The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 06.27.94
Taped from White Plains, NY
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Randy Savage
Jerry Lawler is forced to apologize to Duke Droese for attacking him with the garbage can last week. Truly that’s the worst thing you can do to a person. So apparently Lawler was actually kind of shooting and wasn’t supposed to use the garbage can last week, and USA freaked out about it and made him apologize. No wonder the gun incident nearly took them off the network two years later.
Bam Bam Bigelow v. Mabel
Bigelow quickly attacks and manages to throw Mabel around, then pounds away until Mabel just kind of decides to stop selling. Mabel blocks a charge with a big boot and follows with the legdrop, but he stops to go after Luna and ends up missing an elbow. However, Bigelow accidentally whips Mabel into his lovely fiancée and knocks her out cold on the floor, and they both go brawling out there until Mabel beats the count at 3:35. Shit match, shit finish. DUD Luna did take a nice bump into the railing, I guess. And then Ted Dibiase continues his spending spree, coming out to make peace between the couple and eventually buying off Bigelow.
Meanwhile, Dibiase re-introduces The Undertaker on Superstars, who is now mysteriously 6 inches shorter than when he left.
IRS v. Rich Myers
Myers tries a headlock and gets suplexed, and Irwin goes to the abdominal stretch, as he is wont to do. Legdrop and chinlock, and he finishes with an STF at 2:35.
The King’s Court with Jim Neidhart. Apparently Anvil is bitter at giving advice to Bret all these years and getting NOTHING in return. So he saved the title for Bret, in order to make sure that Owen gets his fair shot at the title later. Owen Hart joins us with his super-cheesy King outfit and dollar store scepter, and he’s gonna win the title from Bret. Gorilla is really counter-productive here, yelling over Owen’s interview that he’s a liar and just got lucky when he beat Bret and won the Kingship. What’s the point of cutting down your top heel?
The Headshrinkers v. The Executioners
I’m assuming this is just Gill & Hardy in yet another identity. They do have cool matching black outfits, at least! Samu beats on Executioner #4 (who has “Agony” on his tights) and Fatu catapults him under the rope and gets a short clothesline for two. Samu gets a DDT out of the corner and poor Agony continues getting pounded, and the Shrinkers keep picking him up at two. Fatu finishes with the flying splash at 4:52. Pain never even tagged in!
Meanwhile, in the locker room, Dibiase makes Bigelow an offer he can’t refuse.
Kwang v. Mike Moraldo
Kwang with a spinkick and he’s blowing the deadly red mist everywhere while slowly pounding away. Leg lariat in the corner and a back kick gets two. Moraldo randomly gets a comeback, but Kwang uses yet another spinkick to finish at 3:34. Harvey is proud of his Kwang, notes Gorilla. Good to know.
The New Generation! Guys like Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik are OLD, but guys like Roddy Piper and Nikolai Volkoff are NEW. You might want to take notes here.
Lex Luger v. Unnamed Jobber
Ted Dibiase peers out from the curtain ominously while Luger beats on the guy and the announcers start to try out the “Rebel” nickname for Luger that flopped spectacularly. Torture rack finishes at 3:00.
Next week: Tatanka v. Jeff Jarrett in the most mid-90s WWF match possible, plus Undertaker returns to RAW with different tattoos.