The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 10.04.94
Taped from Philly.
Your host is Joey Styles, who shares the unfortunate news that someone has taken it…TO THE EXTREME.
Joey Styles is out of the hospital, where someone has been rushed via ambulance…but we can’t tell you who it is yet. Stay tuned, though! Right after this TV title match.
ECW TV title: Jason (The Sexiest Man on Earth) v. Hack Meyers
Does it bother anyone else that this version of the TV belt doesn’t have any side-plates? Before the match, we cut to the back, where Tod Gordon tells the heels that if Dean Malenko interferes here in any way, he’ll be BARRED from ringside forever. Jason works a headlock, but Hack slugs away on him and now the crowd is right into the “Shah” deal now. Jason goes low to take over, but Hack punches him down again and follows with a slam. They brawl outside briefly and head back in for more Shahs in the corner, but Hack misses a blind charge and Jason drops a knee on him. He drops one elbow, but misses a second one and Hack makes the comeback with more punches until Malenko necks him on the top rope and Jason gets the pin at 3:40. I guess the Gordon thing was written in after the fact to explain why they were breaking up the Malenko-Jason team. Nothing to the match, as usual with Jason. ½*
Last week: Taz escapes Malenko’s armbar and manages to get one of his own, setting up a feud between them.
Dean Malenko v. Don E. Allen & Dino Sendoff
Malenko quickly destroys both geeks and pins Allen with a fireman’s carry into a suplex at 0:33. Jason yells at the Tazmaniac until he comes out to confront Dean again and they do an impromptu match where they trade hot moves and suplex the shit out of each other until a horde of warm bodies run in to break them up. So glad that Heyman dropped that trope soon enough and just started doing impromptu matches instead. Taz is so angry that he chases after a photographer at ringside, which allows Malenko to return and destroy him again. Fun angle!
Meanwhile, Tommy Dreamer preps for the I Quit match by wrapping his wrists in black electrical tape. He promises that Sandman will literally have to murder him and carry him out in a body bag to win the match.
Meanwhile, Woman berates Sandman and tells him that he absolutely cannot quit under any circumstances. “This is almost as bad as being with Peaches” he quips.
I Quit match: The Sandman v. Tommy Dreamer
Tommy brings a literal piece of a car into the ring and beats on Sandman with it, but even a shot to the crotch doesn’t make Sandman quit. They fight outside and Tommy beats on him with a chair, to no avail. They trade shots with a crutch from ringside. Back in, Sandman puts him in the crossface chickenwing and gets nowhere, presumably because that’s an actual wrestling move and it’s not his strong suit. Sandman with a brainbuster as Joey notes that he CAN wrestle, but he just chooses not to. Uh huh. Back to the floor and Sandman beats on him with a chair, but a fan tosses Tommy a frying pan and he makes use of that for a while. I feel like there’s a “this is your brain on drugs” joke in there somewhere. Sandman comes back with a chair to the head and goes up with a flying clothesline that was more of a shoulderblock, but Tommy still won’t give up. Sandman with a Sags-level flying elbow, and then he goes up and does it AGAIN, just to show that it’s not a fluke that someone can hurl himself like a dying gazelle on purpose. A third one misses and Tommy gets the DDT, then piledrives him on a chair. Sandman still won’t quit, and in fact comes back with his own piledriver, which Tommy makes sure to sell like Terry Funk would. Sandman is so confident that he stops to light up a cigarette before delivering a second piledriver, and he actually smokes it while pounding away on Tommy, but Tommy puts the cigarette into Sandman’s eye accidentally and beats on him with the cane until Sandman quits at 12:47. Usual plodding match between these two. **
Tommy immediately regrets that one and feels bad about it, which is a distinctly un-Dreamer move based on his future character. However, for the moment, Sandman is BLINDED, and it turns out that he’s the mystery man in the hospital at the top of the show. Woman freaks out backstage while the medics tend to “Jim” and Gordon calls for an ambulance. Of course, this kind of angle would become commonplace in the Russo era, but it was very unique and wild stuff for the time.
Update: One eye is swollen shut, and the other eyelid is torn off. Is this is the end of the Sandman? Tune in next week to find out! Spoiler: It’s not, and it leads to a pretty awesome angle.