The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN–10.29.99

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 10.29.99

So of course we start with a video recap of Tammy Lynn getting paddled by Dawn Marie and Lita, along with the same recycled clips of her bikini shoots we’ve been seeing for weeks now. Hey, you can’t say they didn’t know well enough than to strike while the ratings iron was hot.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “I’m luscious I’m lean I’m the best they’ve ever seen because I’m a man among men and a well-oiled love machine” Gertner.

Taz v. Sabu

They slug it out to start and Taz wins that one, before they take it to the floor and brawl out there. We take a break and return with a table still unmolested outside and Sabu trying to put Taz into the camel clutch. Taz escapes from that and counters a sidekick with a german suplex, and follows with a clothesline. So at this point the crowd turns on Taz and does the “you sold out” chant, and Sabu comes back with a top rope rana for two. The table gets involved and they fight over that, but Sabu uses a chair and then Taz trips him into it. Sabu sets up the table again, but Taz puts him through it for two. Taz goes up and misses a senton, so Sabu brings in ANOTHER table and puts Taz through it facefirst with a legdrop, for two. And then a third table comes in and Sabu goes up and finishes with a legdrop through the table at 12:00. For a match that ended their years-long feud, this was nothing special. Taz in particular didn’t look particularly motivated, for obvious reasons. **1/2 The Impact Players attack Sabu afterwards and RVD makes the save, but then they turn on each other because I guess one pair of squabbling tag team partners isn’t enough for one show. And then Taz sides with Sabu and chokes out RVD. Apparently this is leading to something at the November 2 Remember PPV, but they haven’t actually mentioned anything about the card yet.

Meanwhile, on Hardcore TV, Sign Guy gets repackaged as Lou E. Dangerously and brings Mikey Whipwreck back to ECW after his disaster of a WCW run.

Lance Storm v. Tommy Dreamer

Francine keeps looking skinnier and grosser by the week. Storm attacks in the corner to start and follows with the corner clothesline and jawbreaker, but Tommy comes back with an atomic drop and they brawl to the floor off that. Off into the crowd and Dreamer tries a suplex out there, but Storm wins that battle and runs him into the railing. Tommy retrieves a ladder and puts Storm on top of it on the ramp, but tries an elbowdrop and hits the ladder. I don’t know why he keeps doing stupid shit like that. Back in, Storm puts his face on a chair and drops the leg for two, but Tommy whips him into the ladder and gets two. Dawn Marie makes the save and we get the requisite catfight, and then of course Raven comes in and turns on Dreamer yet again and Storm gets the pin at 4:54. Is this storyline EVER going to progress anywhere? And then Justin Credible comes out and the Impact Players double on Raven and do their deal. I don’t know why we need ladders and chairs for a 4 minute TV match. *1/2

And then we replay pretty much the entire thing before heading back to the ring as Raven cuts a promo about how much he hates Dreamer and hates all the fans. And then Dreamer turns on him with a DDT.

Meanwhile, Nova gets promo time. Chris Chetti was hurt at the last PPV, so he’s dedicating his career to him now. Maybe Chetti will turn on him and we’ll get another tag team that hates each other.

The Baldies v. Nova & David Cash

We take a break and return with Roadkill and Doring suddenly laying out Nova and we get a 5 on 1 beatdown instead of a match. Ballz and Axl make the save with some sickening chairshots to the heads of the heels, and then Jazz attacks Miss Congenialty with a chairshot and beats her down. Knowing how both Ballz and Axl were diagnosed with CTE after their deaths, watching this stuff in meaningless angles like this is pretty rough.

Next week: A WCW hardcore star jumps to ECW and WCW doesn’t even know about it yet! I’m guessing it’s someone who couldn’t HAK it in WCW. If you know what I’m saying.

TAMMY SYTCH UPDATE: Tammy had been found passed out in a pool of her own excrement in the locker room the week before, but she had a good and totally believable excuse. You see, she drank from an open can of Pepsi that was left in the locker room, and it was laced with GHB by some nefarious scoundrel who was out to discredit her good name. My god, I hope someday that monster is brought to justice. That could have been any one of us drinking from a random can of Pepsi left laying around in a wrestling locker room! I mean, who among us hasn’t wandered around backstage at an ECW show and saw an open can of Pepsi and thought “God damn, I’m so thirsty I don’t even time to go to the hallway and buy a fresh one from the vending machine”? Admit it, we all have. So in conclusion, please, let’s have some compassion and dignity for Tammy in her time of need until proven otherwise. I’m going to set up a Kickstarter to find the real culprit and we’ll get to the bottom of it together. Thank you, and god bless America.

Also this show fucking sucked.