The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–08.23.98

 

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 08.23.98

Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Ross

The Rock brings out a ladder to start and just leaves it there. Well, that’s a pretty blatant safety violation. Good thing they’re not unionized.

Southern Justice v. The Oddities

The theme song for the Oddities has been purged here, which is weird because wasn’t it a licensed ICP song recorded for the WWF and released on a WWF CD? Kurrgan and Golga double-team Dennis Knight in the corner, but “ass beating machine” Mark Canterbury comes in and suplexes Golga for two. “What a load!” declares JR. Well that could apply to a lot of guys in this match. Dustin Runnels walks through with his “He’s Coming Back” sign while Knight slugs away on Golga in the corner, but he comes back with an avalanche, then misses the Earthquake splash. Canterbury comes in with the Slop Drop for two, but Luna runs in for the DQ at 4:10. Jeff Jarrett tries to cut Luna’s hair, but Giant Silva saves and the Oddities dance to the generic overdubbed music while the crowd moves completely out of time from the beat to end the segment. 0 for 1.

WWF European title: D-Lo Brown v. Animal

D-Lo is hailing from Munich, Germany tonight. Hawk jumps into the ring from the crowd and apparently is so drunk that he thinks it’s a tag team match, so Mark Henry attacks him and lays him out with a splash on the floor. The Nation double-teams Animal and Droz saves with a chair. No match, and anything with Drunk Hawk is a complete cringe to watch at this point, especially given how his life ended up. 0 for 2.

Meanwhile, on RAW, tomorrow night is the finals of the BRAWL FOR ALL.

The Headbangers v. Owen Hart & Dan Severn

Thrasher controls Owen with armdrags, but Severn comes in with a double-leg on him. The Bangers work Dan’s arm over and then switch to the leg, but Owen comes in and gets some shots on Thrasher before missing a blind charge. Mosh with a hot tag and he cleans house and gets a powerslam on Owen for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Owen guillotines Mosh for the submission at 3:55. Hey, a FINISH! I’ll give it a point for that. 1 for 3. The idea of Dan Severn teaching submission wrestling is kind of a “blind leading the blind” situation.

The Rock is here to reclaim his open ladder and address HHH’s challenge for Summerslam. First up, the arena is the biggest collection of trailer park trash he’s ever seen. With that out of the way, he accepts the ladder match and he’ll beat HHH’s roody poo ass and climb the ladder rung by damn rung to retain his title. Classic Rock segment, even before he had the cadence and delivery down. 2 for 4.

Taka Michinoku v. Scorpio

Taka puts him on the floor with a leg lariat and follows with a quebrada, but Wally Yamaguchi interferes and hits Taka by mistake. Back in, Scorpio gets a corner splash and powerbomb, and a superkick sets up the moonsault, but Mrs. Yamaguchi takes the ref and the Michinoku Driver finishes at 2:30. So Mrs. Yamaguchi is just a conniving heel all of a sudden. Not a classic or anything, but a fine 2 minute TV match. 3 for 5.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Steve Austin and Undertaker exchange pleasantries and shenanigans leading up to Summerslam. Kane dresses up as Undertaker, making a far more convincing Undertaker than Brian Lee was, and tricks Austin into a brawl before the real Undertaker pops up as the driver of a hearse.

Jeff Jarrett v. Droz

As usual we’ve got about 2 minutes left for the main event. Jarrett attacks and stomps him down and hits the Stroke, but Droz comes back with a leg lariat and clotheslines JJ to the floor. They fight on the outside and X-Pac runs in for the DQ at 1:32. X-Pac clips some hair off JJ, but Southern Justice makes the save and we’re out. 3 for 6.

Next week: Live from MSG, it’s the Summerslam pre-show!