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The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–11.08.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – November 8 1993

– Live from Bushkill, PA. Really? Is there also MurderObama, TX?

– Your hosts are Bobby, Vince and Macho. Ugly graphics are back again.

– Vince pimps a special poll, as next week Pierre can face either 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Doink or Lex Luger as a result of fan voting. Geeeeeeee, I wonder who they’ll pick.

Scott Steiner v. Ludvig Borga

Borga attacks before the bell, totally shutting the crowd up. Borga puts him down with a clothesline and goes AERIAL with a flying clothesline. Holy crap, it was a good one, too. He puts Scott down with a kidney shot, but puts his head down and gets caught with a butterfly bomb. Scott with the pumphandle slam and Borga bails for the Larry Zbyszko stall. He takes so long that Randy Savage stops to cut a promo on Crush in the interim. Seriously. Finally back in the ring, Borga cranks on a Randy Orton-like side headlock, but Scott comes back with a belly to belly for two. Borga puts him down again for two, but misses an elbow and Scott dropkicks him to the floor. And now the Quebecers join us and Vince is OUTRAGED. We take a break and return with Scott suplexing Borga back in and into a boston crab, and that brings out Rick Steiner. Even though Survivor Series did a shit buyrate that year, it wasn’t for lack of effort, as they trotted out every combination of the Fanatics v. All-Americans they could to hype the show. Borga makes the ropes, but charges and hits boot and Scott rolls him up for two. Small package gets two. Dropkick gets two. Steiner to the top for a missile dropkick that in fact hits Borga’s knees, but gets two anyway. That was like an Erik Watts missile dropkick. Borga comes back with a powerslam for two and tosses Scott, then won’t let him back in. Rick decides to get involved, and it’s a donnybrook at 10:30. Decent match, terrible Finnish. OK, that wasn’t the ideal place for that one, but I’ve been wanting to use it for a while anyway. **1/2

Jeff Jarrett and his vintage Cadillac visit the Grand Ole Opry so he can continue to rail against the corrupt country music business.

Men on a Mission v. Steve Smith & Cory Student

Oscar can’t even rap to the beat of their theme song, which is pretty sad because he’d have to listen to it night after night and should have it memorized by then. Smith gets beaten up by Mabel, but Mo comes in and Student gets a sunset flip for two. Mabel pounds him down in the corner and MOM get a double elbow. Mo gets a chinlock for some reason and then whips Mabel into him. Mabel with a DDT and Mo splashes Mabel onto Student for the pin at 3:33.

Undertaker lets us know that drinking and driving is bad. OK then.

Rick Martel v. John Paul

Hey, it’s former AWA midcarder John Paul! I wondered what happened to him. Martel controls with an armbar and hiptoss, and does some jumping jacks to showboat. Paul takes him down with a headlock, but Martel suplexes out of it and hits a gutwrench. Blind charge misses and Paul slugs away in the corner and adds a dropkick, but misses a flying bodypress and gets finished with the Boston crab at 2:49. Same as every Martel squash since 1989.

Crush v. Dan Dubiel

Savage goes NUTS at ringside, tossing Vince into the timekeeper’s table (!!!) and attacking Crush, triggering a brawl down the aisle while a sea of referees try to break them up.

Bob Backlund v. Barry Horowitz

Barry gets an armdrag, but Bob evades him and rides him on the mat until he makes the ropes. Savage rejoins the broadcast team at ringside, sounding coked up and all crazy. That’s the best type of Savage color commentary. Anyway, back in the ring this match is going nowhere as Barry is stalling, so the director chooses to ignore the match and goes back to Crush’s dressing room in the back. He BURSTS through the locked door, and Savage takes off again and we’re into another brawl. We take a break and don’t even bother with a finish to the match in the ring.

Next week: Pierre v. Lex Luger! The amazing thing is that he only got 62% of the vote despite getting pushed more than Hulk Hogan.