The SmarK Rant for NWA Powerrr – 11.05.19
“Episode 5 – James Storm vs. Colt Cabana”
Taped from Atlanta, GA
Your hosts are Joe Galli & Jim Cornette
Colt Cabana joins us at the desk in advance of his shot at the National title tonight, and it’s all very humbling but he deserves it. And he’s ready to go. At least with all the fluid babyface/heel dynamics here, it’s clear he’s the babyface.
Aron Stevens is also here, and OK, he’s been suffering from ring rust but he’s still better than Ricky Starks. The crowd annoys him with a “You got beat” chant, to which he declares them INSOLENT KNAVES, and reveals that he’s actually the great great great great great great great grandson of William Shakespeare. (Crowd: “Boo!” Stevens: “ARE YOU BOOING WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE?!”) Stevens is getting better by the week.
RETROMANIA WRESTLING: Coming in 2020. It’s not even released and it’s already better than WWE 2K20 and probably has less bugs.
The Dawsons v. Mims & Jordan Kingsley
The jobbers try some double-teams, but the Dawsons overpower Kingsley and hit him with a double delayed suplex. Apparently, the Dawsons are pretty dumb, according to information provided by Jim Cornette.
They’re so dumb, when they were in college they got football letters and had to have someone else read them! To be fair, that’s more illiterate than dumb. Or maybe they had learning disabilities. Cornette should be more sensitive to that kind of thing.
Mims manages to get a tag after the Dawsons decline to finish Kingsley, but Dave hits him with a dropkick and they finish him with a double powerbomb at 2:10.
The Dawsons are sick of beating everyone and getting nothing for it, so they DEMAND a shot at the tag team titles. So this brings out Kingston & Homicide, who are not here to bitch and moan. But if the Dawsons want a title shot, Kingston is willing to put up their banked title shot in exchange for another match. So the Dawsons will think about it.
Tim Storm doesn’t really know where his career is going now, but Joe Galli is like “Well, you can’t win the 10 pounds of gold, but we’ve got lots of other great championships here in the NWA!” That’s kind of a dick move. And then Nick Aldis pops in and pulls Storm aside, worried that he’s going to retire and wanting to give him a pep-talk to prevent it. Come on, Nick, you gotta give my wrestling TV dad another shot at the title!
Ashley Vox v. Thunder Rosa
Rosa chokes and pulls her hair on the ropes to start while smarting off at the ref, but Vox fights back with chops until Rosa puts her down with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Rosa beats on her with kicks for two (“I got two for you, baby!”) and then delivers two more kicks. Rosa beats on the back and clamps on a bodyscissors, then slams her face into the mat to stop her from escaping. Vox spins into a double arm submission, but Rosa dropkicks her and goes up with the double stomp on the back for the pin at 3:10. Really impressive squash here. Marti Belle makes the save before Rosa can inflict any more damage. So, uh, what’s up with the jungle drums? Can everyone hear them or just us at home?
Marti Belle is feeling pretty betrayed by her best friend Allyson Kay not believing in her after all these years, so Kay comes out to confront her and then Thunder Rosa appears out of nowhere and slams Kay into the post. We get the beatdown in the ring, and Belle appears to make the save, but then turns on her bestie and kicks her in the face. Not surprising if the accusations she made are true.
Who is the Question Mark? Still no new information on the subject, sadly.
Aron Stevens v. Ricky Starks
Stevens means business, so this is TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS! OH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN, SON! Starks can’t possibly win now!
Stevens weighing in “at a weight he refuses to disclose” in another great touch. Starks rolls him up in three seconds to win the first fall, so Stevens runs into the crowd and does the “No/Yes” bit to calm himself down unsuccessfully. Back in the ring after a rest period and Starks rolls him up again, but only for two this time. Starks with a dropkick for two. He pounds away on Stevens and quotes some Charles Dickens (“I thought it was Shakespeare?” wonders Galli before Cornette tears him up over it.) Stevens goes low and pounds away on Starks, then drops knees on the ribs for two. Suplex gets two and Stevens goes to the chinlock as Cornette describes what a bad actor Aron is.
It seems that he couldn’t play dead if he had been shot!
That’s bad. Like “Miz in the Marine movies” kind of bad.
Starks gets a tornado DDT for two, and Stevens makes a comeback, but stops to yell at the crowd and pose, and Starks rolls him up for the pin at 4:50 to win the match in two straight falls.
NWA National title: James Storm v. Colt Cabana
We’ve got Ken Anderson and Eli Drake lurking at ringside so expect a screwy finish. Cabana avoids Storm in the corner to start and rolls him up for two and we get more wackiness with a testicular claw, but they head to the floor and Storm gets a cheapshot out there to take over. Back in, Storm pounds him down for two and works the leg, but he goes up and Colt boots him on the way down. Colt with the chops and a flying headscissors, and the corner hip attack gets two. Sunset flip gets two, but Storm dumps him and follows with a baseball slide. Back in, Storm goes up with the flying elbow for two. Back to the top rope and they slug it out up there, and Colt sends him down and follows with a splash after landing on his feet. Colt slugs away on Storm, but walks into a backstabber that gets two. Colt fires away with forearms, but Storm catches him with the Eye of the Storm helicopter slam for two. Eli Drake takes the ref in protest, but Mr. Anderson lays him out, which then brings out Kamille to get in Anderson’s face. And meanwhile in the ring, Colt gets the superman pin on Storm to win the National title at 8:00! I’m still not solid on who is on whose side and what the motivations are in all this, actually. Match was really good though. ***1/4
The Dawsons v. Eddie Kingston & Homicide
We’re at the end of our scheduled program, but they’re TEARING UP THE FORMAT SHEET and doing this right now. Homicide chokes Zane on the ropes and fishhooks him, while Kingston throws chops on Dave until the Dawsons team up to squash him for two. Kingston is YOUR loudmouth-in-peril in the heel corner and they beat on him, but Eddie fights back, so Zane pokes him in the eye to cut that off. Kingston comes back with a clothesline out of the corner, but the Dawsons take out Homicide on the apron and continue beating on Kingston with a double suplex for two. Dave misses a charge and Eddie takes him down with an STO, and it’s hot tag Homicide, who hits them with running clotheslines in the corner and tosses Zane. This brings Wild Card out to watch what’s going on, so Homicide boots Zane onto the champs. Back in, Wild trips up Homicide, but the Rock N Roll Express makes the save and chases them off to a monster reaction. Dave gets a sideslam on Homicide for two after that, but the Dawsons collide and the Cop Killer finishes for Homicide at 5:44. And then the RNR return to put Homicide and Kingston over and we’re done for the week. Fun match, much better than the out-of-place brawl from last week. ***
This was probably the best episode since the premiere and have I mentioned how incredibly fun it is lately? Because it sure is.