The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–05.03.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 05.03.94

Taped from Burlington, VT. Apparently no live show this cycle, as this show was taped the week before according to the title history. A quick check of the WON reveals that Vince was busy with the steroid trial and had to move the taping cycle up a week and skip the live show.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage

WWF tag team titles: The Quebecers v. The Headshrinkers

Despite weeks of hype, there’s still no clear issue and no reason why the Shrinkers are even supposed to be babyfaces in the first place. Fatu overpowers Pierre and it’s quickly a pier-six brawl as the Headshrinkers clean house. Like really, who would look at the scary Samoan crazy heels and think they would make good faces? The Quebecers try to walk out on the match, so we get the “If the Quebecers don’t return to the ring, they will lose the title” gag, which draws them back in. And then we take a break. No wonder Hebner got fired, making up the rules as went along like that. Only Vince gets to do that! Back with Samu working on Pierre’s arm and a sideslam gets two. Sadly, the momentum switches due to nefarious tactics from the heels and Fatu is samoan-in-peril as we take ANOTHER break. Back with the action accelerating, apparently, and Pierre gets backdropped to the floor and Samu gets the hot tag. He charges and gets his head tied in the ropes. Vince is convinced that Jacques can finish with a piledriver, but the Quebecers go for the double-team finish instead and Samu moves. The ref somehow misses the obvious tag to Fatu, and the Quebecers have some communication issues and split up, leading to Jacques getting pinned by Fatu’s flying splash at 20:14 to give them the titles. This was long and bland. **1/2 And they kept the belts for FOUR MONTHS! How dead was the tag division in 94?

Todd Pettingill briefs us on King of the Ring, with highlights like ART DONOVAN. Tickets are going fast! Yeah, I’m sure.

Tatanka v. Derek Domino

I wonder if that jobber is any relation to Layla? Chief Jay Strongbow cuts a promo on Tatanka’s behalf, talking about “his people” while sounding like he should be taking pizza orders in Brooklyn. We get a phone interview with IRS while Tatanka destroys the guy, survives a flurry of jobber offense, and finishes with his usual array of chops and the Papoose To Go at 5:07.

The King’s Court with Diesel, who is now Intercontinental champion and challenges Bret Hart.

Meanwhile, the Undertaker is being seen all over the place!

Yokozuna v. Mike Davis & Scott Taylor

Yoko lays them both out with Rock Bottoms and tosses one of the schmoes, then tosses Davis and finishes the future Scotty 2 Hotty with a double-stacked jobber sandwich at 4:14. Macho hopes things get better for the jobbers later on. Well, for one of them. Earthquake makes the save and challenges Yokozuna to a match. Goodie.

Next week: Razor Ramon faces future best friend Kwang in a King of the Ring qualifier! Hopefully it sucks less than this week’s show, but I’m not holding my breath!