We’re live in Mohegan Sun Casino with Coachman continuing his search for WHO IS VINCE’S KID. Oh and he casually introduces the new ECW GM, Armando Estrada. Armando says his name a few times and introduces John Morrison and CM Punk for the contract signing for Summerslam. ”Sitting on the chair next to me with your little tattoos is the closest you’re going to get to earthly paradise.” Morrison asks Punk to think about signing, after all he couldn’t last fifteen minutes with him last week. Punk says he’s right because he beat him before the fifteen minutes. What a stupid set-up bit to remind the audience about last week. Punk says he doesn’t fluff his wear like Farrah Fawcett or wear jackets in August, but he will be wearing the ECW Title after Summerslam. Armando stops them from coming to blows and gives them matches tonight with the ECW monsters. There was a lot happening here with Coach and Armando but the important thing is this:
CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V
They stare off as Punk wonders what he can do to Big Daddy. He tries a takedown from behind but V backs up and squishes Punk in the corner. Punk gets a flurry and the running knee connects but the bulldog gets converted into a slam. Gorilla Press Slam follows and V collides with a spinning leg kick (!) to send Punk out the ring. That looked killer.
V bounces Punk off the apron and into the announce table and Punk is unable to make it to the ring for the count out loss.
Winner: Big Daddy V (V’s squashes continue to be one of the highlights of the show but I was surprised Punk got squished with the PPV on Sunday.)
Backstage, Dreamer wants a shot at the champion after Summerslam. (even though he lost to Burke last week I agree with him Dreamer because fuck seeing that match again). Armando disagrees because he thinks Dreamer is lazy and if Tommy wants to prove he’s not, he has sixty seconds to make it to the ring or he forfeits his match tonight. The camera then follows Dreamer running to the ring and avoiding conversations with people backstage. It’s like that scene from Batman: The Movie when he’s trying to get rid of the bomb. Dreamer runs like me trying to return my copy of The High End Of Low to the shop and he manages to make it in time…but Big Daddy V is still in the ring.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Big Daddy V
Dreamer tries but V absorbs his punches and gives him a Samoan Drop. He uses the ropes to put all his weight on Dreamer and avalanches him in the corner. Big Titty Slam should finish but V adds an elbow drop too just because.
Winner: Big Daddy V (Two V squashes on one show = best ECW on Sci-Fi episode ever.)
Kelly Kelly is backstage doing her make-up until Balls starts talking to her. Miz shows up with the other two members of Extreme Expose to rag on Balls having a crush on her. They leave and crowd gives Balls a sympathetic ”awww” as Kelly gives Balls an ambiguous look before Styles stamps over it by asking ”Can you imagine being in a cafe and looking to your right and seeing Balls and Kelly together?” DID YOU NOT HEAR THE AWWWW FROM THE CROWD, JOEY.
Kevin Thorn vs. Stevie Richards
Richards has two upsets over Thorn so Thorn attacked Richards last week backstage. This show has really got itself together in the last few weeks with feuds and building guys, it’s almost a real wrestling show. Thorn slaps Stevie around for a bit, Richards responds with flurries before Thorn clotheslines him harder than Chris Masters. Styles talks about Thorn being antisocial. He’s a fucking vampire Joey. Thorn dominates but is still moving around lethargically which is why he lost the previous two times so he’s an eejit. He holds Stevie’s hand while he pounds him shouting HOW DARE YOU BEAT ME. It gets two and while he stands him up Stevie gets a codebreaker for two. Schoolboy also gets two and Thorn has enough to end the match with a Sit-Out Powerbomb. Godammit. Wait, Thorn continues to beat up Stevie despite the referee telling him to stop and after Thorn gives Stevie a Crucifix Powerbomb, the ref reverses the decision.
Winner: Stevie Richards (Three-nil, three-nil! Hopefully Thorn pulls an Austin Aries and leaves now.)
Elijah Burke talks to Coachman about possibly being Vince’s kid. That would have made as much sense as Kennedy as Vince gave Burke his personal blessing on ECW. Then again, I thought when the attorney said ”things are looking up” the week before they announced it, I thought they meant Sabu.
The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison
Boogey destroys JoMo with clotheslines and splashes in the corner, moving quicker than he did on Tough Enough. Warrior running splash gets two but Morrison recovers enough to deliver a springboard dropkick and Boogeyman’s selling is so odd none of the commentators can tell if he hit him or not. Morrison starts selling on the floor so they go ”oh he missed” but JoMo waits until Boogey climbs the ropes then immediately recovers and it’s ”er, I guess Boogey blocked it.” This is why Boogey is kept away from the proper wrestlers. Morrison kicks him off the top to the outside and it gets two upon re-entry. Morrison works over his opponent as the crowd chant BOOG-EY-MAN which is weird. Boogey worms up and makes his comeback with a clothesline and leg-drop and everything he does looks uncomfortable. For him as well as the viewer. Morrison lays him down and goes for a Corkscrew Moonsault and misses completely. I mean, he was supposed to miss but Boogeyman didn’t move so JoMo flew over him.
Tazz: ”I think Morrison is a bit off tonight.” Boogey roughly slams Morrison for two, end this match. Morrison slips executing a springboard kick, end this match. Morrison smacks Boogey while he’s in the ropes and refuses to stop so the referee stops the match for the good of all wrestling.
Winner: The Boogeyman (Having Boogeyman and V on ECW is fine as they’re kept in their own separate freakshow division but there’s a world of difference between having V murder Punk and Boogeyman having a competitive match with Morrison. The worst bits of both men were here, Morrison’s sloppiness and Boogeyman’s everything. You can’t put oil and water together and expect sesame seed oil.)
Post-match Boogeyman drops JoMo but can’t get the worming as he does a runner. He should have done that ten minutes ago.
Saturday Night’s Main Event #40 08/18/2007
This is the SNME with Evander Holyfield, Orton giving Cena a RKO on the chair and this bit of weirdness:
The Boogeyman & CM Punk vs. John Morrison & Big Daddy V
Morrison and Punk to start. After the commentary has put over Boogeyman and V during the entrances, the crowd goes nuts for Punk. Feeling out process as this SNME main event has about five minutes left, we return from break and Boogeyman back drops Morrison (who manages to land on his stomach). Boogey gets distracted by Striker so V tags in and knocks him the fuck down. Boogey takes the Samoan Drop but misses the avalanche in the corner. Morrison tags in as does Punk who spinning slams JoMo but misses the running knee. Springboard clothesline connects though but can’t land the bulldog and gets thrown off the top rope by Morrison. JoMo goes for something but Punk turns it into a small package for the win and we immediately end the show G’NIGHT EVERYBODY.
Winners: The Boogeyman & CM Punk (More of an exhibition than a real match, given the short run-time. It was the new SNME though so the focus was on dumb shit not Malenko/Guerrero.)
Overall: The two Big Daddy V squashes balance out the worst match on the brand in months. SNME was skippable but overall the show is thinking forwards with a new GM and feuds so it’s mild praise from me.
Botchamania will be up later but I’ll plug it later now I have Boss Scott Keith’s permission so if you want more twaddle to read I did a bit on Jack Swagger’s run as World Champ in 2010 so go read that.