The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 10.18.94
Taped from Hamburg, PA
Your host is Joey Styles.
We start with a loving video tribute to the Sandman, his career taken from us too soon via a lit cigarette to the eye. We’ll never know how far he might have gone in ECW had he been allowed to continue up the ranks. WHY, CRUEL FATE? WHY?
Don’t say that, Captain Picard meme! The world needs starship captains!
Oh, but meanwhile it’s November to Remember 2 on November 5 with a bunch of matches.
BUT FIRST, Sandman has announced his retirement, and he’ll bid farewell to the fans at that show. Oh god, I’m tearing up all over again. I think there’s something in my eye.
Sorry, that was insensitive. Too soon. THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR LAUGHTER. Unless you’re Matt Borne in the weird half-clown costume.
Oh wait, first the Public Enemy are beating up some geeks with baseball bats. Let’s go to that.
The Public Enemy v. Tony Stetson & Rockin’ Rebel
They destroy the geeks and finish Stetson with the Drive By about a minute in. Apparently they get a rematch for the tag titles at November to Remember. But will Sandman get his EYE BACK?! I don’t think so.
Woman joins us via phone from her vacation in Florida, although she’s less than impressed with Sandman’s performance in that match and now he’s of no use to her and she needs a new meal ticket. Really, had he learned to cover up his eye, he wouldn’t be in this mess. So she’s gonna show up at his retirement ceremony and announce her new man. DOES SHE HAVE NO HEART?
Last week: Borne Again and Mr. Hughes beat on Scorpio and try to turn him into a Doink. Still not as embarrassing as Flash Funk.
2 Cold Scorpio is coming for Borne, whether it’s fighting or rasslin’.
Meanwhile, Joey recaps the country music song that is Sandman’s life as of late, and this somehow leads to a satellite interview with “Iron Man” Tommy Cairo. Tommy regrets not being there so he could have seen Sandman blinded and in pain right there in person. In fact, he kind of wishes he had done it himself. Joey is OUTRAGED at this tomfoolery and calls an end to the interview so he can have a word with him off-screen.
Back from the break, and Cairo still won’t play along with Joey’s Sandman pity party because he’s been out for months due to Sandman attacking him. He reiterates that he wishes he was the one who did it, and Joey cuts him off.
Chris Benoit v. Surfer Ray Odyssey
Joey would like to remind us that Ray is the ORIGINAL party animal, not some dog in a beer commercial. Was Spuds McKenzie even a thing by 1994? Odyssey chases Benoit from the ring with a dropkick and follows with a dive. He could call it the SCUBA DIVE. This gimmick is an untapped well of awesome puns. Back in, Benoit puts him down with a clothesline while Joey notes that former ECW main eventer King Kong Bundy has disappeared from the sport, but is rumored to have “moved to Connecticut and joined the circus.” BON MOT, Joey. Benoit gets a bridging german for two and a northern lights suplex for two. Odyssey reverses a backdrop suplex for two, but Benoit chops him in the corner and suplexes him onto the top rope. Diving headbutt finishes at 5:34. Boring match. Joey’s like “Ray Odyssey just hung in there with Chris Benoit!” No, no, he didn’t. *1/2
Meanwhile, Tommy Dreamer DEMANDS that he gets to speak with Tommy Cairo. So we cut back to Cairo’s home, where he does his Sandman impression (“OW! WHAT’S THIS IN MY EYE?”) and contemplates his fruit and vegetable garden. Stress relief, you see. He particularly enjoys “eating Peaches”.
Meanwhile, Shane Douglas has challenged Ric Flair yet again, but got turned down flat. BUT WHAT ABOUT SANDMAN?
Cactus Jack v. Sabu
We talked about this one in the last Observer Flashback, in fact. Jack attacks him and slugs away on the mat, then chokes him out on the ropes. Jack legdrops him on the apron (THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING!) and grabs a chair, but Sabu smacks it back into his face and then follows with a moonsault…and lands RIB-FIRST on the railing. HOLY SHIT. How did he not collapse both lungs right there? 911 valiantly beats on Jack to buy some time for Sabu to return from the brink of death, but Sabu decides to keep going and comes back with a suplex on Jack on the floor. Jack drops a table on him and Paul E. tries to talk Sabu into quitting, but when have a few broken ribs and internal bleeding ever stopped him before? Back in, Sabu pounds on Jack with a chair and hits Air Sabu, and of course lands on his ribs right on the chair, but the Arabian facebuster misses. Jack tries to fake him out, but another try gets two. Jack tosses him and suplexes him through a table on the floor. They head to the back of the building and Sabu whips him into the bleachers, but Jack piledrives him on the stage. Another try, but Sabu backdrops out and dives onto him to the floor. Keep in mind Sabu is doing all this with severe internal injuries. Back to the ring, where 911 mugs Cactus in the aisle and slams his head into the railing, and they brawl back into the crowd again, where 911 puts Jack on a table and this time Sabu’s moonsault actually hits the target. Back into the ring and Sabu is barely able to move, but he manages to slam Cactus and hit the moonsault for two. You’d think after the first moonsault shattered his ribcage, he might steer away from that move for a while. Another Air Sabu is caught by Cactus, but Sabu falls on top for two. Sabu gets a bottle now and desperately tries to smash it over Jack’s head, but apparently it’s not gimmicked and the damn thing won’t break until the seventh attempt. And finally that puts Jack away at 13:38. I don’t know which was tougher, Jack or that damn beer bottle. Not a technically GREAT match, but a hell of a scrap. ***1/2
Man, they really got a lot of nothing with this one. A really great show built around the surprise highlight of a Tommy Cairo interview and Sabu injuring himself.