The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–04.05.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – April 5 1993

– So it’s the night after Wrestlemania IX.

– Live from New York.

– Your hosts are Vince & Macho. Does this mean the end of Rob Bartlett? Please?

Virgil v. Bam Bam Bigelow

Virgil evades Bigelow and works the arm, as Bigelow misses a blind charge and Virgil holds a wristlock. He tries to dropkick the knee and that goes terribly, but Bam Bam misses a headbutt and Virgil rolls him up for two. Crucifix is blocked with a samoan drop and Bigelow hits the chinlock. He pounds away in the corner and puts Virgil in a half-nelson, then pounds him down with headbutts again. We go to a very long bearhug, and Bigelow runs into boot on a blind charge as Virgil makes the comeback with a missile dropkick for two. Virgil slugs away and plays chase, but misses a crossbody out of the corner and Bam Bam flattens him with a clothesline and finishes with the flying headbutt at 6:57. Pretty competitive, but nothing exciting. **

– Sadly, Bartlett is just stranded in Las Vegas after losing everything at the tables and will be back.

Jerry Lawler v. …

Never mind, as fans chant “Burger King” and Lawler declares that if they don’t stop, he’ll leave. And so he does.

Bob Backlund v. Kim Chee

Exactly WHERE is “Deepest, Darkest Africa”? I’m assuming somewhere in the geographical center, but isn’t the sun pretty bright everywhere since it’s near the equator? Bob frustrates Kim with mat wrestling, but gets slammed and chinlocked. Chee rams Bob’s head into the mat for two and goes back to the chinlock, but Bob escapes with a backdrop suplex. Kim Chee tries a monkey flip, but Bob wraps him up for the pin at 3:58. *

Damien Demento v. Jim Brunzell

They trade hammerlocks while Vince does a “comedy” routine with Bartlett where Rob calls and begs for money to come back and Vince pretends that he can’t hear him. Actually that’s kind of funny considering how much I hate Bartlett. Brunzell with a small package for two and a sunset flip for two. Demento blocks a hiptoss with a clothesline as Vince shills the Wrestlemania replay because “you don’t want to miss the greatest pay per view in WWF history!” There’s overcompensation and then there’s just delusion and I think we’re crossing a line here. Demento stomps away in the corner, but Brunzell rams him into the turnbuckle and dropkicks him for two. Demento comes back with a neckbreaker and finishes with a kneedrop at 4:53. 1/2*

Jerry Lawler v. …

Nope, another false start.

The Beverly Brothers v. The Steiner Brothers

Fun fact: Only one of these teams are actually brothers. Answer later if I feel like it. Vince talks about thanking all the cable systems who are presenting the encore presentation of WM for “the first time”. Was that really the first time we got a replay of a PPV? PPV was really new in Canada at that point so I don’t know if this was actually a new concept. Beau frustrates Scott with hairpulling to start and stomps him down, but Scott fires back with the butterfly bomb. So it’s over to Blake and Rick, as Blake gets a powerslam, but so does Rick. I find it interesting that Vince was so free about using “The Dogfaced Gremlin” for Rick considering his usual mania about trademarking his own stupid nicknames. Those of you who remember how many times we had to hear “Big Daddy Cool” in 1993 before it got over will know what I mean. Scott comes in and gets double-teamed in the Beverly corner with a Broken Arrow, and Beau gets a backbreaker for two as we take a break. Back with Blake holding a bearhug, but Scott escapes with a suplex. Beau comes in and Scott fights back with a tilt-a-whirl slam (or “WHATAMANEUVER!” if you’re Vince) and it’s hot tag Rick. Steinerline for Beau gets two, but it’s BONZO GONZO and Vince is outraged by the ref’s lack of control. Franksteiner kills Blake dead at 8:53. Or Beau, whatever, who gives a shit. **

Jerry Lawler v. Jim Powers

Powers finally attacks him to get him in the ring for real. Powers comes off the top with a forearm and clotheslines him out of the corner. Powers off the gas is HILARIOUS. It’s like when Chris Masters went off the roids that first time. Not that steroid abuse is anything to laugh at, but you can really tell who got the worst of the drug crackdowns in 1992. Lawler stalls a lot and runs away after getting slammed. Powers slugs away in the corner and claps his hands a lot, but Lawler gets a cheapshot and chokes him out. Lawler drops a fist and yaks at Randy Savage at ringside, which would have been an awesome feud, I think. Powers dodges a blind charge and makes the comeback with his goofy cheerleader mannerisms and a backdrop. You don’t have to go “YEAH!” after ever transition move, man. Powers put his head down and it’s piledriver city at 6:14, however. Lawler makes sure to pull the tights as well. 1/2*

– Lawler cuts a promo on Savage and all of New York to close things out.

Next week: Money Inc. v. The Bushwhackers!