The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–04.26.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – April 26 1993

– Live from New York

– Your hosts are Vince, Macho and BOBBY HEENAN. Free at last from Rob Bartlett!

Damian Demento v. Mr. Perfect

I swear to god I have never seen so many Demento matches in my entire life as I’ve seen since I started watching this show from the beginning. Damian gets some advice from the voices in his head to start, but Perfect grabs a headlock and dropkicks him out. It just goes to show: Free advice is worth what you pay for it. Back in, Demento pounds on him and tosses him into the cameraman on the floor, which is a cool POV shot from the camera crew. How come they rarely think outside the box like that anymore? Everything is all quick cuts and the same angles and you rarely get crazy stuff like a cameraman getting wiped out and yet still shooting from a downward angle on the floor. Demento hammers Perfect on the floor and runs him into the turnbuckle, but Perfect fires back with chops and a dramatic kneelift. Necksnap, but Demento slugs him down and goes for a splash. That misses badly, and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 4:54. I should note that Vince is already promising that Perfect v. Shawn is gonna be a **** match, more or less. So given that the match finally happened in August, you can see what kind of buildup and pressure they were under to deliver.

Meanwhile, a little kid reads a poem because There’s No Hope With Dope. Yes, folks, the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION preaches about how you shouldn’t do drugs. “Kids, we’re professionals, we have years of training that allows us to dive facefirst into a pile of blow on a stripper’s ass. Don’t try this at home!” Even more spectacular is that this PSA is sandwiched in between matches from Mr. Perfect (dead from years of cocaine abuse) and Crush (dead from a variety of drug-related causes). Not to mention Lex Luger, a noted abuser who only quit because he found Jesus.

Lex Luger v. Crush

So we get the big posedown to start and Luger wants the test of strength, but Crush press-slams him to show him who’s boss. Luger pounds him down as they’re really starting to push the fact that Luger has a plate in his forearm, but Crush takes over with armdrags as we take a break. That steel forearm was actually a hell of a deal, as fans totally bought it despite it being such a batshit insane idea, and he probably could have been a top heel for a long run using that premise. Anyway, back with Crush getting a belly to belly suplex for two as Luger begs off. Crush misses a blind charge, however, and Luger sends him to the floor with a high knee. Crush eats post and we’re back in the ring, where Luger gets a powerslam for two. Crush fights back and slams him into a legdrop for two, and the head vice looks to finish…but Crush gets distracted by Doink in the stands. FOCUS, man. The clown’s just standing there! Luger knocks him out with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DOOM and Crush is counted out at 10:44. Needed a better finish than that. **

– This week on Superstars: Doink v. Perfect and Backlund v. Luger in King of the Ring qualifiers!

Mr. Hughes v. Jason Knight

Hughes is another rare case where Vince took someone from WCW and basically imported them with 100% the same gimmick. This would have to be his WWF debut or at least very close to it. Hughes stomps Knight down and gets a series of backbreakers, then puts him down with a big boot and finishes with a Bossman Slam at 2:05. Nothing interesting here.

Shawn Michaels joins us to run down New York City and talk about next week’s main event against Hacksaw Duggan. This triggers the loudest and longest “Shawn Is Gay” chant from the crowd you will ever hear. Shawn goes for a Sesame Street reference but confuses Grover with Oscar. How can you do that? Apparently Perfect is just as offended as I am, because he runs out and chases Michaels to the back.

Meanwhile, on Superstars, Bam Bam Bigelow lays out Tatanka and pulls a Sid on him, threatening him with SCISSORS. Although I guess this pre-dates Sid v. Anderson, so really Sid was ripping off Bigelow.

Typhoon v. Von Krus

Typhoon powers Krus down, but misses a splash and gets hammered. Krus rakes the eyes and slugs him down, as the phone conversation with Jim Duggan is far more entertaining. Typhoon comes back with an avalanche and finishes with the big fat splash at 2:35.

And finally, paying off a storyline they’ve been working all show, Bobby Heenan introduces a couple at ringside who are about to engage in a proposal. Bobby harasses them, but she still says yes.

Next week: Kamala! The Headshrinkers! Shawn v. Hacksaw for the IC title! Plus a very, very interesting squash match.

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