The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–07.12.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – July 12 1993

– Taped from New York.

– Your hosts are Vince, Bobby and Randy.

WWF World title: Yokozuna v. Crush

“Can Crush do the job?” asks Vince. I think we know the answer to that one. Yoko wins the power battle and gets a slam to start, but misses an elbow and ends up on the floor. Back in, Crush hammers away in the corner and follows with a Stinger splash, but another one misses and Yoko takes over. He drops Crush on the top rope and puts him on the floor. Back in, we go to the Vulcan nerve pinch and thankfully take a break there. Back with Yoko chopping Crush down and then going back to the nerve hold. Yoko goes for the corner splash to finish, but misses and allows Crush to make the comeback. Three clotheslines puts the champ down and Crush goes AERIAL with a flying shoulderblock for two. He goes up again and Fuji brings him down with the Japan flag, which is undoubtedly the worst attack a Hawaiian has ever suffered at the hands of the Japanese. Back in, Yoko with the belly to belly and HULKBUSTER LEGDROP and it’s all over but the funeral. And just because he’s a poor sportsman, Yoko finishes him off with the Banzai drop for good measure at 11:08. Three more buttdrops follow for maximum pwnage. And so we say aloha to Crush for a while. Dull but watchable. **1/4 Various jobbers are unable to stop the rampage, so Randy Savage takes it upon himself to make the save. Amazingly, this would PAY OFF months later, back when they used to pay attention to this stuff.

The Headshrinkers v. Aaron Ferguson & PJ Walker

Shrinkers attack and Ferguson gets tossed, then they drop Walker with a double faceplant that looks sicker from PJ taking a crazy bump off it. Samu with a clothesline that gives us a 180 bump from Walker, and he’s so dead that Vince is calling him by the wrong name. In all fairness, had he not gone on to future stardom I wouldn’t be able to remember his name either. So it’s over to Ferguson and he gets to bump off Fatu’s offense. The double Stroke and flying Fatu splash finish at 3:20.

Tatanka v. The Brooklyn Brawler

Brawler gets into the shoving match to start and complains about hair-pulling before any contact is even made. Pick your spot, Steve. Tatanka chops him down and slams him, and Brawler heads out to stall. On commentary, Bobby Heenan tells Randy Savage to blame Lex Luger for Crush’s condition, and Savage is all “DON’T SWITCH THE HEAT, BOBBY!” Eat your heart out, Vince Russo. Back in the ring, Tatanka with a powerslam as Vince apologizes for the importance of the match. What importance? Brawler comes back with a clothesline and a standing neckbreaker. Tatanka fights back and misses a blind charge, prompting Brawler to take the shirt off and choke him with it. Snapmare gets two off that. And we hit the chinlock. Brawler rams him into the corner, but it’s the PISSED OFF RACIAL STEREOTYPE COMEBACK and he finishes with a flying chop and Papoose to Go at 7:09. That’s a pretty lengthy squash.

Mr. Hughes v. Tony Devito

Usual Hughes squash, as he looks mean and throws the jobber around, into the Bossman slam at 1:52. Vince calls that finisher “reminiscent of the Undertaker himself.” No, it’s reminiscent of the Big Bossman.

Adam Bomb v. Scott Amonte (sp?)

These are some lucky fans, getting multiple Adam Bomb AND Mr. Hughes squashes at this taping! Bomb tosses him around and gets a clothesline and backbreaker, then tosses him for a slam on the floor. Back in, flying clothesline and Atom Smasher finish at 2:14.

Next week: Shawn Michaels v. Marty Jannetty again in a show I already did!