The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–09.06.98

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 09.06.98

Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Ross

Gangrel v. DICK MOTHERFUCKING TOGO

Togo comes in with a leg lariat and fires off a springboard moonsault for two, but Gangrel catches him with a powerslam and drops an elbow on him to take over. Double arm suplex drops Togo on his head and Gangrel pounds on him, then hits a floatover suplex for two. Impaler finishes at 2:10. He squashed the SHIT out of Togo and this match was kind of awesome. 1 for 1.

Meanwhile, Jackie destroys Sable’s PRIZED bikini contest trophy after flipping over the table on her during an arm wrestling match. And then she baked a birthday cake for her and shoved her face in it, I’d bet. And then Mero makes his “brown sugar” a new bikini trophy, with money “off the top” from all the winnings they’ve made lately.

Bradshaw v. Ken Shamrock

Ken hits a fisherman’s suplex immediately for two, but Bradshaw catches him with a fallaway slam and a pair of corner clotheslines. JR notes that Bradshaw was knocked out in the finals of the Brawl for All by Bart Gunn, which is “no embarrassment”. I’d strongly disagree. Shamrock comes back with leg lariats, but Bradshaw powerslams him for two. And then Vader comes in for the DQ at 1:58 and brawls with Bradshaw. This was a pretty many hoss battle, which I award…

clip_image001

Road Dogg v. Dennis Knight

Southern Justice continue to tweak their ring attire, with Knight basically using his Tex Slazenger gear now. Dogg gets the running choke for two and starts working the arm, but Knight takes him down for a chinlock and slugs away in the corner. Cantebury trips up Dogg and JJ runs in for the DQ at 2:25. Man, that thing in the first match really threw me off. What’s it called again…oh yeah…A FINISH. Anyway, DX brawls with Southern Justice and this would seem to set up a six-man at the next PPV. 2 for 3. Just checked, and yeah, that’s exactly what happened. Might have to redo that show, actually.

Undertaker & Kane v. Animal & Droz

So yeah, the Brothers of Destruction team up for the first time, of many. Hawk joins us on the phone from Chicago, and he’s going to rehab. Well that’s good. Kane puts Droz down with a clothesline, but misses an elbow and Droz fires back with his own clotheslines and a shoulderblock. Kane no-sells it and it’s over to Undertaker, who puts Animal down with a big boot, but he also misses an elbow. Animal hits him with a shoulderblock for two, but Kane gets a cheapshot from the apron and Taker clips him and goes to work on the leg with a friggin’ KNEEBAR. Droz comes in and beats on Taker, which I guess is a DQ at 2:55 since the bell rings without a decision rendered. Vince McMahon, who had tried to motivate the brothers by calling them pussies on RAW, comes out and approves of the MMA-style destruction of Animal’s leg. Another manly hoss battle, which I grant a full point plus…

clip_image002

I mean, the DQ kind of dragged it down.

Edge v. Taka Michinoku

Taka dominates to start and hits a tornado DDT, but tries a second one and gets flung off by Edge, who comes back with a reverse suplex and a flapjack as Shane nearly has a heart attack on commentary. Flying splash misses and Taka goes up with a missile dropkick, but the Michinoku Driver is reversed into the Downward Spiral at 2:06. This was about as great as you were gonna get for 2 minutes. 4 for 5.

Undertaker and Kane return with the Stooges as hostages, demanding that Vince appear and reveal his “master plan” immediately. He doesn’t come out, so they beat the hell out of Patterson and Brisco. I kind of love that Vince treats his guys like garbage and they keep crawling back to him. Gotta give it to Mr. McMahon, he doesn’t deal well with ultimatums. 5 for 6.

Meanwhile, Steve Austin is hanging out in the parking lot.

WWF European title: D-Lo Brown v. Val Venis

Val attacks before D-Lo can finish his entrance and runs him into the post, but chest protector absorbs the impact. Into the ring, Val with a DDT for two. He tries a rana and D-Lo turns it into a powerbomb and tosses him, but tries to leap off the railing and gets dropped onto it by Val. Back in, Val with a backdrop and he slugs away in the corner, but D-Lo undoes the turnbuckle and runs Val into it. German suplex finishes off that at 2:46. And yet they couldn’t do a finish at Summerslam? This is apparently Val’s first loss, and he doesn’t deal well with it, stealing the chest protector and hitting D-Lo with the Money Shot while wearing it. Energetic and fun match. 6 for 7.

And finally, Vince McMahon is out to reveal his MASTER PLAN and he’s in MOURNING so he’s wearing black. You see, on September 27, at Breakdown, Steve Austin’s title reign will die. The Brothers come out to finish the job on Vince, but he immediately backs down and puts them over as deserving champions, then calls out Steve Austin. Vince complains that Austin brings “no redeeming social value” to the WWF, so he’s gonna defend the title against Kane and Undertaker in a triple threat match at Breakdown. That’s a lot of buildup for a simple three-way match. 6 for 8.

The Pulse

Best episode yet, a legit great hour of Attitude Era nonsense. Check this one out.