I was going to post some news from Powerslam Magazine but they’re currently in storage so you’ll have to wait two weeks (just like real Powerslam Magazine!) but the important things to know are it’s the show after No Mercy 2007, we’re in Detroit, Michigan and no-one’s died and John Morrison is challenging for Punk’s title tonight after serving his punishment for Wellness Violation.
Big Daddy V vs. Tommy Dreamer
V in a pre-match promo tells us he didn’t get all his anger out beating up CM Punk so he wants to beat up Dreamer again. Understandable. Dreamer lost his title shot to V after winning three Championship Chase matches, commentators tell us things could be different because Dreamer’s had time to prepare. Despite this preparation, Dreamer gets squished and squashed for a few minutes. Tommy tries a comeback but bounces off V like he’s Heart from Fist Of The North Star and V finishes with the Samoan Drop and Elbow.
Winner: Big Daddy V (Fine job of keeping V warm after having him go three minutes on the PPV. Dreamer got no love from the Michigan crowd.)
Kevin Thorn vs. James Curtis
That’s Kasey James, of the short-lived Smackdown tag team Michelle McCool’s Teacher’s Pets. He’s the one that didn’t become Damien Sandow. His selling of Thorn’s big undead shots leaves a lot to be desired but he lands a nice Missile Dropkick for two. Lots of choking and chinlocks follow because it’s Thorn. Vampire McFrown stretches the match length out before deciding to fuck up his one cool move.
Thorn lands Original Sin afterwards to put this match in the past.
Winner: Kevin Thorn (This lasted way too long for a jobber squash, especially when one half of Thorn’s offence was chinlocks and the other was looking miserable.)
Last week, Kelly Kelly had to decide between her ECW contract (owned by The Miz) and a date with Balls Mahoney. Backstage, Kelly is conflicted.
The Miz vs. Balls Mahoney
This match is presented by CYBER SUNDAY which is presented by FATHEAD. Balls brings the teddy bear he gifted Kelly with last week. Commentators debate how much of Kelly’s contract Miz actually owns and what he can actually do to her, which is a lot more thought than the writers put into this, no wonder she looked conflicted. Miz uses his weird offence to work over Balls, such as putting him over the ropes then jumping out the ring to punch him. Crowd gets behind Balls and Kelly, proving they’re alive for the first time tonight. BALLS BALLS BALLS gets two but Balls gets distracted going to the top rope and gets pushed off the apron and onto the announce table. Balls is unable to make the count and someone has Michael Jackson’s mug shot on a sign.
Winner: The Miz (Match wasn’t concerned with star ratings.)
Kelly checks up on Balls so Miz kicks the teddy into the crowd. Kelly is HURT and Balls is bleeding from the mouth for some reason.
Raw Recap highlighting HBK’s quick return to WWE because everyone’s either injured or dead. We then get hype for Cyber Sunday, with YOU CAN VOTE WHO GETS THE TITLE SHOT AGAINST RANDY and gee fucking whiz there’s HBK right after superkicking Orton on Raw so guess who won the vote.
CM Punk vs. John Morrison
Morrison’s first time challenging Punk for a title. Er unless you count Vengeance for the vacant one. Oh it’s non-title, disregard everything. Think there’s plants in the front row because they keep cutting to two excitable guys and there’s visible empty seats behind them. We get another exciting recap of V vs. Punk from No Mercy (so the whole match) before Punk’s entrance crashes the silence. Punk has taped ribs yet again so at least he’s selling V’s three minute offence. Punk fires away on kicks but he falls over from the pain. Morrison slams him but misses the Eddy Gordo leg-drop. Punk manages a Butterfly Suplex Backbreaker which doesn’t fit the story of the match but looks pretty. Morrison stretches Punk’s abs as the kids chant for Punk and the men chant for Morrison. Punk misses a dive outside but lands on his feet. Morrison doesn’t care and front suplexes him across the ring steps. Back from break, Morrison continues to stretch Punk and the crowd decide to chant for a guy dressed as Hogan who is sat front row. In a beautiful bit of continuity, Morrison tries the Backbreaker/Neckbreaker combo but Punk counters to a Sunset Flip but Morrison knows it’s coming so he counters and kicks him in the ribs.
No-one in the crowd gives a flying fuck about the reference to their previous match but the wrestlers can be happy that ten years later some guy known for paying too much attention to wrestling recognised it. Morrison kicks Punk outside the ring via slingshot kick and he’s such a swaggering cockmaster that the men cheer him louder. Morrison locks in a chinlock and the guys are chanting ”TAP! TAP!” Punk manages a horrible-looking springboard dropkick which kind of makes sense but still looked shitty.
Luckily for him, crowd doesn’t even care enough to chant YOU FUCKED UP. Punk drags Morrison back into the ring and Punk’s getting his second wind so he kicks the drugs out of Morrison. Running Knee/Bulldog gets two but Morrison immediately recovers and nails a flying kick for two. Kids have stopped chanting for Punk as the adults have scared them. Morrison continues to flying kick Punk before Punk comes back with his own version for two. Punk tries something off the top and Morrison Reverse Suplexes him off the top for the surprise win.
Winner: John Morrison (Easily their second-best match (the ECW Title change being the best and probably best ECW on Sci-Fi match of 2007) but the crowd not caring at all hurt it from a non-workrate perspective. Punk’s decision to decide to no-sell his ribs and do flashy moves to pop the crowd took a bit away from it because they were too busy popping for Hogan. Still, the nods to their previous matches would have garnered a bigger reaction from a more forgiving crowd so watch this match after their best one and feel smart.)
Overall: Nice main event (as long as you put audio of a boxing match crowd from Mexico or something in the background to simulate interest) and not much elsewhere as WWE was running fast into the brick wall of dullness that was CYBER SUNDAY SEASON with A SMALLER ROSTER THAN USUAL due to DRUGS.
That’s it from ECW this week, new Botchamania tomorrow after the massive delay caused by SSD Drive death and moving house. So the special thing for episode 350 is ”it got made.”
Apart from that, my mate made the local newspaper for having a CM Punk inspired entrance for his wedding and that deserves a plug. or you can go to Botchamania.com and click random pages. Your choice.