Impact Wrestling – March 29, 2018

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt

We’re about a month away from the next pay per view (with the well thought out REDEMPTION moniker) and that means it’s time to start filling in the card. Last week saw the Feast or Fired briefcases opened up, meaning we could be having title matches soon. Let’s get to it.

Austin Aries arrived earlier today and ran into Josh Matthews and Matt Sydal. Aries applauds them for their title wins and Sydal can feel Aries’ energy in the X-Division Title. Option C is mentioned and Aries is willing to give Sydal a shot in a title for title match. As in the World Title against the Grand Championship. Josh freaks out but no one says no.

Petey Williams vs. Suicide vs. Rohit Raju vs. Taiji Ishimori

One fall to a finish. Suicide and Raju head outside so Ishimori spins Petey around by the wrist. All four are back in with Suicide atomic dropping Raju onto Petey’s back, followed by a running bulldog to take the two of them down. Ishimori 619s Suicide into a missile dropkick but Petey grabs a Sharpshooter.

Raju makes the save and dives onto Suicide and Petey as this is all over the place so far. Ishimori moonsaults onto all three and a series of rollups gets a series of near falls. Petey’s slingshot Codebreaker rocks Raju and Ishimori’s springboard senton drops Suicide. The Canadian Destroyer is broken up and Ishimori gets in the 450 for two. A second Destroyer attempt is enough to put Suicide away and give Petey the pin at 8:11.

Rating: C. The match was fun, albeit nothing that we haven’t seen before. What continues to drive me nuts though is Impact throwing Raju out there and saying he’s part of the Desi Hit Squad without explaining ANYTHING about them. I’ve only heard about the stable through news sites. I’m assuming there are videos and information about the group on Impact’s site but it’s not my job to go read outside resources to know what the heck is going on. Just give them a thirty second promo or let them show up for a match and everything is fine. But nah, just assume fans know what the heck you’re talking about.

Post match, Petey says he’s cashing in the briefcase at Redemption.

Eli Drake isn’t happy with having the Tag Team Title briefcase because he’s a one man show and should be World Champion. But never mind, because he has an idea.

The announcers have their weekly chat. Tonight: two matches from different promotions!

Eddie Edwards has gone to Dayton, Ohio to find OVE. Maybe he can leave his wife behind when a group of psychotic stalkers follow her to her hotel.

Su Yung vs. Amber Nova

Braxton Sutter introduces Su and looks very proud. Yung jumps her to start and the spinning Samoan Driver (Pain Switch) is good for the pin at 42 seconds.

Johnny Impact still wants to be World Champion when Jimmy Jacobs interrupts. Jimmy promises to burst Johnny’s bubble and makes Kongo Kong threats.

Taya Valkyrie is in the back but Rosemary walks atop some offices and throws a trashcan down, hitting her right in the face. The fight is on, in the overproduced way that Impact likes to shoot these things. Richard Justice tries to intervene but Rosemary dives onto everyone and Taya appears to be busted open.

From WrestlePro in Brooklyn.

KM vs. Fallah Bahh

Yes, this is seriously what we’re watching. Bahh knocks him away with the power of the belly and the rolling splash. A running clothesline drops Bahh and we’re clipped to another Bahh kickout as KM kicks away at the ribs. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Bahh fights up with a Samoan drop. A Banzai Drop misses and KM puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 4:12.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu, what a waste of their time. I know that they’re trying to stretch things out, but a guy as lame as KM getting a pin over a fairly popular act like Bahh is really the best that they can do? Good grief the classic clips are better than this. And it still looks like they’re in front of about 200 people in some nothing indy promotion. That’s not the presentation you want as even Ring of Honor looks better than this.

Video on Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley. Cage is the new monster on the block and Lashley didn’t like his help a few weeks ago. Tonight, a match.

Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley

They waste no time with the power lockup and neither can get much of anywhere. A hurricanrana sends Lashley down and a clothesline puts him on the floor as Cage gets the early advantage. Back in and Lashley gets two off a clothesline, followed by a neckbreaker for the same. Cage powers back up and sends him outside for a running flip dive. They both jump from the apron the floor but it’s Cage scoring with a series of kicks. Lashley slams him off the top though and we hit the chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Cage fights up and hits a springboard tornado DDT of all things. Josh: “HE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO THAT!” I can’t believe I’m saying this but Josh is absolutely right. Back up and Cage gets two off a floatover spinebuster but Lashley is right back with a running powerslam for two. Cage misses a discus lariat and gets speared to the floor for a delayed near fall. The second attempt at the discus lariat connects to give Cage the big upset at 11:03.

Rating: B. This was a lot of fun as Cage looks like the new beast on the block, which is exactly the point of this match. Cage pinning Lashley clean is a big deal for him and not something that happens very often. Lashley is on his way out so putting someone over clean like this is a great parting gift.

Gail Kim (WHY IS SHE STILL HERE??? She retired like five months ago and it seems like she’s barely ever missed a show) is doing her makeup when Allie comes in to ask for some advice. Gail tells her to go be the champion.

Classic Clip: AJ Styles vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin in Ultimate X from Final Resolution 2005.

Eli Drake offers to trade his case with Moose for the sake of winning two belts instead of one. That’s not happening, but for some reason Moose does agree to a case for case match next week.

Eddie Edwards invades a show in Ohio and goes after OVE and Sami Callihan with a kendo stick. The numbers start to get the better of him but Eddie takes Callihan’s baseball bat and cleans house. Since beating guys up with a baseball bat doesn’t work very well, Eddie gets beaten down again and a spike Tombstone leaves him laying.

Sami promises to destroy Eddie.

Video on Aries vs. Sydal.

Impact Wrestling World Title/Grand Championship: Austin Aries vs. Matt Sydal

Title for title with both guys defending. Aries has all four belts with him and has to make sure he holds up the right one. They fight over wristlocks to start (must have been watching WWE) as Alberto El Patron is watching the match in the back and enjoying a steak (Leftovers from his restaurant?). Matt bails to the floor and Aries lays over the top, followed by a basement dropkick to take us to a break.

Back with Aries holding a stump puller and firing off some kicks to the back and chest. The middle rope elbow to the back gets two as Sonjay continues to shine on commentary. Sydal comes back with a spinwheel kick and starts in on the leg. That goes nowhere so Sydal fires off some kicks but a springboard is cut off. Aries’ neckbreaker across the rope is broken up and the brainbuster is blocked as well.

Something like an Eye of the Hurricane with a leg instead of the arm drops Aries. A bridging German suplex gives Sydal two and Aries has to kick Matthews away. Now the neckbreaker works just fine and here’s Petey to scare Josh off. That leaves things one on one and it’s a running corner dropkick into the brainbuster to give Aries the Grand Championship at 20:35.

Rating: B. Pretty standard “big time” Impact main event here and that’s all well and good. Aries collecting (and hopefully retiring) another belt is the right call and it’s not like Sydal takes a huge hit when the World Champion pins him. Odds are we’ll get a tag match out of this soon enough with El Patron and Sydal against Williams and Aries, which should be a nice way to go.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event was good and Lashley vs. Cage was a heck of a fight, making this a better show than usual. The Bahh vs. KM match, while stupid, was at least short and didn’t hurt things too much. Other than that, the show went by fast enough and set up some things for the future, including a few things for Redemption. Nice night overall.

Results

Petey Williams b. Suicide, Rohit Raju and Taiji Ishimori – Canadian Destroyer to Suicide

Su Yung b. Amber Nova – Pain Switch

KM b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Discus lariat

Austin Aries b. Matt Sydal – Brainbuster

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