Rock Star Gary reflects on WWF WrestleMania VII

Live from Los Angeles, CA

Airdate: March 24, 1991

Attendance:  15,500

Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Wait a minute! This was supposed to be at the L.A. Coliseum! Vince must have hired Special Ops to keep the venue change so tight-lipped. Read on!

Willie Nelson sings the American national anthem. I’m surprised the IRS agents were not hanging around ringside ready to garnish his WrestleMania check right there.

While Monsoon welcomes us to the broadcast, the Los Angeles faithful chant “U-S-A.” At least they don’t believe they live in La La Land, because that movie blows chunks.

Backstage, Sean Mooney interviews the Rockers.

Match 1: The Rockers versus Haku & Barbarian (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan)

Highlights:

  • Dressed like Uncle Sam, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan joined the broadcast table for this match.
  • As Michaels attempted a leap frog, Haku caught and bear-hugged him.
  • After a pair of leap frogs, Michaels hit a flying shoulder block on Haku.
  • While the Los Angeles faithful chanted “Weasel” at Heenan, the Rockers gave Haku a double hip toss followed by a double elbow drop.
  • Barbarian then came in and gave them a double clothesline. Hey, the Rockers enjoyed it so much they celebrated with stereo 360° sells. Double woohoo!
  • As the Rockers dispatched Haku, they gave Barbarian a double superkick.
  • The heels then sought refuge outside the ring with Heenan.
  • Next, a Michaels dropkick assisted Jannetty with giving Barbarian a huracanrana for 2.
  • Haku tagged in, and the heels gave Jannetty a double head butt.
  • When the Rockers attempted another assisted huracanrana, referee Danny Davis stopped Michaels. That allowed the heels to deliver a double stungun to Jannetty.
  • Haku then delivered a back elbow to Jannetty and tagged in Barbarian.
  • After a military press slam, Barbarian and Haku illegally switched.
  • A mid-ring collision between Jannetty and Haku put Jannetty on top for 2.
  • While Haku gave Jannetty a HARD cross corner whip injuring the back, he followed with a pair of backbreakers.
  • Barbarian tagged in and got 2.
  • When Barbarian clotheslined Jannetty, he applied a bear hug.
  • He then whipped Jannetty into the corner but ate a mule kick on his follow-through.
  • As Jannetty mounted the second turnbuckle, he leaped but ate a powerslam.
  • Barbarian then mounted the top turnbuckle but missed a diving head butt.
  • Hot tag Michaels.
  • After a flying back elbow, Michaels gave Haku the ten-punch count-along.
  • Barbarian tried to interfere, but Michaels gave him a cross body block.
  • As Haku reversed an Irish whip, Michaels delivered a swinging neckbreaker for 2.
  • Michaels then attempted a sunset flip and succeeded with Jannetty’s help for another 2.
  • Since Barbarian interrupted the count, the Rockers responded with a double dropkick.
  • After a double clothesline, the Rockers mounted opposite top turnbuckles.
  • Jannetty then hit a missile dropkick while Michaels hit another cross body block.
  • 1-2-3.
  • The Rockers won.

Rating: ****

Summary:  Excellent opener that kept the hot crowd simmering.

Backstage, “Mean” Gene Okerlund interviews Regis Philbin, Marla Maples, and Alex Trebek. Philbin’s enjoying himself but feels intimidated by Earthquake. That’s typical for Southern California. Maples, known for becoming President Trump’s second wife, is “excited” as she will interview WWF Superstars in the locker room. Boy, this story just won’t go away, will it? Meanwhile, Trebek succeeds in confusing the bejeezus out of Okerlund.

Match 2: Texas Tornado versus Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart)

Highlights:

  • While Tornado tried to remove his ring garb, Bravo clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.
  • He then joined and rammed Tornado face-first into the apron.
  • Back in the ring, Tornado delivered an atomic drop followed by a clothesline.
  • He then gave Bravo a cross corner whip and attempted the Iron claw.
  • When Bravo blocked it, Tornado reversed a cross corner whip but ate boot on his follow-through.
  • Bravo then gave Tornado an inverted atomic drop followed by a pair of elbow drops for 2.
  • Next, Bravo hit the sidewalk slam for another 2.
  • He then mounted the second turnbuckle and delivered an axe handle.
  • Again, he mounted the second turnbuckle, leaped, but Tornado applied the Iron claw.
  • He then delivered a discus punch to Bravo.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Tornado won.

Rating: *

Summary: Thankfully short for this hot mess.

From the pink locker room, Mooney interviews Slick with Warlord.

Elsewhere backstage, Okerlund interviews Smith with Winston, his bulldog.

Match 3: The “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith versus Warlord (w/ Slick)

Highlights:

  • Smith attempted a crucifix pin, but Warlord countered with a Samoan drop.
  • After a series of elbow drops, Warlord got 2.
  • He then whipped Smith into the corner and applied a bear hug.
  • When Smith rang his bell to escape, he attempted a Thesz press, but Warlord countered with a stungun for 2.
  • Warlord then delivered a belly-to-belly suplex as Slick spat into the camera lens.
  • As Smith came back with a dropkick, he gave Warlord the ten-punch count-along.
  • Next, he mounted the second turnbuckle and nailed Warlord.
  • Upon hitting a cross body block, Smith got 2.
  • He then attempted a piledriver only for Warlord to counter with a back drop.
  • On the other hand, Smith hooked a sunset flip for 2.
  • He then gave Warlord a cross corner whip but ate boot on his follow-through.
  • When Warlord hooked the full nelson, Smith broke the hold with POWER. Wow!
  • He then delivered the running powerslam.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Smith won.

Rating: **

Summary:  Adequate power match with plenty of high-impact offense.

Back in the pink locker room, Okerlund interviews Hart with the Nasty Boys. Knobbs, without hesitation, calls the Hart Foundation, stink and pink. Upon stealing Okerlund’s pocket square, both Nasty Boys blow their noses with it. Ew.

Elsewhere backstage, Mooney interviews the Hart Foundation as Neidhart cuts a mesmerizing promo.

Match 4 for the WWF tag team titles: The Hart Foundation (champions) versus the Nasty Boys (w/ Jimmy Hart)

Highlights:

  • Hart wore a motorcycle helmet to the ring.
  • As Monsoon referred to him as a “youngster,” nine-year old Macauley Culkin was shown in the audience.
  • Sags missed a clothesline as Bret delivered a Thesz press.
  • When Knobbs came in, Bret gave him an inverted atomic drop.
  • Sags tried to escape to the apron, but Bret brought him in the hard way.
  • After Knobbs tagged in and taunted Neidhart, Bret tagged in his partner.
  • Neidhart then gave Knobbs a cross corner whip followed by a hip toss.
  • Next, a shoulder block by Neidhart sent Knobbs to the floor.
  • Sags tagged in, but Neidhart dumped him on the back of his head.
  • As Bret tagged in, he gave Sags the ten-punch count-along.
  • He then gave Sags a shot to the midsection followed by a side Russian leg sweep.
  • Out of his element, Monsoon called it a neckbreaker.
  • When Bret mounted the second turnbuckle, he delivered an elbow smash.
  • Knobbs came in and got the better of Bret.
  • After a clothesline by Sags sent Bret to the floor, Neidhart chased after Hart.
  • Bret returned to the ring only for Sags to give him a HARD cross corner whip.
  • As the Los Angeles faithful chanted “let’s go Bret,” Sags gave him a backbreaker for 2.
  • Shortly after, Sags delivered a hangman’s neckbreaker for another 2.
  • Bret came back with his own hangman’s neckbreaker but couldn’t tag out.
  • When Knobbs applied a rear chin lock, Bret countered with an electric chair.
  • The Nasty Boys then attempted their patented Sags-assisted corner splash, but Bret evaded Knobbs and clotheslined Sags.
  • After a false tag, Hart tossed the megaphone to Knobbs who then mistakenly hit Sags with it.
  • Hot tag Neidhart.
  • Upon tossing Knobbs onto Sags, he double-clotheslined the Nasty Boys.
  • He then gave Knobbs a back elbow and a clothesline for 2.
  • When Neidhart hit a powerslam, he got another 2.
  • All four wrestlers were in the ring.
  • As heel miscommunication transpired, Bret nailed Hart outside the ring.
  • The Hart Foundation then hit the Hart Attack, but Hart tossed the motorcycle helmet to Sags.
  • While referee Earl Hebner put Bret back in the babyface corner, Sags ANNIHILATED Neidhart with the motorcycle helmet. Nefarious!
  • 1-2-3.
  • WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!

Rating: **1/2

Summary:  Without Bret, this match would have been horrible. On the contrary, I liked how the Nasty Boys failed with the megaphone yet triumphed with the motorcycle helmet.

FEUD REWIND: First, we revisit Superstars when Martel “accidentally” sprayed his Arrogance cologne in Roberts’ eyes. Second, we revisit Roberts’ visit to the ophthalmologist. Third, we see a “blind” Roberts trying to attack Martel on the Brother Love show when he ended up giving Love the DDT. Fourth, we revisit Wrestling Challenge when Roberts spoiled a Martel versus Santana match. Fifth, Roberts cuts a promo backstage on Martel.

Match 5 (blindfold): Jake “The Snake” Roberts versus the “Model” Rick Martel

Highlights:

  • Is Kevin Sullivan booking here?
  • As you would expect, the Los Angeles faithful encouraged Roberts in Martel’s direction.
  • When Martel tripped over him, Roberts got 2.
  • After giving Roberts an Irish whip, Martel set for the back drop, but Roberts side-stepped him.
  • Yes, folks, this has become a comedy match.
  • Martel then found Roberts and slammed him.
  • Next, he attempted an elbow drop, but Roberts had already gotten out of Dodge.
  • Not THAT kind of Dodge.
  • If I had been in the arena, I would have made a mad dash for popcorn.
  • Instead, I get to enjoy Heenan’s jokes with all the non-action.
  • While the Los Angeles faithful chanted “D-D-T,” Martel mistakenly found Damian.
  • After Martel shoulder-blocked Roberts between the ropes to the floor, he somehow joined Roberts on the floor and discovered a chair. Yes, Felicia, they actually CAN see through their black hoods. How’d you guess?
  • When Martel bumped into the ring post, he whacked it with the chair.
  • Roberts then brought Martel into the ring, but Martel delivered a backbreaker.
  • Afterward, he hooked the Boston crab, but Roberts powered out of it.
  • Roberts then found Martel and delivered the DDT.
  • 1-2-3.

Rating: DUD

Summary:  I realize that Martel and Roberts wrestled night-after-night on the house show circuit, but that would have been preferable to their hijinks here. The first time you see this match, you enjoy it for the entertainment of it. Further viewings make you shudder.

After the match, Roberts removes his mask and destroys the bottle of Arrogance. He then unleashes Damian and drapes him on Martel who scampers away.

In the locker room, Maples interviews the NEW WWF tag team champions–the Nasty Boys—with Hart, Bravo, Earthquake, and the Mountie. Champagne is flowing, and everything is disjointed. Maples, you’re fired.

Match 6: Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) versus Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka

Highlights:

  • For those who want to know when the winning streak of the Undertaker began, look no further.
  • Undertaker hit a flying clothesline, and the Los Angeles faithful cheered him despite his heel status.
  • As Snuka gave Undertaker a cross corner whip, he ate knee on his follow-through.
  • With Snuka on the apron, Undertaker suplexed him back in.
  • He then missed an elbow drop as Snuka made his comeback.
  • After Undertaker missed a clothesline, Snuka hung himself out to dry on a cross body block attempt.
  • Snuka then attempted a slingshot cross body block, but Undertaker caught him.
  • Next, he PLANTED him with a tombstone.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Undertaker won.

Rating: DUD

Summary:  Impressive WrestleMania debut for Undertaker.

FEUD REWIND #2: First, we revisit The Main Event IV when Savage attacked Warrior after the title match. Second, we revisit Royal Rumble ’91 when Queen Sherri pleaded to Warrior for a title match for Savage. Third, we see Savage’s interference that cost Warrior the WWF title.

Prior to the next match, Elizabeth sits in the second row opposite the hard camera.

Match 7 (retirement): Ultimate Warrior versus “Macho King” Randy Savage (w/ Queen Sherri)

Highlights:

  • In lieu of running, Warrior walked to the ring. He must be ready to retire.
  • A shoulder block by Warrior sent Savage to the floor.
  • Upon his return, Savage gave Warrior a double axe handle thanks to Queen Sherri’s distraction.
  • Warrior then reversed an Irish whip and clotheslined Savage.
  • After an inverted atomic drop, Warrior delivered a standard one.
  • When Warrior put Savage in a standing choke, Queen Sherri ran in only for Warrior to toss Savage in her direction.
  • Savage then clotheslined Warrior, mounted the top turnbuckle, attempted a cross body block, but Warrior caught him.
  • Warrior then set Savage down and slapped the taste out of his mouth.
  • Using the timekeeper’s chair as a distraction, Savage ambushed Warrior from behind.
  • After Warrior whipped him into the corner, he gave Savage the ten-kicks-to-the-midsection count-along. You don’t see that one every day.
  • Regardless, Warrior gave Savage a cross corner whip but came up empty on his follow-through. In fact, he fell out of the ring. Has he been taking lessons from Road Warrior Hawk?
  • While Savage distracted referee Earl Hebner, Queen Sherri nailed Warrior on the floor. How dastardly!
  • Savage then mounted the top turnbuckle and delivered a double axe handle to Warrior on the floor.
  • Afterward, Queen Sherri continued to attack until Warrior pushed her down.
  • Savage then joined and nailed Warrior with another double axe handle on the floor.
  • Next, Savage made Warrior HIT THE POLE.
  • While Savage slammed Warrior and delivered a knee drop for 2, Monsoon lied about WrestleMania VII being the largest PPV audience ever. C’mon, Gorilla, this show only got 400,000 buys while WrestleMania VI got 550,000. Perhaps he’s had too many banana daiquiris.
  • Warrior then countered a hangman’s neckbreaker with a backslide for 2.
  • As another distraction by Queen Sherri backfired, Warrior caught Savage’s foot, spun him around, and clotheslined him.
  • Warrior then hit the ropes about six times but came up empty on a splash.
  • After a double clothesline put both wrestlers down on the mat, Queen Sherri distracted Hebner while Warrior earned a false pin with an inside cradle.
  • When Warrior argued with Hebner, Savage put a knee into his back knocking down Hebner in the process.
  • Hebner was OUT COLD.
  • Savage then held Warrior as Queen Sherri mounted the top turnbuckle. As Warrior escaped, Queen Sherri mistakenly nailed Savage with her high-heeled shoe. Thank goodness that it wasn’t 1996 or the match would be OVER.
  • When Warrior turned his attention to Queen Sherri, Savage rolled him up for 2.
  • He then used momentum to send Warrior face-first into the top turnbuckle.
  • Following that, he guillotined Warrior using the top rope twice.
  • After a slam, Savage got 2.
  • He then mounted the top turnbuckle and hit the big elbow.
  • Again, he mounted the top turnbuckle and hit another big elbow.
  • Yet again, he mounted the top turnbuckle and hit big elbow #3.
  • Remarkably, he mounted the top turnbuckle again and hit big elbow #4.
  • Unbelievably, he mounted the top turnbuckle once more and hit big elbow #5.
  • GET OUT THE SPATULA!
  • 1-2-3.
  • Warrior lost.
  • Oh wait, it was only 2.
  • While Savage gave him a series of double axehandles, Warrior made his comeback.
  • After a series of clotheslines, Warrior hit the military press drop followed by a splash.
  • Is Savage’s career over?
  • 1-2-NO!
  • It’s not over!
  • With all his face paint wiped off, Warrior summoned assistance from another dimension.
  • Probably not THAT dimension!
  • When he didn’t receive an answer, Warrior contemplated leaving.
  • On the other hand, Savage nailed him sending Warrior to the floor.
  • He then draped Warrior across the steel railing, mounted the top turnbuckle, and leaped.
  • Seeing Savage coming, Warrior hit him in the midsection while Savage tasted the steel railing. It must have tasted like the Go Greek at the 901 Bar.
  • Back in the ring, Warrior hit a flying shoulder block that sent Savage to the floor.
  • Warrior then tossed Savage back in and hit a second flying shoulder block.
  • Again, Savage fell to the floor, but Warrior retrieved him.
  • He then hit flying shoulder block #3, pulled Savage from the apron, and pinned him with one foot on his chest.
  • Warrior won.

Rating: ****1/2

Summary:  Incredible match that told a great story. But if Savage is retired, what happens to Sherri?

After the match, Ultimate Warrior celebrates for the Los Angeles faithful. Upon Warrior’s exit, Sherri gets in the ring, chastises Savage, and kicks him repeatedly. When Sherri rams Savage’s face into the mat, Elizabeth jumps the steel railing and enters to the ring. She then pulls Sherri off Savage by the hair, and tosses her out of the ring.

As Savage gets to his feet, he almost decks Elizabeth. When he questions her intentions, he notices how agitated Sherri is outside the ring. Savage then realizes that Elizabeth came to his rescue. As Elizabeth begins to cry, she and Savage embrace. It’s a reunion and a FACE TURN! Savage then hoists her up on his shoulder as fans at ringside are BAWLING. While they exit the ring, Elizabeth holds the ropes open for Savage, but Savage takes a trip down Chivalry Street and opens the ropes for her instead. Now THAT’S theater.

Backstage, Philbin interviews Undertaker with Bearer. Instead of talking, Undertaker takes Philbin’s measurements.

In the pink locker room, Trebek interviews Demolition with Fuji.

We return to Philbin who interviews Tenryu and Kitao who remain silent. The language barrier proves to be quite the albatross.

We then return to Trebek who interviews Roberts with Damian. When Roberts puts Damian in Trebek’s face, Trebek hightails it.

Match 8: Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji) versus Genichiro Tenryu & Koji Kitao

Highlights:

  • With Ax gone, Rick Derringer’s theme disappeared too.
  • Tenryu and Kitao represented the SWS promotion in Japan although Kitao would be fired from SWS shortly after this match.
  • When Kitao reversed an Irish whip, he gave Crush a high knee.
  • Tenryu then distracted referee Danny Davis, so Fuji got up on the apron and WHACKED Kitao on the back with his cane. Sinister!
  • As Smash tagged in, he gave Kitao a belly-to-back suplex.
  • Crush tagged in, mounted the top turnbuckle, and gave Kitao a double axe handle to the back.
  • Upon slamming Kitao, Crush tagged in Smash.
  • Shortly after, Smash gave Kitao a cross corner whip but ate a clothesline.
  • Hot tag Tenryu.
  • After Tenryu dropkicked Crush out of the ring, he slammed Smash.
  • He then mounted the top turnbuckle but missed an elbow drop.
  • When Crush tagged in, he gave Tenryu a backbreaker.
  • Smash tagged in and delivered another belly-to-back suplex.
  • As Demolition attempted Demolition Decapitation, Kitao interfered.
  • Crush then mounted the top turnbuckle, but Kitao shoved him down to the floor.
  • While Smash turned his attention to Kitao, Tenryu delivered an enziguri.
  • He then powerbombed Smash.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Tenryu and Kitao won.

Rating: *

Summary:  Post-intermission and post-retirement match death slot hurt this one with most of the crowd getting In & Out cheeseburgers.

Backstage, Okerlund interviews Bossman.

In the pink locker room, Mooney interviews Perfect with Heenan. As Heenan subtly references the Rodney King incident, Perfect dismisses Bossman’s challenge.

Match 9 for the WWF Intercontinental title: Mr. Perfect (champion w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) versus Big Bossman

Highlights:

  • Lord Alfred Hayes joined the broadcast table for this match.
  • After Perfect slapped Bossman, he exited the ring.
  • Unfortunately for Perfect, Bossman joined and nailed him which Perfect sold well.
  • Back in the ring, Perfect gave Bossman a cross corner whip, but Bossman slid out of the ring.
  • Bossman then showed off his agility by re-entering immediately and practically turning Perfect inside out.
  • Next, he tossed Perfect over the top rope to the floor.
  • As the Los Angeles faithful chanted “Weasel,” Bossman gave Perfect a cross corner whip but came up empty on his follow-through.
  • Bossman then reversed a cross corner whip sending Perfect HARD into the corner.
  • With Perfect on the second rope, Bossman gave him a running guillotine.
  • He then removed his belt and whipped Perfect until referee Joey Marella got ahold of it and placed it in a corner.
  • When Perfect grabbed the belt, he wrapped it around his fist and nailed Bossman.
  • He then gave Bossman a HARD cross corner whip injuring the back.
  • While Perfect hooked an abdominal stretch, Heenan requested the bell to be rung.
  • A standing dropkick by Perfect got 2.
  • After a somersault neck snap, Perfect attempted a Perfectplex, but Bossman countered with an inside cradle for 2.
  • Perfect then delivered a reverse somersault neck snap for 2.
  • Upon mounting the top turnbuckle, he leaped but ate boot.
  • Bossman then crotched Perfect with the ring post. OUCH!
  • As an uppercut by Bossman sent Perfect over the top rope to the floor, Perfect sent Bossman shoulder-first into the steps.
  • Heenan then put the shoes to Bossman as Andre the Giant came to ringside.
  • After Perfect removed the padding from the top turnbuckle, he rammed Bossman into it.
  • Meanwhile, Andre grabbed the IC belt so Perfect attempted to retrieve it.
  • He got a face full of belt from Andre while Heenan distracted Marella.
  • With both wrestlers down on the mat, Andre sauntered after Heenan.
  • Bossman then covered Perfect but only got 2.
  • Suddenly, Haku and Barbarian hit the ring to ambush Bossman.
  • Marella then called for the bell disqualifying Perfect.
  • Perfect retained.

Rating: **1/2

Summary:  Crappy finish to a match that was tailor-made for Bossman to capture the title.

After the match, Barbarian and Haku double-team Bossman while Andre nails Perfect outside the ring. Andre then dispatches both Haku and Barbarian making the latter HIT THE POLE. Afterward, Andre and Bossman shake hands.

At ringside, Okerlund interviews Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Henry Winkler, and Lou Ferrigno.

Match 10: Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart) versus Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

Highlights:

  • Earthquake hit a powerslam for 2.
  • After Earthquake gave Valentine a cross corner whip, he came up empty on his follow-through.
  • Valentine then hit a series of hammers but couldn’t take Earthquake off his feet.
  • Upon mounting the second turnbuckle, Valentine hit another hammer to finally drop him.
  • He then delivered an elbow drop and attempted the figure-four leg lock.
  • Thanks to Hart’s distraction, Earthquake nailed Valentine from behind.
  • He then gave Valentine an elbow drop and followed with the Earthquake splash.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Earthquake won.

Rating: DUD

Summary:  Showcase match for Earthquake.

After the match, Earthquake attempts another Earthquake splash, but Valentine rolls out of the ring.

Backstage, Mooney interviews the Road Warriors. Hawk informs Roma and Hercules that they’ll become “sour and gory” after facing them.

Match 11: The Road Warriors versus Power & Glory (w/ Slick)

Highlights:

  • This match was set up during a seven-team battle royal for the #1 contender spot for the WWF tag titles. While the Nasty Boys won, Power and Glory cost the Road Warriors the victory (aired 2/16, taped 1/28). I’m thinking it’s payback time.
  • Power and Glory ambushed the Road Warriors at the onset, but Hawk double-clotheslined them.
  • After Hercules dumped Hawk over the top rope to the floor, Roma slammed Animal.
  • He then mounted the top turnbuckle, leaped, but Animal caught and powerslammed him.
  • Outside the ring, Hawk made Hercules HIT THE POLE.
  • After whipping Roma into the corner, Animal hoisted him onto his shoulders.
  • Hawk then mounted the top turnbuckle, and the Road Warriors hit the Doomsday Device.
  • 1-2-3.
  • The Road Warriors won.

Rating: DUD

Summary:  Showcase SQUASH for the Road Warriors. Payback, indeed.

FEUD REWIND #3: First, we revisit the history of DiBiase with Virgil as his “security.” Second, we revisit Royal Rumble ’91 when Virgil decked DiBiase with the million dollar belt. Third, we revisit Superstars when Piper distracted Haku so that Virgil could pin him (aired 2/23, taped 1/28). Fourth, we revisit Superstars when Virgil distracted DiBiase costing him a match (aired 3/23, taped 2/18). Fifth, Piper and Virgil cut a promo on DiBiase.

Match 12: The “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase versus Virgil (w/ “Rowdy” Roddy Piper)

Highlights:

  • Piper got his own introduction walking to the ring with the aid of a crutch. Was this because of a “motorcycle accident” or a hip replacement?
  • While the Los Angeles faithful chanted his name, Virgil brought DiBiase in the hard way.
  • He then clotheslined DiBiase over the top rope to the floor.
  • Back in the ring, Virgil ate a clothesline but came back with a back elbow for 2.
  • Shortly after, DiBiase delivered his own back elbow and clotheslined Virgil.
  • He then piledrove Virgil for 2.
  • After a vertical suplex, DiBiase got another 2.
  • He then delivered a gutwrench suplex but couldn’t get 3.
  • Next, he tossed Virgil outside the ring, joined, and chopped him on the floor.
  • Upon tossing Virgil back into the ring, he shoved down Piper. What a scoundrel!
  • In the ring, DiBiase hit a powerslam. As he came off the ropes, Piper low-bridged him with his crutch.
  • DiBiase then decked Piper but lost by countout.

Rating: *

Summary:  Better in theory than in execution. Methinks this feud isn’t over.

After the match, DiBiase hooks the Million Dollar Dream on Virgil until Piper enters the ring and hammers DiBiase with his crutch. Suddenly, Sherri hits the ring and grabs the crutch away from Piper. DiBiase then clocks Piper from behind and further injures his left knee.

While Heenan disparages Oakland Raiders running back Bo Jackson and compares him to the injured Piper. In the meantime, Sherri busts her ass, and her wig falls off. Oops. After Virgil comes to Piper’s aid and scatters DiBiase and Sherri, he gets on the microphone to encourage Piper to his feet.

We then revisit Superstars when Slaughter burned a “Hulk Rules” t-shirt (aired 3/9, taped 2/19). On the “Patriotism” episode of Legends of Wrestling, Slaughter told Vince that he wouldn’t burn the American flag. Good job, soldier!

In the pink locker room, Mooney interviews Slaughter with Adnan. During the interview, we revisit The Main Event V when Hogan tried to save Duggan, but Slaughter nailed him with a chair.

Match 13: The Mountie (w/ Jimmy Hart) versus Tito Santana

Highlights:

  • After a leapfrog, Mountie attempted another but ate a flying forearm instead.
  • That did NOT look crisp.
  • When Mountie sought refuge outside the ring, Santana joined and gave Hart and Mountie a double noggin knocker.
  • He then gave Mountie an atomic drop, and Mountie wanted to run away.
  • As referee Joey Marella warned Santana, Hart gave Mountie a cattle prod.
  • Santana then pushed Marella away, and Mountie shocked Santana with the cattle prod.
  • 1-2-3.
  • Mountie won.

Rating: DUD

Summary:  Token appearance for Santana so he could put Mountie over.

Backstage, Okerlund interviews Hogan who vows to regain the title. During the interview, we revisit Road to WrestleMania VII when Slaughter attacked Hogan with the belt. It occurred during Hogan’s match against Adnan (aired 3/17, taped 3/11). Later, Adnan taunted Hogan while Slaughter had him in the camel clutch.

Prior to the main event, ring announcer Howard Finkel introduces Trebek as the guest ring announcer, Maples as the timekeeper, and Philbin as a guest commentator.

Match 14 for the WWF title: Sgt. Slaughter (champion w/ Gen. Adnan) versus Hulk Hogan

Highlights:

  • While the Los Angeles faithful chanted “U-S-A,” Hogan shoulder-blocked Slaughter down to the mat.
  • When Slaughter sought refuge outside the ring, Hogan joined and hit him with a double axe handle.
  • Hogan then turned his attention to Adnan, but Slaughter grabbed a souvenir chair and SMASHED Hogan in the back with it.
  • Back in the ring, Slaughter gave Hogan a back elbow.
  • Upon giving Hogan a pair of knee drops, Slaughter missed an elbow drop.
  • Hogan then clotheslined Slaughter and nailed Adnan on the apron.
  • Next, he gave Slaughter a cross corner whip followed by a back elbow.
  • Hogan then delivered an atomic drop for 2.
  • As Hogan hit the Axe bomber, he got another 2.
  • He then rammed Slaughter into a pair of turnbuckles followed by a post.
  • After a cross corner whip, Hogan delivered a back drop.
  • Another cross corner whip by Hogan sent Slaughter sternum-first into the opposite top turnbuckle.
  • When Hogan catapulted Slaughter into the top turnbuckle, Monsoon referred to the challenger as the “Hulkster of the 90s.” Um, Gorilla, the Hulkster of the 90s lost at least thirty pounds when he stopped using steroids and signed a multi-million-dollar contract with WCW. But that’s neither here nor there.
  • Nevertheless, Hogan gave Slaughter another cross corner whip followed by a corner clothesline.
  • Upon giving Slaughter the ten-punch count-along, Hogan got 2.
  • He then mounted the second turnbuckle, but Slaughter nailed him in the midsection.
  • After a slam, Hogan hit a pair of elbow drops.
  • He then mounted the top turnbuckle, but Adnan grabbed his leg.
  • An opportunistic Slaughter then caught and slammed Hogan down to the mat.
  • Afterward, Slaughter clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.
  • He then made Hogan HIT THE POLE.
  • While he grabbed a steel chair, Slaughter WALLOPED Hogan with it.
  • Slaughter then choked Hogan with a camera cable as the Los Angeles faithful chanted “Ho-gan.”
  • Back in the ring, Slaughter delivered a backbreaker for 2.
  • He then hooked a Boston crab, but Hogan made the ropes.
  • As Slaughter mounted the top turnbuckle, he hit a knee drop.
  • He then earned a false pin because Adnan distracted referee Earl Hebner. C’mon, General, get with the program!
  • After Slaughter grabbed another steel chair from ringside, he CROWNED Hogan with it.
  • He then got 2 as Hogan was BUSTED OPEN!
  • When Slaughter gave Hogan a short-arm clothesline, he hooked the camel clutch.
  • Hogan got to his feet but ate the top turnbuckle when Slaughter shoved him.
  • Upon covering Hogan with the Iraqi flag, Slaughter got 2.
  • As Hogan tore the flag, it’s Hulk-up time!
  • Following the big boot, Hogan hit the leg drop.
  • 1-2-3.
  • WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

Rating: ***

Summary:  Much better than anticipated as Slaughter’s psychology and Hogan’s willingness to leave his feet made the extremely predictable outcome entertaining.

After the match, a bloody Hulkster waves the American flag and poses for the patriotic Los Angeles faithful. Incidentally, he wiped the blood off his face with an American flag.

Conclusion:  Well, the retirement match is worth my recommendation alone, but combined with the opener and a solid albeit predictable main event, it’s a no-brainer for suggested viewing.

See you for WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event XXIX!

Buyrate: 4.50

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