Last week Chavo succeeded in winning the ECW Title from CM Punk in a No DQ match with help from his La Familia Edge. Tonight in Reading Chavo celebrates with a CHAMPIONSHIP FIESTA.
The Rumble was a few days ago but there was nothing major ECW-related. In the Rumble match, John Morrison lasted 29 minutes 23 seconds, Shelton Benjamin lasted 18 seconds, CM Punk was the only ECW member to eliminate someone (Chuck Palumbo) and Elijah Burke showed up despite not wrestling on Sci-Fi for two months.
Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin
This stems from Shelton eliminating Kane from last week’s Battle Royal Of Pointless. They re-do the Battle Royal finish as Shelton skins the cat but Kane uppercuts him immediately out the ring. Kane brings him back in and goes for the JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE THEN LAND ON MY FEET BEFORE CLOTHESLINING YOU but Shelton Spider-Man jumps to the top rope and suplexes Kane off. Big Red Machine shrugs it off but a blow to the knee takes him down. Shelton works over his knee by slamming it against the ring post and applying a Single Crab. Kane ignores it all and KANES UP to attack Shelton with a front powerslam and a sidewalk slam. Kane happily nails the JUMP OFF THE TOP ROPE THEN LAND ON MY FEET BEFORE CLOTHESLINING YOU with his magically healed knee until Shelton counters the chokeslam into a spinning kick. Shelton blocks a top-rope chokeslam by bouncing Kane off the top rope but runs into a Kane big boot. Shelton has enough and walks to the back to get counted out.
Winner: Kane (I guess the idea here was to have Shelton do his best against Kane until nothing else worked so he saved face by buggering off but it’s too soon for Shelton to be looking good against one of the Big Two headliners, so it was more ”Kane ignores Shelton’s offence until Benjamin gets his first loss on the brand in a bleh match.”)
Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria
Joey: ”You’ve got to give credit to Kelly for trying.” No we don’t. Kelly takes one shove before Layla and Lena show up. Victoria throws Kelly around with moves so basic even she can’t fuck them up. Kelly counters the Spider’s Web to a spinning headscissors and gets a near-fall from a Frankensteiner but Victoria easily finishes with Widow’s Peak.
Winner: Victoria (Kelly looked alright here by letting Victoria do all the work and sticking to moves she could execute without sending the business back ten years.)
Colin Delaney in-ring covered in bandages is shown a montage of getting beat up by everyone (with Tazz having to pivot him to see the screen) before Tazz tells him GOOD NEWS he doesn’t have to wrestle ONE MAN tonight.
Colin Delaney vs. The Miz & John Morrison
Oh that wacky Tazz. Colin gets beat up a lot. He makes things worse for himself by managing to pull the ropes down to send Miz to the outside so the tag champs take their time with him.
Winner: who do you think
Miz & Morrison continue kicking the brittle bone disease out of Colin after the match which causes an angry Tommy Dreamer to waddle out to save the bits of Colin that still float. Thus a star was born.
CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke
OH MY GOD NOT AGAIN. I type this every time these two wrestle but no wonder Punk named Burke his worst ever opponent, he was practically married to him for two years. Punk slams him a few times to begin with as we also get the pre-match CM PUNK chants that die off as soon as the match starts. Elijah nails a top rope spinning back elbow for two and that’s time for Elijah to gain control and work over Punk for a while with an exciting body-scissors until the crowd chant for Punk so the match can end. However as soon as Punk’s vertical, Burke takes him down again. Crowd doesn’t boo as they know Burke’s not winning. Punk powers out and nails the Running Knee in the corner. Burke blocks the Bulldog, tries a leapfrog and lands right into a GTS.
Winner: CM Punk (Quick match for these two and a nice variation on the GTS make it not-complain-able. But still, no more please.)
Kofi Kingston vs. Rob Eckos
Former 3PW legend and the future Robbie E! Kofi is happy-go-lucky until you mess with him then there’s TROUBLE according to Joey. Only WWE would decide to do a Jamaican gimmick after introducing We’re Really Serious This Time Drug Testing. Kofi messes with Rob on the mat to begin, demonstrating he can do more than just unconventional flips and sloppy squashes. He knocks his opponent down with a leg-sweep, transits from a single crab to a headlock, nails some Polish Hammers and ends with the Trouble In Paradise kick.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (Ginger Beer flavoured squash and the crowd is warming towards Kofi.)
CHAVO GUERRERO’S CHAMPIONSHIP FIESTA
We get a full Mariachi band in the ring and a red apron. I don’t really know what Mariachi is or what they represent but they look and sound cool and that’s good enough for me. Commentators stress how good Chavo is, it’s the way he won that makes him bad. I think that’s why this run was only OK when it could have been great, you can’t present Chavo as both Chavo The Great and Chavo The Lucky Fuck That Needs Edge To Win at the same time and have it work. Edge shows up on a pre-recorded segment as he’s looking after Vickie after Rey gave her a 619 at the Rumble. He presents Chavo with a lovely video package, filled with highlights and sound-bites. ”Montezuma ain’t got nothing on the Guerreros!” is a belter. Chavo talks about how great Edge & Vickie are for a bit before reminding them all Punk isn’t the future of the business, Chavo is. He dances and sings as balloons fall from the ceiling. Chavo’s enjoying himself until the one Mariachi member who’s had his back facing the hard camera the entire segment turns around…
”And that’s why you always leave a note.”
Overall: The show continues to build slowly towards unexciting things. Will Shelton beat Kane? I’m not arsed, their match was all over the place tonight. Will Colin and Dreamer defeat Miz & Morrison? Well they’ve shoved Colin into the exciting tag division so ”meh”. Will Punk get his title back from Chavo? Only if he’s dressed as a Mariachi. Will Kelly Kelly deal with Layla and ALRIGHT ENOUGH. They’re doing something, which is a step-up from nothing but it’s still dull in January when WWE is usually at it’s most hot and exciting.
I’ve been Maffew, follow me on Twitter as I have 69k followers now. If that’s not worth bragging about, I don’t know what is.