The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 09.20.98
Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Cornette
Mankind v. Dustin Runnels
The Rock and Ken Shamrock are in Mankind’s corner as a part of the increasingly complex Kane-Undertaker relationship. Dustin tries to leave and gets thrown back in by Mankind, so he slugs away on the mat until Mankind DDTs him. Mandible Claw finishes at 2:38. This was a complete nothing. 0 for 1.
Val Venis comes out to further make Dustin’s life worse. Don’t worry if you’re a little down, Val notes, because your wife has been down as well. And speaking of which, here’s his latest video: “How Terri Got Her Groove”. It’s just Val and Terri in bed together. Man, there was NO effort at making a real movie there. That’s just lazy! 0 for 2.
Meanwhile, Michael Cole asks the Brothers about their business deal with Mr. McMahon, but Undertaker brushes him off and tells the Rock/Mankind/Shamrock trio that they need to step off. As far as he’s concerned, DOA stands for “dead on arrival”. Well, yeah, I mean, that’s exactly what it stands for. Mankind and his wacky friends charge in for a brawl.
Meanwhile, Vince chastises Mankind for nearly ruining his plan (“Did you get the get well card that my secretary sent?”) and tells him to get out of the arena for his own safety. Mick: “Can you give us a ride? I mean, I don’t drive…” 1 for 3.
Luna Vachon v. Jacqueline
Jackie attacks to start, but Luna beats her down for two and follows with a pump splash for two. Blind charge misses and Jacqueline clips the knee and goes to a figure-four, which gets the submission at 2:13. Well that was certainly energetic. 2 for 4.
Meanwhile, the Stooges escort Mankind and Rock and Shamrock off the premises. Rock makes sure to order them to carry his bags on the way out.
Billy Gunn, HHH & X-Pac v. Jeff Jarrett, Owen Hart & D-Lo Brown
Road Dogg was doing a deal where Jarrett injured his throat and left him unable to do his spiel, which was a typical Russo storyline where they forgot about it a week later. D-Lo works Billy over in the corner and the directory randomly does a wipe of the screen to black for some reason, and even the announcers are like “What the fuck was that?” Gunn gets a fameasser on D-Lo and Owen comes in, as D-X works him over and the transitions are again going nuts. And then the replays start getting screwed up, so obviously this is an angle. D-Lo takes over on Hunter with a legdrop for two and the heels work him over in the corner while the camera cuts all over the place and zooms in and out wildly. Can you imagine if we had to watch a show where that happened all the time? Hot tag X-Pac and it’s BONZO GONZO, but Mark Canterbury powerslams X-Pac behind the ref’s back and D-Lo finishes with the Lo Down at 5:52. Match was fine but the camera stuff was really distracting. 3 for 5.
Meanwhile, it turns out that Al Show and Head were messing around in the truck and causing all the problems.
Edge v. Taka Michinoku
Edge quickly gets a leg lariat and Downward Spiral out of nowhere at 0:33. Speaking of downward spirals, witness Taka’s career. Kaientai comes in for the adorable tiny beatdown, but Gangrel makes the save and promises that Edge will “come home”. 3 for 6.
Al Snow is hauled out to the ring in handcuffs so that Sgt. Slaughter can berate him for hijacking the truck and remind Al that no one wants him in the WWF. So tomorrow night on RAW, Slaughter challenges him to a boot camp match where Snow will get his job back if he wins. I recall that match as being pretty horrific. Slaughter attacks him from behind and tries to put the cobra clutch on him. But he’s handcuffed, so that doesn’t work. Much like this segment. 3 for 7.
DOA v. Undertaker & Kane
DOA gets a double boot on Taker for two, but he comes back with the flying clothesline on one of them. Kane comes in and gets a side slam and top rope clothesline on whichever bald racist is in the ring and they do the stupid stop where both guys do big boots and knock each other down. Physics would like a word. Kane chokeslams a DOA for two, but he comes back with a piledriver, which Kane no-sells, and the tombstone finishes at 4:00. Vince on commentary GUARANTEES a new WWF champion at Breakdown next week and we’re out. 3 for 8.