Date: May 30, 2017
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
You might have heard about this one before but tonight has a Fatal Five Way for a future title shot. In this case it’s the Smackdown Women’s Title as Charlotte, Becky Lynch and the Welcoming Committee will go at it for a shot at Naomi at the upcoming Money in the Bank pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Charlotte says she’s ready to face anyone.
Carmella will make a fabulous champion.
Natalya says her one and only catchphrase which isn’t even hers.
Becky Lynch doesn’t need the luck of the Irish to win.
Tamina says she’ll win.
We open with Kevin Owens’ Highlight Reel with Owens talking about how he’s going to climb the ladder for the briefcase. After winning that, it’s one step away from the Smackdown World Title, which will make him the face of the entire WWE. One thing he needs to step on before he gets there is his guest tonight: Shinsuke Nakamura. Owens calls Shinsuke a rock star and you remember what happened to the last rock star around here. If Nakamura shows up at Money in the Bank with the fans singing his song, it’s going to be the day the music died.
This brings out Baron Corbin to show a clip of his beatdown of Sami Zayn. Owens: “I’ve been beating up Sami Zayn for fifteen years so you’ve got nothing to brag about.” Nakamura says he pinned Owens last week and Corbin has lost to Sami twice in a row. The brawl is on with Sami coming in for the save. A challenge is issued and the tag match is on after the break.
Sami Zayn/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin/Kevin Owens
Nakamura sends Corbin into the corner to start and tells him to bring it. That earns Corbin some Good Vibrations in the corner before it’s off to both partners. Sami sends Owens outside so it’s back to Corbin to hammer away in the corner. Owens adds a kick to the head and Baron grabs a powerslam as we take a break.
Back with Sami fighting out of Owens’ chinlock and hitting the Blue Thunder Bomb. Corbin gets dropped as well and the hot tag brings in Nakamura. Everything breaks down and we get some heel miscommunication, causing Corbin to deck Owens with a right hand. Kinshasa makes things even worse for Owens and is good for the pin at 11:10.
Rating: C+. At least there were extenuating circumstances this time. You really don’t need to have the US Champion losing so often but you know full well that everything is going to be sacrificed for the sake of building to the Money in the Bank ladder match in the only way this company knows how to do it.
Here are the Usos to brag about beating American Alpha and Breezango so no one is left. As you might expect (or should expect if you’ve been paying attention), heeeeere’s New Day. Jey: “Did you three get lost skipping down the Yellow Brick Road?” Kofi: “It’s more of a skip clap.” Big E. gets right to the point: they want the titles. The Usos threaten to shoot New Day so Kofi brings up Shane McMahon, who has granted them a title shot at Money in the Bank. The Usos leave as Big E. and Woods carry Kofi around. This did exactly what it needed to do.
Long recap of Jinder Mahal winning the title and all the fallout that ensued.
It’s Fashion Files time with Fandango as a film noir style gumshoe saying that it might be time to go back to the discount rack. He finds the fashion police department ransacked so he pulls out his price tag gun, only to find a woman’s silhouette. It’s Breeze in a wig and dress for some reason and, after realizing they can hear each others thoughts, they find a bottle containing ethanol alcohol, tree frog excrement and hibiscus. They have a new case.
Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Natalya vs. Tamina
Elimination rules and the winner gets Naomi at the pay per view. The brawl starts before the bell with Tamina hitting a Samoan drop on Charlotte. Becky beats up Carmella in the timekeeper’s area and Charlotte hits the moonsault onto Tamina and Natalya. Charlotte powerbombs Natalya through the table and everyone is down with the match never starting.
Cue Shane to say let’s do something big, like the first ever women’s Money in the Bank ladder match. In other words, we have no idea how to book a solo feud so let’s just throw everyone into one match and put our feet up while saying the big matches are coming later on. That’s the writers’ solution instead of, you know, WRITING SOMETHING ELSE.
Breezango vs. Colons
Breezango is still wearing the same stuff from the film noir bit, including Breeze in the dress. Primo rips off the dress and the wig (because of course there’s a wig) but Fandango squirts Primo with the water gun. Back from a break with Fandango in a chinlock, followed by Epico getting two off a Downward Spiral. Epico pulls Breeze off the apron so he bails under the ropes, only to come back as the janitor. Fandango and Epico fight over the mop, allowing Breeze to grab the Unprettier for the pin at 8:04.
Rating: C-. Just a quick match to keep Breezango going strong. I know the comedy isn’t the best stuff in the world but the division is REALLY weak on teams at this point so putting a gimmick on two guys is one of the best things they could do. It’s not brilliant or anything but at least they’re doing something. If it gets over, sweet.
AJ Styles and Dolph Ziggler are ready to fight tonight.
Here’s Randy Orton to talk about Jinder Mahal. His family is full of wrestlers and if his grandfather was still alive, he wouldn’t say anything to Randy. Instead he’d just smack Orton for losing a title to someone like Mahal. At Money in the Bank, Orton is going to take a lesson from his grandfather and smack some sense into Mahal. Cue Mahal on the screen to say he’s champion and Orton isn’t. Orton poses like it doesn’t mean anything.
Dolph Ziggler vs. AJ Styles
Feeling out process to start with AJ scoring off a great looking dropkick to take over. Ziggler sends him outside though and we take a break. Back with AJ hitting his seated forearm and a Tesshocker for two. Ziggler knees him in the head, only to get suplexed hard into the corner. AJ gets in a backbreaker but Ziggler hits him in the back of the head for something you don’t see too often.
A running knee to the jaw drops AJ again but he comes right back with the Calf Crusher. Ziggler rakes the eyes (like a true heel should) for the break, followed by the Zig Zag for a delayed two. AJ gets back up and tries a springboard, only to get pulled down for a crash. The superkick is good for the pin on AJ at 12:13. Did I mention that AJ was billed as the hometown boy here?
Rating: C+. Standard Smackdown main event as they try to push Ziggler for some momentum. I’m still not sure how winning a match via pinfall gives you the momentum necessary to climb a ladder but then again I’ve never been the biggest fan of this time of the year in the first place.
Overall Rating: D+. Yep it’s Money in the Bank time, meaning we can stop pretending that ANY of this matters because the writers have come up with their group of names, thrown them into a random match generator and put their feet up until the end of June. We’re currently looking at THREE multi-person matches, none of which are for anything more than a future shot at a title. In other words, absolutely none of this matters so check back again in July so you can see them stall even more until Summerslam rolls around.
Sami Zayn/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Kevin Owens/Baron Corbin – Kinshasa to Owens
Breezango b. Colons – Unprettier to Primo
Dolph Ziggler b. AJ Styles – Superkick
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