The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.26.92
Taped from Hershey, PA.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect. We’re back to introducing the city and goofy banter from Perfect after a few weeks of playing around with the format, by the way. Perfect woo’ing through the match lineup is pretty hilarious.
The British Bulldog v. Barry Hardy
They’ve already edited Bulldog’s pose with the belt from this match into the opening sequence, so clearly he’ll be around in their long-term plans! Unless he gets fired for gross violations of their drug policy in the next month or so, but how likely is THAT? Bulldog overpowers Hardy and slams him to set up a delayed suplex, as he holds him up there longer than a crack binge with Jim Neidhart. Powerslam finishes at 2:20.
UPDATE! WITH GENE OKERLUND! BROUGHT TO YOU BY NINTENDO!
The tie-in there was the horridly god-awful Steel Cage Challenge game for the NES, by the way. And they actually show footage of it and expect people to buy it!
Anyway, Gene considers Savage to be the uncrowned champion, even though Savage came into the match limping and then Flair beat the shit out of him and put him down for, like, a 30 count with the figure-four. But yeah, Macho totally had him dead to rights. Anyway, we head back to last week, with Savage introducing his weird Tumblr shipping team with Ultimate Warrior that was destined to end up in tears for both of them.
Papa Shango v. John Richner
Well lookie who we got here…
Yes, it’s your future ECW star jobber of the week, in this case Ballz Mahoney. Shango curses the leg and Richner collapses to the mat selling it, as Shango goes to work on it. Body vice into a shoulderbreaker finishes at 1:30. SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE CURSE THE KNEE THEN?!? He needs to spend some time in the Voodoo Performance Center to learn how to curse to the hard camera.
Event Center! As far as Tito Santana is concerned, Bulldog came out the winner of the IC title at Summerslam, and there were no losers. I would argue that in a more literal way, Bret Hart was clearly the loser. Over to Shawn Michaels, who isn’t happy about Bulldog winning HIS title, and now he’s coming for it.
The Komet Kid v. Barry Horowitz
OK, so after months of endless tryout matches and tweaking the gimmick, Konnan was supposed to debut in the futuristic robot costume (complete with “jetpack” gimmick) and they had sunk quite a lot of money into it, somewhere upwards of $100,000 apparently. Then, literally at the last minute before the character was set to debut, Konnan and Vince had a bitter falling out over ownership of the gimmick and other money matters, and K-Dog walked out on the promotion, leaving them with a suit and no guy. So Paul Diamond, still playing Kato at that point, happened to walk by while they were having their argument and remarked “I bet I could fit into the suit”, and thus he debuts here in version 1.0 of the gimmick that eventually got reworked into Maximillion Moves and then Max Moon. The Kid works the arm to start and monkey flips Horowitz into the corner, but Barry comes back with a jawbreaker and declares “Now it’s time to wrestle!” Thanks for the heads up! Komet Kid komes back with a bulldog off the middle rope and follows with a leg lariat in the corner, and a rolling fireman’s karry finishes at 2:45. Even by 1992 standards, Paul Diamond wasn’t exactly a state of the art high flyer and this was a pretty lame debut.
Razor Ramon v. Nick Tarantino
Ramon had better watch his boots around this guy. Razor slaps him around in the corner and biels him to set up a chokeslam. Backdrop suplex from the middle rope sets up the Razor’s Edge at 2:35. Still without a name for that move, by the way.
Event Center! Tatanka thanks all the great chiefs and spirits for bringing him to the top of the WWF. Don’t they have better things to worry about in the Happy Hunting Grounds?
Big Bossman v. Bruce Mitchell
Mitchell tries to work the arm and gets backdropped as a result, and Bossman follows with a big boot. Perfect speculates that Bossman might retire from his injuries and drive kids to school instead, thus becoming the Big Bus Man. And then like all great heels, he laughs uproariously at his own terrible joke to really sell it. Boss with the running choke and he really takes his time beating the shit out of Mitchell until even Vince notices. Bossman slam finishes at 2:53.
Mean Gene brings out special guest Ric Flair, who feels like Warrior should have listened to him and taken the deal at Summerslam.
The Nasty Boys v. Bobby Perez & Akita Webb
The Nasties work Webb over in the corner and give him the Pitstop, while doing an inset promo where they claim Jimmy Hart has officially made them #1 contenders to the tag titles. Vince speculates that Jimmy also told the same thing to Money Inc. Maybe he should just get Jim Ross or John Laurenaitis to handle it for him. I’ve heard that’s an effective way to deal with problems like that. Shitty Elbow finishes at 3:07.
Next week: Crush! Undertaker! Nailz! The Natural Disasters! Razor Ramon! We’re rapidly running out of episodes of this show on the Network and I dunno what the fuck I’m gonna do when I’m finished!