loses every match.

Lightning Round: Comics Edition

I give the super-hero, you give me the first (and/or second) definitive Story-arc


Legion of Super-Heroes:

Great Darkness Saga, obviously.  

Hal Jordan:

I'm gonna say Hard Travelling Heroes because Neal Adams signed my copy of the TPB.  

Avengers:

Didn't read any Marvel growing up, so I couldn't say.  
X-Men:

Age of Apocalypse really summed up the 90s in a lot of ways, with "Alpha" and "Omega" issues, foil covers, temporary renumbering, and a fake death undone months later.  

Flash:

The Return of Barry Allen.  Turned Wally West into a main eventer for good.  Too bad they now hate him for some reason. 

Spider-Man:

For better or worse, the Clone Saga.  

JLA:

Tower of Babel.  

Hulk:

Never read Hulk until very recently.  I really liked the last run of the title, though, with Hulk and Banner trying to outsmart each other with a series of seemingly impossible deathtraps.  

Captain America:

I've been reading the Steve Englehart stuff from the 70s with the Falcon via the Essential collections and really enjoying it, but I don't know that much of it is "definitive" because I was never a Marvel guy.  

Batman:

Bare chested Batman fighting Ra's Al Ghul in the desert with awesome Neal Adams artwork.  You can also say Tower of Babel here.
Teen Titans:

The Judas Contract.  I still re-read that TPB all the time.  

Thor:

No idea, never read anything from the character, although I really loved the movie.  

Fill in any you like.