Mike Reviews: ECW Hardcore TV #327 – 31/07/1999

Hello You!

So here we are, back with another episode of Hardcore TV. Last week’s show was the traditional post Pay-Per-View one, where we got nothing but promo’s and video recaps of Heatwave 99. However, we are now roughly one month away from the debut of ECW on TNN and the date for Anarchy Rulz has already been announced, so hopefully we’ll get some original matches and angles this week to start setting those up.

I’m looking to do a double shot of 205 Live this week to get myself caught up, so look for that today or tomorrow.

So without further ado, let’s amp ourselves up with some fizzy Haribo and get ready to take things to The Extreme!!!

Today’s matches are coming from New Orleans, Louisiana

Calling the action is Joey Styles

We open up with The Dudley Boyz in the ring antagonising the crowd.

Show Intro: Today’s tagline, “Wilder Than Bourbon Street, Spicier Than Cajun Gumbo! This is Extreme!”

Opening Match
ECW Tag Team Titles
Champions: Spikey-Balls Vs The Dudley Boyz w/ Joel Gertner and Sign Guy Dudley

Balls is wearing a neck brace here following getting dropped on his head at Heatwave 99 when Buh Buh tried to powerbomb him through a flaming table. The brawl is on right from the start, as Spike gets a 10 punch on Buh Buh whilst D-Von works over Balls in the corner. Balls flings Spike over the top to the floor and fights him out there, whilst Balls makes a comeback on D-Von, only to then be dropped with a shoulder charge for two. Balls gets a nice belly to belly suplex on D-Von and then heads outside to brawl with him, whilst Spike and Buh Buh go at it in the ring.

Spike gets a school boy on Buh Buh for two before getting launched into the heavens with a back body drop. Everyone swaps dance partners, as Buh Buh hits a Bossman Slam and a chair shot in the ring to Balls, whilst D-Von works over Spike outside the ring. Spike, who is now bleeding, fights back against D-Von however, whilst Buh Buh takes a cheese grater to Balls and then licks it for the gross out spot. Everyone brawls into the crowd, where Spike hits Buh Buh with a low blow. The New Orleans crowd are totally into all of this and are having a great time, which really adds to the match and is a key difference from the Heatwave bout between the two teams.

Buh Buh powerbombs Spike on the seats and then drags him up the bleachers before dropping him crotch first on a safety rail. The big Atlas Security guy with the mullet who looks a bit like Don West heads in to the crowd to try and keep the fans away from catching a stray punch. Spike dives off the bleachers onto Buh Buh, as this one just continues to get wilder. D-Von and Balls make it back to the ring during all this, and D-Von works Balls over with a spinning back elbow and a leg drop, but Balls kicks out after both moves. Buh Buh has stolen a fans hat from somewhere, as he gets back in the ring and rops off Balls’ neck brace.

Spike takes a Superbomb from the top rope from Buh Buh, as The Champs are getting shellacked here. Buh Buh makes it worse by dropping Balls with a piledriver to set up the Wazzup Head butt. It looks like The Champs are beat, but The Dudleyz don’t go for the pin and instead want administer punishment. This gives Spike a window to hit D-Von with the Acid Drop, which gets two when Buh Buh saves. Balls runs wild on Buh Buh and hits the Ball Buster (Sky High) but D-Von makes the save for Buh Buh at two. Buh Buh sets Balls up on the top rope and brings him down with a superplex and D-Von follows with a diving head butt, but Spike saves at two.

Spike tries the Acid Drop on Buh Buh, but Buh Buh counters and flings Spike over the top rope through a table. Balls is now in a handicap situation and The Dudleyz work him over with a chair and Sign Guy’s metal sign. Back Suplex/Neck Breaker combo to Balls, but Spike recovers from earlier, only to get swatted out of the sky by Buh Buh when he tries a top rope clothesline. 3-D looks to end Spike, but Balls breaks it up with a chair shot and this allows Spike to catch D-Von with the Acid Drop to get the three count.

WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: SPIKEY-BALLS
RATING: **1/2

Not a technical classic or anything, but it had good energy and the live crowd were in to it.

The Dudleyz get cat called following the match and seem to argue with one another over the result. Sign Guy tries to stop them fighting with one another, whilst Gertner just watches on not sure what to do. Buh Buh draws a line in the sand and dares D-Von to cross it, and the crowd like the sound of that, so The Dudleyz make up to spite them

COMMERCIAL

Joey Styles is in front of the ECW Banner, where he recaps all the teams they have beaten and wonders how long Spikey-Balls can hold on to the belts.

COMMERCIAL

Joey recaps Tommy Dreamer’s back injuries and throws to Lance Storm Vs Tommy Dreamer from Hardcore Heaven 99. I’ll just copy and paste my recap of the match from my Hardcore Heaven 99 review.

Match Two
ECW Grudge Match
Lance Storm w/ Dawn Marie Vs Tommy Dreamer

Dawn comes out wearing no pants as promised in the TV building this, but Lance isn’t having any of that and forces her to put some on. Cyrus hints that Joey is going to WCW, so Joey kicks him out of the commentary booth. Dawn looks pretty gosh darn incredible here by the way, wearing as little clothing as possible whilst still wearing something that constitutes a dress. Storm is actually wearing jeans and a vest tonight as opposed to his usual wrestling gear to sell that this is a big deal.

Dreamer, seeing that he’s outnumbered, brings Francine with him to even the odds. The fight starts up on the ramp, with Dreamer getting the better of things and sending Storm into the ring. Dreamer counters a sunset flip back inside by utilising the not often seen “hit your opponent with a bin lid” technique. I believe George Hackenschmidt used the very same technique in his classic 176 minute draw with Benjamin Von Booterhausen in a Siberian snowfield way back in 1901.

Cactus Clothesline from Dreamer sends both men tumbling to the floor, where Dreamer continues to maintain control, but when he tries a Spicolli Driver on the ramp Storm is able to slip out and hit a reverse DDT. Back inside, Dreamer tries to DDT Storm on a chair, but Storm counters it into a modified STO for two. Storm and Dreamer go through a nice counter sequence that ends with Storm getting a super kick for two.

Storm decides to set a table up at ringside, but Dreamer recovers and fights him off before he can use it. Dreamer grabs a section of guardrail into the ring, and my bollocks are already aching at the thought of what’s surely coming next. And indeed, as I type that, Storm drops Dreamer crotch first onto the railing because…

Thanks, Cenk.

Anyway, with Dreamer’s meatballs now marinating in their own Ragu, Storm heads up top and tries to leap onto him, but he is able to dodge it and Storm ends up hitting the railing. Dreamer heads up himself now, but Storm cuts him off at the pass and then throws him off the top rope face first into a chair for two. Storm tries to hip toss Dreamer off the apron through the table from earlier, but Dreamer blocks it and it ends up being Storm who takes a back body drop through it.

Storm recovers pretty damn quickly from that though and starts wearing Dreamer out with his leather belt, opening a cut on Dreamer’s head in the process. Storm tries to use a chair, but Dreamer fends him off and then hits a chair assisted stunner for two. Dreamer heads out to set a ladder up between the ring and railings, but when he tries to bulldog Storm off the apron he gets shoved off onto the ladder instead.

Storm goes to baseball slide the ladder into Dreamer’s face, but Dreamer sees him coming and is able to avoid it and eventually splat Storm with the ladder. Next we get Dreamer putting Storm’s head between the rungs of the ladder and hitting it with a chair, which is an impressive looking and sounding spot but also totally safe as well. You can tell that Storm wasn’t going to do too much stupid stuff here, namely because he’s good enough to not need to and also because he’s a generally intelligent man.

Storm stumbles around with the ladder over his head following the chair shot and happens to bump the referee in the process, setting us up for some ECW Shenanigans™ no doubt. Dreamer lays Storm on the ladder and goes for a splash from the top, but Storm moves out of the way and Dreamer ends up hitting nothing but ladder. Storm sets Dreamer up on another table and heads up top, but Dreamer recovers and brings Storm down from the top rope with a Spicolli Driver through the table.

However, there’s no ref to count Dreamer’s resulting pin, which allows Cyrus to run down and break it up. This leads to Cyrus taking a spear and bronco buster from Francine, which then leads to our mandatory catfight of the evening between Dawn Marie and Francine. However, this leaves Dawn open for Dreamer to finally piledrive her. However, as is usually the case with Dreamer, he spends too much time beating up the lackeys/valets and that allows Storm to put a bin over his head and hit a spinning wheel kick to pick up the win.

WINNER: LANCE STORM
RATING: ***1/4

Oh my word, someone from the Lance Storm and Justin Credible team ACTUALLY WON A MATCH?!?! What’s next, are planes not going to be able to take off at the world’s biggest airports because there are too many pigs in the air? This was actually a fun garbagy brawl, with some neat counters and some impressive bumps. Some people complained at the time that a more technically skilled wrestler like Storm was seen to be slumming it in hardcore matches, but that was the whole point of this match. Storm came into Dreamer’s world here and beat him at his own game, which in turn gave him a rub, but he still also did it in an underhanded way because he’s a heel. That’s perfectly sensible and logical story telling.

COMMERCIAL

Joey confirms that next weeks show is coming from the ECW Arena and pimps the ECW Hotline and ECWWrestling.com

Main Event
Danny Doring and Roadkill w/ Angelica Vs ???

We never find out who their opponents are supposed to be, as Sabu runs in to destroy them with the usual. Angelica (The woman that would become Lita) shows off her chops to the locker room by getting put through a table by Sabu. Sabu motions that he wants to fight Rob Van Dam, but before RVD can join us, Justin Credible runs in to hit Sabu with his Singapore cane as the show fades to black.

In Conclusion

Two decent matches this week at least, although if you’ve already seen Hardcore Heaven 99 then you can essentially shut the show off following the conclusion of the Tag Title match. Still, at least we’re getting teases for Sabu Vs RVD as well as continuing the Sabu Vs Credible feud, so it looks like there’s an actual progression to the story lines in mind.