The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S01E11
“Last Luchador Standing”
Eh, it’s a Sunday, nothing on the blog does well on non-PPV weeks anyway. Let’s go back to these.
Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro
Cortez Castro & Mr. Cisco v. Pimpenela & Mascarita Sagrada
Matt Striker notes that this will be a style clash. That’s one word for it. He also objects to Vampiro talking about gang bangers when Pimpy is in the ring. Pimpenela clears the ring with headscissors, but misses a blind charge and gets dropkicked in the corner multiple times as Cisco gets two. Cortez comes in with a gut wrench for two. Cisco with a senton for two. They work him over in the corner and Cortez gets a suplex for two, but runs into Pimpy’s ass and it’s hot tag Mascarita. Tornado DDT on Cisco gets two. He gets booted down by Cisco, but comes back with a dive onto Bael outside, only to have the gang bangers finish him with a 3D at 4:55. Kind of a trainwreck. *1/2 Big Ryck comes in to make Cortez hold his cigar and cut a promo, and his guys immediately turn on him and beat him down with a kendo stick. Vampiro notes that he’s seen similar things in prison, at which point they take the cigar and stick it in Ryck’s eye. Must have been a pretty rough prison. Maybe he was thinking of an episode of Oz?
Mietras, Dario thanks his new lackeys for their actions with a big cash payoff.
Vampiro interviews Cage, who apparently has HEAT in the locker room. He’s not here to make friends, though. He’s here to give Dario Cueto blood and violence in exchange for titles.
Super Fly v. Pentagon Jr.
Fly runs into a superkick, but gets his own, only to walk into a backstabber that gets two. Pentagon hits him with two REALLY hard chops and chases him to the floor, and back in for another superkick, but Super Fly comes back with a clothesline that puts them both down. Fly comes back with a handspring into an armdrag and puts Pentagon on the floor to set up a dive. Back in, a rollup gets two, but Pentagon takes him down with a sling blade, and finishes with a package piledriver at 5:10. This was fine. **1/2
Sexy Star v. El Mariachi Loco
Vampiro goes on this whole thing about how Sexy Star is a “superhero” who is an inspiration to women everywhere and one of the greatest female wrestlers of all time. COME ON. She hits Mariachi with a boot to the face, but he takes her down via hairpull and then throws a chop in the corner. He charges and ends up on the floor, and Sexy follows with a dive. Back in, Loco misses another charge and Star tries a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, but Mariachi drops her on the top rope. He misses a splash and Star cradles him for the pin at 3:55. Not good. You could literally see Mariachi positioning himself in the ring from spot to spot and it looked even more choreographed than usual. *
Last Luchador Standing: Drago v. King Cuerno
Drago gets a low dropkick to put Cuerno on the floor and follows with a dive, so that’s the first count and Cuerno makes it back in at 8. Drago with a draping DDT, and that’s a 6 count. Cuerno bails and Drago dives at him, but Cuerno catches him and gets a powerbomb on the floor for 6. Back in, Cuerno with rolling germans into a vertical suplex and he beats on him with chops, but Drago comes back with a blockbuster and jumps off the ref with a rana to put Cuerno on the apron, and then a rana to put him on the floor. Both guys are down, but Drago gets back in right away. Cuerno drops a leg on him and tosses him, then finds a table under the ring and runs Drago into the post a bunch of times and puts him on the table. He fights up and they battle on the apron for a suplex, which Cuerno turns into the Michinoku Driver through the table. Well, sort of, since Cuerno was the one who broke the table with the impact of the move and Drago didn’t even touch it. Drago is down for 8, and Cuerno tosses him back in for a corner dropkick. With Drago down in the corner, Cuerno ties him up with rope to secure him to the post, and Drago is unable to stand up and gets counted down and out at 11:28. Eh…that was pretty cheap. Like it was reasonably clever, but in a match that’s supposed to be a blood feud, it kind of defeats the entire point. Match was pretty dull and didn’t have much heat. **
This was a complete time-filler episode and literally nothing happened of note.