The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 11.06.19
Live from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Jim Ross
Pac v. Trent (Barretta)
Pac works the arm to start and they trade headlocks, but Pac bails and stops for a staredown with Orange Cassidy. YOU DON’T WANT NONE OF THAT, BASTARD. Back in, Trent hits him with chops and follows with a northern lights suplex for two, and Pac bails again and runs Trent into the railing this time. As Excalibur notes, Pac doesn’t need friends when he’s got a steel barricade. But, I mean, maybe he’d have MORE friends without the barricade? Pac drops Trent on his own best friend, the steel barricade, and beats on him up the ramp, then heads back in and hits him with a dive for good measure. Back in, Pac goes up with a missile dropkick for two. Which is funny because JR was comparing Pac to a young Dynamite Kid, and Pac did his dropkick the same way Kid did. Trent with a Flair Flip into the corner and Pac hits him with a german suplex for two. Pac with the chinlock and Trent fights out of that, so Pac cuts him off with a necksnap and sets up for another dive. This brings Orange Cassidy in for some brutal, painful looking kicks behind the ref’s back, but Pac lays him out with a big boot and sends him out of the ring. YOU MONSTER. HE WAS JUST FRESHLY SQUEEZED! Trent comes back with the half and half suplex to put Pac on the floor and follows with a dive of his own, then gets some barricade revenge and spears him on the floor. Man, even the steel barricade is turning on Pac. Back in, Trent gets fired up and hits a swinging DDT for two but Pac bails to the floor to escape. Trent foolishly follows and Pac hits him with a brainbuster on the floor, although I feel like the headband offered some protection. Back in, Pac goes up and finishes with the Black Arrow, but Trent somehow kicks out, so Pac puts him away with the Brutalizer submission instead at 11:48. Finish was a bit anticlimactic but Trent put on a hell of an effort here. ***1/2 Afterwards, Pac promises to make an example of Hangman Page at the PPV.
Cody Rhodes joins us for the go-home promo before the PPV this Saturday, and he’s happy to be home in Charlotte. So he’s heard all the criticisms about management booking themselves into the main event…and if he doesn’t beat LE CHAMPION at Full Gear, he’ll never challenge for the title again. And then in the SICK BURN of the week, he relates lessons learned from Jericho’s book “A Lion’s Tale”, which is available on Amazon for THREE DOLLARS or even less at several flea markets. Man, I WISH my books were still going for $3. I might still be making royalties on them. This was a great money promo from Cody, who showed the kind of real emotion you never get these days.
The Dark Order v. Private Party
Winner gets added to a three-way at Full Gear for the tag team titles, with the idea being that this is the “bronze medal game”, and they even have actual bronze medals that say “#3” on them. Now that’s a backhanded accomplishment. Apparently Dasha the Robot has jumped to AEW and is working on the Spanish commentary team now. Good for her. Grayson jumps Quen, but Private Party double-teams him and Stu bails and hides behind his masked geeks. So do they moonlight on Broadway performing the puppetry on the Lion King? Kassidy gets jumped from behind while Uno takes the ref, but he fights back with an enzuigiri on Uno and tries for the tag. Grayson cuts him off and puts him on the apron for a slingshot senton out there, and we take a break. Back with Kassidy getting worked over in the heel corner, but he fights Uno off and makes the hot tag to Quen. Uno immediately cuts him off with a sideslam for two and they set up for their finisher, but Quen flips out of it and dropkicks Grayson to the floor, then moonsaults Uno. To the floor with a dive on both Order and he runs wild in the ring for a bit with a springboard bodypress for two. Grayson manages to hit them both with a Pele kick and brings Uno back in, and he hits an ushigoroshi on Kassidy for two. Grayson suplexes Quen into Kassidy and follows with a 450 on Quen for two while Uno cannonballs Kassidy. Quen fights and brings Kassidy back in, but he walks into a superkick and the Order sets up to finish. Quen breaks that up, leaving Stu on the top rope, and the Gin & Juice finishes at 12:08 to send the Party to the tag title match. Man, these guys just did not mesh at all. Plus Dark Order is a real drag on the show and they need to find something else for them to do because this gimmick is not working at all. **1/2
Meanwhile, Chris Jericho does his own version of Cody’s video from a couple of weeks ago, complete with testimonials from SOUL TRAIN JONES and Jericho drinking champagne in the bathtub. This is just home run after home run, like Sammy Guevara deadpan putting him over as the “youngest AEW champion in history”, Jake Hager silently staring at the camera for his testimonial, an old woman (named “Bobski”, who I’m assuming is related to Clint Bobski from Southpaw Wrestling!) who is “Chris’s aunt’s friend” and always knew from the time that he was a little boy in her church that he’d be AEW World champion and he’ll beat the shit out of Cody. Plus Santana and Ortiz having graphics listing them as “Ruffian” and “Thug”. I hope this gets 20 million views on YouTube because people have been saying they need more character stuff and this blows away pretty much anything WWE has produced in months in that area.
Jamie Hayter & Emi Sakura v. Riho & Shanna
I know it’s bad form to say something, but HD lets us see that Sakura has a moustache like Freddy Mercury. Sakura throws Riho around and joins with Hayter for some double-teaming, but Riho comes back with a high knee and it’s over to Shanna, who hits Emi with forearms in the corner and a low dropkick for one. Flip neckbreaker gets two. Riho and Shanna with a double facejam and Riho splashes Sakura for two off that. Riho tries to follow with the 619, but Sakura catches her and brings in Hayter, who hits Riho with suplexes as we take a break and go PIP. Sakura with a dropkick and she hooks Riho with a bow and arrow, and then Hayter comes in with a camel clutch and into a chinlock as we return with Riho escaping with a headscissors. She rolls into a double stomp on Sakura and makes the hot tag to Shanna, who hits Hayter with running forearms in the corner and a running forearm for two. Sakura puts her down and tries a Vader bomb, but that hits knees. Hayter takes out Riho to prevent the hot tag, so Shanna makes her own comeback and hits both heels with a dive, then gets Sliced Bread #2 on Sakura for two. Sakura reverses to a Flatliner and it’s back to Hayter, who hits her with a forearm in the corner and follows with a shining wizard for two. Michinoku Driver gets two. Shanna counters a forearm into a DDT attempt, but Hayter puts her down with a lariat for two as Riho saves. Sakura with a butterfly backbreaker on Shanna and this time the Vader bomb hits and gets two, but Riho saves again and gets the hot tag. Sakura immediately rolls her up for two, but Riho gets her own rollup for two, and then Sakura sinks La Majastral in deep and gets the pin at 13:55. This REALLY took off after the break, and Shanna had some really good chemistry with Hayter. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Brandi Rhodes is sick of people disrespecting her, and she’s got Awesome Kong to back her up.
Brandon Cutler v. Shawn Spears
Apparently Spears tried to rip out Joey Janela’s tongue on AEW Dark, although the clip cuts out before we discover if it worked. Well maybe we’ll find out next week. Spears attacks Cutler in the corner, but Cutler gets a kick from the apron and dumps Spears. Spears yanks him off the apron and introduces him to Pac’s best friend the steel barricade. Back in, they trade chops and Cutler sweeps the leg, but Spears finishes him with a death valley driver at 3:13 before I can even find the Karate Kid meme for the legsweep. Nothing to this one. *1/2
Chris Jericho & Sammy Guevara v. Kenny Omega & Hangman Page
Jericho decides to avoid Omega and lets Sammy start, so Kenny takes him down with a wristlock. Sammy gets his own for one and tries to get fancy, so Omega chops him down and follows with a back elbow in the corner, and into a backdrop suplex. Page comes in with a standing shooting star for two and chops Sammy into the ropes, but Sammy escapes trouble until Page hits a fallaway slam for two. Finally Jericho comes in and beats on Hangman with chops in the corner, but Page comes out with a lariat and it’s back to Kenny. Clothesline on Sammy gets two and You Can’t Escape gets two, but Sammy lands on his feet to escape the german suplex. A pair of enzuigiris and he goes up, but Kenny catches him with a kick out of the air and puts him on the floor. Jericho cuts off the dive, so Kenny puts him on the floor as well and now HAGER cuts off the dive. We take a break while the heels celebrate and go PIP with Jericho working Kenny over in the corner, and we return with everything BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Omega diving onto the heels. Page follows with his own moonsault to the floor, but Pac runs in and kicks Hangman in the man-hangers , and the JUDAS EFFECT finishes him at 13:05. This was fine. *** The Inner Circle proceeds with the beatdown, but Cody makes the save. Jericho goes to leave, but MJF cuts him off with a chair, and then we get the barbed wire baseball bat from Moxley and LAX brawling with the Bucks to get all the shit in before Saturday as everyone has a wild brawl at the entrance and Nick Jackson dives off the set onto everyone still standing. And we finish with a good old fashioned donnybrook at ringside as JR hits the hard sell to wrap up the show.
Hey, before the complaint was that the wrestling was good but they were weak on the promo and character stuff, and MAN have they picked up the pace on that end! That Jericho video is going to be legendary.