The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–03.07.94 / 03.21.94 / 03.28.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–03.07.94 / 03.21.94 / 03.28.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 03.28.94

I don’t know why their dating scheme is constantly a day off, but it’s really annoying. The title has this one listed as March 27, but that would be a Sunday.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & JIM CORNETTE. This could be awesome.

Earlier tonight, Ted Dibiase buys up ringside seats from fans. Given the state of the business at that point, he could have done that from his pocket change.

Rick Martel v. Lex Luger

Martel tries for the face punch to start but gets chased off and hiptossed out of the corner. Luger throws clotheslines like a developmental babyface making a comeback in NXT, and he goes to a headlock to retain control. Vince specifically notes that Luger is a “house of fire”, so there you go, grammar Nazis. It’s not “house afire”. Martel bails to the apron and Luger yanks him back in for that headlock again, and an atomic drop to put Martel on the floor as we take a break. Back with FISTICUFFS on the outside, and Luger walks right into a choke back in the ring. Clothesline out of the corner gets two. The crowd chants “USA” but at least Martel is from Quebec so it’s valid. Martel cuts off a comeback with a knee to the gut and goes back to the choking and chinlocking. Luger with a backslide for two. Suplex and Luger makes the comeback, as Martel makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate his intelligence. It’s like the wrestling heel version of monologing! Powerslam and Torture Rack finish at 15:47. This was Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **3/4

Owen Hart v. Random Jobber

We get a weird POV shot from Dibiase’s seat, as he cuts a promo that is clearly redubbed in post afterwards. This would be the start of the Corporation, of course. This dude with the pasty skin, mullet and ugly tights might be the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. Owen tosses the dude around while Jim and Vince do their “what’s in the news this week” segment. Owen with a back elbow and he cuts off the jobber’s pathetic comeback attempt and puts him down with a bulldog and Sharpshooter to finish at 5:10. Most of this was stalling while Dibiase and Vince did their bit at ringside.

Doink the Clown v. Eric Cody

Doink controls the guy with an armbar, giving us some midget-related comedy off that, and he pounds him down and finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 3:30.

The Quebecers are out to answer Captain Lou’s challenge, and his team is revealed as the Headshrinkers in a bizarre babyface turn for them.

The 1-2-3 Kid v. The Black Phantom

Oh wow, X-Pac v. Gangrel four years early. Given his look and connections I’m really not sure why Dave Heath didn’t get a contract much sooner. Kid controls with a hammerlock, but Mr. Phantom overpowers him until Kid comes back with a spinkick. Dropkick misses, but a second spinkick gets two. Moonsault press finishes at 2:24.

I failed to note the WWF Greetings on Call commercial on last week’s show, and I feel like I let everyone down, because who wouldn’t want to get a personal greeting from a drunk Razor Ramon at 3AM?

Crush v. Ray Hudson

Crush pummels the jobber with elbows and a superkick and pounds away on the mat. Press slam and a kneedrop finish at 3:25.

Nothing to see here this week.

Next week: Earthquake v. Adam Bomb and the Wrestlemania X 10-man that got bumped from the PPV!