The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 10.17.81
Thanks for all the great feedback on these, mostly amounting to “Keep doing them!”. They do well and they’re a lot of fun to write. Also, for those into blog stats and such, Wrestle Kingdom 12’s rant has now climbed to the most-read post of the year, so it’s got legs like Jumanji.
So apparently we’re skipping a few weeks in the Network archives for some reason. The big news for this week: Sgt. Slaughter has won the US title tournament!
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are David Crockett & Bob Caudle
Jake Roberts and Jay Youngblood are out to talk some smack about Roddy Piper, and Youngblood gives the most stilted and awkward promo this side of Jeff Farmer. Piper comes out to respond to “the little squaw” and he’s tired of beating up Indians after taking care of Wahoo already. So Piper wants to finish things right now in a DEATH MATCH. David Crockett immediately overrules him and points out that it’s already been signed as a regular match. Seriously, how are Youngblood’s terrible promos not a meme yet? “He reached into, uh, his bag of tricks, and uh, pulled out another trick.” Sure he did, Jay.
It’s Handsome Jimmy Valiant, in video package form, complete with “Boy from New York City” overdubbed as usual. Watching 5 minutes of Jimmy punching people did not make me want to see him compete on my TV in the least. 0 for 1.
Handsome Jimmy Valiant v. Jim Nelson
Nelson tries slugging away on him in the corner, and Jimmy throws him around as the announcers point out that he literally has an advertisement for a radio station on his ass. Funny to note that the video package essentially showed his evolution in a few months from Superstar Graham ripoff into the long-haired weirdo that we all know today. Back elbow and elbowsmash finish at 2:00. 0 for 2.
Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Jay Youngblood
Everyone who complains that Piper’s tartan trunks are ugly are completely missing the point of why he wears them. The man was a Reddit troll 40 years before Reddit was a thing. Jay rides him on the mat and they fight for position, but Piper goes for the hair and Youngblood dumps him to escape. Piper would like a timeout, but then regroups and heads back in for the test of strength. Jay throws a nasty chop in the corner for two to win that, and Piper stalls for time again. I love that the announcers point out the hypocrisy of Piper demanding a death match earlier and then begging off after every move. Youngblood goes for the leg and Piper exits again, complaining about more phantom rule infractions. Back in, Piper comes back with a sunset flip for two, and he runs away before Jay can come back on him. Back in, he catches Jay with a backbreaker for two and goes to work on the back with a bearhug, but Youngblood runs him into the turnbuckle to break. So Piper makes sure to aim himself right at the camera and hits him with a thumb to the throat to cut him off, and an elbow drop gets two. Youngblood comes back with chops, but Piper catches him in the sleeper and he just makes the ropes to break. Piper with a suplex, but he manages to knock himself out delivering the move, and Youngblood gets two. Bodypress gets two. They slug it out and Piper pokes him in the eyes, but Jay keeps firing away with chops and a small package for two. They collide and both guys are out, but Piper gets two. Youngblood makes one last comeback and just chops the shit out of Piper’s chest for two, but Piper rolls him up for two. They slug it out again and Piper gets a kneelift for two, but Youngblood rolls him up for two. Piper headbutts him and knocks himself out again, and time expires at 10:50. Hell of a match, like ***1/2! 1 for 3.
We get a rare drop-in promo from RONCERVERTE, WEST VIRGINIA, with Johnny Weaver & Paul Jones getting ready to face Chris Markoff and Nikolai Volkoff at the Armory in the main event. I bet tickets are cheap!
Kabuki v. Charlie Fulton
Kabuki throws chops and pins him at 0:48. Now, he was mostly in WCCW and I’m not sure of the timeline of when he first came up with the Kabuki deal, but it seems like the same guy and not his stand-in Magic Dragon or anything. 1 for 4.
Bad Leroy Brown & Jake Roberts v. Ricky Harris & Ali Bae
The heels try to double-team Brown in the corner, but he gets all riled up and fights them off. Jake comes in and immediately takes Harris down with a sleeper, then goes to work on the leg. Leroy splashes the knee and Jake comes in with a kneebar on the mat, and Leroy puts him down with a series of headbutts and finishes with the big splash at 4:06. 1 for 5.
More from the Roncerverte Armory, as a young and ripped Kevin Sullivan has words for Blackjack Mulligan, Jr. Heard good things about that kid. Lord Alfred Hayes as the heel manager of the Russians is kind of bizarre. “I could have been in Paris, but instead I have to be in Roncerverte.” Oh, and Izzy Slapawitz also showed up and that was a thing that happened. Good lord.
Sgt. Slaughter v. Frank Monte
So yeah, Slaughter beat Ricky Steamboat in the tournament for the US title, and that’s exactly who I would have picked at this point. Sarge just destroys Monte with a series of slams and a backbreaker for two. Slaughter Cannon and cobra clutch finish this poor geek at 2:30. I love Slaughter, he’s just great. 2 for 6.
Slaughter wants us all to stand at attention because he’s the US champion, and he thinks that perhaps Ric Flair should GET A DAMN HAIRCUT. Bonus point for that line. 3 for 6.
Ole Anderson closes things out by disputing Jake Roberts’ argument that he’s hiding from everyone and not defending the tag titles. Perish the thought.
And we’re out! Get your tickets for Roncerverte now!