We’re sold out in Chicago so the crowd should be loud.
John Morrison & The Miz vs. Tommy Dreamer & Colin Delaney (WWE Tag Titles, Extreme Rules)
Delaney went chair-happy last week during a tag match (”one of the most shocking moments since the rebirth of ECW!”) so we get a title rematch under Extreme Rules. Even though Dreamer & Delaney lost last week via DQ, just saying. Dreamer gets double-teamed freely as there’s nothing the ref can do about it until Delaney makes the save and sends both champs out the ring. Dreamer flops off the apron with a double clothesline (”Well Dreamer definitely knows how to clear a table!”) and Delaney follows with a tope. He’s officially graduated from Dreamer School (although he failed the ”start your own promotion so you can book big names to beat you” bonus course) but goes twat-happy with a Singapore cane. Crowd goes nuts over that. Dreamer misses an elbow off the top so Morrison returns the favour with a Singapore cane and the Dreamer/Raven/Jesus pose to mock. Catapult/backbreaker combo on Delaney but Dreamer blocks with a trash-can, that gets placed on Miz so Morrison can get slammed on both. Nice. Dreamer gives Delaney a Chicago Bears helmet so he uses it on Morrison’s Dick and Butkus.
Miz isn’t impressed so he kicks it away to massive boos. Miz missed a kick in the corner and both men end up in the bin-assisted E-gasp-C-imdying-C Tree of Woe, double pin attempt gets two via rope break and crowd isn’t pleased with that. They’ve been hot ever since the start. Morrison and Miz try going up top so Dreamer superplexes Miz while Delaney powerbombs Morrison. Delaney goes for a LSD style bulldog but Morrison hurls him outside. This sets up a moonsault off the apron with trash-can on Delaney and that was so unnecessary I loved it. Back in, Miz and Morrison launch Dreamer into the table in the corner (set up backwards, which was either a mistake or a tribute to the CW Anderson feud) to retain.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: John Morrison & The Miz (This was a daft spot-fest that was planned out well to give everyone their moment and the crowd were loving it, especially when Delaney got any offence. Delaney & Dreamer tried but Miz & Morrison are such a good team together.)
Armando Estrada announces the spectacular inter-company Battle Royal at Wrestlemania, winner of which will immediately (err) challenge the ECW Champion. He adds that don’t worry this will definitely make the DVD so the guys can make royalties, can you imagine removing a match from Wrestlemania so the guys lose money, they’d be so pissed they’d both leave by the end of the year. Anyway, one man in this match is…
The Great Khali vs. Stevie Richards
Richards gets dunked on, 1-2-3.
Winner: The Great Khali (I think that was the end of Stevie’s push, it was a fun three weeks.)
Post-match Mike Knox runs out to beat up an already KO’d Richards and the ref (presumably Mario Yamasaki) does nothing.
Wrestlemania advert with Carlito getting attacked by a seagull during a date with Maria Kanellis. I have no idea how this was supposed to make you want to watch the show but the bird shitting on Carlito was probably a metaphor.
Kofi Kingston vs. Deuce
Taz claims Deuce is from ”the wrong side of the tracks” so Joey asks where exactly those tracks are. ”The other side.” This gives us silent commentary for a while as both men try to compose themselves but the crowd chants KOFI KOFI so it’s OK. His unique style and fresh (compared to greasers) gimmick is winning over people quickly. Deuce goes for a rope-assisted headscissors (”he’s trying to remove a bottle cap”) but Kofi dispatches him with the Trouble in Paradise.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (Deuce is sadly sticking around until 2009. I forget what happened to Kofi.)
RAW REBOUND: The official weigh-in for Mayweather vs. Show. Show is unimpressed with Floyd bringing in his posse so a stack of WWE dudes to back him up. Mayweather vows to break Show’s jaw so he press slams him over the ropes onto the wrestlers. I don’t like Floyd the person but Floyd the character is a brilliant shit-heel.
My copy has adverts but they feature Never Back Down, Superhero Movie and Sci-Fi’s St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun marathon so I got nothing. Here’s a shot of Taz’s shirt instead.
Punk gets interviewed by Lena Yada backstage but the pop for Punk is so loud you can’t hear her talking. Not complaining. Punk vows to win MITB so he can cash in for the ECW Title anytime. Aye OK mate.
Festus vs. Elijah Burke
Let’s see if Burke’s performance during that main event a few weeks ago has bothered the higher-ups. He immediately attacks Festus rather than let him do his thing once the bell rings and works over his arm. Festus shrugs it off with his you-can’t-say-that-anymore-but-it’s-still-true strength and finishes with a teabag and flapjack.
Winner: Festus (I don’t believe in ”this was a burial!” when a guy loses to someone largely irrelevant on TV but I’ll make an exception in this case. I think those 4-Up extra lives Burke was bragging about is down to 1.)
CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V (MITB Qualifying Match)
Shelton Benjamin is commentating, neither Styles or Taz ask how Benjamin was able to enter himself into MITB but Punk has to earn it. This is Big Daddy V’s first appearance on ECW on Sci-Fi this year, last time he was here squashing Delaney in December after beating Punk & Kane at Armageddon so I guess this is Punk’s delayed revenge. Punk tries to use his kicks to wear V down but runs right into a Black Titty Slam. V tries to chop the Pepsi tattoo right off Punk to make it easier for licensing but the CM PUNK chants are so loud they distract V into missing an avalanche in the corner. Running Knee and enziguri sets up the GTS into a deadlift fail video for LadGymBible.
Punk recovers and sends V outside. Striker tries to feed him water to recover but he’s unable to beat the count and Punk is declared the winner.
Winner: CM Punk (This was Punk’s best kind of match, overcoming the odds thanks to the crowd’s noise and overcoming the odds, even if it was a quick affair.)
Matt Striker attempts to attack Punk post-match but takes a GTS to send everyone happy and PUNK POINTS AT THE SIGN to end the show.
That match and sudden return would be Big Daddy V’s last match in ECW on Sci-Fi, he’d get drafted to the Smackdown brand later in the year but released from his contract in August before wrestling a single match. King Mabel was always a favourite of mine as a kid thanks to his insane purple-and-gold attire and the fact he crushed Undertaker’s face made me respect him. I enjoyed him as Viscera again because of his unique look and his run as Big Daddy V turned out to be the best run of his career. Squashing guys every week and being treated like Andre The Giant Titties made for fun TV and everything pointed to him beating Punk for the title or at least feuding with him for a while, but yet again the third brand’s booking got screwed thanks to bad timing and their No Mercy match went a solid minute and a half and his run never got the momentum back. Even beating Punk and Kane did little for him as he didn’t appear on the brand again so fuck knows what that was about. He’d pass away in 2014 but hopefully now that these episodes are on the Network, some can appreciate the hidden gem that was Big Daddy V.
Overall: The opener is absolutely worth a watch, Burke getting beaten by barely-there Festus will interest many and Punk competing in Chicago made for a great crowd for V’s last match. Good show even if there’s absolutely no direction with the main title with Chavo no-showing again.
I’ve been Maffew and I’ve been busy with life and there’s no new Botchamania yet.