The SmarK Rant for the Mae Young Classic–S01E06

The SmarK Rant for the Mae Young Classic – S01E06

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are JR & Lita

Wait, is the chick seriously singing “I am a missile”? I thought that was someone doing a meme.

Welcome to our “final night” in the second round. But then, as someone pointed out, I’m hardly one to talk since I’m reviewing these in four hour blocks myself and then spacing them out one per day. Really, you have no one but yourselves to blame, because if you clicked on them less then I’d be more inclined to just burn off the rants and be done with it.

Toni Storm v. Lacey Evans

I really hate the pinup gimmick for Lacey Evans. It feels like a holdover from the horrible period with Kelly Kelly and Jillian Hall on TV every week. Also, point of discussion about Storm: Those are some very flattering shorts on her. Like, Alexa Bliss but a normal sized person. Storm works the headlock, but offers a handshake and gets headlocked herself by the crushing force of IRONY. See kids, sportsmanship leads to nothing, always cheat. Maybe install Kodi and download a bunch of HBO shows while you’re at it. Storm uses the POWER OF THE ASS, but Evans rolls her up for two and springboards in with an elbow for two. Anyone in this tournament dropping elbows who isn’t named Kairi Sane is just WASTING MY TIME. Lacey pounds away in the corner and takes her down for two, then goes to an armbar when that doesn’t work. Lacey has a good look, but at this point she looks overly mechanical and rehearsed, like a lot of the early NXT prospects who get put on TV too soon. Storm comes back with the backstabber in the corner and a northern lights suplex, but Lacey awkwardly maneuvers into her awkward finisher before Storm reverses out into a White Noise neckbreaker combo for the pin at 4:57. Like an Emerald Frosion where she drops Evans on her knee instead of the mat. Storm looked much better on the second round, actually. Lacey will be fine, but she’s just not ready. *1/2

Shayna Baszler v. Mia Yim

Yim throws kicks to send Shayna running, and Mia follows with a dive while the WWE Four Horsewomen look on from ringside. Well, angle alert there. Back in, Yim throws another kick, but Baszler takes her down and works on the ankle a bit before throwing her around with dead weight gut wrench suplexes ala Cesaro. Yim comes back with the Tarantula and a cannonball in the corner for two, but Baszler rolls into the anklelock. YIm escapes and keeps coming with the kicks, and Shayna finally goes down for two. Another charge is cut off with a knee to the face by Baszler, for two, but Yim gets a german suplex for two. Yim tries another suplex, but Shayna rolls into the anklelock and sinks in the hooks, forcing Yim to throws kicks from the mat to break. Yim with a powerbomb for two. Dear crowd: We know it’s women’s wrestling. Shut up. Yim goes up with a 450, but it hits the knees and Baszler sinks in the choke at 5:36. Good hard-hitting MMA-style match, but too short, like many other matches in this tournament. **1/2

Rhea Ripley v. Dakota Kim

Dakota reminds me of Bayley had she been allowed to develop outside of the WWE system. However, she has the same stupid hairstyle as Raven on Big Brother, so minus a few points for that. Does she also have a pacemaker in her stomach, I wonder? They trade armdrags and Kai backdrops Ripley to the floor, but she lands on her feet and takes Kai facefirst into the apron. Which is, need I remind you, dear reader, the hardest part of the mat. Back in, Ripley goes to the cravat and a low dropkick gets two. Kai rolls her up for two, but Ripley presses her into a faceplant for two. They slug it out and Kai makes the comeback with a Broski Boot for two. Ripley gets her own kick into a northern lights suplex for two. They fight to the top and slug it out on the top rope, which leaves Ripley in the Tree of Woe, and Kai finishes her with a double stomp at 7:03. Bit of a style clash and Ripley is clearly above her pay grade here, but it was fine. **1/4 Ripley looks like a superstar, though, and unless she’s terrible she’s going to be a giant star on the main roster very soon.

Candice LaRae v. Nicole Savoy

One can only hope that the Queen of Suplexes will actually throw a suplex before she lays down for LaRae. Savoy charges in quickly and LaRae gets a tornado DDT for two, but Savoy finally throws a suplex and gets two. Another backdrop suplex and she wraps LaRae up in a submission hold, which LaRae reverses. LaRae goes up and gets yanked out of the corner for two while JR coyly notes that “Neither girl is able to get into a rhythm yet.” That would code for “They can’t get their shit together.” Savoy with another suplex and into an armbar, but LaRae escapes and fires back with forearms. Savoy suplexes her again for two. OK, maybe less suplexes now. LaRae slips out of a double chickenwing and spins into an Octopus attempt, but Savoy powers out and follows with a weak forearm in the corner. They fight to the top and slug it out, and LaRae brings her down with the neckbreaker for the pin at 5:54. Another unimpressive outing from LaRae, but this was a major style clash and I can’t really fault her too much. They just weren’t on the same page at all. *

The Pulse

This was probably the weakest show so far, lacking a really good match to stand out, and just came across as putting in time.