The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems–08.11.18

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems – 08.11.18

Hey, it’s even MORE Hidden Gems posted to the Network this week. So let’s take a look, shall we?

Patterson Battles a Patriarch

Pat Patterson v. Angelo Poffo (01.11.77)

This looks like Florida footage, and we cut to Patterson sending Poffo fleeing with armdrags. Back in, Pat works the arm. Man, Angelo looks like the love child of Leaping Lanny and Greg Valentine at this point in his career. This is of course very unlikely since Greg has turned into an old lesbian and would be both unable and unwilling to bear children at this point. Patterson continues working the arm with armdrags but Poffo goes to the eyes, and we’re clipped to Pat making the comeback while Angelo begs for mercy. Pat gets a bunch of slams and Poffo runs away again, but this time manages to throw Patterson out of the ring while begging for mercy. Note to all you kids out there: If you ever get into a fight, always make sure to cry like a baby while pleading for forgiveness for your attacker, and then when he turns around in disgust, WHAM, you kick him in the nuts. Anyway, Poffo keeps Pat out of the ring in annoying fashion, but Patterson drags him out and runs him into the railing before getting all fired up again with the comeback, and then rolling him up for the pin at 6:28. Not good. 0 for 1.

A Savage Alliance

Randy Savage & Magnum TA v. The Mongolians (11.24.83)

From Georgia Championship Wrestling, another show conspicuously missing from the Network. This is from the Omni on Thanksgiving. Wasn’t that the same time as Starrcade 83? That’s some balls on Ole Anderson. This is the finals of an annual tag team tournament, and the Mongolians were Gene Lewis and Newt Tattrie and they’re definitely not Mongolian. Now I ask you: Is there a manlier team ever than friggin’ Magnum TA and Randy “Macho Man” Savage? Our heroes trade headlocks on a Mongolian, who I could call “the bald, fat one” but that would just confuse things even more. Magnum escapes a double-team attempt and Savage controls one of them with a headlock, but he gets trapped in the corner and attacked like Genghis Khan invading the Orient. A little historical Mongolian reference there for you. See, fun AND educational! I have to take exception with the incredibly lazy character work on these Mongolians, who are literally just white guys with top knots shaved into their hair. I bet they couldn’t even work a Mongolian grill! Magnum gets beat up by the so-called Mongolians for a bit, but makes the hot tag and Savage finishes with the flying elbow at 7:03 to win the tournament. FUCK YOU, MONGOLIANS! OK, that’s all the Mongolian references I’ve got today. 0 for 2.

Raising Hell in OVW (01.31.01)

This is from OVW (duh), as Jim Ross shows up at the Christmas Chaos show to introduce Steve Austin, who cuts a promo about going to Wrestlemania and taking out HHH beforehand and all that. So then JR points out that Rico Costantino has been talking some smack about Stone Cold. You know, back when he was a pretty awesome wrestler and not a manager and/or hairdresser. So Rico does indeed come out to air his grievances with Austin in a late Festivus miracle and lets Steve know that he’s coming for him after Wrestlemania. He’s gonna kick Steve’s HINEY. Strong words from Rico. Steve clarifies that it’s a threat, and then decides to leave because he’s in a good mood. However, Rico is unwilling to let it go, and Austin is thus forced to return like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven, and deals out some Texas justice with KICK WHAM STUNNER on Rico. Not really sure why it’s a “Hidden Gem”, but it was a fine Austin promo. 1 for 3.

WWF Women’s title: Alundra Blayze v. Lioness Asuka (11.21.95)

So this is a dark match from a RAW taping, and it’s Alundra’s last ever WWF appearance. Asuka is of course a legendary Japanese wrestler who was the inspiration for our current Asuka. Blayze tries a rollup, but gets put down with a high kick and choked out on the ropes. Asuka with a suplex for two and she slugs away on Blayze and throws kicks before going to a chinlock. She slugs away in the corner, but Blayze tosses her and follows with a dive that misses by a mile. Back in, Asuka takes her down with a Scorpion deathlock and blocks a sunset flip, but Alundra comes back with the legdrop for two. Asuka bails and Blayze follows her out there with some high kicks, and back in for a piledriver attempt that Asuka backdrops out of. She goes up and Blayze brings her down with a headscissors for two. They tussle for a takedown and Blayze gets the german suplex to finish at 7:48. Completely heatless and dull, and when next we saw her, she was dumping the title in the trash on Nitro. 1 for 4.

Well, not much to the latest batch of additions this week. But hey, it’s always an adventure!