The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–01.24.94

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – January 24 1994

– Taped from Richmond, VA. The night after a major PPV?

– Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jim Ross.

Lex Luger v. Austin Steele

That’s a hell of a jobber name right there. Kind of a bland Buddy Landell look to him, but a GREAT name. My annoyance grows quickly as Vince & JR say “WWF” about a dozen times in the first minute, resulting in quite a lot of choppy commentary. Luger works a headlock, but Steele pounds away in the corner, but misses a blind charge. Luger gets a pair of suplexes and a powerslam to set up the superplex to finish at 3:35. Even his SQUASHES are boring.

Jeff Jarrett v. John Paul

Jarrett gives him a hard clothesline, but Paul comes back with a small package for two. Paul with a sunset flip for two as Vince declares that RAW is the “#1 show in America on cable TV!” I really, really doubt that was the case in 1994, unless they were using some pretty specific criteria. Jarrett’s tights look like something Randy Savage would have thrown out for being too gaudy, by the way. Jarrett with a fistdrop and assorted stalling, and a slingshot suplex (now there’s a finisher that needs to be revived for someone). He misses an elbow and Paul gets a rollup for two and slugs away in the corner. Jarrett rolls him up and holds the tights for the pin at 4:10, however.

Next week: 1-2-3 Kid v. Johnny Polo! Well, Kid was out with his first of many neck injuries at this point, so I’m guessing next week is still part of this god-awful taping cycle, or else they’re doing yet another bait-and-switch.

Men on a Mission v. The Headshrinkers

Vince instructs us to “listen up” to Oscar’s rap, then talks over it. MIXED SIGNALS. This was advertised last week as Headshrinkers v. Harts, but that’s obviously out. Thanks a lot, Owen. That’s also pretty shitty on the WWF’s part, because this is pre-taped and they knew very well that they were advertising a match they weren’t going to deliver. We get the great “ram a Samoan’s head into the mat and get superkicked” spot from Mo, but while Fatu celebrates, Mo tags in Mabel. Mabel cleans house on the Shrinkers, but Fatu superkicks him and goes for a suplex. That gets nothing, and Mo clotheslines Fatu for two. Cheapshot makes Mo YOUR face-in-peril and we take a break. Back with Mo getting tossed, and Samu rams him into the stairs. Back in, Samu with a legdrop for two. And we go to a chinlock. Mo comes back with a sunset flip, but Fatu breaks it up. Small package gets two, but Samu dropkicks him down again. Fatu goes up and gets dropped on the top rope by Mo as a result, and it’s hot tag Mabel. The fake crowd noise is going wild! The disconnect between the crowd on the screen and the uproar on the soundtrack is pretty obvious. Mabel with a leg lariat on Samu for two, but Mo tags himself in and gets superkicked for two. Flying Fatu splash finishes him at 10:48. How the hell did MOM go on to challenge for the tag titles at Wrestlemania? *1/2

Adam Bomb v. Tommy Angel

Bomb slugs away on Angel, but he comes back with a pair of dropkicks before walking into a clubbing forearm. Bomb with a clothesline and half-assed dropkick while Vince and JR make “what’s in the news this week…” type jokes. Bomb with a flying clothesline and Atom Smasher to finish at 3:10.

Doink the Clown v. Joey Stallings

The poor jobber has to sell for the midget’s invisible dog before the match. Hope it was worth the $500. Stallings overpowers Doink, but walks into an overhead suplex for two. Doink with a hammerlock on the mat, but Stallings gets a sideslam for two. Backdrop suplex and powerslam set up the Whoopie Cushion at 3:25.

Shawn Michaels v. Tyrone Knox

Shawn misses a blind charge and Tyrone tries working the arm, but Shawn slugs him down and out of the ring. Diesel sends him back in and Shawn adds a dropkick and goes to a chinlock. Vince shoots down rumors that the WWF will be replacing the NFL on CBS. Yeah, Vince running a football league in prime time, that’d be a GREAT idea. Shawn superkicks and piledrives Knox to finish.

Next week: Week four of the tapings, I’m guessing! Can it get any more boring than this week? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!