The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–10.11.93 / 10.18.93

OK, getting behind on these again, so here’s a two-fer to catch up to the Observer Flashbacks again.

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – October 11 1993

– Taped from New Haven, CT.

– Your hosts are Vince, Macho and Bobby.

Intercontinental title finals: Razor Ramon v. Rick Martel

Vince notes that this could be a big day for Hispanics everywhere, although really Tito Santana and Pedro Morales, who are REAL Hispanic wrestlers and not just a guy playing a caricature of one, already held the belt two times each so really that milestone has already been reached. But hey, the whole bizarre conversation about Columbus Day falls into a Twlight Zone of goofiness in the first place, but that’s life with Randy Savage on commentary for ya. Martel dodges Razor’s offense and goes for the arm, but walks into the fallaway slam and bails as a result. Back in, Martel goes to a facelock, but Razor drops him on the top rope to break and works the arm. And we take a break. Back with Martel winning the battle on the floor and whipping Ramon into the corner to work on the back. Pinfall attempt in the corner gets two, and Martel goes back to pounding on the back as Bobby Heenan is the one to connect the dots and suggest that Martel is setting up the crab. Wow, that’s a rare bit of insight from Bobby mixed in with the dumb jokes. And indeed, Martel gets the Boston crab, but Razor makes the ropes quickly. Martel with a sideslam to put Ramon down again and he goes back to the crab, this time in the middle of the ring. Ramon powers out, so Martel goes up with a flying bodypress, which Ramon rolls through for two. Martel clotheslines him for two, but puts his head down and KICK WHAM RAZOR’S EDGE gives Razor his first title at 10:48. No really, Ramon kicked him in the gut like he was delivering a stunner and everything. The crowd reaction and Ramon’s selling of the moment was epic, but the match was merely OK formula stuff despite Vince’s best efforts to sell it and Bobby being on his best behavior. **1/2 Ramon wearing the IC belt is one of those “all is right with the world now” moments because it’s so weird to see him without it.

The Headshrinkers v. Tommy Morrison & Sid Person

That’s the best I can get out of the muffled announcement of the jobber names and Vince’s interpretation of them. But then there’s very few jobbers I give a shit about anyway and these guys aren’t them. Sid gets destroyed in the samoan corner and superkicked down, then takes a nasty bump out of the ring. Given no important matches to talk about, Bobby and Macho are now free to veer crazily from one stupid pop culture topic to another with no connection to reality and/or sanity, totally ignoring the match and some pretty impressive ragdoll bumping from the jobber. Over to Morrison as Bobby questions whether it’s the boxer at the same time I was about to make the same joke. Now I’m scared. Flying Fatu splash finishes at 3:48.

Owen Hart v. Scott King

Finally after many stops and starts, this is the actual beginning of Owen’s honest-to-goodness singles push. Owen had been ready to quit and become a fireman, but Bret talked him into one last crack at wrestling and offered him a family feud to entice him. Owen monkey-flips King and gets a standing dropkick, into a northern lights suplex / gut wrench suplex combo. Owen drops an elbow off the middle rope and goes to the chinlock. Kneedrop and he backdrops King, then flattens him with the belly to belly and finishes with the missile dropkick and a northern lights suplex at 3:33. Nice squash!

Ludvig Borga joins us for a special interview, and he’s got some bad stuff to say about Americans (“Quick survey, everyone here who is working right now stand up…thank you.”) and Lex Luger. Luckily, Luger (in STARS AND STRIPES ZUBAZ PANTS!) comes out to refute his points. Sorry, Luger’s wearing ZUBAZ, Borga wins the argument by default. Although I wear Tapout shirts everywhere it’s socially acceptable so I guess I can’t really judge anyone for jumping on the douchebag fashion bandwagon. Luger’s like LET’S DO THIS RIGHT NOW and Borga says he’s rather not and leaves. Borga’s awesome, how did they fuck this guy up?

Adam Bomb v. Ross Greenberg

In an epic deal that would be felt for, I dunno, days afterwards, Adam Bomb has been traded by Johnny Polo to Harvey Wippleman. And apparently Harvey is also managing Well Dunn as part of the deal, showing that Polo truly was the smartest guy in wrestling. Bomb throws Greenberg around and tosses him, then slingshots in with the clothesline. That move became his finish after his lame face turn. Backdrop suplex and the Atom Smasher powerbomb finishes at 2:30.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Barry Hardy & Duane Gill

What planet did I wake up on? Yes, this is the Rock N Roll Express on Monday Night RAW in 1993. The Express double-teams Gill and hits a Hart Attack clothesline for two, but Hardy breaks it up. He charges Ricky and runs into the corner, allowing the Express to work on his knee in the corner. They do the rolling kneesnap and try to nail Gill, but he’s seen too many RNR squashes and he’s moved out of the way. He makes the fatal error of pointing to his brain to indicate his intelligence, however, and the RNR waffle him from behind and finish Hardy with the double dropkick on the rebound at 1:50. There was quite the story going on for a 2-minute squash and that needed more time.

Next week: Tatanka! IRS! The Steiner Brothers! And, finally, THE SAVAGE-CRUSH SUMMIT! Awesomeness to commence in 7 days!

 

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – October 18 1993

– Live from Poughkeepsie, NY

– Your hosts are Vince, Macho and Bobby.

The Steiner Brothers v. PJ Walker & Tony Devito

Scott overpowers Devito and then hits him with a full nelson suplex, because apparently he’s in a bad mood. Over to Rick, who powerslams Walker and then kills him with a Steinerline. Over to Scott who gets a dropkick, and then dedicates the STEINER SCREWDRIVER to the Macho Man. The crowd goes crazy for that. Walker is justifiably dead, so it’s back to Devito and Scott hits him with a tilt-a-whirl suplex and they finish with the top rope bulldog at 2:50. MEGA-SQUASH.

IRS v. Scott Taylor

IRS sends him into the corner and drops elbows, then puts him down with a back elbow. Taylor gets two off a sunset flip, but IRS fires back with a butterfly suplex and stomps him down. We hit the chinlock and it’s over to the abdominal stretch as this drags on. Write-Off clothesline finishes at 3:25.

Meanwhile, in Nashville, some goof named Jeff Jarrett wants to use the WWF as a stepping stone to become a country music superstar. And in case you weren’t sure of the spelling, it’s J-E-double-F J-A-double-R-E-double-T. He was actually around for a long time before he got over.

Tatanka v. Iron Mike Sharpe

For those wondering, Iron Mike is a jobber who I give a crap about. We take a quick trip back to Superstars last week, as Ludvig Borga gets in Tatanka’s face to set up the match that ends the undefeated streak. Sharpe tries a full nelson and Tatanka reverses it, so Sharpe goes to the ropes and complains at length about hair-pulling. Tatanka tries a hammerlock, and Sharpe goes to the ropes again and complains further. And SPEAKING of complaints, Randy Savage suddenly goes off on a crazy rant against Hulk Hogan and how he thinks that he’s bigger than God and he’s a raging egomaniac. Where did THAT come from? (We would of course find out in the Observer we just recapped!)  Never mind this stupid squash, let’s get Savage back on that topic again. Papoose to Go finishes at 3:00 before Savage can expound any further on the subject.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Dennis Diamond

Bam Bam pounds away and tosses him, and back in for more beating. Suplex and he drops the headbutts, then puts him down with an enzuigiri. Dropkick into the corner sets up the slingshot splash to finish at 3:00.

And now, the Randy Savage-Crush Summit. Bobby Heenan brings out Crush and his new manager, Mr. Fuji, along with his new EVIL GOATEE. So here’s the explanation: Savage taught Crush everything when they were traveling up and down the highways, brudda, but when the student surpassed the teacher, Randy sent Crush into the ring against Yokozuna and then left him for dead. That’s…a pretty good explanation, actually. Good acting from Savage here as he sells the betrayal and squirms with all the accusations. Savage makes one last try at talking sense into Crush, offering a handshake so they can go talk it out. The crowd eats it all up, totally ready to forgive, so Crush accepts and the story continues. Until Crush lays him out on the way back to the dressing room, at which point the beatdown commences and we have a new mega-heel. Savage is bleeding from the mouth and everything, and Yokozuna joins the party for a butt splash. This was a GREAT piece of business.

Next week: Diesel! 1-2-3 Kid v. Marty Jannetty! Ludvig Borga! Evil Crush!