The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–02.21.94

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – February 21 1994

– Live from Poughkeepsie, NY, after two weeks off for the dog show.

– Your hosts are Vince & Macho. Vince introduces him as someone who will undoubtedly be in the Hall of Fame someday. Well that’s 17 years and still waiting. Never say Vince can’t hold a grudge.

WWF World tag titles: The Quebecers v. Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid

Considering this was advertised as Ramon & Marty challenging, I’d say that marks the end of Marty Jannetty’s career in the WWF for the moment. I believe the standard reasoning (never denied or confirmed by either side) is that the Charles Austin settlement came down and the WWF wanted Marty to be gone when it did. (I think he actually just got fired in between tapings.)  The Quebecers attack and get chased out of the ring, giving us some stalling time while I reflect on TNA still using Ramon & Kid as a team nearly two decades later. We get a LOT of stalling before Kid starts with Pierre and controls with a headlock, and over to Razor to work on the arm. Apparently Ramon will be defending the IC title against Shawn Michaels in some kind of goofy gimmick match at Wrestlemania. Like anyone’s gonna want to see a “ladder match”. Ramon gets sick of Polo pretty quickly and gives him a Razor’s Edge on the floor, which has Vince declaring the match a DONNYBROOK. Them’s fighting words. More stalling as Polo does a (presumed) stretcher job and we take a break. Back with the faces working Pierre over in the corner. Pierre gets away and tries a leapfrog, so Ramon punches him in the nuts to block. OUCH. That was either a badass spot or a huge fuckup. Kid comes in and works on the leg as Macho notes that this is the first time that Ramon & Kid have teamed together. I guess technically as a pair, yeah, but they were part of the same team at Survivor Series. And so was Macho! Still weird that two people as intertwined as Hall & Waltman would actually have a first time teaming. It just seems like they were born suckling at the same whiskey bottle together. They keep Pierre in the corner for an insanely long time, until finally Diesel comes out and glares at the babyfaces long enough for the Quebecers to take over on Ramon. You’d think Kid would be the one to get the heat, but whatever. We take another break and return with heel miscommunication to set up a hot tag to the Kid. Spinkick for Pierre, but he misses a dropkick, and NOW the world is right as Kid gets beaten down as face-in-peril. Macho on Diesel’s presence at ringside: “We’re looking into the eye of the beholder, and Diesel’s not good looking.” I think that’s an old Japanese proverb, actually. Pierre with a big boot for two. Jacques pounds him down for two and Pierre gets a corner clothesline, but the Quebecers miss a double-team and it’s hot tag Ramon. BAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP….WITH AUTHORITY! And NOGGIN KNOCKER! This is the best Vince McMahon commentary highlight reel I’ve ever heard. Razor’s Edge for Pierre, but Shawn runs in for the DQ at 16:05. Really? Diesel standing at ringside for 10 minutes didn’t telegraph that finish enough? Pretty good tag match, albeit with a lot of dead air and stalling. ***1/4

Bret Hart v. Dr. Tom Pritchard

They work off a headlock to start with Dr. Tom claiming a lot of hair-pulling, and they criss-cross into another nice little mat sequence that ends with Bret in control of the arm. Bret pounds away in the corner (mixing it up with FISTICUFFS! I miss Vince on commentary) and Tom bails. Back in and Bret works on the arm. Vince points out Nikolai Volkoff in the front row (still wearing his only suit). Macho’s comment: “He’s as ugly as ever.” Savage is bringing his A-game here with his title shot coming up next week. We take a break and return with Tom choking Bret out in the corner and going to a chinlock. Bret reverses to a backslide while Vince has a bizarre conversation with Donnie Wahlberg on the phone. Vince talks about potentially avoiding jealousy between the Wahlberg brothers, despite Marky Mark having a burgeoning music and acting career of his own. Keeping in mind this was still years before Boogie Nights turned Mark into a worldwide star while Donnie became a footnote. Cornette tries to go after Bret with the tennis racket, but Randy Savage leaps out of the announce position and beats his ass down, causing Cornette to take an awkward bump into the stairs. We take a break and return with Bret hitting the legsweep for two. Small package gets two. Middle rope elbow gets two. Rollup gets two. Cornette distracts Bret again, so Savage goes to finish the job, but Owen Hart heads out to give some motivation to his loving brother. He helps Bret back into the ring, but Tom blows his chance and misses a blind charge, allowing Bret to finish with the Sharpshooter at 12:15. This was a pretty big disappointment, actually, with Pritchard not bringing much past chinlocks and a flat atmosphere thanks to all the extracurricular stuff. Still, good stuff for what was basically an extended squash. ***

Next week: Yokozuna defends the WWF title against Randy Savage!